⛥October Q&A⛥

Good morning. I usually wait until way at the end of the month to answer your questions, but I'm at this point in my cycle where all I want to do is sleep and anything that isn't candy has become virtually indigestible to me. So this is probably the most productive thing I can do in my 6 hour wake period. Let's roll out your awesome questions! Get a cup of tea and make yourself comfortable. 

We know you are a fan of Bailey's, have you tried any of the other flavours? (Eg, salted caramel, or almond etc) I've had chocolate Baileys and I've had caramel Baileys - they don't put salt in ours because this is Germany and we can never have anything nice. The vegans keep asking me to try the almond one but I'm wary of it because I've already had my vegan phase a long time ago and I remember everything tasting like shit, always being hungry and always having an upset tummy from some crappy soy based product or meat substitute my body couldn't process. I also remember nut milks being stupid expensive, going off way too fast and I just don't like almonds that much. Hazelnut milk in my coffee was good considering, but a liter packet didn't last me half a week so because I only needed a tiny splash in my coffee, I ended up with a lot of waste each time. That being said, I would still try it. Baileys has never disappointed. I feel like it would still make for a boujee quick drink before bed, because somehow Baileys makes me particularly sleepy.

What's one time you surprised yourself in a good and/or in a bad way? Well, I definitely surprised myself reading the creepypasta in the September Livechat. I didn't think I'd be able to read it so well considering I just dug up the story literally 5 minutes before the stream. The October Livechat will be on the 28th, don't forget!

If you were president of the world, what would your first order be? Easy, get rid of tobacco. Kill it with fire. Outlaw the production, selling and possession of cigarettes. Shut it all down and make the world a livable, walkable place for sensitive people like me. In case you're wondering, yeah I'd still allow nicotine in different forms that don't require poisoning everyone in your vicinity. Vaping is fine, but I'd outlaw tobacco flavor (and endorse cappuccino flavor like what even that has to be the most pleasant alternative to smoking ever).

What are some of the small, uniquely German things you like/enjoy that people from other countries wouldn't know about (places, foods, music, etc)? Have you ever heard about Baumkuchen? Lol. I honestly didn't know what to answer to that at first. German cuisine is not my favorite, the music is decidedly the lowest of the lowest stinking fucking garbage, I wouldn't know if there was the odd nice place out there cause it would be closed by the time I wake up... I guess I enjoy having access to a grocery store in each mall. While you're already out, it would be stupid not to get some grocery shopping done cause maybe you forgot something or whatever. I don't know if other countries do this. I know it's unheard of in the US. 

You have such a lovely slim figure, beautiful hair and great skin, how the hell do you maintain all of these?! Thank you for boosting my self-esteem. I knew the day would come where I would get asked this and get to talk about uniquely girly stuff. Ok, better sit down for this, wall of text incoming.

Why don't we break it down from least work to most work:

• Body maintenance - mostly just genetics to be honest. I'm naturally petite and even at my highest weight post-anorexia I was still at the low end of normal weight. I didn't look like I was, but I was. At a peak BMI of 20.4 I was more chubby than I'm comfortable with, but nowhere near what people in the West would consider "big". I'm still chubbier than what I'm comfortable with but I'm not complaining, considering the utter lack of effort I'm willing to put into my figure. I have a decent relationship with food. I enjoy good, whole foods. Meat, fish, vegetables, rice and pasta, some fruits - usually home cooked an organic. My diet is considerably high in fat which works best for my body. I can't do low fat. I'll turn into a monster. I comfort eat which is fine and I don't restrict my convenience food but my body doesn't like it very much so I always go back to home cooked healthy meals. I eat when I'm hungry and I stop eating when I'm full. And I mean full - not "satisfied", not "80% full"... I eat until I feel like if I eat one more bite I'm going to feel worse. For my exercise I go on lots of walks for my cardio, though that's more for my mental health than physical. You might be surprised to hear that I detest exercising just for the heck of it - it's fucking boring. No promise of a smoking hot body can make me force myself to run around the park for an hour. There are about two kinds of exercise I enjoy, neither of which I'm comfortable doing on my own, and that's swimming and hiking. Not about to be seen in a bathing suit when I'm alone and defenseless to criticism in a public place... Badminton is also fun but obviously requires two to tango. Jack is gonna get so fucking fit lol. Most of my exercise boils down to walking places or cat patrols. I roam the streets at night looking for cats to feed and pet. Long story short, I just make sure I feel good and the healthy habits come naturally.
  
• Skincare - I go through phases with my skin where occasionally it's nice and healthy considering, but the rest of the time it's a fucking trainwreck. You can't tell because I wear foundation in every single video, but it's a lot worse than I make it look. I had perfect skin until I was 15, then I fucking jinxed it. I've had acne ever since and it got worse when my depression was really bad and my self-esteem really low from age 18 to 22. It's a little bit better now but every single one of my tiny ass pores is stuffy and disgusting and I've made it my personal responsibility to squeeze them all out before they can turn into full blown pimples. I don't know what to do to get them clean. I've tried every mask, every cleanser, every home remedy - nothing ever helps. I would love to get professional facials in the future if we can afford it. No matter how much time I spend picking at my skin, my pores always stuff back up. Everything I do for my skin is just trying to keep it from breaking out like the motherfucking zombie apocalypse. To achieve that modest goal, I make sure to do the following things: 1) I wash my face twice a day with gentle soap (facial cleansers don't do shit for me - I've had them all and they leave my skin feeling just as dirty as before) and moisturize the fuck out of it. Usually I will just rub some pure cold pressed jojoba oil in my skin after cleansing but if I feel like I need more moisture or protection, I use my silver particle face cream. I'm pretty happy with how it makes my skin feel, considering most creams I've had have been fucking disgusting. Since my pores are so small, I need products that absorb well and jojoba oil and my silver cream get the job done. 2) I exfoliate every other day. For some reason I have a stupid high turnover rate when it comes to my skin so unless I scrub all the dead skin off every other day, it will get flaky and gross and block all my pores. That being said, I actually only scrub my face (and body) about once every two weeks with a home made organic lemon-honey-sugar scrub. It's super nice and thorough and the lemon-honey combo kills bacteria and soothes my skin at the same time. The rest of the time I use a much gentler, chemical exfoliant to rid my face of my old skin. It's especially useful for when I shape-shift. (I'm kidding, but that's what I feel like when my skin starts to flake.) 3) Once a week I steam my face with chamomile tea. Just like you've probably heard of or done yourself before - get a bowl of hot water, lean over it, cover your head with a towel and wait 15 minutes type of deal. Except for me it has to be organic chamomile tea. I've tried just water many times and I've tried it with other herbs but chamomile is the only thing that will soothe my skin and kill the right kind of bacteria so that it'll leave me feeling clean and fresh. This probably makes the biggest difference between breaking out and not breaking out. If I don't do this for two weeks, I notice just how bad my skin gets. It's really worth taking the time. 4) Face masks. Once or twice a week I will put a little extra effort into making my skin feel nice. Whether it's a deep cleansing mask, a clay or mud mask or a pure and simple honey mask, I will adjust that to whatever my skin needs at the time. I've tried many different cream masks aswell and they were all crap and clogged my pores. These three are basically the only ones my skin will tolerate. To avoid irritation I make sure not to use my dead sea mud cleansing mask after exfoliating - that shit burns like a bitch.  And a super important thing is to never let my face get to dry. Whenever I wash my face, I moisturize immediately. And I mean, I hop out of the shower, pat my face dry a little and within seconds apply my moisturizer. If I wait too long, it'll be too late. For some reason my skin just doesn't retain moisture at all - and dehydration is not the problem because by all standards, I drink a lot of water (at least 3 liters every single day). It's just that none of it ever goes into my skin. Honey usually helps my face retain moisture - diluted with a tiny bit of water and applied to my skin for about 30 minutes. If that seems like a lot of work, brace yourself for my hair care.
  
• Hair care - this is by far the most specific and rigorous of my beauty routines. I could probably get an award for most complicated hair care routine, if such a thing existed. The thing is, my hair is dead. Like, dead-dead. And it's not coming back. I've been platinum blonde and half my hair is heat and chem burnt beyond the point of no return. On top of that, I dye my hair frequently and maintaining my hair color while also not being bald is a delicate balance of extensive care and minimum stress. My hair is naturally wavy - think a 2A or 2B texture, depending on which stupid picture you look at. Rarely does it ever fall nicely. It used to be a lot worse when it was shorter - because my hair does whatever the fuck it wants I would just have the most unflattering curls sticking out of my head in all directions like fucking Medusa and would have to straighten it frequently to look barely acceptable. I've been growing it out because I need it to weigh itself down so it won't try to fly away out of that bird's nest on my head and yes, this is why I'm reluctant to trim it even a little. But when I say it's damaged, that's an understatement. I trim the ends maybe twice a year if I have to and at this point I've just developed a habit of cutting out split ends one by fucking one. I have hairs that fucking split 7 times. As above, so below? Lol. Any hairdresser would tell me to chop it all off and start over, but that would be a bad move because then it's short Medusa locks again and I have to straighten them and it'll end up just as bad as it is now. With long hair I basically only have to use heat to adjust the hair that frames my face or some really inappropriate waves I still sometimes wake up with. That being said, saturating my hair with non-damaging (Manic Panic) hair dye actually helps it be less dry and brittle and more managable. The artificial light always turns it orange in my videos but it's really a beautiful dark red (Infra Red). As you probably know, red hair is a bitch to maintain - 3 washes and it's basically gone. Therefore, thou shalt not wash your hair too frequently. I wash my hair about once a week and the rest of the week I use dry shampoo until it gets too gross to endure any longer. (No, it doesn't smell - a lot of people surprisingly think that.) I find it easier to style when it's "dirty" and dry shampooed because I like the messy, tousled hair look. It's low maintenance that way because once the dry shampoo is in place and absorbing all the excess oil, it pretty much stays as is for the rest of the week. I also use it to lift my roots and give my hair volume for vanity reasons. The camera lens is shaped in a way that it makes my face look bigger so I try to make my hair bigger so I'll look normal on camera. Speaking of absorbing oil though, dry shampoo does strip my hair of moisture where I need it most - if you're not familiar with the application, you spray it on the roots, massage it into your scalp and then brush it out. Some of it inevitably gets on my ends which dries them out like crazy. I use deep penetrating hair oil and saturate the fuck out of it very frequently between washes. More so after applying dry shampoo, but also after washing my hair. After a week I find that I have to rehydrate my hair so I usually take a long bath (in my shower but whatever), wash my hair thoroughly with the only shampoo and conditioner combo I have found that works for me aside from salon brands (John Frieda sheer blonde hi-impact) and after washing I towel dry my hair, put in the conditioner mixed with the same hair dye I use to keep the color saturated, distribute it evenly with a detangling brush, wrap my head in cling film, put on a beanie and go to bed. This has to sit on my hair for at least 6 hours to restore it - any less than that and it's like I did absolutely fucking nothing to it at all. It makes my scalp itchy but the soft hair is worth it. The next morning I rinse out the conditioner, towel dry again and apply yet more conditioner. That'll keep it from drying out. I'm using the same one but instead of rinsing again I just leave it in my hair, brush through it gently again and as it is starting to dry with the conditioner in it, I spray it generously with my hair oil. It's so thirsty that it'll pretty much soak up anthing I give it like spongebob fucking squarepants. It's virtually impossible to put too much oil in my hair. Occasionally, instead of the regular conditioner, I will use the deep conditioning treatment from the same line to saturate my hair after washing. And repeat. But the result is having hair on my head where there would otherwise be none. So, where's my fucking award?
  

What person, be it fictional or non fictional, would you like to meet and what would you two talk about? Blaine DeBeers and I would just listen to him talk about his childhood and help him heal cause I'm like that lol. 

What are your advice on coping with being overwhelmed by nearly every kind of social interaction? I'm not sure I have any helpful advice. I dissociate and that's my coping mechanism. The only thing I think really makes a difference is reminding yourself that it'll be over soon and when it's over, making yourself consciously aware of the fact that it's over. It puts a stop to the overwhelming anxiety because usually I get anxious, then I get overwhelmed and then I dissociate which prevents any kind of closure and makes the anxiety feel permanent. Even hours or days after a stressful interaction I still have lingering anxiety. So the best way to help myself is realizing that the stress is over and consciously feeling the relief. And often afterwards I'll have some kind of stress release like crying, shaking  ̶o̶r̶  and talking about how scary it was but this form of closure helps me move on from it and feel better rather than carrying the unresolved anxiety around with me. I hope this helps.

What inspired you to create Lucy and how did you come up with her backstory? I wanted to sing SRC songs. Specifically the first song with the black eyes reminded me of Shiki so I thought, maybe I can combine that. After close listening, I realized the song was about domestic abuse so that played into it. Her backstory just developed in my head when I was thinking what I could talk about for the talking part. Not to brag, but I have an extraordinary talent for thinking up worst case scenarios. I don't even have to try. So I guess my brain just did a thing with this one. 

If you had the choice, would you rather forget everything you see, hear, feel or otherwise experience after a certain amount of time or be able to remember everything in perfect detail? I would remember everything. Think how valuable that would make me as an artist or eye witness or something. 

If you had a relatively limitless supply of props, costuming options, and scenery, what ASMR roleplay would you do and why? Oh my god I think this is my all time favorite question. It feels like the entire cosmos is rushing through me at the thought of limitless creative potential. My first thought was a Celtic druidess roleplay at fucking Stonehenge in the sunset and a huge Litha bonfire dance after dark, throwing herbs in the fire, magical chants - just a breathtaking experience to take the viewer away completely. I've never been satisfied with just creating basic ASMR - otherwise I wouldn't bother putting all the thought and effort into my videos that you see every time. I want to create astonishingly beautiful, breathtaking videos that pull you into a different world as you watch and make a lasting impact. When you watch my videos, I want you to change as a result of it in a way that you can never go back to how you used to live, feel and be. I want to inspire. I want to give life. I don't want my videos to be forgettable. I don't want them to be just another trigger-filled compilation of random crap in the vast sea of "tapping on 537866 objects ASMR" that you stop paying attention to after 5 minutes. All of these have a place out there, but if I were to do this, I'd feel like I'm wasting my time. I want my videos to make you permanently feel better, or at least for a reasonable amount of time after watching. And yes, this includes horror themed roleplays which I know plenty of people find very inspiring. I want my videos to really affect you and make you feel, like the coziness in my latest crystal healing video, the safety in my autumn stillness meditation, the intimacy in You And Me Forever or the thrill in my cyberpunk and Shiki series. I would probably do a lot of historic and fantasy stuff, medieval or older, lots of witchy stuff with hundreds of giant crystals, pyramids and geodes in the background, things in nature, things with actors - if I could do all this, I'd be soaring. 

Do you have a spellbook? Not really a spellbook but I do save all my successful spells. Maybe I can be bothered to compile them in a book someday now that I'm getting into putting things to paper.

What was the furthest distance one of your spells reached? Uhhhh... Canada

Do you rather swim or dive when you are in the water? Swim. I hate diving, I always get water up my nose without fail. Even when I "technically shouldn't" according to all the people who want to teach me how to magically not get water up my nose like them. It's not a nice feeling.

What type of cake is your favorite? Baumkuchen.

What was your most successful Sigil? A custom sigil for a client that took me forever to draw correctly. But holy shit is it ever powerful. 

What's your favourite pizza topping? Potato chips. Don't judge until you've tried it.

 

Round of applause for me finally wrapping up this post after 6 hours of writing - I hope you enjoyed reading all this. I'm looking forward to your questions next month and of course to the start of my period when I can finally do things other than sleep and stuff my face with candy. Not that that's not nice, but I enjoy feeling fit and right now all my body wants to do is hibernate. But I'll be back in due time with cool new videos. Cheers