PATREON EXCLUSIVE: Is The Dating Market Flooded With Low Quality Women?

I'm 49 and this matches my experience dating post divorce, I didn't find a great dearth of high quality older women, and nor did I find much trouble getting dates when I put any effort in. 3 weeks on eHarmony found me my amazing gf! It does seem different for men in their 20s.

Simon

I think that's right. A girl doesn't need to have had sexual relationships to be high quality. A guy doesn't either, but in moderation it's less likely to be harmful.

Simon

A high quality woman in her 30s may have been widowed, or perhaps divorced. My girlfriend and I are divorcees, 47 & 49, she is very high quality, hitting all 10 of the 'high quality woman traits'. In her case I think her bad luck was to have a disabled child. Like me she was also a bit naive in whom she married in her early 20s. Most divorced single mothers probably aren't high quality, but it's certainly possible.

Simon

Personally, as someone who married young (met my late husband just after I turned 21), & who wasn’t very romantically experienced prior, I was focused on myself - pursuing my interests, improving my skills, working on my character especially fixing my greatest flaws. I went through some intense experiences in childhood & had mostly good parental influence that contributed to me being particularly independent & mature for my age. I also knew what I wanted & had very specific goals. I’m not a typical woman largely because I am quite autistic, so I have some more masculine personality traits, but my goals & the way I relate to men romantically are still quite feminine. I did choose my second partner after my husband died quite young poorly, & I own that, though I was also experiencing a rapid & severe decline in my health at this time. Not an excuse, but I don’t think I’d have put up with my ex for so long or chosen him to begin with in better circumstances.

RhodiumMaiden

Also metabolic disorders/dysregulation has become extremely common.

RhodiumMaiden

It is a FACT that those of us in industrialised countries have been rapidly declining genetically for over a century. It’s a very strong & alarming dysgenic trend. I think most people have always been more low quality than not but more so now than in quite a while if ever before.

RhodiumMaiden

Great posts Timaeus & William!

RhodiumMaiden

Replace the phrase high quality with "would make a good long term partner" because that's what I think Alexander really means. A lesbian wouldn't be a high quality partner for a guy but could be for another lesbian but Alexander really specialises in heterosexual relationships. When you see a woman that's passed her peak attractiveness and is still single, it could be that she's been unlucky, maybe a partner has died or something like that but more likely it's that there was something that she was doing that has sabotaged her relationships. Ultimately I think it's up to the individual to judge whether they consider a potential partner as high or low quality but beware that their perception could be skewed if they themselves have only had bad relationships also!

Jonathan Lambert

Oliver, you don't understand the point, high quality woman from high quality men perspective. Masculine, middle aged lesbians are a separate category and a minority, so your example proves nothing. As to finding a woman with potential everybody has market value and own starting point, so you can't jump higher than your head, even if you want it really hard and by finding somebody with potential being ok about some compromises you have a much better chance to have a really good person near you in the long run, who may not choose you otherwise. Most women do that with men, they never expect from men to stay the same as when they started the relationships, so this growing strategy is old as the world :)

Vitalii Stepchenko

Good point @rumlyne however, I think that you might be projecting your own morality and rationality onto women. If you, as a guy, start dating around 16/17 and date your share of low(er) quality girls then, by the time you reach your mid-20's, and provided you have a decent head above your shoulders, you might be in this stage where you are mature enough and know what you want in a future wife. However, for women, i think it would have the exact opposite effect. By starting dating young and being with multiple low quality guys, by mid-20's, chances are that she will be so damaged and she will even be 'stuck' in a loop, hooked into low quality guys, sort of a vicious cycle. Just my 2-cents though, I m no expert on the issue. Anyway, you had a very interesting point.

Alexandre Castro

In my opinion fertility has almost nothing to do with desirability unless on some annoyingly subconscious level. A woman's value is initially totally determined by her looks but her age has very little to do with it.

Marek Szumlas

People are low quality because life is too easy. Only steel hones steel, so men who lack obstacles to overcome never fully mature, let alone actualize. And we lack empathy because women are not naturally empathetic (rather they are solipsistic) and reward Dark Triad traits in men which encourages them to be equally solipsistic. I do have a daughter. And I think the key is to teach her HONOR. Because this doesn't come naturally to women, as they are more emotional, and emotions are based in the present frame only, whereas honor springs from rationality's ability to abstract lessons from the past, which encourage sacrifice in the present, so as to ensure a better future. Reciprocity, keeping your word, pulling your weight... these are suboptimal if only the present frame is considered as emotions do, but only become optimal if abstract reason is able to make its presence felt. This inability to comprehend the big picture is endemic to our age, not just in relationships, but in economics, politics, et al. I don't think it's a coincidence that this occurs as femininity has ascended and social media has emerged to greatly magnify their power to engage in groupthink and deploy weaponized shame.

William Mullen

I have really mixed opinions on Rumlyne's statement "I wouldn't want to be my future wife's first lover or boyfriend." I share Timaeus's skepticism. But also, I was the first serious boyfriend and first sexual partner to my ex-wife. With us both being virgins, learning sex together was great! 'Sexual compatibility' was not an issue. On the flip side, turned out I married a borderline.

Blair

Timaeus, good points, thank you. I definitely relate to some of what you're saying. Jennifer, thanks so much for sharing that. Beret, yep, true points. Thanks.

Blair

Last year at the age of 29, I expanded the age range of women I meet and date to older ones going up to ten years older than me. I met someone who is 35 in October 2019 and we're still in regular weekly contact (not together or intimate because of the pandemic right now). What I like and admire about her the most is her sharp focus on self-improvement. Just speaking with her makes me want to keep making myself a better person than I was yesterday. I wonder if the appeal of dating older women is that you get to see more easily who is content or bitter from their life decisions that lead to where they are now.

ActOnInstinct

The things that make someone "high quality" (although I think thats a misguided term) have nothing to do with youth. Or even traditional values. Cooking, cleaning and raising children is important for people who desire those lifestyles but aren't deal breakers or anything for most people, and 2/3 of those things are VERY easy to learn. Good people are compassionate, truthful, introspective, caring, considerate, understanding and open minded.

Kaia

For most of my life, I was not. However, within the past few years I have become captivated by spirituality and my greatest desire is further intimacy with God, who has created me, blessed me, and risen me up from darkness. Of skeptics and rebels, I was the worst. My pride has always been an enormous beast, and I firmly believed that I could not be tamed by others or fall victim to the stupidity of 'religion'. I have always been highly independent in thought and unafraid to share my opinions or objections. I had no concern for what any book might think, or what is popular opinion. I had no concern to belong to a system that I deemed corrupt. I was determined that I could figure everything out myself, until I was awoken by God, who immediately humbled me with truth and affection. Now I am very much calm and tame. I happily seek to please my Lord, who has lifted from me the weight of sin and suffering and enlightened my heart with love and purpose.

Timaeus

Frequent exercise doesn't necessarily make a person thin. You may still find an active woman who carries some extra weight. Maybe some can be improved upon with better diet and/or exercise. Or maybe not (much), as there are other factors (e.g. genetics).

beret-doppelganger

Timaeus, I'm curious: are you religious? In any literal sense, i.e. holding some religious beliefs.

beret-doppelganger

I agree with everything except for your flippant remark about how high quality women must be ‘in touch with their femininity, and settle down at their peak attractiveness’. The highest quality woman I know is a masculine, middle aged lesbian. No, she’s not at her peak attractiveness now, but instead of superficially exploiting her youth as her only desirable attribute, she made something of herself - into a highly educated, successful, happy and introspective person. Of course most of the high quality women in my life are feminine and wise to their biology. I just don’t think all women fit this house wife mould. Perhaps to fully realise your identity, meaning and current purpose in life is a more applicable goal, rather than mere femininity or masculinity. Ps I’m not too sure I like the idea of finding a young women with ‘potential’ and growing her like a plant. Lol

Oliver

Alex, my experience suggests the opposite to your conclusion about low quality women being greater in number, at least in yet older age ranges. Your target audience is a bit younger than me I realise lol. I’m 61 and have been mixing with and dating women from around 45 yrs upwards with the majority in their fifties. There seems to be a lot more quality women than men around. I think the relative mating power of the sexes flips as time passes. A 25 yro female (particularly a quality woman) dictates the agenda sexually and otherwise more so than a 25 yro male. My observation is that as we go through our 30s and 40s that there appears to be less quality men because women are inclined to look after themselves more and do more work personal development wise. Many men arrive at this later life point and find themselves single and if they are even slightly self aware and evolved they are in high demand. Along with an ex girlfriend I have put together some casual dinners and drinks and it was much easier for her to find 10 high standard women who would commit and turn up than it was for me to find similar males. The demand for a 45 or 55 yro male with reasonable social skills is high and they usually don’t have to worry about getting dates. For women in my age cohort it’s tougher.

David Gifford

I don't really agree with the default notion that cynicism inculcates and whether or not the other person is high quality or low quality is subjective in that it is also a function of compatibility. Furthemore, we don't know what's going on in their lives, they have recetly broken up and are hence back on the dating market or maybe they were getting through ahectic academic degree and were too busy to date and so on. Cynicism implants negative pre-conceived notions that we have no way of knowing to be valid. It makes you overly cautious and and reflect that to other people which could hamper your social life. Saying that you're selective is just an excuse to justify this. Coming to standards of high quality and low quality, sometimes like attracts like. Musicians date other musicians, academics date other academics, sports persons date other sports persons etc so maybe the musician won't gel well with the academic or any combination of the like. Other times, opposites attract but there is this fundamental notion of compatibility that's subjective and is very much a factor.

Ashwin Srinivas

I think this becomes less confusing when it’s realized that we don’t just have our own experiences to learn from and that everything doesn’t have to be learned on our own. Good parents can teach us from their own experiences and maybe what their parents taught them such as good decision making and what good qualities to idealize in people. This is something Alex teaches us and also something a lot of people have been lacking in this past decade with the increase of broken homes and with the destruction of the family idea. It doesn’t help with the influence of Hollywood either. I hope this helps.

kail higuchi

a bit heavy but YES i agree

Marek Szumlas

Alexander, this is the first video from you that got me confused. If the dating market is flooded with low quality women and men (and I mostly agree) then what are we doing even looking at it? The other thing that keeps annoying me is your insistence on the idea that age works against women. In my opinion, the age works for women (and men) if they accept it gracefully.

Marek Szumlas

So, Alex, how do you know whether a woman has "potential"?

DC

This is a perfect example of what I was discussing with Blair lol. I am happy for you that you and your husband developed love and trust in each other. Love is the garden, not just the fruit. I wish more people could see this and have peace and faith in each other.

Timaeus

There should be no question in that there is a significantly large population of low-quality people. I am first to admit that I am one of them. As a society, we have generated the lowest quality of humans than perhaps all of human history. This isn't to be understood as a means to spite anyone or even to be taken as some depressing fate, but rather a realization that something is terribly wrong and must be fixed. I am a firm believer in that all people have enormous potential, and in comparison to this potential, we as a population are far off the mark. We are unhealthy, we are depressed, we are desperate, confused, etc. Today doesn't have the highest single population and highest divorce rates in human history because we have become enlightened to each other's flaws. No, instead, we have been so poisoned by false ideology and false nature that we no longer recognize what is in our best interest or the interest of our children and humanity. It is good that you have the mind to be responsible for yourself. However, we should not be unwilling to confront what we know to be wrong externally either. It is not just for our sake, but for the sake of all.

Timaeus

One of the reasons I find your channel so fascinating is because when I use hindsight to look at the history of my relationship with my husband - I see many examples of what you say have played out in one way or another (even though they weren’t conscious or deliberate behaviors). This is one such example. I’ve never been more than average looking but was even worse in my early 20s due to weight issues. My husband saw something in me though - inner qualities that he knew would align to and grow with his. I wouldn’t say I feel “beholden” to him because I don’t like the connotation of the word - but I do have a deep sense of respect, appreciation, thankfulness, loyalty (and a bit of awe), even after all these years , that he saw those things and pursued me. I’m glad that I was smart enough to recognize the value of him in return and have since dedicated myself to getting/staying healthy, following his lead, and living our best lives on our own terms. That said, I honestly believe he has an uncanny and innate ability to “see” things in people that others don’t. For most others, I think it is a lot harder to suss out the true caliber of another person.

While I agree that all experience is good if we are willing to reflect and grow from it, I do not agree that it should be desirable for women to have had a lot of sexual and intimate experience with other men. Historically if a woman was not a virgin, she did not get to join the dating market of quality people for a variety of reasons. Women historically would enter puberty knowing what a high quality guy is because dynasties mattered and wisdom was precious and passed down. The entire family would be motivated to influence beneficial matches for sons and daughters, otherwise they are inviting chaos, dishonor, and disaster into their family. Would you not be interested in preparing your daughter to be competent in such important matters as building a family and committing herself to another person? I believe you would. So in theory, yes, these women should know better, and so should modern men. However, the fact that the majority do not speaks volumes about our society and detachment from the understanding of healthy relationships that our ancestors have known for millennia. Why would you not wish to be your future wife's first boyfriend and why wouldn't she want you? I would say that you underestimate the power of love and commitment and how quickly they can be used to accelerate maturity and growth. You understand that experience allows for growth, so why would you not prefer to share as many such experiences with your beloved future wife? Perhaps there is a concern for difficulty in forgiving each other for mistakes, or being understanding and tolerant? I am of the opinion that if you have confidence in yourself, and you are willing to see the full potential in others, then it is beneficial to be the first and only lover of your future spouse. By this rule, everything you become is partially because she helped you become it, and vice versa. By this rule, you would gain experience together and learn to compliment and balance each other. It should not be so important for her or you to know how to balance around so many others, when what would matter is the compatibility you have with the person you settle with. We do not need to first foster many children to learn how to love our own children. Our love for our children is a natural love and will develop if given the opportunity. The same applies to our spouse. Know yourself, and know your aspirations, and there should be no confusion in who you are to become or who you wish to love as the mother of your children. I hope this helps. Good luck to you!

Timaeus

Good question, you should ask Alex.

Hugo Matiz

If you can tolerate the initial unappealing weight problems, I think her beauty could easily be restored and she would happily exercise with you and eat more healthily. It's hard to believe many women are content not being as beautiful as they can be, and so I imagine that they simply lack motivation and purpose. Having a loving boyfriend help guide and encourage them would be something I think they would appreciate. I'm speaking from experience because I find much more motivation and fulfillment in helping others than I do helping myself, and while single, I do not feel directly obligated to invest too much in being tip-top shape. However, I would not allow myself to be in poor shape if I was committed to another, out of respect for them. It might sound sketchy or backwards, but I think it is a quality of empaths. Another example is that I have no desire to cook for myself. But if I was in a relationship or had children, I would definitely cook for the betterment of their health and pleasure, and as a consequence this would improve my own lol

Timaeus

This may be beside the scope of this channel but I can't help but wonder, what does an optimal lifestyle for women look like? Find a high-quality guy and settle down in their early to late twenties, yes, but what are they supposed to do BEFORE that? Sure, we'd want women to enter puberty knowing what a high quality guy is and why they would want to be with one but can we really expect that of a person? Hell, I sure had no clue of what a high quality women was until my early to mid twenties. On another note: I wouldn't want to be my future wife's first lover or boyfriend - and she surely wouldn't want to be my first haha I do believe that different experiences (and I do not mean drunken hookups with one party disappearing before the other wakes up) with different people are of great help, maybe even a necessary catalyst for personal insight and growth on a deep level. Even for sth. banal like finding out what kind of people you want to be around in your life - if you have the strength and courage to look inside and make adjustments. So we might want her to have been in at least 1 relationship prior to meeting you, maybe 2 or even 3. We might even want them to start dating at 16,17 so she can be done with low(er) quality guys by 21, 22, 23? God, idk haha

rumlyne

I totally agree wit you in how to raise a daughter; “ I believe it is the righteous man's duty to raise his daughter to be an ideal woman, and to knowingly do this for her future husband” That’s how I would like to raise a daughter.

Alejandro Arboleda Cusan

Amen. Some compelling stuff there.

Blair

These are great points Alex. I agree, including with the idea that it can be a smart to give a chance at pairing up with women who are a 6 or 7 in attractiveness but have potential to be a great mate, and cultivating that potential and vetting her well before committing for the long haul. Seeing how flooded with low quality women my local scene in Seattle is, I'm opening up to being interested in, for example, girls who have pretty faces but have a little extra weight. It's a bit scary, knowing how important being athletic and fit are for myself, but I suppose it's not absolutely necessary that a woman exercise frequently or have good aerobic fitness or be thin in order to make a good wife for me.

Blair

Crazy that I was just asking myself this question a couple of days a go, and I generally agree with the response. My only potential rebuttal is that "high" quality is of course is subjective and depends on how well developed one is in order to identify as high vs low quality traits. That aside however, I think this can make being objective with one's SMV more difficult because now we have two variables to keep track of, 1) If I posses desirable enough characteristics, and whether or not my success with women (or lack there of) is due to that or 2) she just isn't high-quality enough to really appreciate that I do posses some high quality characteristics. It seems reasonable that it's usually going to be a mixture of both. AND THAT being the case, (to an extreme) I can see how it might be tempting to start blaming one's lack of success w/women solely on, "It's just that they're all low quality, that's why I don't succeed" when in reality one may have developed a blind spot due to this line of thinking, and thus have lost an opportunity for potential self-reflection and evaluation. I guess my point is I would be careful as to my judgment of calling someone else low-value (unless it is brutally obvious) and just take the most responsibility that I can for what I can improve upon.

Max

You are right that the majority of people are of low quality. The majority of people also have enormous potentials, and within reason, most everyone can be elevated to fulfill their higher potentials. But why is this rare? I believe because historically societies were more mature about the roles and natures of the masculine and feminine forces and they were capable gardeners of the flora of humanity. Today, many modern societies have been completely detached from the reality of our nature and have reverted to an infantile understanding of how to tend to and grow high quality people. Now, many children are growing up learning everything for the first time as if humanity only started 50 years ago and we are the first to test the waters. I would even argue that civilization doesn't even begin without first human societies practically mastering the forces of masculinity and femininity. Without balancing these forces, humans will behave like infants and be low-quality all around and incapable of survival and civility. Our current society supports and generates low-quality people, and therefore leads itself to dystopia and misery for most. When I think about society, I often consider how I'd raise my hypothetical children. When I think about the struggles of being a man, I do not blame women exclusively, as they too are products of a machine. Where then is the error of the machine? If I were to raise a daughter, would I teach her to be virtuous, chaste, and graceful? Of course, I would. However, this society, full of the immoral and low-quality predators, would immediately destroy her grace and chastity the moment she was unprotected. Ideally, I would not look for the fruit of a virtuous woman to solve our society, but I would look for the seeds of virtuous women. And these seeds are virtuous men, virtuous husbands, virtuous fathers who would protect her innocence and allow her to exist in grace, and not have her survival mechanics need be activated by trauma and hostile environments. Because of the nature of masculine and feminine energy, I believe even the masculine male who seeks to improve himself would greatly benefit by the balance of a feminine woman who is fully supportive of him and willing to encourage him as he falls, so that he may forever rise and forever grow. Modern society does not concern itself for those who fall, and it does not invest in anything less than the fruit of the tree. We do not care for seeds or for growth, only instant gratification. We'll cut the whole tree down just to get to the last fruit, rather than to preserve what is good and spread what is good. I believe it is the righteous man's duty to raise his daughter to be an ideal woman, and to knowingly do this for her future husband, and her future children. He should not teach her how to prey upon the attention of boys, or learn to be manipulative and competitive. Sure, by this she may survive, but the price for this is misery for his son, as the next man's daughter will be no different, and their children will suffer it, and the cycle will continue without end, until once again the righteous step up and correct the fatal errors. She should be taught grace and mercy. She should be taught submissiveness is a virtue, not a vice. She should be taught that trusting is a virtue, not naive. Because the men who are righteous will not betray her. Nor should she betray them in fear that they might. Cast out the fear and accept the vulnerability of virtue and grace. By this vulnerability she will inspire many young men to be chivalrous and worthy of her presence. The opposite is also true, for by her vices she would inspire many young men to be bitter and cruel once they have learned of her betrayal. The low quality people who fill the market today are all broken and abandoned bastards who bear the sins of their parents, and the sins of a failed system of society and wisdom. I have empathy for them, as I am one myself, but I would not condemn my own children to a similar fate, nor the children of the future. We need to quickly enlighten a generation or two before we completely fall into dystopia and chaos. If we can't save ourselves, then we ought to at least save the children who can turn such a dilemma around.

Timaeus