The banter thread

Audible laugh over here!! Good one ;)

Love that - too funny. 😄

Lets play hide and seek: If you find me you can fuck me.If you cant find me i will be in the closet!!!!

Q: Why don't American vegans put a turkey on the table at Thanksgiving? ... ... ... A: Because they know the feathered fucker will only eat all the Brussels sprouts!

Brigid's Ember (Siren Historian & Mayoral Furniture Tester)

Oh my goodness XD That phone had perfect timing!

I posted in community page but i think my story suits better here: So...Yesterday night i was in my bed.Had my earbuds on and i was listening Gael's audio and being naughty.I was about to cum when...my bed started shaking.I thought it was from the sexual tension but i stopped and realised that an earthquake just happened.In Greece we have often earthquakes.2 sec later i heard my mother screaming "OMG earthquake" and se rushed into my bedroom.I was out of breath covered with a blanket and naked from my waist down.My hands all covered with moist.Se was scared and she wanted a hug BAHAHAH.I was like "ok mom it was a small earthquake dont be scared".She tried to remove my blanket because she wanted me to get up and i was in panic and thinking "WTF im naked down there what im going to do" when the phone rang.The phone saved me from a big disaster XD That was my story i hope you find it funny.

For a moment I thought about those Superman sheets he mentioned XD Or was it someone else? Doesn't matter, still hilarious! XD

Oh, I just listened to the Bedtime audio on YT! ...Those rustling sheet sounds!! Hmmm... Why is it soo sexy?? ;)Gael should use it much more often!! ...Though we still don`t know the colour/pattern of his bedsheets... XD

Today during class you could hear the kids screaming and running down the hallway. I was visiting a latin class, and my old teacher looked at the 5 kids in there and asked: "What do you think... is this going to be a revolution? They are going after the teachers, I know it. What shall we do? Join in or lock the door and wait for it to end?" He looks at one of the guys, and he just says in a tiny voice: "I guess we should just lock the door." It was hilarious in that moment. Then 5 minutes later you could hear some victorious music from the next room (it's the choir room) and I was like "What, did they win? Are we goin' down?" XD

Also: What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn? ... ... ... Mommy, where's Pop Corn?

Brigid's Ember (Siren Historian & Mayoral Furniture Tester)

Hey, ladies & Gael: Do you know why the turkey always played percussion in the animal band? ... ... ... Because he had his own drumsticks!

Brigid's Ember (Siren Historian & Mayoral Furniture Tester)

It was good.I got tired because i had to help my mother to do housework but its ok!How is your day? :)

Hey beautiful! How was yr day? 😊

Hello Ladies!

Hey Kathy... 1st I wanna welcome u to the exclusive GF club of the highest level. Next, I also wanna let u know that it will get better. Afterall, Gael always tries his best to spoil us whenever he can. 😊

I keep peeking in to see if Gael's left us another present. It's wrong to be greedy and impatient especially after the awesome YT audio we got yesterday but I can't help it. I need help! 😭😭😭 I think...I think I'm turning into Gaelforce junkie 😭😭😭

Kathy M

Aww I want a sexy ramble😔

Morning B! Happy Friday to ya and hope u r feeling better? 😙 Yay! Angie! A break from the kids for 2 days 😊 亲爱的， I had Gael last night... he sexy rambled to me & kept me up till 1am... 😅😅😅 And I landed safely! 😆😆😆

N`Morgen Fräulein Ashlee! :)

Good morning lovelies! Happy Friday 🤗

亲爱的! Guten Morgen! 😙 did u have a good night?

Guten Morgen, Mädls! A fabulous Freitag - Friday to y`all! Hope everyone is good and has a nice, pleasant day ... :)) (Here it`s fucking too warm! Where is my snow???) XP

I'm stealing this joke to tell at work, hahaha 😂

😂😂😂 I burst out laughing at my work desk!

A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.

A Male patient just recovered successfully from a sex threatening health attack. He was wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and laying on a hospital bed. A young nurse came to cleanse his body with a sponge. The patient mumbled, “Are my testicles black?” Nurse replied, “I don’t know Sir, I am just getting you clean” The patient repeated again, “Are my testicles black?” The Nurse was quite embarrassed to answer the question and said “Sir everything should be OK” The patient just kept on asking again and again, “Are my testicles black?” The Nurse could not bear a patient that was so concerned. So she raised his gown, moved her hand to find and grab his penis and testicles, moved them all around, checked very closely and suddenly the man ejaculated on the nurse’s hand. The man pulls off his oxygen mask, embarrassed at the fiasco & says loudly enough, “Ma’am, Thanks but I still need to know 'Are my tests results back?’”

God said to Adam, "I’ve got some good news and some bad news. First the good news. I have given you a brain and a penis. The bad news… I’ve only given you enough blood to work one of them at a time!"

Congrats!!!

Hey guys :) i just want to share some great news to youuu i passed nursing school ☺️im so happy! Ive been so stressed out for months and thank goodness i found Gael and got to meet you crazy lovely ladies! Cuz yall helped destress me a lot! 💉😊

I WANT A MINI PONY!!!!! ... maybe not that dude... although he is really .... committed to his craft??? 😂😂😂😂😂

Trina

😂😂

I refuse to be the only one of us who has this image stuck in my head now! <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmCAGncDjvQ&amp;feature=youtu.be" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmCAGncDjvQ&amp;feature=youtu.be</a>

Kelly S

Two buddies were taking a shower in the locker room after a workout. One of them noticed that the other had a noticeably large penis. In fact, it had grown inch by inch for the past four months. Astounded, he asks his buddy, "Dude, your penis has grown larger these past months. How can I get mine to grow?" So, his buddy answered, "I rub it down with butter every day. It'll grown an inch for each month. Remember, rub it with butter every day for four months and it'll grow four inches." Excited, the man began this as soon as he got home. Four months later, the buddies met up again, but the first guy was in a humiliated panic. "What's wrong?" the buddy asked. "I rubbed my penis every day like you said, but it didn't grow four inches! It SHRANK four inches!" The buddy asked, "Did you use butter?" "No, I used Crisco." Shocked, the buddy exclaimed, "You dimwit! That's shortening!"

I thought you had learned to count already 😜

I'm in the elevator wondering why it's not going up to the 4th floor from the 1st.....I keep hitting the 1 instead of the 4.....SMH

😂😂😂

For those who are interested: just updated (and uploaded last night) an Excel doc. Now you can all have your own little Audio Library! :)

Whats the difference between a prostitute and a slut?The first is having sex with everyone and the second with everyone except you XD

See, Frau P! 6 people already liked your joke! XP

Three Chinese brothers, Bu, Chu, and Fu, want to illegally live in America. The brothers decide to change their names to blend in. Bu changes his name to Buck. Chu changes his name to Chuck. And Fu got sent back to China. XD

Guten Morgen Claudia.Vie geht es lhnen?

Guten Morgen, süße - sweet Sirens! Hope everybody has a thunderous Donnerstag --Thursday! Enjoy! XD

😆😂😂

... yeah I'm into "fitness"... fitness whole dick in my mouth 😉

Trina

👏👏👏👏 love it!

Trina

Sex toys at a whole new level...crazy <a href="https://twitter.com/RollingStone/status/799077665567293441" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://twitter.com/RollingStone/status/799077665567293441</a>

Gri, we need to go out and you can try out your one liners lol

Kiss me if I'm wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right??

Gri (Sassy_One)

I'm in the mood for pizza...a pizza you, that is!

Gri (Sassy_One)

@Gael, this one *really* needs to go in an audio at some point! X-)

Brigid's Ember (Siren Historian & Mayoral Furniture Tester)

You’re like my little toe, because I’m going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.

Gri (Sassy_One)

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk past you again?

Gri (Sassy_One)

You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

Gri (Sassy_One)

You must be the reason for global warming... because you’re hot!

Gri (Sassy_One)

Are you a whistle?? because I want to blow you.

Gri (Sassy_One)

I have Skittles in my mouth...wanna taste the rainbow?

Gri (Sassy_One)

I've posted a video next door in honor of our different nationalities and languages. We really are the United Nations of Gaelandia 😁

Kathy M

He said he had a fast Mustang I asked him what type of hay he was feeding it (Because he had a horse outside.....hehehe 🐴)

Hello everyone! I hope y'all had a great hump day!

Oh, word?

Catherine

Gael. This. 😏<a href="https://youtu.be/VCLxJd1d84s" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://youtu.be/VCLxJd1d84s</a>

Lol funny!!

Lol!! Very nice!

Haha! My favorite college shout happened in a car: my friend was driving us to Cape Ann for the day, when a very bro-looking guy in a "compensation car" crossed a double yellow line to pass us, cutting us off as he gets back in our lane. Next thing I knew, my friend had rolled down her window &amp; was shouting "Sorry about your penis!" at the top of her lungs! I just about died laughing.

Brigid's Ember (Siren Historian & Mayoral Furniture Tester)

A boy in my high school math class nicknamed me Grey Goose. Apparently he thought I was top shelf. 😂😂

Miranda

When I was in college I lived above a bar. Favorite thing I ever heard shouted in the street: " I can't! I gave up good behavior for lent!"

Miranda

Ok I confess took me a few to get this one. 😆😆😆

Kathy M

3 stormtroopers walked into a bar. Man... those guys don't break formation for *anything*!

Brigid's Ember (Siren Historian & Mayoral Furniture Tester)

What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.

Ok 2 more...What does a pepper do when it’s angry? It gets jalapeño face!

It took me 3 straight minutes to get this joke! I know...that's sad x'D

Bwahahah!

Kathy M

What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.

Gri (Sassy_One)

Time flies like an arrow...fruit flies like banana....🍌

Gri (Sassy_One)

Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had loco-motives....😂😂

Gri (Sassy_One)

🤔Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.🐒

Gri (Sassy_One)

How do you kill vegetarian vampires? With a steak to the heart. buuuaahahahahahahaha

Gri (Sassy_One)

What was Bruce Lee’s favorite drink? Wataaaaah!

Gri (Sassy_One)

When butterflies get nervous, do they feel humans in their stomach?

Gri (Sassy_One)

Morgen Frau Claudia schatzie! xD Have a fabulous wednesday! 😙

亲爱的！我也很想念你！听说你在找我呢？我太感动了！

Hey! Wanna hear a joke about pizza?? Never mind, it’s too cheesy! :-PPP

ευχαριστώ Αγαπητέ μου! You too! ... (That correct? XD)

Herr Gael, since you are a weitgereister - well travelled man... tell us an adventurous story?! ... about foreign places, exotic beauties... and mortifying situations? XP

Guten Morgen claudia!Have a nice Wednesday!

Guten Morgen, Schätzchen und mein Schatz! I see you all are ein lustiger Haufen - a funny bunch! :) A marvelous Mittwoch - Wednesday to everyone! XD

Last one for the day.... Men are like…..Cement. After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy. "Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no" he replies. "Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room."

Love is not the number of times you kissed her, but the number of moments you were dying to kiss her.

Why did the snowman smile? Because the snowblower is coming.

Men are like bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.

These are great hahaha

Dolphin

What did the penis say to the vagina? Don't make me cum in there!

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One's a Goodyear and the other is a REALLY good year.

What does the sign on an out of business brothel say? Beat it. We're closed.

Can't sleep so her goes... Q:What's the difference between the G-spot &amp; a folf ball? A: A man will actually look for the golf ball

Yeah, we noticed. The dirty bastard. 😒😂

Joke from class: Person 1: I like your shoes Person 2: thank's I got them from a drug dealer. Not sure what he laced them with, but I've been trippin all day.

Gaelforce is stealing yer jokes and putting them in audios Just thought I'd give ye the heads up

Yeah Iowa!!!

For those of you who wanted a firefighter update, it's next door and it's a doozy 😂

Am I the only person who *can't* hear the stairs? I hear your feet on the stairs. I hear you mention how loud they are. I never hear the squeak... lol my stairs are REALLY squeaky (I have to skip one if I hope to let my roommate sleep) so maybe I'm desensitized?? Hahahaha

Trina

You play with me at night before going to sleep. You can’t get caught fiddling with me at work. You only let a select few people touch me. What am I? Your phone.

Gri (Sassy_One)

@Gael So, quick question for ya: did you ever fix the stairs that sound like a feckin' hunted house? If not, just leave them as they are...after the buckle fever slows down, your stairs might be the next big trigger...

Gri (Sassy_One)

10 things we know about you... 1) You are reading this. 2) You are human. 3) You can’t say the letter ”P” without separating your lips. 4) You just attempted to do it. 6) You are laughing at yourself. 7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5. 8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5. 9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person &amp; everyone does it too. 10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.

Trish

Obligatory Banana Joke: What do you call a shoe made from a banana? A Slipper.

Trish

My best friend: somebody said you sound like an owl. Me: who?

Trish

Why did Mozart kill his chicken? Because it kept saying "Bach, bach, bach.

Trish

Now I have to go play "Fairytale of New York" -- brb, Pogues are calling...

Brigid's Ember (Siren Historian & Mayoral Furniture Tester)

A smart peach 😋 yummy

Tina...you best be off in search of those rolling hills and grassy knolls. Oh wait! You'll need a compass. A map. Hunting hounds. GPS?

My entire name is very Irish. If you take the meaning of my name starting with my last and put the meanings together my parents gave birth to "A smart fruit sent by God on Friday."

Frishawn! You better walk while u can still walk!😝

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Trina

I once met a girl with 12 nipples. Sounds funny. Dozen tit.

A little boy with diarrhea says he wants viagra. His mum replies "and why on earth do you need that?" The little boy replies "isn't that what you give Dad when HIS shit won't get hard?"

How rude he should save the kid and then laugh hysterically

Lmao!!!!!😂😂😂😂😂

Trina

HA!OMG!?" Titties crying!" 😂😂😂

I'm late to the party, but I've got something... A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”

When I was in kindergarten and my brother was in third grade, this is the sort of joke he and his friends would tell, thinking I was out of earshot. "A 23-year-old daughter still lives with her overprotective father. To prevent her from having sex he'd sprinkled green glitter on her pubic hair everyday before going to work. When he came home he found a man in the house, and he asked him "Did you have sex with my daughter?" He answered "no." "Well, pull down your pants and let me check." Doing so the father found glitter on his pubic hair, so knew he had had sex with his daughter. As a result he beat the boy bloody until he ran off. The next day the father came home to see that another man was in the house. He asked, "Did you have sex with my daughter?" He also answered, "No." "Well pull down your pants and let me check," replied the father. Finding glitter on the pubic hair the father beat him bloody until he ran away. The next day the same thing happened, and also the day after that, and many days that follow after that. One day the father came home to find yet another man in the house. He then asked, "Did you have sex with my daughter?" The man then said, "No." "Well, pull down your pants and let me see." So he did that, and the father seeing no glitter was satisfied. After the man had pulled his pants back up the father replied "Good boy!" and patted him on the back. The man smiled and there was green glitter all over his mouth."

Miranda

LOL! Nice :D

This guy cracks me up! <a href="https://youtu.be/fciaejGn5Og" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://youtu.be/fciaejGn5Og</a>

If you haven't already, or if you wanna do it again, go next door and tell us your stripper name. You too, Gael!

I just saw a crane chasing a kid (about 2 or 3) by the water while the father stood by and laughed uncontrollably...that father is hysterical.

What did the vegan say to the hedonic hyperphagia Hey baby, I want you so bad. Do you want me, hmm? Oh yeah, grrr. Nobody does it like you, Ali!

My automatic reply to that is always "And also with you" Catholic habit 😂📿

Me: bye! Coworker: may the Force be with you! My thoughts: oh shit!! She found out!! Wait, does she listen to him?! I'm getting fired.

Awww💕😆

I was trying to catch a frog on a foggy day. But I mist.

What? 😂😂😂

Catherine

A blind rabbit and a blind skunk are walking through a wood when suddenly they collide! The blind rabbit says to the skunk: Hey! I've been alive a couple of years now and I don't know what I am! Can you do me a favour and tell me? The blind skunk says: "I fuckin will if you tell me! I dunno what I am either!!!" They say: 'deal!' The rabbit says: 'do me first!!!' So the skunk reaches out and feels the rabbit and says "Well you've got long ears" The rabbit starts bouncing up and down getting really excited The skunk says: "you've got big protruding teeth!" The rabbit hops higher with excitement! "And you're very furry!" And the rabbit is like: "What am I! What am I!!!" The skunk says: "Well, logic tells me that you're a rabbit!' And the rabbit is over the moon! Hopping like a madman "finally!!!!" He screams "Fuckin finally!" So the skunk says: "Do me do me do me!!" The rabbit starts to feel the skunk: "Well, you are kinda clammy" Skunk: "yesssss???" "You're sticky too" Yessssss?? "Your hair feels very weird and patchy in places... And it's coming off in my hand" Yesssss? "And you... You.... Omg ... You smell absolutely disgusting! Fuck!! Thats horrible!! Ewww! Yuck!' Skunk: "ok but what am I? Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!!! Rabbit: You're Donald Trump.

Hola from México! Flying back home today. No jokes from me but really enjoying all of yours😂

Q: Why don't French people put 2 eggs in their omelets? A: Because in France, one egg is always 'un oeuf'!

Brigid's Ember (Siren Historian & Mayoral Furniture Tester)

Seriously though, who doesn't want puppies?

A son and father were walking through the park and saw two dogs doing it. The son asked the father, "daddy daddy what are they doing?" "Well son they are making puppies." Later on that evening the kid walks into the bedroom and sees his mom and dad doing it. The little boy asks, "daddy daddy what are you doing?" The father replies, "making you a little brother or sister." The little boy thinks about it for moment and gets really upset. "Turn mommy over I want puppies!!!"

Anyone here object to sorority-girl jokes?

Brigid's Ember (Siren Historian & Mayoral Furniture Tester)

Bahahaha!! 😂 😂 😂

If Gael were a dinosaur, what species would he be? Lick-a-lot-a-puss

What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? A private tutor. 😆

Kathy M

Gyms all over the town are offering you personal trainers but I'm cool cos I've got two: one for each foot

Lucy

What did the muffin say to the other muffin in the oven? Ahh! A talking muffin!

What did the fish say when he ran into the wall? Damn

I had to rethink this one because I thought the "c" was cunt...

I have a strange sense of humor...

Haha!!

WTF! I seriously love this joke, can't believe I haven't heard it before...

HAHAHA OMG😂😂

Lucy

Anyone here ever hear of anti-jokes? Such as, A horse walked into a bar. Several people got up and left as they spotted the potential danger in the situation. A man walks into a bar. His alcohol dependency is tearing his family apart. Why isn’t Helen Keller a good driver? Because she’s dead.

What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? Rrrrrrrr… But his true love is the C.

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.

Gri (Sassy_One)

👮🏻Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Gri (Sassy_One)

Aww, meep! *hugs you*

Brigid's Ember (Siren Historian & Mayoral Furniture Tester)

What's the guillotine? A French chopping centre.

I have like 1 minute b4 work so here goes....Did you hear the story the blind woman told her deaf husband? No? Well neither did he. 😆 Its terrible I know but that's all I could think of 💋

Noooo let Ned Stark be!

Kathy M

You burst into a raging moster when you misplace your earbuds.

You know you are a Gaelforce Siren when:

Last one for now...Men are like…..Snowstorms. You never know when he’s coming, how many inches you’ll get or how long he will last.

I totally understand how batteries feel because I'm rarely ever included in things either.

You're sweeter than 3.14

Q: What do you call a singing Laptop? A: A Dell Also for Gael.

Q: What do you call a pretty ghost? A: BOOtiful

What do you call a boat with a hole? A sink.

😂 😂 😂

I may have shared this in a banter thread on the community page, but I will share again here. Funny, sexy misadventure.... My bf at the time and I were going at it in my big four poster bed. Only problem was that the mattress didn't quite fit the antique bed frame, so you had to be careful. We were not being careful....lol. We are in full on doggie style, he is just pounding me, and we are both in the zone. Suddenly, the mattress slips and one corner of it falls through the frame. We both fall forward and go careening off the bed onto the floor - still in position and yelping the whole way down. Once he made sure I was alright, we had a great laugh about it then finished our sexy time right there on the floor. I still laugh every time I think about it. OMG - the expression on our faces as we headed for the floor must have been priceless! 😂😂

How do you make Pickle Bread? ... dildo!

Trina

The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word 'Facial' is used.

😁😁😁

Trina

Niiiiice! LOL got it on the second read!

Trina

What do women and police cars have in common? They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.

Me too!

Trina

can february march? no, but april may

What does a house wear? Address!

What do we say to the God of Death? Sean Bean is that way.

Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night? Nurse: No change yet.

hahahaha i love it

Ewwwww Lolol!

Kathy M

What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild? A $100 bill!

What's worse than finding a Justin Bieber CD in your boyfriend's bedroom?Finding a box of tissues next to it.

Last year, I asked Santa for the sexiest person ever for Christmas. I woke up in a box 😉 😂😂That's it for me tonight folks.....I'll be here all week, don't forget to tip your waiter 😂😂

What did the banana say to the vibrator? A: Why are YOU shaking? She's going to eat me!

daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue

What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper 🎤🎄

Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live 🎄

Eww! Also LMAO, but eww nonetheless! I may have to inflict that one on one of my strong-stomached friends...

Brigid's Ember (Siren Historian & Mayoral Furniture Tester)

My Mom loves to tell this one, and all the relatives think it is hilarious, so I will share. My grandparents lived in a very rural area, and for most of my childhood did not have indoor plumbing. So the only toilet on the property was an outhouse (outside privy). We were visiting for Christmas one year, and the house was overflowing with people. My Mom's five siblings, plus their spouses and children, as well as a few cousins and neighbors. I was around 4 or 5 years old and approached my Mother to tell her I needed to use the toilet. She was gabbing away with her sisters, so distractedly told me ok and proceeded to dress me for the arctic winter outside (Indiana in the middle of December). I was completely confused, doing the pee-pee dance like crazy and kept trying to get away from her while repeatedly announcing to the room that I needed to use the toilet. She kept talking away and chasing me around the room. Finally, I jumped up on the couch and screamed in my loudest toddler voice that I didn't want to go outside and play - I needed to use the toilet. That got everyone's attention, and a riotous laugh from the whole lot who proceeded to go right back to chattering away. My Mom finally wrestled me off the couch, and explained that the toilet WAS outside. My poor little toddler brain just couldn't grasp that crazy idea and she had to carry me out there in my full winter gear. It was a miracle of bladder control that I didn't wee myself during this whole fiasco. To this day, I still have relatives who make cracks about the outhouse and what a "city girl" I am...lol 😂. I will never live it down.

Haha

Special one for Gael: Why did Adele cross the road? - To say hello from the other side XD

I don't trust atoms, I heard they make up everything...

I failed my biology exam last week: the question was: name something commonly found in cells. apparently, drunken Irish guys wasn't the right answer. Oh my god I'm in trouble now 😳

Two lumps of vomit were walking down a street when one started crying. "Whats wrong" asked his buddy. "I always get emotional here cos I was brought up on this street "

So I was born in Iowa, and my family lived in Iowa City until I was 5. One day, my parents told me we were going to drive to Cedar Rapids. Since small children generally aren't fans of car rides, they did their best to get me excited about all the animals we'd see on the way: cows, horses, etc. Well, the drive to Cedar Rapids went fine, as did most of the drive home. But when we pulled into our driveway, I became indignant and inconsolable as only a 3- or 4-year-old can be. I kept calling my poor bewildered parents liars &amp; saying that we "never saw them". My mother, bless her, said "What do you mean, [Brigid]? We saw horses and cows and sheep, and even some chickens." Apparently I wailed back at her: "But you said we were going to Cedar Rapids! You promised!" Mom: "Honey, we *did* go to Cedar Rapids! Why are you upset?" Toddler-Me: "No we didn't! We saw horses &amp; cows &amp; sheep &amp; chickens, but Mommy -- WE NEVER SAW DA RABBITS!" (It's a wonder they let me reach 5!)

Brigid's Ember (Siren Historian & Mayoral Furniture Tester)

So yesterday a few of my friends were being salty (if you're unaware of that slang: "salty" almost means the same as bitter in that you're kinda holding a grudge or being mad at someone and it's usually over a petty thing). They were talking about this friend and I was the only one in the room that didn't know what happened between them. "Oh, sorry, we should give you context!" "Nah, it's okay! I'm lovin' this salt even though I can't taste it!" My friends thought it was the FUNNIEST THING IN THE WORLD 😂 put it on the quote board in the theatre lounge and even asked me to make it my twitter bio (which I did on my personal!)

Doctor doctor! I can't feel my legs!! 'Yeah, that's cuz we cut off your hands'

I'm so glad i get this joke.

Catherine

Herr Gael, no jokes from me. We Germans are much too serious to enjoy jokes! :( ... But you could sing a funny, raunchy Irish pub song for me, bitte? XD ....Vielen Dank, Ihre Frau C.

Ok one more, here's an amusing story- When I was in 7th grade the first half of the science curriculum for the year was chemistry. On the first day of school we were assigned lab partners- My lab partner was pretty much a mini genius and after one week of my enthusiastic contributions to our partnership he politely told me that both Harvard &amp; passing chemistry were not in my future- and part of our grade was based on our team lab work so my Ivy Leagued bound lab partner told me not to touch anything for the rest of the term. I asked him what would happen if he got sick and missed school? He told me that in his entire albeit short academic career he'd never gotten sick and had never missed a day. The week before Thanksgiving my lab partner came down with chicken pox. At the beginning of the week I was fine because we weren't doing any lab exercises- I thought that I was in the clear but on that Friday we had a lab. I regret to inform you that in my sincere attempts to conduct the lab experiment that we were doing, I mis calculated all the ratios in the chemicals being added into my beaker- and that my friends is the day that shall live in infamy, that is the day that I blew up the chem lab. Fortunately no one was hurt. Unfortunately I had to spend the rest of the school year getting science lessons before school and doing mandatory volunteer work after school. But I did get own full page shout out in the year book- and when people think you blow shit up on purpose you become surprisingly popular with the middle school elite....🤓

Do you know what *really* happened to Descartes? He used to go to the same little cafe for a meal every day after a hard morning of mathing &amp; contemplating existence, and every day he'd order the same food &amp; wine. Eventually, though, he began to feel he was in a bit of a rut. So one day, when Descartes went into his favorite cafe for lunch, and the server greeted him with "Bonjour, monsieur! Your usual?" Descartes replied "I think not"... whereupon he vanished!

Brigid's Ember (Siren Historian & Mayoral Furniture Tester)

Did you hear about the man who tried to stick his dick in the gas tank of his car after filling up? He was arrested for public auto-eroticism.

Brigid's Ember (Siren Historian & Mayoral Furniture Tester)

What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? 🚴 A tire.

Gri (Sassy_One)

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.🙃

Gri (Sassy_One)

I just woke up and can't think of a joke right now... But! I'll be spending the morning with a ton of 2nd headsets. I'm sure I'll get some awesome jokes out of them! ;)

Kelly S

A teetotaller, a social drinker, and a funeral follower all went down to the pub together after a funeral. The teetotaller got a coffee while the other two got pints. When their drinks came, the coffee was clean, but there was a fly in each of the pints! The teetotaller said "Ah, that's disgusting!" The social drinker gave the publican what for &amp; demanded a clean drink. But the funeral follower pulled the fly out of his pint &amp; started shaking it over his glass, shouting "Spit it out, ya bastard!"

Brigid's Ember (Siren Historian & Mayoral Furniture Tester)

My favorite!

And this one because it's my favorite although I've still not managed to pull it off with a straight face because I dissolve into a fit of giggles when I get to the punchline: "In math class today my teacher asked us what comes after 69- Apparently 'I do' is not the correct answer" 😏

It's after 3am and I'm still not asleep so yay! I'll add a bit of banter to pass the time..."The guests in this hotel are always stealing all the soaps, shower gels and shampoos from their rooms...Dirty bastards!" 😂 Seriously I can hear Gaels voice every time I see that phrase! 😆

And for any Lost Girl fans out there: Why do chemists like nitrates? Because they're cheaper than day rates!

Brigid's Ember (Siren Historian & Mayoral Furniture Tester)

Have a great Tuesday, ladies and lad!!!

Gri (Sassy_One)

Ohh, guys, yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. 😱 The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.🤓

Gri (Sassy_One)

🤔I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.😜

Gri (Sassy_One)

I have this friend who is addicted to brake fluid. It's alright though. He said he can stop anytime.

Sweetz (GFPR)

A skunk,a duck and a deer went out to dinner one night.When it came time to pay,the skunk didn't have a scent,the deer didn't have a buck, so they put the meal on the duck's bill.😄 Have a great day everyone!

💤😑😖😫😩😌😳 banter time? Did I miss it? Someone started off early... Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now...

Gri (Sassy_One)

😹😹😹

Dolphin

Q: How many vegan cooks does it take to make a juicy peach tart? A: Only one, but he needs an Irish accent, a Yeti, and a thing for lingerie &amp; public places.

Brigid's Ember (Siren Historian & Mayoral Furniture Tester)

Have a great rest of your day!

Helllloooo! ;)

I've also got nothing, but I was awake anyway so just saying hiii 💕

Good luck, love! ❤

Oh, hi lovelies! Have a nice day! Just finished teaching my classes, so it's lunch and then going home! Need to find some jokes now. 😅

I have nothing to contribute except for a hello, hope you're all well 😜🌻 staying up late to cram for my exam tomorrow so I'll be checking in to see what you all post 💁🏽😹

Dolphin

Gael you woke me too *yawn* lol. I hope everyones day is well on that side of the world. Back to sleep I go, goodnight 😴

Good morning. Mee too. Off to cram for an exam. Haha!

There once was a man from Nantucket whose dick was so long he could suck it. As he wiped off his chin, He said with a grin "If my ear was a cunt I could fuck it." Its 4:45am. Thanks for waking me Gael.

Catherine

Also: 1st time being 1st! Yay! X-D

Brigid's Ember (Siren Historian & Mayoral Furniture Tester)

I've got nothing...but hello! ;)

Cross-posted from the Community page... Q: How does a woman hold her liquor? A: By the hair! ;-*

Brigid's Ember (Siren Historian & Mayoral Furniture Tester)