Monthly Update

EDIT: Hey, the old Kosmi room was, um, accidentally doxxing me, which wasn't great. New room is up! 

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Hello, my lovelies! This post might get a bit "too real" at points, so content warning for that.

Here's a silly question: Do you know what it's like to spend every month telling yourself and everyone around you, "Well, last month sucked, but this month will be better, I think I've got things sorted out now," and every end-of-month realize that no, things didn't get better, things were exactly the same as they were the month before, and then have to act hopeful all over again?

It's silly because, well, we've all been living through COVID. But it's also how it's felt lately with writing. It pains me to say this, but not much has changed since the last update. I still have a ton of first drafts ready for editing, and I still haven't managed to edit any of them.

So, yeah. A lot's been happening in my life, but the long-and-short of it is that I've gone off the Adderall, which is hurting my productivity--but not as much as the regular manic episodes did. I'll try to go back on it, or on something else, once I've been on mood stabilizers for a bit.* It was becoming an unsafe medication for me.

Here's the breakdown:

My biggest problems right now are sleep schedule, short attention span, and ever-mounting responsibilities and obligations.

Sleep Schedule: This is an easy one. Getting up early tends to be much better for my momentum, but I've been staying up late lately--and without Adderall, I've lost my easy wake-up hack. I'm working on normalizing things. Hopefully tonight I can be in bed by 10pm for a change! ;)

Short Attention Span: So, Adderall is a funny drug. It doesn't always help with ADHD's RSD, or with getting hyperfocused on the wrong thing. In fact, it was quite the opposite for me. But it does help with finding the energy to focus on one thing when your brain has too much to handle. And I don't have that anymore. It's really hard to commit to a single task lately. For insight, I started writing this post this morning, and have left and come back to it maybe eight times. [Update: It's been five hours since I typed that.]

Too Much to Do: This is the hardest problem to fix. Simply put, I have too much on my plate right now. The Holly Days are only going to further complicate matters. I'm in a frustrating cycle right now where I'll be in a pretty good place, but then a crisis hits, I'll fall behind on my work for a month while I deal with that crisis, and then suddenly I'm running way behind... which leads to more crises.

I have many wonderfully patient followers and commissioners. That means a lot! But I've been swamped lately. Please know that the problem is (almost) never that I've forgotten what needs to be done. It's just that sometimes, even thinking about what needs to be done makes me panic a little. I've been reluctant to say this, because I don't want people to feel bad, but I really don't like fielding check-ins. I see them as a necessary evil at best. They're extra work for me and little reminders that I'm running out of time.

So, anyways, today I finally managed to sit down and draw up a calendar. I usually try to make one of these every month. They show which days of mine are busy--with scheduled games, therapy, or scheduled breaks (like the four-day vacation I'm taking around Christmas and birthday)--as well as which projects I'll be focusing on during different weeks.

For the next couple days, I'll be focused on getting a commission fully edited, replying to outstanding messages/emails, and scheduling this month's D&Dazes games (and a few of last month's that got left behind). After that, the focus will be on finishing a last batch of commissions, BPs and Bad Ends by the end of the year.

As a sidenote, I've started a Kosmi room for when I'm working. It's basically just a stream of hollyday music, yule logs, and general winter ambience. I generally run it in mornings and evenings--feel free to drop by if you want a calm space to do your own work in. :)

(Please keep it SFW if you do swing by--it's a mixed crowd! I go by Anonymous Junco over there.)