Weekly (?) Update

Hello, my lovelies!

So, things are going okay. Canceling this month's payment was sort of the "panic button" for me, but nothing is falling apart. I've been working on self-forgiveness lately. I am currently working pretty steadily every day, keeping up with both NaNoWriMo and my smut writing, but being "behind" is the kind of thing that clings to you like pitch, beyond all logic and pragmatism.

Here's the breakdown:

I have about fourteen commissions due by the end of the year, plus a few Patreon/Ko-Fi items like the Gretel vs. Mistlefauns story, plus Bonus Pairings and Bad Ends. Of these, nine are basically completed (90% drafted or just in need of editing).

Drafting a story takes between 1 and 3 days, and editing it usually takes between 1 and 2 days. When I'm able to work actively, I can write as many as 4-5 chapters in a single day.

In theory, this equation looks pretty straightforward. Even with NaNoWriMo, I could hypothetically catch up on everything I'm behind on just in time for the Christmas decorations. Unfortunately, my routine is sort of a glass cannon. If I start to feel like I'm not doing "enough", things fall apart rapidly.

Oh, and remember that "I can write 4-5 chapters in a day" thing? Yeah, my standards for "enough" tend to be "completely batsugar insane".

It's sort of a binary. Either I'm doing fantastic or I'm stuck fast, and I can go from "I haven't even started yet" to "just need to run spellcheck" in the space of 6 hours. On the other hand, I can be within "a day's work" of finishing a project for a solid month. This makes keeping people updated on my progress very difficult, even when I do my best to do so in good faith.

It's not about the amount of work, it's about the amount of pressure placed on that work.

Like I said, I'm working on self-forgiveness. It will help. I might also talk to my doctor about depression or bipolar, because, well, these mood swings don't feel so much like ADHD a lot of the time.

The current routine is something like this: I get up, take my Adderall, steal a shower, grab breakfast, and sit down at my "workdesk" (currently an ugly old recliner and a TV tray tucked in the corner of the open floor kitchen/dining room area), avoiding touching anything with internet connection until I've at least written a little bit and gotten into the headspace. Once a week, I go back to sleep after the Adderall, giving myself an extra hour or so before work. I can also take a 30-minute halfnap after writing for a bit, but aside from that, I write until noon or until I've written 3,000 words. I take 2-3 days off each week to do editing and contact peeps (hi, peeps!). And once every two weeks, I do a "marathon day", writing all day with a specific goal in mind and specific rewards for success (consequences for failure, too, but they're things like "drop this commission" or "no baking for a week"--more aimed at reducing a clearly untenable workload than punishment per se).

This routine has been pretty successful, and I believe it's sustainable, which is what really matters.

In Conclusion

Anyways! I'm okay. I'm in an upswing right now, and finally feel able to start catching people up to speed. I may even have a chapter or two edited in time for this Friday, if things go well.

I'm going to try sending an update like this out every week or two. It's good to take stock, and I it's a helpful journaling exercise for me. I don't want it to become a stressor, though, so I may alternatively never post another one of these again. We'll find out! :P