The Great Fight! To Keep Paperwork at Bay! (One Piece regular Marine story)

The Mystery of the Sandwich Thief!

“What are you doing?” A voice asked, and I most definitely did not jump up from behind the couch and shriek.

“Quiet!” I hissed, waving her down. She was standing at the edge of the lounge room while I had resumed my tactical crouch behind the couch near the edge. Off on the other side of the room was the fridge and sink, with a few tables and chairs on the other side. Light gently streamed in from the small windows on the side, giving a view of the courtyard far beneath us. Considering this room was only for commissioned officers, we were the only ones currently in it.

She took that as a sign to instead walk over to me, arms crossed as she stared down at me. She had short, reddish brown hair and a petite build. One of only two women officers on the base, she would be easy to make out from her profile, even without the palpable aura she seemed to carry around herself of constant exasperation or boredom.

Reaching up, I grabbed Maki’s arm and tried to drag her down beside me. Despite her size, for a second she stiffened up, and I was just sort of hanging awkwardly off of her before she gave up and dropped down beside me, landing me hard on my rear.

“Oof,” I grimaced before returning to my spot crouched behind the couch, keeping my ears peeled, ready for anyone else that might be coming into the lounge room. I had no idea how Maki could be so darn quiet, but I had bigger fish to fry.

“What are you doing, Salazar?” Maki asked, her tone almost neutral as it usually was but with just a hint of irritation. Serving with the woman for several months, I gulped, keenly aware of how truly pissed off that meant she was.

“C’mon, we’ve been here on this base for ages, just call me Rex. Everyone does. And what we are doing, is sniffing out a thief.” Before she could respond, I heard footsteps coming up to the room and I made a great ‘shh’-ing noise. “They’re coming, the thief is here!”

Slowly, the footsteps continued. Oh so slowly. Eventually, they entered the room. I couldn’t see who they were yet from my hiding spot, but I waited until they opened the refrigerator door. Bursting out from behind my hiding spot, I exclaimed “Aha! We have you now, thief!”

“Gah!” The old man threw his noodles up in the air, the dish landing down with a crash. His hand clutched over his chest, and white cap askew to reveal his mostly bald head, he looked on the verge of a heart attack. “Wh-what was that for sonny?! You nearly scared the life right out of me - and I don’t got much of it left.”

“Sorry Lieutenant Commander, but even if you’re my friend Jay, I can’t let this crime go unpunished.”

Maki rose beside me, nodding her head. “Justice must be served. You’re under arrest.”

“Oh, well if it’s a pretty lady like you taking me in, you can put me in handcuffs any day, oh ho ho!” Jay laughed. Maki paused for a moment before I saw her hand go from the handcuffs at her side to the rifle strapped across her back.

“No!” I cried out, tackling her. “We don’t need to kill him for stealing food!”

“A firing squad is the only option,” she replied tonelessly, yanking the gun away from me.

Before she could line up the shot, the elderly Lieutenant Commander said, “Wait, stealing food? These were my own noodles.” 

“Huh?” I said letting go of Maki and walking over. There I saw the noodles mostly spilled on the ground, the old-timey dish indeed only used by Jay. “Why did you put noodles in the fridge anyway?” 

“They taste better cold,” he grumpily shot back and I just looked at him disgusted. Everyone knows noodles are better warm! Before I could decide to toss him back to Maki’s tender mercies, I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Grabbing Jay by the arm, I yanked him over behind the couch where we all hid once again.

This time the person came much faster. Rather than open the fridge, I heard a familiar voice make a ‘tsk’ sound before she began to clean up the spilled noodles. I waited until she was done, wondering when she was going to open the fridge. I couldn’t believe that she of all people would-

“Rex, what are you doing there? Did you make this mess?” 

“Grk-! Ah, Sarah,” I said, awkwardly rising up from the couch to see her staring suspiciously down at me. My old childhood friend was a lanky girl, my head only coming up to her impressive bust. She had a plain, hawkish face with medium-length dark green hair.

“I have to say… it was all Jay’s fault,” I announced solemnly, pointing down at the man to my right. “Now hurry, we have to hide to find the thief.”

Sarah perked up and quickly hid behind the couch, the space getting crowded with the four of us. This lasted for about a minute of uncomfortable silence before she questioned me. “Rex, why the heck are we doing this?”

“We have to catch the thief!” I hissed back. “Over the past few weeks, someone has been consistently stealing our food. I say no more!”

Maki stood up with a disgusted noise. “I say no more to this. Why are we wasting our time here?”

Jay joined her, stretching out his old bones. “Gotta say I agree with the little lady. It’s annoying, but we can get food down from the mess hall like all the petty officers. Why make such a big deal of this?”

I turned to Sarah, but even my old friend averted her gaze. How could they not see? I needed to show them.

Jumping up dramatically, I declared, “Why make such a big deal? This is not just the loss of some minor luxury. This is theft, and in a Marine base, no less!”

Striding back and forth, I continued. “Some might say that this base is unimportant. That it’s just the 70th branch in the South Blue, that we’re glorified paper pushers, but I say nay! This is another beacon of the shining symbol that the Marines bring to the world.”

Turning around, I jerked a thumb at my back. “Do you see this symbol? The symbol that all of us wear on our backs? This is justice-”

“Actually you’re just pointing at the white space on the jacket,” Sarah ‘helpfully’ pointed out. I wasn’t that flexible and couldn’t see it, but wrenching my arm down a bit further I jabbed my thumb at where I was pretty sure the symbol was.

“-This symbol stands for justice, and we all proudly wear it on our backs. How can we then, can we say that we support justice, if we turn away from such a travesty occurring underneath our very noses? That is why we must stay, and root out this scoundrel amongst our ranks. Not because I want to eat my sandwich inbetween shifts, but because it’s the right thing to do!”

Following my dramatic speech, the sound of booming clapping filled the room. Whirling around, I thought I had moved my fellow officers so - only to see that this was someone new who was clapping from near the entranceway. 

Standing at a full six feet, with broad shoulders and a black silk dress shirt underneath his white coat, Captain Tanzaki cheered me on vigorously. He held his cap down in one of his meaty hands, revealing his brown buzzcut hair. “Ensign Rex, what a brilliant speech! I’m almost moved to tears at your dedication.” Indeed, his gray eyes that always seemed to small for his face were watery.

“Ca-Captain, sir!” I said, snapping to a salute, joining the other officers who had already done so (and hadn’t warned me!). “I was just-”

“Showing a willingness to go above and beyond the call of duty,” Tanzaki finished for me. “When I saw you were gone from your post, I worried that this was a dereliction of duty, but clearly, I was mistaken.”

“Ah sir, you’re too kind…”

“Nonsense, my boy.” He said, walking up to me and placing a hand on my shoulder. Despite the gesture meaning to be comforting from him, the sheer force made my knees buckle. “In fact, you show such dedication that I am going to assign the ‘Ghost Pirate’ case to you.”

“The ‘Ghost Pirate’ case? Haven’t you been unable to solve that for weeks-”

He interrupted me. “I have every faith that with the level of dedication you showed here, you’ll manage to solve it, no doubt. And that passion will mean that you can do so on top of your regular duties, of course. But, if you need help, I’m sure the fellows who joined you in this self-appointed mission will be glad to take time out of their free shifts to help you with this.”

At his words there was a rush of wind, and suddenly three empty spaces where Maki, Jay, and Sarah had been standing before, the only sign that they had been there were the swirls of dust left in their wake and Sarah’s distant, echoing voice saying “Sorry!” Off in the distance.

Traitors! How could I ever believe Jay’s excuses for needing to skip Physical Conditioning again if he could move that fast.

Seeing no mercy in Tanzaki’s broad grin (and no sign of the tears that had been welling up a moment prior), I trudged off to take on this new case.

Getting halfway down the stairs, I stopped before turning and marching back up to ask the captain where the file for the case. When I got to the top of the stairs, I stopped cold, horrified at the sight I beheld.

Within the lounge room, there Captain Tanzaki stood in front of the fridge, my beautifully made, thick, delicious sandwich within his hands. He locked on to my gaze and said “Wait, it’s not what it looks like!”

Or at least, he attempted to. The bread, lettuce, meat and other toppings in his mouth made it come out more like “Wayy, it ot wu loo ike!”

“YOU!” I declared, dramatically pointing a finger out at him. His gaze darted back and forth for an exit, but the only doorway to the lounge room I stood defiantly in front of. However, I underestimated his desperation, as the large man twisted and threw himself out through the windows, creating a loud crashing sound.

Rather than fall like the glass to the courtyard below, Tanzaki started hopping on the air itself, fleeing through the sky. Lacking such abilities myself, I ran up to the broken window, shaking my fist violently at him. 

“Get back here with my sandwich you bastard!!!”

A/N: One Piece is an incredible manga, with so many rich details and world building, but because of that, even with it's own length, we don't often get to see the tribulations of a regular marine. I've run into enough roadblocks with this story that I don't think I can make full thread for it, but I liked the idea, so I thought I'd share it here. Let me know what you think, and have a great day.