The Trip (Pt 2)

(Read Pt 1 here)

It’s weird to think about how friendships start – one minute the person is just a stranger, and then little by little you become something else to one another, until that person is part of you and you part of them.  

Ryan and I met when we were working at McDonald’s. We got closer when we graduated high school and neither of us went to college. He even lived with me and my family for a bit when his dad died. And then we moved together into a little crappy apartment and that was when we started having sex. Just jacking off together at first, and then he talked me into blowing him. He sucked me too, but only a couple times. When he started fucking me it got more intense. He had a girlfriend at the time and it was this thing where he was cheating on her and not giving a whole lot of thought to how I was feeling. And when they broke up, any hope I’d had that we would, like, “wind up together” vanished – I was just an outlet for him, as it turned out.

I thought about what it meant to be an outlet for someone as I felt his insides gripping my dick. I’d had other relationships with guys in the meantime, relationships where sometimes it was hard to tell who was using who. I’d found some acceptance for what Ryan had once been to me, and maybe I realized that I’d been using him too, back then – fully knowing he’d never be “mine.” What did “having” someone even mean?

My head suddenly felt lighter with this thought.  

My dick felt so good, and he felt so good, and his moans had changed and become less pained.

“Oh fuck,” he said, like he’d just noticed something.

“What?” I said, kind of chuckling.

“Nothing...just, feels good. Damn,” he said. I thrust in him. Held it tight. He moaned. “I didn’t think it would feel this good.”

“It can,” I said, laughing.

“Fuck yeah it can,” Ryan said. He lifted himself up on his arms and turned his head around toward me. “C’mon and fuck me, buddy. Fuck yeah that’s it, fuck my ass. Yeah!” My dick was sliding in and out of him, smooth as could be. And I was feeling his naked body underneath mine. I reached for his cock, stroked it a bit – it popped right up and saluted.  

“Hold up,” Ryan said. I went deep inside him – he grunted – and I held it there. “One sec,” he said, and knocked my hand away from his cock.

“What?” I said. Ryan was catching his breath.  

“Holy fuck,” he said. “I almost came. I cannot believe how good this feels.” He started stroking his cock then, and I felt his hole tighten around my cock when he did it. “Jesus Christ. I could totally cum like this.”

“Don’t,” I said, moving out of him then back in. “I want you in me, too.”

“Yeah,” Ryan said, voice thick with lust. “When?”

“Right now,” I said. I slid out of him. Ryan took a deep breath. His hole gaped. I got on my knees behind him and he got behind me. I arched my back and spread my ass. Ryan prodded my hole with his hard cock.

“Get some spit on it,” I said.

“I know,” he said. “It hasn’t been that long since I fucked you in the ass.” He spit into his hand then slapped some spitty fingers against my hole.  

“It feels like it has,” I said.

“Yeah?” he said, and then shoved his entire cock into me, without warning, to the hilt. I groaned. I’d always enjoyed how rough he was with me. “Fuck you feel so fucking good,” he said as he started to fuck me. He took long strokes, pulling out almost all the way before slamming it back in.

“Goddamn this is sweet ass. Why did we stop doing this?” he said, trailing off a little as he said it.

“You tell me,” I said. Ryan laughed.

“We can talk about it later,” he said. “I just want to enjoy it.” And so he did. Ryan could really fuck – I guess I was remembering as he did it, how he liked to switch it up and fuck me really hard and deep but then go slow, running his hands all over my body – tweaking my nipples, slapping my ass, leaning down to suck and bite on my neck. He fucked athletically, using his hips in a fluid way, pushing his cock into me rhythmically, switching up his pace.  

“I wanna cum in you,” he said.  

“Not yet,” I said. “I want to fuck you some more.”

“Oh shit really? We can do that?” Ryan said.  

“Yeah,” I said, and I had to pull off of him because he kept going. I kissed him, our hard cocks pointing at one another. I took both of them in my hand and stroked as we made out.  

“Goddamn man, this is so wild,” he said as he got on his back and threw his legs up in the air. I felt for his hole and slid back into him. He groaned.

“Flip fucking’s the best,” I said.

“No shit,” he said as I began to pound into him, a little more aggressively this time. “Best of both worlds.”

We flipped for what felt like an hour or more, trying out different positions. I chanced to get even more aggressive, slapping his ass and biting his neck like he’d done to me – but he didn’t respond to that so much. He liked when I kissed him while we fucked.

“You like fucking me?” he said at one point.

“Fuck yeah I do,” I said.

“You love it?” he said.

“Yeah,” I said.

“Say it.”

“I love fucking you,” I said.

“I love you fucking me,” he said.  

I almost hesitated before just saying it: “I love you,” I said.

“Oh fuck,” he said. In the dark I could see the gleam of his eyes and how they were trained on mine. They were also widening, looking aghast and utterly turned on. He was getting close and so was I.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you so much, Ryan,” I said.

“So fucking much dude. Oh my god fuck me. Ah!” And he began to cum, jacking his dick with short sharp strokes until his jizz blasted out of the head, splattering all over his body. I came too, inside of him, our eyes on one another the whole time.

Then: we cracked up laughing. Maybe he started it, but it didn’t take much for me to join in, even if I wasn’t sure exactly where it was coming from: relief? The absurdity of what we’d just enacted?  

“I do love you,” I said. “Maybe not ‘like that’. But I do.”

“I know man,” he said, and took my hand. “It’s just fun, is all. Hot to say it like that.” I laid next to him in the close confines of the van and we talked about all of it – the past, the present, the time he punched me. He apologized again for that.  

“I was having a rough time,” he said. “It took a while to admit to myself that I’m bi.”

That he identified as bi was news to me. But I didn’t let my surprise register. I was happy for him.

“I told Andrea. She had trouble with it at first,” he said. “She thought it meant I was cheating on her, or secretly gay. Now she thinks it’s cute.”

“Cute?” I said, adjusting to allow his head to nestle into the space between my shoulder and neck.

“Yeah. She likes talking about guys with me. I think it turns her on a little.”

“Have you had sex with other guys?” I said.

“No,” he said. “You’re the only one.”

“Are you gonna tell her about this?” I said. He let out his breath.

“I don’t know. Probably,” he said. “I’d rather be honest and...risk losing her.”

I lay there, looking out toward the windows of the van where the empty desert stretched out. Empty but nevertheless full of life. I felt an empty fullness within myself, too. The time I’d been in love with Ryan wasn’t so far in the past, after all, nor was the time where I’d hated him, and his emotional maturity was fucking with all that. I thought: why couldn’t he have been this self-aware when we’d been fucking originally? But that was then.

Ryan got real quiet I figured his thoughts had drifted back to the crisis at hand. I wrapped my fingers around the back of his neck. Tomorrow was going to be hard, yes. But, for the moment, it was just the two of us, and everything was okay.

The End