Leave a Light On - Chapter Four

When the incident occurred, it took eighty-three minutes for Katsuki to arrive on-scene. The chain of command was ridiculous – it had to go from people on site, through all their office managers, and back down the line to the heroes who could help. It took sixty minutes from the first attack to his phone ringing, five minutes on the phone getting information and demanding to know why he wasn't called earlier, three minutes to throw his costume on, and fifteen to get from his house to the location. It felt like a failure, to get there so late, but he'd managed to pick up the pieces, take down the last of the offenders, and help rescue some more civilians from the damage.

Eighty-three days later, Izuku showed up to the office. He was swamped by a baggy hoodie, in desperate need of a haircut, but in the building. Katsuki couldn't believe how proud he was in that moment, watching Izuku walk up to the front desk.

“I'm ready to talk to someone.”

It had been a long battle, full of sleepless nights curled together in bed, pretending the tears soaking into Katsuki's shoulder didn't exist. It had been a lot of coaxing to eat, of attempting to ration the alcohol, of trying to convince him that murder was not the answer, but finally, finally, Izuku had decided it was time.

“Right away!” the receptionist agreed, thumping at an intercom button demandingly. “Just one moment, please!”

Izuku had been swept away into a little office within five minutes, only shooting a last glance at Katsuki over his shoulder, softening when he saw the little wave pointed his way. All the heroes had gathered in the breakroom immediately, sharing hushed whispers, and Katsuki had cracked a smile when Ochako looked over.

“I told you he'd come around.”

“I don't know what you did, but thank you.”

“Don't start,” Katsuki snorted. “Just be his friend, alright, asshole?”

“Of course I'm his friend!”

“Good. Then I'm gonna go out on patrol, and you're gonna make sure he doesn't run off when he gets out of that room.”

Ochako's eyes widened, but she nodded all the same, glancing at the hallway where Izuku had disappeared not ten minutes ago.

“He'll be a while,” Katsuki continued. “I'll be back in three hours, I wouldn't be surprised if he took two of those. Don't let him out of your sight until I'm here, got it?”

“Got it! Um, Bakugou, are you...?”

“Yeah. You got a damn problem with that?”

“Of course not!” Ochako paused, smiling sheepishly. “Isn't it kind of a bad time, though?”

“If he wants to ditch me when he's better then by all means he can do that. Right now I need him to know I care, indisputably, and if confessing my feelings is what it takes for him to believe me, then I'll confess every damn day for the rest of my life.”

“You're a surprisingly sweet dude, underneath it all,” she giggled, despite the glare it earned her. “I'll take care of him, Bakugou! You go work!”

“Thank you.”

“Any time!”

They'd spent the morning snuggled in bed until Katsuki's alarm went off, savouring each other's warmth, and for the first time in what felt like forever, Katsuki had seen that dumb, dopey smile stretch across freckled cheeks. In that moment it was all he could do to not force feed him healthy snacks and make him drink water and develop healthy sleeping habits – if he could smile again, he could do the rest again too, right? It had taken every ounce of his self-control to remain, to trace his lips with a warm fingertip and watch him giggle and squirm in response.

“I love you,” he'd reminded Izuku quietly.

It felt like a failure, to take so long to get there – to holding him gently and whispering sweet words, to admitting the feelings he'd buried for so long. But here he was, with all the pieces of his shattered childhood friend picked back up, held together tentatively by the strong arms that surrounded him.

“I think I should talk to someone,” had been Izuku's response, but it made him so much happier than any of the "I love you too”s had.

“I'll come with you,” Katsuki had assured him. “We'll go arrange it before I start work.”

“I love you, Kacchan.”

As he walked his patrol route he couldn't help but be fixated on what might be happening in that office. Would Izuku tell them everything? The alcohol? The running and hiding from his friends? The murder?

No, he was pretty sure he wouldn't tell them that last one.

He practically ran back to the office when his replacement arrived, slamming doors open and weaving through people. Ochako's office was empty, as was the reception area, so he took the stairs two at a time as he hurried toward the breakroom, and-

Froze.

From the doorway he watched as Izuku talked sheepishly, Ochako patting his shoulder and speaking words of comfort and encouragement. He nodded faintly, toying with the hem of his hoodie – Katsuki's hoodie, technically – and gnawing at his lower lip. Somehow it was both heart-warming and heart-breaking at the same time.

Katsuki took a tentative step forward, watching Izuku's head dart up in an instant, already on high alert, only for him to immediately relax again when he saw the ruby eyes watching him.

“Welcome back, Kacchan,” he smiled warmly. “I missed you. How was work?”

“Fine, uneventful. How are you?”

Ochako excused herself immediately, mumbling words that were barely heard, and Izuku stood up to meet Katsuki halfway across the room, winding his fingers into Katsuki's clingy tank top.

“It was hard,” he admitted, resting his cheek on Katsuki's shoulder. “But I talked about the... Accident.”

Hearing Izuku refer to it as anything other than his “screw up” made Katsuki's heart soar, and he hugged Izuku a little tighter.

“I'm proud of you,” he said quietly. “I swear to God if you tell anyone I said that I'm gonna punch you, but I really, really am.”

“Thank you for always being here, Kacchan.”

“I always will be, I promise.”

He hesitated, glancing around the empty room before he looked down at Izuku's long, messy curls again, combing his fingers through them gently.

“Can you promise me something, too?”

“Anything.”

“Never again,” Katsuki whispered. “No more heroes, no matter what.”

Izuku paused, then nodded slightly, still not lifting his head.

“Okay, but only if you help me handle it properly instead.”

“Deal. You promise?”

“I promise.”

With that, Katsuki hauled the man off his feet, ignoring the giggles and protests as he slung Izuku over his shoulder to cart him down the stairs. It was such a nostalgic sound, that laugh. He hadn't realised how much he truly missed it. He carried Izuku all the way through the building, even as he signed them both out of the system and descended the winding stairwell to his car. When Izuku's giggles subsided, he settled instead for tracing the designs on the back of Katsuki's uniform, mumbling nonsense to himself about details and closeness.

Finally Katsuki dumped him in the passenger seat, belting him in despite the protests about doing it himself, and rounded the car to slide in the driver's side. It felt so much more normal than the first time they'd done it, with Izuku watching him with a little smile as they pulled out of the parking garage. Even as they passed his old area, while Izuku's eyes still looked out over the streets, he no longer withdrew into that tortured silence Katsuki had first encountered.

“I'm glad you're doing better,” Katsuki told him, reaching out to ruffle his hair lightly. “You had me worried.”

“Aww,” Izuku cooed, leaning into the touch. “You're getting so good at the words thing, Kacchan!”

“Shut up, asshole. I'll go back to not saying shit if you're gonna react like that every time.”

“But I love hearing your words!” Izuku pouted. “You're so sweet when you want to be!”

“That's it, no more words,” Katsuki grumbled, his cheeks slightly pinker than usual. “You have no one to blame but yourself.”

“Kacchaaaaan!”

He remained stubbornly silent for the rest of the drive home, but when Izuku stepped out of the car he immediately found arms around his waist again, throwing him back into place over Katsuki's strong shoulder. It was such a silly little game Katsuki had started, but Izuku had gotten good at reading between the lines.

“Kacchan, can we cuddle?” he asked, catching a glimpse of Katsuki's ears turning pink. “We can make plans for how to deal with all this stuff while we snuggle with a big blanket.”

“Whatever, nerd.”

He dumped Izuku on the couch, glaring at him when he moved to stand, and obediently Izuku sank back onto the cushions. He laughed when Katsuki pinned him down, tucking the blanket around him tightly and binding his arms to his sides.

“Kacchaaaaan!” he whined again, laughing all the same. “I want cuddles not just blanket!”

Katsuki retrieved two bowls of chicken salad from the fridge, handing one over as he fell heavily onto the cushions. Izuku tucked the blanket over his lap and leaned in close, snuggling into his side as he opened his lunch.

“What do you want me to do if I find someone?” he asked through a mouth stuffed with lettuce. “Give you the evidence?”

“Yeah, I'll figure out a way to deal with it.”

“I could always leave it on another hero's doorstep if it happens too often.”

“We'll figure something out, just talk to me, okay?”

“Of course, Kacchan!”

He managed to finish his entire bowl of food, showing it to Katsuki proudly, and got tackled into the cushions for his efforts. He laughed as Katsuki planted little kisses all over his face and neck, pinning him in place easily even when he squirmed and giggled.

“You're a good boy,” Katsuki teased, nipping at his neck. “Proud of you.”

“It was yummy, Kacchan!”

“I'm glad. Gotta get you back into good habits.”

“I'm trying!”

“Once you're back to eating regularly, we're gonna start going to the gym. I wanna watch my new boyfriend squat.”

“Boyfriend,” Izuku repeated, eyes shining. “It sounds so good when you say it.”

“Boyfriend,” he repeated, smirking as he planted another sloppy kiss on Izuku's cheek. “Be good for me, okay?”

“Okay!”

─

Katsuki's stomach sank when he glimpsed two figures down an alley, a flash of green light telling him all he needed to know. There were other heroes around, but if any of them saw Izuku they would sound the alarm immediately, and then...

No, he wouldn't let it happen.

“Oi,” he growled, standing in the mouth of the alleyway. “Fuck off.”

Izuku looked up with a start, green eyes flashing at Katsuki from under his dark mask, and immediately he was stepping back, letting the bleeding villain fall to the concrete. The wound was through his stomach, not fatal in itself, but with the amount of blood he'd lost already, Katsuki wasn't sure.

“Leave,” Katsuki said sternly, taking a step forward. “Seriously, get the fuck out of here right now.”

“Okay,” Izuku agreed, glancing down at the unconscious villain. “Sorry, I didn't mean to get in your way.”

“Now,” Katsuki reiterated through gritted teeth. “Fucking go.”

Izuku disappeared in a flash, and Katsuki hauled the body up under his arm. There were already ambulances around to help deal with injuries from the attack, it would only take him two minutes to dump the villain on one of them.

“Get the police over here,” Katsuki instructed, as he dumped the body at their feet. “He's a fuckin' villain but he's gonna die if you leave him like this. Your call, I guess.”

He didn't bother to wait for a response, already heading back into the action and cursing himself for taking so much time to deal with it. What kind of soft asshole had he become? He should have just let Izuku handle it, let him deal with the consequences.

Yeah right.

He still hoped he could one day drag Izuku out of retirement, use his newfound coping skills from therapy in a healthier and more heroic way instead of being normal and healthy at home but still murdering villains. It kind of made him wonder if Izuku was faking it, on some level. If his smiles and giggles were just hiding what was really underneath. He hated himself for not knowing.

He was still thinking about it when he finally made it home, covered in ash and blood, costume torn, every piece of exposed flesh battered. The light on the porch was on for him, even though it had been daylight when he left, and somehow he managed a faint smile.

“Welcome home, Kacchan!” Izuku was in front of him immediately, dressed in his favourite old sweatpants and Katsuki's dark hoodie. “You did such a good job today!”

As much as he wanted to fall into his boyfriend's arms, fall asleep against his warm side, he found himself cupping the freckled cheeks with tender hands instead.

“Is this fake?” he asked through gritted teeth. “All of this domestic bullshit, are you just pretending?”

Izuku's eyes were wide, but he was shaking his head before Katsuki even finished his sentence.

“I love you, Kacchan. Being here with you makes me happy.”

“Then why do you still need to do this shit? Why do you keep putting yourself in danger?!”

For a moment they just stared at each other, and finally Izuku looked away, shrugging.

“I wanted to be a hero my entire life, you know that. I can't just... stop.”

“Then be a hero with me, Izuku. Get through this therapy thing and go back to how things are supposed to be.”

“I don't think I can.”

Katsuki finally caved, wrapping his arms around Izuku's neck and pulling him close, resting a cheek on his soft hair. There was something satisfying about feeling him so close, after spending weeks wondering where he'd disappeared to.

“Will you talk to me?” he requested, kicking himself for how pathetic the words sounded. “You don't have to, but I... Ugh. I don't know how to help.”

“Come have a shower with me,” Izuku smiled, nuzzling into his chest. “I'll talk while you get cleaned up, okay?”

He nodded, letting Izuku lead him upstairs, and soon he found himself watching as Izuku tenderly cleaned and disinfected his wounds. Gentle hands scratched lightly at his scalp as they cleaned away dust and dirt, trailing down to rub at the tense muscles in his back and neck, and when soft lips landed on his shoulder he hummed faintly.

“Feel good?” Izuku teased.

“Shut up.”

“Okay,” he agreed, giggling to himself. “Relax for me, Kacchan.”

He coaxed Katsuki into leaning on him, trailing warm hands down his chest and stomach as he planted more kisses along his shoulder and neck.

“I got really paranoid,” he said quietly, a little surprised when Katsuki listened patiently. “Sometimes I feel like everyone knows and they're ready to turn me in if I make one wrong move.”

And you're trying to keep me happy so I won't, Katsuki wanted to say.

“It was really stupid things, too. Like, Uraraka said 'wouldn't you kill for a coffee?' and I felt so on edge, like she was hinting that she knew, even though I knew it was stupid.”

“And now?” Katsuki prompted.

“I talked about the paranoia and she helped a lot and I'm kind of doing better at it now. I think? I didn't tell her why I was paranoid and she didn't ask so I guess it's okay.”

“Do I make you paranoid?”

“No,” Izuku smiled, kissing Katsuki's flushed cheek. “I trust my Kacchan.”

“Good. Talk to me, then, if you're worried about something. I'll do my best to help.”

“Thank you. Right now I just want snuggles from my Kacchan, my boyfriend.”

“That can be arranged.”

He rinsed off under the shower and and grabbed his fluffiest towel to dry them both off, dragging Izuku through to the bedroom where the heater was already running in wait. There was even a bowl of food on the bedside table, covered with foil to stay warm, and Katsuki snorted when Izuku handed it to him with a smile.

“Thanks,” he conceded, sliding into bed and patting the sheets beside him. “Come, sit.”

Izuku joined him gleefully, letting an arm slide around his waist to hold him close, and hummed contentedly as his eyes fell closed.

“I'm sorry for earlier.”

“It's fine,” Katsuki shrugged, squeezing him briefly. “Just as long as you leave when I tell you to.”

“Mm-hm, whatever Kacchan says.”

“That's my boy.”