Set You Free [Angst!] - Chapter 5

[Previous Chapter] 

Katsuki hugged the manuscript to his chest to protect it from the breeze as he crossed the carpark, ignoring the vague feeling of looking like an idiot for it as he stepped through the main doors and walked up to the reception desk. He was so proud of himself for getting it finished, especially for getting it finished so quickly. Once he’d figured out where he was going with it, what angle he was attacking it from and what he really wanted to convey with his words, he’d just found himself on a roll. The words suddenly seemed to come out of him without even a second thought, pouring from his fingers onto endless pages with no hesitation, and even though it still needed a little editing and tweaking before the publishers would officially put it on the shelves, he was just so damn proud of it.

He’d gotten used to the procedure at the prison over the weeks of visits, had practically gotten it all boiled down to an art form. He waved hello as he walked in so that the receptionist knew he’d arrived; had his driver’s license ready in his hand to flash at her as proof of his identity, even though she knew him by sight; and held his keys in the other, to hand over for safekeeping when he had to go through the metal detectors and surrender anything that could serve as a weapon. By the time he got to the desk, the receptionist would already be pushing the button to alert the guards, the grating buzzer sounding in the distance as a guard came through to search him. His shoes would be halfway off already when the guard reached him, so that he could get through the whole process quickly and not leave Izuku waiting for him for too long, and then he would be in that same little room, proudly handing Izuku his finished manuscript. They only got a couple of hours a week, he had to make the most of every minute of it, especially when there was so much reading and celebrating for them to do together!

“Oh, Mister Bakugou, good afternoon,” the receptionist greeted him, eyes wide as saucers and her hand, he noticed, not reaching for the buzzer. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

“Really?” he asked sceptically. “I’ve been here every week for, what, over two months now? I thought it was... A thing now, or something. We book the appointment every week, you see me every week, did I read the day of the week wrong this morning or something?”

“Oh, no, that’s not what I meant,” she assured him, a little flustered. “I just... They didn’t call you?”

“Who didn’t call me? The guards or something? What, he can’t see me today? Is he sick or something? Can we reschedule to another day?”

She fell silent, refusing to meet his eyes, and Katsuki’s stomach sank.

No, there was no way.

“I finished my book,” he continued quietly. “I brought it. To show him. So he could... Finally read it, all of it.”

“Mister Bakugou...”

“I’m hoping it’ll give him hope, you know? Hope that maybe people will... Will reconsider. Will see him for who he is, behind everything that happened. If I can’t see him, could you give this to him for me? Let him read it? I don’t mind if you need to search it or something first, I have nothing to hide.”

“Mister Bakugou, I’m sorry, his execution took place on Tuesday. I thought they told you, I’m sorry you drove all this way for nothing.”

Katsuki’s brain shut off, a high-pitched whine ringing in his ears and his head as he stared at her. He saw her lips move through his blurry vision, but no words seemed to come out with it, still just that same loud whine that would have made him cringe if he didn’t suddenly feel so numb. He was so cold, when did it get so damn cold?!

His grip loosened on the pages, one hand falling forward to brace himself on the desk as his chest heaved, and after a moment he managed a single, jerky nod.

“Thanks,” he choked out, taking a step backward. “Um, for- For everything. I’ll see- Oh. Well, um, bye, I guess.”

He turned on his heel, hurrying out the door before his feet could betray him, his legs already trembling a little beneath his weight. He fumbled the car door open, taking three tries to get the lock open before he even started on the handle, but finally he was in, sliding into the driver’s seat, locking the door behind him and thumping the dashboard with his fist – hard.

Finally alone, safe in his own familiar little space, he let out the long, shuddering breath he’d been holding. They came quicker and harder once he let go of his careful control, his lungs still aching for air no matter how much he breathed, and for a moment he thought he might pass out if he didn’t get himself under control.

Izuku was gone.

He couldn’t even seem to make the information register in his mind. It just didn’t make any sense. He hadn’t even noticed when Izuku vanished from his world, he didn’t feel it, and he hated himself for that. He should have known. There should have been some part of him that broke or disappeared when Izuku did, some part of his brain that felt him go, the world should have stopped spinning the moment he...

A choked sound came out of Katsuki’s throat, and before he could stop to figure out what it was, there was another. And another, and another, and then they just wouldn’t stop, his lungs aching as they failed to take in enough air, throat burning and eyes swelling, nose running, hands balling into fists, and-

Katsuki sobbed.

He pulled his feet up onto the seat, wrapped his arms around his knees, and put his head down to just sob.

So much time, and energy, and effort. So many hours, so many sleepless nights. If he had just been a little quicker, if he had investigated the case a few months earlier, or decided on the book route a little sooner, or hit his writing groove just a week earlier than he eventually did, he could have made a difference. He could have brought hope, he could have gotten Izuku out. They could have been together like they were meant to be.

Izuku was his soulmate, the person he was supposed to have spent his whole life with. He hadn’t even believed in that nonsense just a few months ago, had always thought it was just some stupid concept from shitty romcom movies like ‘love at first sight’ or ‘time-travelling mailboxes’. If they’d met years ago, in the prime of their lives, the way soulmates were supposed to, maybe he even could have prevented the whole thing. If Izuku had had someone to go home to back then, someone to live for, to talk to, would he still have made the same choice? Would he still have ended up...

God, he couldn’t even think about the D-word. It was... Impossible. There was no way, the receptionist had to be lying to him, or mistaken, or... Or something.

He would know, right?

Izuku should have been there with him, sitting in the passenger seat. He could practically feel the big, scarred hand reaching over to pat him on the back or ruffle his hair. Could hear the soft voice reassuring him, cooing Oh Kacchan as he flashed that sweet little smile and tried his best to be reassuring.

Katsuki would never see that smile again.

With that thought, any hope of holding himself back was lost. He cried big, ugly sobs that drenched his sleeves, his eyes growing red and raw, but still the tears continued to come out with a vengeance.

He was never again going to see that dumb face, with those stupid freckles all over his cheeks and the big doe eyes that always seemed so inexplicably happy to see him. He was never going to hear that laugh like a chorus of bells, or see the way he squinted his eyes a little as it came out, like he didn’t have room for that smile on his face without something else having to give way. He was never going to see him light up with excitement when they talked about the comic book heroes they both grew up with, or feel those arms tighten around him for comfort and warmth like they had that one time, in a moment of weakness the guards had thankfully allowed them.

And he was never going to see Izuku sit on the beach, or eat new foods, or come home with him at the end of the day. All those things he’d been quietly holding on to, all those little moments he’d been planning in the back of his mind, where no one could see it happen, were just... Gone.

Completely, entirely, and utterly gone.

And there was nothing he could do to bring them back.

To bring him back.

He wondered if Izuku had thought of him, in his final moments. As he lay there, alone, slowly fading away, had Katsuki been on his mind? Had he said goodbye?

Katsuki just wished he’d had the chance to say it, too.

[Final Chapter]