Akuyaku Reijou ni Nanka Narimasen - Chapter 539, 540, 541

First, make the guest list.
My brother suggested that, since we can’t choose a wedding venue until we know how many guests there will be, I should start by making a guest list.

“Family is a given, right?”

“What exactly counts as family for you, Rosarin?”

“My parents, Niisama, Lucille, Lucius, Rinka, Jend, Martha, Ark, Jash, Lumia-san, Geraldin-san, Pochi, Ordo, Nex, Mary, Rabisha-chan, Gator, Dan, Grandpa Tom, the spirits. Oh, and the magic beasts too.”

My brother scribbled notes furiously.

“Alright, that sounds good. What about Dirk’s family?”

“My Father-in-law and Mother-in-law, and…”

“Wait.”

“Yes?”

“... Didn’t Dirk’s mother pass away?”

“Thanks to a divine gift, she made a miraculous recovery.”

“............”

My brother’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. This was... not good.

“Rosarin, explain!”

“Aye, aye, sir!”

At this point, it’s just reflex. But why am I getting scolded over something that’s not really my fault (probably)? Well, forgetting to mention it was entirely on me.

※ During the explanation

“… I have plenty of things to say, but, well, it can’t be helped.”

Just how much did my brother want to say to me? Even while holding his head, he resumed making the list. Sorry about that, gods.

“We’ll invite Dirk’s parents and grandfather... extended family too.”

“Got it.”

Other than Dirk’s father, his paternal relatives are all distant relations, so they won’t be invited.

“Next are friends.”

“Prince Aldin, Prince Alphage, Milfi, Cedar-kun, and Ernst are definite.”

“Got it.”

“Then…”

A few classmates, including my maids-in-training candidates Liliana and Lillian, will join. Then there are Garb and Rufna, friends from my previous school, along with a few teachers.

“That about covers school acquaintances… What about the Beneficiary friends?”

“They’re absolutely invited!”

The Beneficiary network is crucial! They’re spreading rice and launching joint ventures worldwide, so it’d be terrible to disregard them.

“Then, there’s Wolfanea?”

“… The Wolfanean royalty…”

“If they’re not invited, they’ll sulk. Especially Jess-sama.”

“......… Invite them.”

“What about Kanata’s and Leor-san’s families?”

“Of course, they’re invited.”

“Mikelle and Tosaken?”

“Also invited.”

Most of the list was set, but a dilemma arose.

“What about the people of the territory?”

Hmm. I have a good relationship with the townsfolk, so just inviting representatives feels wrong…

“… Invite them.”

“… Rosarin, at this rate, there’s no way this will be a ‘small’ wedding.”

“Urghk…”

“We’ll need the cathedral as the venue, right? With Alphage-sama and the others coming, we’ll have to invite nobility who have ties with the Rosenberg family. The quick ceremony you and Dirk held before was informal, so many nobles didn’t attend.”

“Ugh... I’d wanted something small, like what Lumia-san had, but I guess that’s not happening…”

“That’s right. Sorry, Rosarin. I know you wanted a modest wedding…”

“No, it’s alright. As a Rosenberg, I understand it can’t be helped.”

I couldn’t help but smile wryly. Well, having so many people to celebrate with us is a blessing.

With a resigned smile, I finalized the wedding date to align with my birthday and sent out the invitations right away. After all, for important figures, it’s crucial to notify them in advance due to their schedules.

Incidentally, Dirk was handling the knights’ invitations, so I’m not involved there.

The next day—

“You have a large number of letters, my lady.”

I had a bad feeling but couldn’t ignore it. Upon reading them, I held my head in my hands.

The letters were... not invitations, but rather, requests to be invited.

This was unprecedented in so many ways. I mean, I left Saintya out to avoid religious conflicts, but... did they really have to send me tear-stained letters? And having the Pope himself offer to officiate? That’d just make the priests cry.

On top of that, letters poured in from nations worldwide asking to join in celebrating the wedding of the “heroic princess who saved the world.”

How did it come to this!? I immediately reported to my brother. Though he was exasperated, he quickly handed me some blank invitations.

“… Just accept it.”

My brother’s eyes had a look of acceptance, like he’d reached enlightenment.

Right?! Ignoring this would turn into an international incident!

With no choice, I stayed up late to send more invitations. But little did I know that an even bigger ordeal awaited me the next morning.

---------

A day when all I could think was, "What should I do?"
A refreshing morning. Wrapped up in my fluffy darling, I felt so happy. I didn’t want to get up, but I started to slowly awaken myself.

The brightness of the morning sun, the gentle breeze, and a chant echoing from outside the window.

… Hmm? … A chant?

"Muscle, muscle, muscle! Rosariiiiiin!"

"Meat, muscle, muscle! Rosaaaaariin!"

"Muscled and ripped, Dirk-sama!”

"Hustle muscle, Dirk-sama!!"

"It’s way too early for this racket! Disperse! DISPEEERSE!!"

Luckily, there aren’t many neighbors around, but why on earth…?! It’s way too much first thing in the morning!

"Who in the world are you people?!"

"We are Rosarin-sama’s fan club! Known to all as the ‘Silver Princess Hero Worshippers’!!"

"We are Dirk-sama’s fan club! Known as the ‘Pursuit of Pinnacle Muscle Society!!’"

What should I do? I don't want to get involved.

And if they were enemies, I could just defeat them, but they probably mean no harm. That just makes it worse. What should I do?

"Rosarin, it’s fine."

"Dirk..."

What a reliable husband I have. Dirk smiled at me reassuringly.

"I’ll go talk to them (with fists)."

"Stop, no violence! There’s no need to fight!"

"It’s fine, just a little discussion (with fists)."

"I can see the parentheses, you know! No talking with fists!"

Their request was to celebrate our wedding. Another "invite us" attack.

In the end, we decided to invite them on the condition that they keep it low-key, refrain from making a scene, and avoid any disruptive behavior.

Though thoroughly exhausted already, I went off to school. But for some reason, there was a huge crowd at the school gate. Something was blocking the entrance.

"Sabo!"

"Sabo!"

"Sabo!" × 100

There was no mistaking it. It was the cacti folk who often come to my parents' house. I could tell because they wore the ribbons I gave them long ago and had that golden shine!

Ahhh, everyone’s terrified! Of course they can't get through when a horde of cactus creatures is crowding the gate!

What should I do (second time today).

No, I have to do something!

"Everyone, go stealth!"

"Sabo!" × 100

The truth is, the cactus folks have stealth magic. Thanks to this, they can visit the Rosenberg residence without alarming anyone.

I explained the situation to the school and borrowed a classroom. Surrounded by golden cactuses, I sat down to hear from their leader, Sabo.

"We want…to celebrate…your wedding, Rosarin."

I collapsed on the spot. No, I appreciate the sentiment, but wouldn’t the wedding venue panic? … Apparently, they had heard the news from my brother, so I filed a complaint with him.

"Would you have preferred they surprised you with a sudden attack on the wedding day instead?"

"Absolutely better to know ahead and prepare!"

My brother was calm as always. Once again, he was cool and collected. Thank you, thank you, dear brother!!

So we decided to set up a special cactus-only seating area. I'll also note some instructions on the invitations.

Then, while I was in class, a cloud in the sky looked like a whale… wait, no, that’s a Bahamut-looking…cloud? Wait, that’s not a cloud! It’s a real Bahamut flying up there!! Could it be...

"Rosarin-chaaan! Are you here?"

What should I do (third time today)?

Ah, of course. It was my beloved spirit’s, Kurin’s dad! No one but Kurin’s dad would show up as a Bahamut.

The looks I'm getting from my classmates… they’re all silently pleading with me.

"Rosarin-chaaan! Are you here?"

And now Kou’s mom has arrived! Maria the dragon, Kou’s mother, why didn’t you come in human form?! Don’t come as a dragon!

Once more, the "please do something (desperately)" stares bore down on me. I raised my hand.

"Teacher, I have some business to take care of…"

"By all means, please go."

Teacher’s face was dead serious. I’m so, so sorry.

Yet again, I borrowed a classroom for discussions. Kurin’s dad shrank down to goldfish size, and Maria transformed into human form. She should’ve come like that from the start!

"Actually…"

Both of them—no, both creatures??—had the same request. They wanted their partners invited to the wedding. Apparently, their love for me had caused whirlpools and volcanic eruptions due to the internal conflict of wanting to celebrate my wedding but not wanting to come uninvited. A diplomatic crisis over wedding invitations.

I had been worried about inviting the spirit kings, as my own spirits might get sulky. I told them they could attend in mini-size, and we agreed to send invitations later.

After school, I found myself staring at a swarm of crystal dragons filling the sky with a dead-fish expression.

"Rosarin, are you here!?"

"I planned to check attendees before sending out invitations, so why on earth did you all come as dragons?! I told you to stay human to avoid causing panic!!"

Finally, all the stress from this morning erupted, and I began striking down the crystal dragons with a battle maiden’s fan, one by one.

"Rosarin..."

"Dirk!"

My beloved husband had come to pick me up. I rushed to him, ready to vent about my day… but wait, something was off.

"Rosarin, the Knight Commander wants to see you regarding today’s events…any idea why?"

"Sadly, quite a few."

What should I do (fourth time today)?

I could only imagine getting scolded. I went to the knight’s headquarters, expecting a reprimand. Surprisingly, they didn’t scold me. I explained everything to Fizz, and just as I thought my intense day had finally ended…

"Rosarin-chaaan!!"

What should I do (fifth time today)?

… It wasn’t over.

Right outside my home, the entire Elven Village was waiting for me.

Since I had planned to confirm attendees before sending invitations, I explained this to them and saw them off with promises.

"Rosarin…"

"Ugh…I’m grateful for their support, but I’m so tired…"

It was bad manners, but I plopped down on the living room couch. And then, an angel landed on my stomach.

"N-nyan."

A bashful kitten… no, Lord Dirk in panther mode!

What a dream! I can snuggle, shampoo, and indulge in all the fluffiness. He’s here to comfort me!

"Dirk!!"

Life was worth living! Heaven was right here!!

Then, my golden fingers gave their all, reaching 120% power (extra stress-fueled) in their technique.

"Nyaaahoo…"

"Dirk!? Dirk!!"

I overdid it. Sorry, Dirk. But thanks to you, I was utterly rejuvenated. I can take on tomorrow.

Preparing for a wedding is intense… (distant look).

----------

Fizz-san’s troubling day.
Fizz’s Point of View
My mornings, as Fizz Roswayde, seem to start early. I’m already working at the knights’ headquarters an hour before my shift officially begins, and I start my day breaking a sweat with some swings before sunrise. So, naturally, I was already awake on that particular morning.

"Captain! We received word from the lookout that a mysterious group of beastmen warriors in white capes and black armor has arrived!"

The message reached me through my home's magical communication device. Tension spread through me at my subordinate's report, and I immediately rushed to the scene.

"Muscle, muscle, muscle! Rosariiiiiin!"

"Meat, muscle, muscle! Rosaaaaariin!"

"Muscled and ripped, Dirk-sama!”

"Hustle muscle, Dirk-sama!!"

It was, without a doubt, a group I was familiar with. They were devotees of my friends. While probably harmless, they were absolutely a disturbance to the peace.

"Is there a representative here? I'd like to speak with you!"

"Bulked-up muscle! Rosarrrrriiiiiin!"

It was pointless; they couldn’t hear me over their own shouting. I adjusted the mode on the magic communicator Miss Rosarin had designed for me.

"Everyone, cover your ears!"

My subordinates quickly caught on and covered their ears.

"STOP! REPRESENTATIVE, STEP FORWARD!!"

I yelled at maximum volume. Miss Rosarin’s device could also function as a megaphone, and since the intruders were beastmen, the effect was intense. They grabbed their ears, groaning in pain. Some of my men flinched, but… well, that was inevitable.

Even though they didn’t seem hostile, I couldn't allow an armed group to walk through the capital in this state. Fortunately, they had been stopped right before the city gate.

"Who are you?!"

I had a hunch, but I asked just in case.

"We are Rosarin-sama’s fan club! Known to all as the ‘Silver Princess Hero Worshippers’!!"

"We are Dirk-sama’s fan club! Known as the ‘Pursuit of Pinnacle Muscle Society!!’"

What to do? I really didn't want to get involved. So it was about Miss Rosarin and Dirk after all.

"What’s the reason for all this commotion?"

Apparently, they came all this way to request an invitation to the wedding, scheduled for half a year from now, of my two friends.

Tired of dealing with it, I decided to pass the responsibility to Miss Rosarin, and directed my men to guide the group to her residence. A short while later, I received a report from my subordinates saying that Miss Rosarin had managed to handle them.

I felt a bit bad, so I resolved to bring her some sweets as a token of apology later. But before I could relax, another subordinate burst in, clearly alarmed.

“Captain! There’s a mass of golden cacti walking around in the city! Somehow, they’ve bypassed the city’s barriers!”

“… It’s from the Rosenberg family, no doubt. Still, I feel bad if reckless adventurers pick a fight with them and get… taken down. I’ll go myself. Let the Adventurers’ Guild know that if anyone harms the cacti, they may suffer retribution from the Blood-Soaked Queen!”

“Yes, sir!”

My subordinate immediately relayed the warning to the Adventurers’ Guild.

I went out to meet the mass of golden cacti strolling through the city streets.

"It’s been a while. Is Sabo-san here?”

Oh, dear. Thanks to Miss Rosarin, I’d developed the uncanny ability to speak with cacti.

“Here. Been a while.”

One of the golden cacti stepped forward. It was actually rainbow-colored in disguise… right?

Ah, I felt a wave of nostalgia, thinking back to the times I hunted down those who ignored paperwork about cacti.

After indulging in that brief escape from reality, I managed to get Sabo-san to explain. They, too, had walked all the way from the desert to request an invitation to Miss Rosarin and Dirk’s wedding.

“Hmmm…”

Sending them directly to Miss Rosarin’s house again might risk missing her this time of day.

I directed the cacti to wait at the school that Miss Rosarin attended.

Thanks to her, I’d unconsciously come to equate “cacti” with “harmless.” After all, they were my comrades in the paperwork battles we’d fought together.

In hindsight, I admit I should have been more cautious, as their presence in front of her school caused quite the uproar. I should have sent them directly to her house or the Rosenberg estate, where they could wait half a day without causing a scene.

Reflecting on that mistake, I looked up at the spring sky from my office. The soft, clear spring sky. A cloud shaped like a whale and… an enormous fish.

… An enormous fish!?

An unfamiliar creature… an enormous fish floated in the sky, drifting peacefully.

"Captain! A massive magical creature has appeared in the sky!"

"I can see it."

I immediately began simulating a strategy in my head to deal with the creature. First, we’d need to lure it away from the capital to minimize damage. I’d have to call in reinforcements from the Magic Bureau…

"Rosarin-chaaaan?”

You’ve got to be kidding me.

I froze, dumbfounded. Fish, are you… also a friend of Miss Rosarin? Or rather, a “fish-end”?

“Ca-Captain…”

“I understand. Leave it to me.”

At this hour, she’s probably at school. I directed the fish to Rosarin’s location.

“Thank you very much for your kind assistance.”

It was surprisingly polite for an enormous fish. Just in case, I also informed the Adventurers’ Guild not to engage.

Alright, time to finish up this paperwork. Unlike my predecessor, I handle it bit by bit every day, so there’s not much of a backlog. It should be done in no time.

“Ca-Captain! There’s another one… in the sky…!”

Now, a red dragon was flying overhead.

“Not a problem. It’s likely Miss Rosarin’s dragon spirit. Resume regular duties.”

“It probably isn’t, sir! The number of horns is different, and it looks female!”

I couldn’t quite see the difference myself, but now that I looked closely, it did appear a bit… distinct? Maybe if they were side-by-side, I’d be able to tell.

"Rosarin-chaaan, are you here?"

Hearing the voice, I realized it was definitely a different dragon. Miss Rosarin’s dragon spirit had a boyish voice, if I remembered correctly.

The female dragon didn’t seem to mean any harm, so I gave her Miss Rosarin’s whereabouts and issued an order to the Adventurers' Guild not to attack.

"Thank you, you’ve been very helpful."

Hmm, quite a polite dragon, indeed.

After wrapping up some paperwork, I was taking a break. Glancing at the sky, I noticed a mass of crystal dragons filling it.

Bathed in the sunlight, the crystal dragons sparkled beautifully.

"Is Rosarin here?!"

Hmm. I had a feeling this might happen. My subordinates simply reported to me without fuss, a sign that perhaps our sense of urgency was waning—something I should address soon.

Since Miss Rosarin should still be in school at this hour, I directed them that way.

"Thanks, that helps. It’s rare to find a human who talks to us without flinching, like you do."

Honestly, even I find a swarm of crystal dragons intimidating. They just don’t see me flinch since they have no hostile intent, and my expressions are hard to read.

"Is that so?"

But he didn’t need to point out my supposed lack of fear. I nodded noncommittally. Just as I was about to issue another order to the Adventurers' Guild, I found my subordinate had already taken care of it. Quite the attentive crew I have.

Miss Rosarin is (probably) not at fault here, but there have been far too many troublesome visitors lately, so I couldn’t let this slide. I contacted Dirk, explained the situation, and asked him to bring Miss Rosarin along.

"Oh, I’m so sorry, Fizz!"

"Ah, it’s alright."

My friend is a good guy. That lightened my mood a bit. Honestly, I don’t deserve to call him a friend. I gave a small, rueful smile… and waited for the various nuisances brought by my friend’s troublesome bride.

While waiting, I received a report that Miss Rosarin had taken down several crystal dragons with a giant paper fan. I spit out the tea I’d been sipping. What on earth is she doing?

Eventually, Miss Rosarin arrived, looking exhausted and accompanied by Dirk. Well, dealing with so many visitors would wear anyone out. I had, admittedly, almost entirely passed the task on to her out of sheer annoyance.

She seemed nervous, thinking I’d scold her, but I only wanted to hear her side of things. As I was about to reassure her, my response was a bit delayed.

"I am deeply sorryyyy!!"

"Huh?"

"I-I apologize for all the trouble caused by my friends… the dragons, the fish… everyone!!"

Rosarin dropped to her knees in a deep bow. Uh, what am I supposed to do now? I glanced at Dirk in confusion, and he gave a wry smile.

"Rosarin, it seems Fizz isn’t angry."

"Really?! I was ready for at least a claw to the face…ow!"

"And what exactly do you think I am? Since that’s what you expected, I’ll grant your wish."

"I didn’t wish for it! No violence, please!!"

After this silly exchange, I conducted the interview. I also asked if any more incidents were likely to arise.

"Today was exhausting…"

Miss Rosarin looked crestfallen. Sorry, but when you get home, the elves are waiting for you. They’ve been made to wait because they’re a handful. Do your best.

I cheered her on in my mind.

"… Captain, you seemed to be having fun. You really are close to Dirk-sama, aren’t you?"

"…Y ou think so?"

"Yes. You both had very relaxed expressions. So did Dirk-sama."

"… I see."

Hearing that made me feel oddly happy. Today had been ridiculously busy, but… not entirely bad.

The next day, a swarm of mole beastmen appeared, so I had no choice but to hand it off to Miss Rosarin. Since I’m already predicting further disturbances, I gave her a “heads up” with a claw tap. Is it unfair to treat Miss Rosarin harshly despite her being a woman? Well, she’s female, but in my mind, she belongs in her own category, labeled ‘Rosarin,’ so it can’t be helped.

Recently, a few dragons, perhaps out of boredom, have taken to visiting. I’m not sure what to do about it. Their target seems to be some pastries made by one of my talented subordinates, but they also come to chat with me.

"It seems they’ve taken a liking to you."

"… To what, exactly?"

Well, they do help out in subduing troublemakers, and they leave right away if I’m busy, so it isn’t a problem. I suppose I’ll allow it.

Then, sometime later, rumors began circulating that I’d made dragons into my servants. All I’d done was have a friend help me with work, so I dealt swift claw taps to the fools spreading such rumors.

"The Captain is… kinda strange, huh?"

"Yeah…"

The whispers of my subordinates, however, never reached my ears.

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