PATREON EXCLUSIVE: Dating An Ambitious Woman

In our marriage my husband has a skill which doesn't earn a lot of money for him, but that skill is important for me and because he is so good in it I respect him and I am attracted to him. (It statisfies my hypergamy basically.)

Liandra

I'm deffinetily a high earner, very ambitious woman. Could you advise which feminine qualities would me a man the most happy? I try look good and dress the way my husband likes and also love to cook (I listen to business related audio books while I do it so it is really relaxing for me and I love to see when people like my meals).

Liandra

Exactly what happened to me. Although we were both quite ambitious I started my own business at age of 28 and she started her own professional practice at 30. All going well and both enjoying a social life and ambitious circles until the first baby is born. The clue should have been her taking client calls in hospital after the water broke up until the point the doctors took the phone away. And it kind of never stopped. She had very little interest in the baby. It was rather inconveniencing her in the running of the business. She arranged a home office prior to the child's birth. Instead, the home turned into an office with clients coming in few times a week. After about 5 years of back and forth, she declared that raising a family is not her priority. She wants to pursue the development of a new field of expertise. Here I am being a smart ass dating a former corporate achiever who realized climbing the corporate ladder bears no fruit. That the happiness is in the family and the whole feminist equality lie is a false goal. So I guess it could go both ways. In my opinion, either one of them is NOT developed to the best version of a motherly figure. Learning to be a homy wife after 16 years of carrier driven mom does not come easy. A better option would be a more home-oriented woman.

I find the terms ‘ambitious’ and ‘driven’ rather cringeworthy and meaningless as they are relative concepts. I also think people tend to confuse ‘ambition’ and ‘success’. When women say they want someone ambitious what they mean is ‘already meeting a pre-determined success measure’. What happens when you achieve success? Are you no longer ambitious?

Never wanted kids, never cared about marriage. I "retired" now from several professional careers and self employment. At 65, I quit dating 5 years ago, but always dated professional, high earning women. Funny thing is that all demanded that I earn more. My last short relationship was with a head turning, tall blond 20 years younger than me. Turned out she was crazy, dangerous and almost ruined my life. Game over. I was exhausted and today have no regrets.

Roger Hayden

I get a question about the 7:33 part. A very feminine woman can indeed inspire her man to help her. But if she CONSTANTLY needs financial help, maybe she needs to support her own family, her parents, her siblings for example. Or something that is really long-time assistance. Can she still be counted as a high-quality woman or worth dating? I don't feel she is completed on her own in this case. (I hardly think a woman who can earn a lot of money is attractive but at least she needs to be able to support her basics independently.)

I think it would be hard dating as an ambitious woman. Your expectations are higher of what a man will be because he has to beat you. Yet to men your achievements aren't interesting or even intimidating. Would there be another way to satisfy her hypergamy that isn't financial. Just being tall and having big muscles, acting super confident or something like that. Ambitious women aren't as common but I feel like they provide a lot of value to society and not being able to have love ain't much of a reward.

Interesting points Alex. I like this topic a lot! Not from the questioner's perspective, of wondering if an ambitious woman can motivate him to get things rolling on his life. Instead from an acknowledgment that having the masculine and feminine dichotomy in a relationship is a good thing, and ambitious women (talking here about career ambitiousness that will typically involve more stress and longer working hours for her) often have a harder time embracing - or are more reluctant to embrace - a feminine way of being. This is a more and more relevant topic considering the ongoing 'rise of women' that's widely celebrated by elite institutions. My ex wife was succeeding with her ambitions in a high-profile career, and she was also aggressive toward me and even violent. Obviously I'm not saying those always go together, but I also don't think they're completely unrelated. Men, do be extra careful about marrying and having children with highly ambitious women. Ambitious women, it's probably smart to make an extra effort to highlight some of feminine qualities if you want a good set of high-quality men as potential partners.

Blair

Real good perspective... couple of things come to mind. 1) % wise women do the divorcing and the intolerant ones, high expectation ones and work focused vs home, you or the kids ... are the ones most likely to divorce 2) to thing that she will feel relieved and destressed and there by focus on you and treat you great ... is crazy and does not compute - there is no way there is a guarentee that they just have you in mind maybe after the kids if lucky. The odds are very high the this will not not be what you expect or need.

K M

His is like the sugar baby video you did, I remember one comment from the women who were or had been sugar babies “I just wanted to have someone take away the stress of life” meanwhile at the same time, because they’re being paid to be feminine, they relax into that state almost because by being paid, she now has “license” to be feminine in that way. From what I experience and witness, it’s polarisation of feminine and masculine that induce one another. Another youtuber did a video about a female client of his; 38 years old, divorced, 2 kids (one a baby); she was demanding a “alpha male” who makes more than she does ($US30,000 per month - Yes, per month, that’s not a typo). In her fantasy/ ideal man, he was STILL more successful than her despite the fact that she is no doubt top percentile earner on her own. It’s clearly something that was important to her, clearly an ambitious woman so it makes sense for her to demand superiority in that arena.

Craig

Meh. I mean that's kinda cool but what about your future kids? Will they be raised without mom at home? It's very important to have a mother around in the first few years of life

Dean Martens

I am an INTJ married to an ENTJ and both of us are ambitious but believe strongly in work-life balance. Now in our 40s we are both successful in mid/upper management roles (but with no interest in the time/energy suck that comes with being in the C-suite). In addition to his love and support, I follow my husbands lead at home. He sees things I never notice and is better forward thinking, so he is the better planner. Trusting in him like that tempers the stress and anxiety that would come if I tried to do it all myself, further solidifies the respect I have for him, and frees up the chaos in my head so I can better comfort and support him when he is frustrated or down. If a girl is ambitious with a guy who is not... while I am sure there are exceptions.... I’d worry it wouldn’t be sustainable. But, if he can lead in other ways - they might have a better chance.

8:13 it would be instant destruction if you said that to the girl I'm seeing. She's just got a management position, and she's over the moon excited about it. She has been pushed down into servitude jobs all her life, and now she's come out of her shell and ordering her workforce around and her bosses are watching her pay their bills in a huge way. I'm encouraging her to get a management degree and to for the CEO position and shes thrilled that someone finally believes in her. You go girl!

Anything needed from the partner is a death knell, doesnt matter what it is. There are lots of things an ambitious woman can look to the man for - and you forget her basic needs as a woman, to be listen to, adored, accepted, and loved - nothing gives her that except her man, it doesnt matter how financially well-off she is she is still going to need this. Not all women as ESFP girlie types, some are ENTJ go-getters who will mow down anyone in their way.