Birthday Balloon Battle

It just makes me so angry.

It’s just a coincidence that you and I were born on the exact same day, so it’s no question that we have to share a birthday party this year. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, I’m starting to think you’re just trying to hog all the attention. Everywhere I want to go gets overshadowed by everywhere you want to go. I get only a few small gifts while you make it out like a bandit. A whole week has been planned since our birthday day on Sunday. We’re already halfway through that week, and you’ve been getting way too much of the attention. And what’s making it even worse is that you think you can wave and point at me with an innocent smile on your face.

Well, I ain’t buying it. This is supposed to be MY special week, featuring MY special day. I think you’re just trying to rub it in. What for? I don’t know. I just need to get rid of the competition before the week is out. Luckily, I thought this would happen and saved up months beforehand to buy something that might just even the odds.

The next day is Thursday, and we’re just spending the night in our own private log cabin, smack in the middle of the woods, with nobody around for miles. Another spot you want to go to, and the perfect spot to put my plan into action.

First, I just play it cool.

“Quite a week so far, huh?”, I say to you.

“Sure is”, you reply. “It’s just you, me, and all the fun in the world! I’d definitely want to do it all again.”

“As do I”, I mutter, pulling out a present. “Hey, since we have some time to kill, I have something I wanna give you.”

“What a coincidence”, you say. “I have something for you, too.”

We give each other our presents, and I let you open mine first. You reveal a yellow rubber suit. You don’t even hesitate to put it on. It fits you like a glove.

As I open my present, I quietly snicker. You fell for it hook, line, and sinker. That suit is a magical inflation suit. Anyone who wears that flexible onesie will be cursed to blow up like a balloon. Although it should be working its magic now that you’ve put it on. Nevertheless, I open your present, only to find you bought me the same thing, only in red. It should be just a coincidence that we both got each other the same thing, but it doesn’t really feel that way to me.

“You’d be surprised to see what these suits can do,” you say. “If you just touch that power button on your belly button.”

Well, there’s the problem, I think to myself as I look down.

You touch the button, and I feel a little something getting plugged into my belly button, but it doesn’t hurt. Suddenly after that, I feel my own stomach stretching, then the rest of my body follows suit, leaving my head, hands, and feet alone. I can feel myself rounding up and out everywhere. Within minutes, I become a limbless ball, helplessly flapping my hands.

That’s when you press the button again and I stop inflating.

“Oh, how I’ve always wanted my very own human balloon,” you say joyfully. “I can’t wait to show you off to everyone in town tomorrow.”

Everyone in town?! At that point, not only my own special week would be wasted, I’d be the big fool of the town. I’d never be able to hear the end of it.

I’m not going to let that slide without a fair fight!

Luckily the air is escaping out of my mouth while I was pondering, and as soon as I have movement in my limbs again, I spring into action. I quickly press the power button on your suit, causing you to inflate in my stead.

“Hey, you’re supposed to be my balloon!”, you shoot at me.

“Oh sure, like I ever agreed to anything resembling that,” I snap back. “Besides, I’ve had to deal with you and your needs for half the week. Now it’s your turn!”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” you mutter, and while you still can reach your belly, you press the button on your suit and deflate. You then reach for my button again, and I begin to inflate again. But I, acting fast, press the button again and deflate, then I reach for your button. This pattern goes on and on for several minutes, until I get an idea.

Before you could make another move, I step back. Then, I use the power of my own suit to inflate my belly. You’re thinking I’m just about ready to admit defeat, but I get on top of my belly and start bouncing. I bounce up super high and land right on top of your head, causing you to get dizzy and knock out. Now is my big chance!

You come to only a minute later, and you find me staring at you, back to normal, and grinning. You also find yourself already inflated into a ball and still growing. You try to speak, but I’ve already taped your mouth shut to make sure the air doesn’t come out again. I let you grow more and more until your ballooney body touches the ceiling. After that, I press your power button one last time, keeping you in that state.

“Finally,” I say. “With all the extra deadweight off my back, I’ll finally be able to celebrate MY special week MY way, me and me alone! OH…man.”

I turn back around to rub it in, only to see tears rolling down your almost absorbed face. At this very moment, I realize that I’ve let my own envious rage get the best of me. People were expecting us to get along throughout the week. How would everyone react when they found out this happened? Hoping I can still make this right, I reach for the tape and quickly and painlessly rip it off your mouth, allowing you to deflate back to normal size.

“Hey, I…I’m really sorry. I never thought sharing a birthday could get so out of hand.”

“I’m the one who should be apologizing,” you reply. “I was so excited about a week-filled happy birthday, I never realized I was ruining yours in the process.”

“Well, it hasn’t been ALL that bad. Bygones?”

“Definitely.” We shake hands. “But I guess this means I’ll have to wait until next year to get my own human balloon.”

I cannot believe what I’m hearing. “Hey, now! The night’s still young and the week’s still far from over. I’m gonna make sure you get one NOW!!”

I press the button on my suit once again, and I start to inflate again. This time, I’m not stopping until you say when. But then I notice you pressing the button on your suit, causing you to inflate with me.

“Hey, I didn’t ask for one myself.”

“I know. I’m just joining you for fun.”

With nobody around to give us a hand, we have no choice but to keep ballooning non-stop. Our hands, feet, and head are completely sunk in our bodies by the time we fill up the cabin. Busting our way out via the roof, we continue to grow. Acres of different types of trees start to become smaller and smaller in comparison. We are both blown up to the size of more than half the forest when our inflation comes to a slow, then stops.

But just when it feels like we’re going to burst…

*FWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!!!!!!*

Our mouths give in and we deflate wildly like untied balloons. We fly around separately all over the forest and find our way back to the cabin, where we become so deflated we’re flat as paper. We both look at each other with satisfied smiles on our faces.

“Happy Birthday to ya.”

“You too.”

After that, we find ourselves inflating again.