Erectile Dysfunction

Even though I'm not an expert when I saw this post I thought that it would be a good opportunity to talk about erectile dysfunction. I don't know a lot about the various medications that are available to treat erectile dysfunction so if this is something that you're suffering from I would encourage you to speak to a qualified professional. If it's a genuine medical problem then you need to treat it like you would any other body parts that is not performing how it is meant to.

From my understanding most erectile dysfunction is not biological but psychological. In the example of this man, I would strongly advise against him using medication to treat it. He even said so at the beginning that he suffers from hardcore sexual anxiety. That is the mystery solved. His anxiety is the source of his erectile dysfunction.

In order to achieve an erection you need to be feeling calm and safe. If you are scared or anxious and your body feels like it is in danger it's difficult to prioritise sexual arousal because of the sensation that you need to protect yourself against attack. When anxiety is the underlying reason for your erectile dysfunction, the only real cure is to deal with the anxiety directly either by self-reflection or to go and see a professional therapist.

For this man in particular I think it is important to know that at 26 years old he's still a virgin. I'm not shaming you if you are also 26 are older and have not lost your virginity. It could just be that your life hasn't turned out that way but it is a little bit older than usual and so I'm sure he is feeling a lot of pressure with regards to losing his virginity. That is undoubtedly contributing towards his anxiety.

For further proof of his anxiety, consider that he didn't even approach this girl. She approached him. Since she is beautiful, I imagine that he is dealing with a lot of internal worth issues. Asking himself questions like, do I deserve this girl? It sounds strange but from the perspective of evolutionary psychology, when you genuinely feel unworthy of a girl you will feel nervous that by being with her you are leaving yourself vulnerable to attack. In the back of your mind you might be thinking that there is no way that this beautiful woman has not already partnered up with some superior specimen. Some alpha male. If I'm having sex with her and he comes along and find me with his girl he's going to beat me up.

If this is his anxiety he needs to get over it quickly. At it's core, sex is an expression of self esteem. Confident, calm, masculine men are less likely to have erection issues then feminine, depressed, low self-esteem men.

Now we cannot discount the fact that all of this sexual stuff is new to him and that's going to contribute a large amount of his nerves. The truth is that you need to have sex a few times before you realize that it's natural and that it's no big deal. There are probably a lot of guys out there who when trying to lose their virginity succumbed to pressure anxiety and lost their erections. That experience is actually normal. Something of a rite of passage. Usually though you're 16 and your girlfriend is also 16. Neither of you really know what you're doing so you just sort of fumble around together and hopefully have a laugh about it. It's quite a different experience when you're 26 years old and she is a beautiful girl, probably very experienced. There's a lot more added pressure in a situation like that.

The way out of that pressure is always to be honest. Even if you're embarrassed or it feels shameful the truth is that you need to tell her that you are a virgin. Remember what I said earlier about how necessary it is to feel safe in order to get an erection. Well it is hard to feel safe if you're keeping secrets from somebody. If you're not being honest. The way to reclaim your inner peace and if you're safe again is to share your secrets. To share your shame with somebody who loves and cares about you because their acceptance is what's going to make you feel safe again. At that point the quality of the sex goes up so much more. Nobody is going to enjoy having sex with somebody if you feel like you've tricked them. If you feel like you've manipulated them or it that you're getting away with something sneaky. You want to have sex with the feeling that you have earned it.

So that is my advice. Don't go on drugs. Avoid medication altogether. He's already on the right path by stopping watching the pornography. At the point just before having sex you want your penis to be a maximal stimulation preparedness and that means avoiding the pornography for a time. Tell her the truth about being a virgin and be honest with her. Ask if she will start you off with a blowjob or a handjob. There's going to be a lot more stimulation on your cock when you're not wearing a condom which helps maintaining an erection.

The most important thing is always communication. Keep talking, keep talking and then keep on talking. Keep sharing until there is no more pressure and you're feeling like you're not holding anything back. Obviously this isn't going to work with a low quality girl or during a one-night stand. This is advice for people who genuinely like each other and are in a committed relationship. To high-quality people. You want to find a girl who is willing to go on that journey with you.