One Way Street
Added 2020-01-07 05:14:32 +0000 UTC
Comments
Powerful comment man, thanks for the contribution.
Blair
2020-01-07 16:36:12 +0000 UTCGreat message Alex. Well written and compassionate. I like how you point out the double standard about how we view male and female sexuality. I wonder if it’s true that the feeling of being completely ignored as a sexual prospect by the opposite gender is as unique to men as you say. My mind goes to all the very obese women. However, maybe it’s true that they get attention at least from obese men??
Blair
2020-01-07 16:22:13 +0000 UTCAnd so in this light the standard "to matter" to women is simply unattainable for many men. Guys can put in a big effort and become more worldly, improve their fitness, income potential, character, and confidence, the things that women say they care about. And it's true women do want those things from men, but they only want them from men they are attracted to. I read a great comment from a woman attorney in Florida to whit: "Confidence is attractive . . . true. But only if YOU are attractive. All the confidence in the world won't make an average man more attractive. It only makes me wonder where he got his unwarranted balls from."
Norbert
2020-01-07 15:36:46 +0000 UTCIt's probably not portrayed in the media for the reasons Alexander listed in the video. Sites like Psych Central, and The Goodmen Project, give men space when it comes to dealing with their shortcomings and struggles in modern society, but these sites are NOT mainstream and do not represent the general feeling of society towards the struggles for many guys, which is basically "man up! We don't want to hear your whining." I've seen multiple comments from guys paraphrasing that the "The Goodmen Project" website, should instead be titled "How To Be a Cuck," which is enforcing society's standard for men of "don't be perceived as weak." And I'll admit to having felt that way about the site myself. If you've ever watched TED talks on youtube, there are a couple of really good one's by research psychologist Brené Brown. She did a lot of research and thousands of interviews regarding shame. She said for women shame is meet the societal expectations of beauty, accomplishment and family, and never let them see you sweat doing it. For men shame is one thing. "Don't be a pussy." Brené said she didn't interview men for the first four years of her study until one day she said she was at a book signing after she had given a talk and a man came up to her table as his wife was purchasing autographed books for her daughters. The man said to her, "I love what you had to say about shame, I'm curious why you didn't mention men." The psychologist told him that she didn't study men. (Let that sit with you for a minute. She had no interest in studying men.) To which the man replied, "That's convenient. You say to reach out and tell our story, be vulnerable, because shame can't exist when you shine the light on it. But you see those books you just signed for my wife and my three daughters? They would rather see me die on top of my white horse than ever see me fall off. When WE reach out and tell our struggles, be vulnerable . . . we get the shit beat out of us. And before you blame that on our dads, our coaches and bully brothers, the women in my life are harder on me than anyone else." As a psychologist she said you know the truth when it hits you, and at that moment she realized that SHE was in fact the patriarchy because she had those same expectations for her husband and her sons and expected them to NOT be a pussy and fill that role she expected them to fill as men. Men are expected to be all knowing, all powerful, all the time and to be good looking while you do it, and if you can't, as far as society is concerned, you don't matter.
Norbert
2020-01-07 13:11:49 +0000 UTCI was wondering why this kind of knowledge isn’t portrayed in the mass media. I’m not just talking of Hollywood movies, I have literally not seen a single movie or series whose focus would be the sexually and emotionally denied modern man. Actually, now that I think of it there was Joker, although it had many other political and social themes attached. Still, I was wondering why some groups of people are blatantly underrepresented? In France we have a famous author called Michel Houellebecq who is precisely writing novels about depressive young white males in western societies. I feel like his success comes from the fact that a lot of men identified with his characters and found an echo with their own experiences.
Hugo Matiz
2020-01-07 12:34:39 +0000 UTC
