The police are in my pocket.

“Hey boys, let’s see those pearly whites.”

The two markedly handsome police offices stopped their rather tense discussion and gave my buddy Fred big glowing smiles.

“Thanks boys. You see George, the police are in my pocket. They’ll do whatever I say.”

When Fred told me he was moving back to his racist, homophobic hometown after completing his masters in Psychology, I thought he was nuts. The cops there were infamous for their habit of stopping and frisking not just people of color but anybody who seemed to deviate from the norm of a cis-het-white well to do citizens.

But then he invited me to come down for a visit, telling me “oh the place has changed so much. You’ll love it. I’ve had quite the impact.”

The cops returned to their conversation as we continued down the sidewalk. “But how?” I asked? “What do you have on them? Did you pay them off? Where’d you get the money then? Are your blackmailing them.”

“Nothing of the sort! Hey there Teddy boy! Why don’t you flex for my buddy here!” Another cop was coming up the side walk, a big one by the looks of it. And he was happy to oblige.

“Thanks Teddy! Fun fact, he hates to be called Teddy. He prefers to be called Theo. But he makes an exception for me.”

“Yeah but why though?”

“Well when I got back to town, I met with be chief of police to offer my services as a ‘trauma focused psychologist’ to come in and help do some stress deduction with his men. He knew that the media was starting to pay attention to the police brutality cases in this town, and how wound his officers were and I offered my services pro Bono, as a favor to my hometown to help whet his appetite. Fell for it hook line and sinker. Before I knew it, I had the entire force brainwashed to my beck and call.”

“Is THAT what your top secret thesis was all about?”

“Sure was. I even have the police chief himself. Convinced him to fire all those he viewed as the most violent, and had him up the physical fitness requirement, and made it so he only hires hot young men to be on the force.”

“There are sooo many ethical violations here, but I gotta admit it’s kinda hot!”

“That’s why I brought you down. I knew you always had a thing for guys in uniform.

See that one over there. That’s Ramirez. Look at the ASS on him. Bet you wanna just go up and grab it.”

“I could never!”

“All but you could! All I gotta do is introduce you as a friend of mine and he’ll let you do whatever you want to him. Wanna try it out?”

I licked my lips. Something time me I was gonna enjoy this trip.