Chase's Diary: New Feature Preview!

A very small collection of papers, torn from a larger notebook, is bound together with a bit of string and hidden under an empty decorative nail polish bottle, at the back of a high shelf. On them, in extremely tiny writing, is an elegant handwritten manual. The title on the first page reads:

VIOLET'S GUIDE TO HUMANS

From the hand of VIOLET, the VILLAINESS KEY.

Having hidden ourselves away in this secluded library space, Nox and I busy ourselves with our mission every day and attempt to get on with our lives as conveniently, and discreetly, as possible. However, we must always be mindful of our surroundings and the humans that come and go in them. It is for this reason that I, the lovely and enthralling Violet, deem it wise to record my observations and conclusions about humans, to better understand our foe and outwit them at every turn.

To facilitate this, I will be writing a basic field guide and handbook to the strange and terrible creature that is Human...detailing their ways, their habits, their questionable clothing choices, and their wanton cruelty and indifference with which they confront the world around them.

I shall also be cataloguing various snacks that Nox and I have grown to enjoy, as snack production may in fact be the only redeeming feature of humans. Only time will tell.

To begin...

Humans are very large and lumber about on huge, awkward legs, their massive arms flailing about through the air like angry ship masts in a storm. They are shaped somewhat like keys, though on a far bigger scale, and they lack permanent clothing like decent people. This forces them to concoct all manner of temporary clothing from various sources and then apply it to themselves, a task made pointless by their constant need to regulate their own internal temperatures, meaning they must endlessly add or remove clothing. In addition, their skin secretes unpleasantly, especially in heat, meaning their clothing must be removed and washed repeatedly. The entire system seems very inefficient and tedious, and one is forced to ask oneself what manner of being came up with this design, and whether or not there was a second, better option that could have been used instead.

One good thing that comes of this whole wasteful setup is the human invention of fashion, something they invented first merely because they were around first. If I had been created closer to the dawn of time, dear reader, you may be assured that I would have beaten them to it. Humans have an enduring need for fashion, which is possibly the only human trait to which one can confidently relate. I have spent many an evening looking through the various fashion-oriented periodicals and "magazines" that are stored around here, and have learned much about current fashion. Mostly I have learned that I hate it...not a ruffled collar or doublet in sight! There is a severe lack of imagination on modern humans, who feel that the same row of plain buttons down a shirt, or a pair of trousers in jeaned fabric, are the very last word in couture. Things were better in years past, when clothing was far more inventive.



However, this depressing lack of ingenuity has led me to experiment with Nox's clothing while he goes into books every day. I feel I've done a far better job than anyone creating these "magazines" can do, and Nox agrees. I think he enjoys the outfits I create for him, as he was once human and has expressed a desire on more than one occasion to not "wear the same thing every day." He also has mentioned offhandedly that the human he meets inside books appears in well-thought out outfits now, which fills me with relief for Silver's situation, as she would never dress a keyholder she did not at least tolerate. I would like to see my sister happy and designing clothes, and I would also like to top her designs decisively and make her keyholder feel utterly inadequate, as that would be very amusing. Nox is up to the idea and enthusiastic about putting that thieving little human in his place.

I have advised Nox to keep an eye on the human and, in addition to trying to determine his real world location, to report back anything he may have learned about human nature, so that I may record it. So far, he only reports back that this sample human is "stupid as the day is long," which I already knew. But no matter...I'm sure more information will surface in the future.

-V