In Your Shadow [Chapter 22]

[Chapter 21]

Katsuki had expected it to be awkward, taking such a long train trip with his teacher, but the whole thing had been surprisingly chill. Aizawa had sat back and closed his eyes, while Katsuki got absorbed in his phone, and together they’d just kind of sat there, not bothering to force conversation.

A part of him had expected to lead the way, at the other end – to walk a step ahead, or awkwardly give directions to the agency – but Aizawa never once hesitated. He’d obviously been there before, Katsuki had known that of course, but he was starting to think he’d been there a lot.

When they reached the door, Aizawa hit the buzzer, holding up his ID silently for them to see through the camera. He grabbed his own from his wallet, flashing it at the camera too, and finally the disembodied voice spoke from the other end.

“Welcome back Eraser Head, Dynamight.”

The door clicked, and Katsuki hurried to pull it open, standing aside to wave Aizawa through first, his face a little warm. He knew Deku appreciated the gesture, so he was trying to get better about doing it – at least for the people he respected – but it still felt so weird to do.

“Deku is waiting for you in meeting room four,” the receptionist said. “Would you like me to-”

“No, thank you.” Aizawa said.

“Of course. If you need anything, please feel free to let us know.”

Aizawa walked off toward the meeting rooms, and Katsuki just followed along behind, quickly becoming intrigued by how well Aizawa seemed to know his way around. He wasn’t just familiar with the building location, he was familiar with the rooms.

Aizawa didn’t bother to knock, just opened the door to head in, and Deku jumped to his feet, beaming from ear to ear when he saw Aizawa standing there.

“Sensei! Welcome!” he said brightly. “It’s so good to have you back. And Katsuki! Welcome to your first official day, I hope you’re excited!”

“I’m glad to be back,” Katsuki agreed. “Thank you for having me.”

“My pleasure! Come sit down, I’ve ordered coffee – I don’t know about you two, but Sundays always feel exhausting to me.”

“They’re my only day off,” Aizawa said flatly, as he took a seat. “Except today.”

Katsuki grimaced, wondering if he should apologise, but when Deku laughed, he decided to bite his tongue. The two of them understood each other better than Katsuki ever would. He wasn’t sure why that thought made his stomach hurt.

A quiet knock brought their tray of coffee mugs, a young staff member setting them out with a small bow to each of them as she did so. Katsuki didn’t recognise her, and from the nerves, he wondered if she was new or something – did Deku often hire random coffee runners? He wasn’t sure what their hiring practices were like, in all honesty.

“I appreciate you coming,” Deku began, after taking a long sip from his mug. “I thought it would be easier for us to sit down for like an hour and figure out things like Katsuki’s hours, rather than sending a ton of messages back and forth over the course of days and taking forever to sort it.”

“All of my work studies students have Saturdays free, as usual.”

“I’ll be here Sundays, too, if that’s okay,” Katsuki added. “Since it’s our day off, I hoped I could come and try to get on some extra patrols and things.”

“Fine by me,” Aizawa agreed. “He’s yours for the weekend, if you want him.”

“I always want him,” Deku said with a little grin. “But you won’t let me have him every day.”

“He wishes,” Aizawa chuckled. “He still has to pass his classes, as you’re well aware.”

“Are you a good student, Katsuki?”

Katsuki froze. He was pretty sure Deku had seen his grades and school reports, not to mention his teacher was right there, but Deku was asking him?

“I do my best,” he answered, hoping it came across as humble rather than evasive. “I could always be better.”

“He’s one of my best students,” Aizawa assured him. “It’s not like you to be modest, Bakugou.”

“I suck at Art and History.”

“You got a B-plus on your last History assignment.”

“I know, it ruined my average.”

“Okay, good,” Deku said, with a wry smile. “He’s signed a contract for me saying that he’ll let me know if his grades start to slip or anything, so we can work things out. Until then, will he miss any classes on Saturdays that he needs to catch up on?”

“No, we’ve planned their timetable around it – I admit, I expected more of them to have work studies positions right off the bat, so I thought it would be a small class to work with.”

“Not many offers?”

“No, less than half the class.”

“Oh, wow. I know a lot of the agencies are flat out right now, so maybe they just don’t feel they have the time and staff to spare for it. I know Hawks wasn’t very keen to take anyone right now for that reason, but Miruko is hoping it’ll lighten her workload rather than increase it.”

“It seems that way. A number of them were interning with Hero Teams, too, so they don’t have official agencies to offer a position with, which always makes it harder.”

“I’ll let you know if I hear of anything opening up, for the next intake.”

“Thank you, I appreciate it. I suspect I’ll be spending a lot of time talking with local agencies in the next few weeks. My aim is to get all of them on work studies so I can have Saturdays off, I need a break from them all.”

Deku laughed, and Katsuki cracked a smile of his own – all Aizawa’s students knew how fond of them he really was, despite his jokes.

“Is there any chance I could come during the week, too?" Katsuki asked quietly. “You’d get more of a break from me. I could come after school and make it in time for the Night Patrol, and I should finish in time to get the last train back to school after. I want to do my best here, so the more time I can have, the more I can learn.”

Deku smiled to himself, and looked to Aizawa for his approval.

“I was thinking Wednesdays,” Aizawa offered. “Wednesday afternoons we do our sparring sessions, and I’m sure being here would be just as beneficial. I heard he got bored sparring with his classmates the other day, so you must have taught him something new.”

“I wouldn't say bored,” Katsuki objected, before he could think better of it. “They were just… I mean, they’re fine, I’m not saying… Never mind.”

“He did a lot of sparring with our heroes here,” Deku chuckled knowingly. “You know what it’s like, going back.”

“How did you even know about that?” Katsuki grumbled, sinking in his seat with his face burning red. “That was after hours.”

“Katsuki.”

The stern tone jolted Katsuki back to attention, and he sat up quickly, cursing himself for getting distracted and forgetting all the dumb shit. Aizawa glanced over at him, but didn’t say a word, though a hint of amusement flashed in his eyes that Katsuki knew he’d be mortified about for at least a month.

“We’re happy for him to catch up on the morning classes in his own time,” Aizawa continued. “I can arrange for one of his classmates to send him their notes.”

“I’ll do it during my downtime here,” Katsuki promised. “I’ll sit in the lobby with a laptop and work while I wait for people to let me join them. Or I’ll do it after school on other days. I won’t fall behind, I swear.”

“I know you won’t.”

“We’ll keep his apartment open for him, so he can stay over on the weekends. He can hole up there and get some work done if needed. Katsuki, you’re welcome to leave any of your belongings you want to leave here, too. No one else will be using that apartment, it’s yours until further notice.”

“Thank you, I appreciate it. Both of you. It means a lot that you’re trusting me like this.”

With a little more discussion and planning, everything finally seemed to be sorted, and it was all Katsuki could do to keep from vibrating in his chair with all the excited energy that buzzed through his system. Aizawa seemed to see it, but he didn’t call it out, and Deku, thankfully, didn’t seem to notice.

“I’m going to head home,” Aizawa said, when they’d wrapped up all their loose ends. “Bakugou, send us a message when you leave here, and another when you arrive back on campus safely. Until then, Midoriya, I’m entrusting him to you.”

“Understood, Sensei!” Deku grinned, raising one hand in a sloppy salute. “Have a safe trip back, and enjoy your afternoon off! And stop working nights, I’ve got you covered!”

“In your dreams.”

Deku stood up, but Aizawa brushed him off, and with a little smile, he sat back down again obediently.

“I know my way out,” Aizawa assured him. “But I’m going to go take one of those muffins from your cafeteria, first.”

“Take as many as you like! I made sure they had the blueberry ones today!”

“I’ve finally tamed the problem child, praise all the gods.”

“I’ll miss you too!”

Aizawa left with one last wave, and Katsuki could only blink at his back, staring until the door swung closed between them.

“Problem child?” Katsuki asked.

“No questions without asking permission, Katsuki,” Deku reminded him, though Katsuki was pretty sure he was teasing. “So, we won’t do morning meetings anymore, and I’m going to let you choose your own schedule, for the most part. I’d like to do a quick catch up in the evening, before you leave or go to bed, but it’ll just be ten minutes to chat about your day and give you any notes I want to pass on.”

“May I ask a question?”

“Nope!” Izuku answered cheerfully. “You’ll have your sessions with Surusumi every Sunday at two, and I expect you to make use of the other facilities too – physio, massage, classes, that kind of thing – but I’ll let you book those sessions yourself. If you want to go on patrols, you can ask the Patrol Leaders to take you, and I expect you to respect it if they say no.”

“I will.”

“I got you this, to help keep track,” Deku said, reaching into his bag on the floor. “If you bring it to our catch ups, we can write in anything we talk about, along with your appointments and such.”

He handed over a notebook bound in thick, soft leather, and Katsuki took it gingerly. He wasn’t sure what to say – it was clearly one of the nicest things he’d ever owned.

“Thank you, it looks great.”

“They’re my favourite, they’re beautiful and they can take a real beating! A local place makes them, a little family business, so I love supporting them as well.”

Katsuki opened it up to the first page, finding a clean, simple layout for a daily schedule, complete with boxes for notes and reminders – very similar to what Deku had been printing them the whole time, it seemed. It was already written in for him, though sparsely, with the day of the week circled, and a few short phrases written in the time blocks – “Aizawa appointment”, “Surusumi appointment”, and “Debrief”.

“It’s perfect,” Katsuki told him. “I really appreciate it.”

“I’m glad you like it,” Deku said with a smile. “It’s almost time for you to meet Surusumi now anyway, so you can head off for that, and I’ll catch up with you this evening before you head back to school. Sound good?”

“Sounds good,” he confirmed. “Thank you.”

“You’re getting very good at the whole manners thing, I’m proud of you.”

Katsuki felt himself blush, but Deku just grinned to himself, reaching out to ruffle his hair before he headed for the door, ready to get back to much more important work.

“It’s good to have you back,” he said fondly. “I look forward to watching you continue to grow.”

He headed off, and Katsuki gave himself a minute to just sit in silence, letting his brain process and his face calm down – what the fuck was his body thinking, betraying him like that? When the minute was up, though, he gave himself a good shake, squaring his shoulders and rising from his seat with his new notebook in hand. Even though he knew it was nothing to Deku, that he probably gave them to all his staff, or had a big stack of them sitting in his apartment somewhere looking for uses, there was still something weirdly special about the gesture. Deku hadn’t just allowed him back, he’d welcomed him back, with a gift and everything – maybe he didn’t hate Katsuki as much as Katsuki had sometimes suspected he did.

He headed straight for Yutaka’s office, finding the door open, Yutaka sitting at his desk inside. When Katsuki arrived, a huge grin spread across his face, and Katsuki couldn’t help but smile along with him.

“I’m so glad you’re back!” Yutaka said, and Katsuki knew it was sincere. “Deku talked to me yesterday and I could barely stop myself from grinning like an idiot. Come tell me all about it.”

With a little nod, Katsuki shut the door behind him, and Yutaka abandoned his desk to get comfy on one of the armchairs, just like always. They’d built such an easy relationship in such a short time, and Katsuki would probably never be able to express how grateful he was for that. Instead, he settled for giving Yutaka a rundown of everything that had transpired, that had all finally culminated in Katsuki standing in the agency building once more, and hopefully for the foreseeable future.

“I’m really glad it worked out,” Yutaka told him. “I know how much this agency means to you and how much you feel like you belong here, now, so I’m glad you don’t have to start over and build it again somewhere else, just yet.”

“I don’t think I could build it somewhere else.”

“Why’s that?”

Katsuki hesitated, and Yutaka nodded knowingly.

“Maybe have a think about it, some time,” he suggested. “If you feel like you come up with an answer and want to talk about it, you know where to find me.”

“Yeah,” Katsuki agreed. “I’ll think about it.”

“Until then, what are your plans for your work studies here? Have you set yourself any goals for what you want to achieve by the end?”

“I thought about it,” he admitted. “Since we talked about it before, it came to mind this time too. But other than learning stuff for my career, I can’t really think of anything. You said it’s good to be specific, but I just can’t think of anything that might happen by the time I graduate.”

“Well, maybe we should start smaller, then. Don’t worry about the end or an ultimate goal, think about this week. What do you want to do this week, and why do you want it?”

“I want to get a bunch of patrols and stuff in. As many as I can. But that’s every week.”

“Do you think the quantity of patrols will have a big impact?”

Katsuki frowned. Surely more opportunities to learn was always better, right?

“If I don’t, I might miss something.”

“So you’re worried about missing an opportunity?”

Katsuki sighed this time. So that was what Yutaka was getting at.

“I don’t think it’s about that,” he said slowly “I’m not… trying to fix past mistakes, I guess. I’m just glad to be back. I’m excited to do more.”

“That sounds like a good approach. So maybe your goal for this week is about doing things that excite you, rather than about quantity?”

“Maybe,” Katsuki agreed. “I want to see the people I worked with before and tell them I’m back.”

“That’s a great one, I’m sure everyone will be excited to see you.”

“And I want to figure out what hours I can realistically be here, with school and trains and everything. Logistically, you know?”

“That’s definitely a good project for your first week, it’ll probably help you figure out what to aim for in the future when you come up with more goals. You’ll be able to narrow down how big a goal can be, or how long something might realistically take to achieve. Since it’s your first week as an official work studies student, why don’t you try taking some notes each day about what you’re thinking, how you’re feeling, what you’re most excited about, that kind of thing?”

“I can do that,” Katsuki said, nodding. “I’ll show you next Sunday.”

“That sounds great. But if you come up with anything you don’t want to show me, remember that’s an option too, okay? If it helps you with your own thoughts, that’s great as well.”

“Okay.”

Yutaka smiled again, that same warm, genuine smile, like he loved every minute of his interactions with Katsuki. If Katsuki had been a few years older, or Yutaka a few years younger, and they’d met in a world where Yutaka was still a hero and not someone being paid to gentle-parent Katsuki through anxiety issues and all that shit, Katsuki wondered if maybe they’d have been friends.

“Can I ask you a question?” Katsuki asked. “You don’t have to answer.”

“By all means.”

“Deku gave me, like, the publicly available on the internet summary of your… career. And uh, I found a news article about the incident, sorry, but it didn’t have much detail or anything. I guess I just wondered… how do you come back from that? How do you… find something else.”

“Is that something you think about a lot?”

“I thought it was my turn to ask questions.” Katsuki smiled wryly. “If you don’t want to answer, just say so, it’s fine.”

“Sorry, force of habit.” Yutaka laughed. “And you don’t need to apologise, by the way, it’s not a big secret or anything. I was working in Norway at the time – that was the fifth country I’d worked in as a hero; my aim was a new country every year, it was a blast. I got in a fight and broke my spine, was paralysed from the waist down for about a year, and over the course of the last three, with a lot of treatment and rehab, I’ve slowly regained enough feeling to be able to walk again. Walking is pretty much my limit, I won’t ever be a hero again; I had to accept that fact pretty early, so I didn’t have a lot of choice about moving on.”

“I know it’s such a huge risk of our career path, but the thought of it makes me feel sick.”

“That’s normal,” Yutaka assured him. “Most injuries that heroes face will take you out of action for a bit and then you’ll be right back at it, maybe with a little extra counselling; that’s why we work in agencies, after all. Occasionally someone gets hit with something worse, and we just have to figure it out and move on. I had a hard time finding doctors and counsellors I felt a connection with, it was always so stiff and clinical and I felt like I was being analysed the whole time. So I decided, fine, I’ll do it differently, for the people like me.”

“Do you miss it?”

“Of course. But there are a lot of things I don’t miss, too. And I love my job, even more than I loved being a hero, I think. It’s hard to judge after being away from it for so long. I think I just liked being a hero because it was flashy and exciting, maybe I liked telling people I was a hero more than actually being one.”

“Were you ever… I don’t know, relieved?”

“I’m not sure I’d say relieved.” Yutaka leaned forward in his seat, resting his head on his hands. “Is that something you’ve been feeling?”

“Not me,” Katsuki assured him. “One of my friends, she’s been having some doubts and stuff, I wasn’t sure what to say to her.”

“Sometimes the best thing you can do is just listen.”

Katsuki couldn’t seem to come up with a response for that, just mulling it over silently, until Yutaka turned his head, smiling again when he met Katsuki’s gaze.

“I hope you know that for as long as we’re both at this agency, and potentially beyond if you want it, I’ll be here to give you a space for that. Somewhere to just relax and talk without any judgment, to help you get through anything that comes your way.”

“Hell yeah, my first sidekick.”

[Chapter 23]