Volume 4 Chapter 18 Redo
Added 2024-07-14 16:40:27 +0000 UTCHello all,
If you've seen my recent post on SamaranDaybreak, you're already aware that I've decided to rework chapter 18 after discussions based on the previous beta. For those who have read the previous chapter 18 pre-release, see my explanation of the reasons below (as it's obvious spoilers). The old chapter 18 is currently being reworked into a new chapter 19 instead, with some significant changes to the atmosphere and tone.
.
Disclaimer: this is a pre-release, after I've had at least one beta-reader go through it and two major edit passes, so major changes are unlikely. There may still be minor fixes that needs addressing before publication.
.
.
[Spoilers for anyone who have not read the old chapter 18 draft]:
When I wrote the old chapter 18, I made a decision to skip the retaking of the capital because it was a military operation that went fairly smooth from start to finish. It had no real tension and thus, in my view, was best summarized rather than spend valuable screentime. However, the operation also ended in an extremely important moment -- when Sylv encountered the severed head of her father when accepting the surrender of the citadel. Given that this is a moment that needed to be built up to for emotional significance, I opted to describe this moment in retrospective rather than write a chapter with what I considered "unnecessary filler". Therefore it was inserted into the 1st scene of the old chapter 18, when Sylviane was thinking back to what happened as she stared pensively at the citadel gates.
However, during the beta discussions of the old chapter 18, I came to realize that the style I chose made it much harder it was to get across to the reader how strong Sylviane's mood whiplash has been without both the before and after, as well as how much it impacted her to be in such a weird mental state (the best term I've come across is "dysphoric mania"). Furthermore, while the recollection format got across some of what Sylv was feeling, it wasn't anywhere as intense as it would be in a 'present' scene.
Because of this, I went back and tried writing the taking of the capital, which ended up better than I thought as a lot of explanations from the old chapter 18 could be moved to the new one and better explained/shown. The new chapter 18 is still a short chapter, less than half of chapter 17. But so far I'm pretty happy with the results and feedback.
Best regards,
~ Aorii
