alexandergrace

From the comments section. A cautionary tale.

Added 2019-08-21 23:40:24 +0000 UTC

I wish this information had been taught to me when I was in my 40's. I was divorced and hungry. I dated quite a bit, but never found "the one". Then suddenly, there she was. I met her in an office where I was working. She looked like an angel. Her smile lit up the entire room. And she was smiling right at me. And flirting, big time. You could tell she had "old fashioned" values (about sex, fashion, commitment, etc.) We ended up together a few years later. I fell in love with her and it was fantastic experience - in the beginning.

Fast forward 20 years, and I now wish that I had never met her. In the end, I realized that there was a cold heart and a vengeful mind behind that angelic face. She had been dumped before by her -ex husband and she never got over it. We all experience these things, but a responsible adult will make an attempt to do something about it. She refused to try counseling. As time went on she very slowly started to change.

Picking on me. Telling me what to do, what not to do, making snide remarks, engaging in ridiculous arguments that made no sense. I stayed because they always say that relationships are hard, so I assumed this was all normal and after all, I had a beautiful woman on my arm (low self-esteem here). She did not try to be sexy or attract other guys, she was just a beautiful woman: perfectly proportioned and pretty and she could wear anything and look great. Anyway, as time went on, she got more and more illogical and mean-spirited. I couldn't walk away because I had so much time invested and after all - sometimes she would be charming and normal. Who doesn't have mood swings, right? Then, after giving this woman almost 15 years of my life, she slowly started to shut me out. As I protested more and more, she accelerated. Now, she won't even answer a simple "Hey, how are you doing?" text.

My angel was a mirage. She wasn't real. It was a facade behind which was a very hurt and scarred little girl who was psychologically wounded in childhood, emotionally distanced by her parents, dumped by her husband after having his baby, and then left on her own to somehow carve out a future. She saw that future in me. It could have been a really nice future, but in the end she simply could not handle it. She wasn't smart enough to know that she needed help. That was her downfall. My beautiful girl hadn't read a book in ages, knew nothing about current events, had few friends and was basically a person with a low IQ. She also would not discuss the issues we had, for whatever reason. She was withholding information from me. Lying.

Alexander is correct. People are crazy, and you never know what they are thinking (or doing) when you're not around. They can slowly change and sink into their own unresolved issues. They can turn into another person while you're trying to make sense of what's happening. Then they can suddenly shut you out and you go into an emotional tailspin because you are psychologically dependent on them. It is brutal and extremely hard to get over. It is not unlike having a parent abandon you. Nobody ever gets over that 100% She was abandoned, and then she abandoned me.

My psychologist says that I am suffering from emotional trauma. I wish that I had seen the signs that this guy talks about. The woman that looked and acted like an angel, slowly turned into an emotional sinkhole. She had all of the signs - even in the beginning. I just didn't know how to read them. In the end, she more or less took the best years of my life. Remember guys: A extremely pretty face is a freak accident just like an extremely ugly one. The fact that she may have hit the genetic lottery says nothing about her character. The fact that she is unusually attractive probably makes her an even higher risk, psychologically speaking. I always said that a beautiful chick is nature's cruelest trick. I am living proof of that