PATREON EXCLUSIVE: Can The Hypergamy Gap Be Too Big?

I agree to some extent, however as we are social creatures, being able to have great social manoeuvrability is high value. As its a great indicator of high status and high masculinity.

Sooo many things in my past make total sence now.

At the end I think you have made a mistake when you stated that extrovertation is better than introvertation. Neither is better than the other.

I think i fell victim to this. I met a gal that I was absolutely over the moon for, however we never clicked when we started talking about deeper things and life experiences. I think she was a bit intimidated with my job and staus, and I was intimidated by her beauty and youth. It was great while it lasted but unfortunately our insecurities broke it. There is just some x factor to the right person that can resonate with your life experiences that makes them all the more attractive.

Good points. This was helpful! And great contributions from the community. Thanks folks!

Blair

The issue is not that short men categorically cannot get dates. I have dated many women, and many taller than me. I have also been married. I am educated, fit, successful, and probably an 8 looks wise. I am not an undesirable man on paper. The issue is that finding a quality woman, suitable for a mate, is a long shot under the best of circumstances. Being short reduces that probability to an absurdly low level. It forces us to fish for trophy trout in mud puddles. This is about understanding the reality of the probability, and deciding how much of your life you want to gamble for that low probability. Would you spend every cent of every paycheck on lottery tickets? No, because you clearly understand the odds. The problem here is that we read the brochure that society hands us, and come away believing we have a reasonable chance. We just need to be persistent, man up, ......you know all the phrases. That my friends is not true. Our true odds are maybe a little better than being drafted by the NBA. If you just want a warm body with a ring on her finger, then yeah, you can probably do that. Every man has to make this call for himself, but clearly understanding the real situation is key. I will add that many men get very angry about this. It is completely understandable. Go ahead and break a few chairs if you have to. In the end though, the analogy to the NBA is the answer. No amount of delusional thinking will change your odds of a good contract. Being angry just shifts the source of the injustice from external to internal. I have a friend who is 6'11" who actually was in the NBA. He died of heart failure last April at age 60. He only lived that long because he was an elite athlete. This is common among tall men, and in fact there is a direct correlation between male height and life span. My point in sharing this is that we do have advantages in life in many ways. Make those your focus, and not the "shortcomings" that we cannot change. Put your money, effort, life energy on the good odds! Do not let anger about what you can't get poison the life that you can have. I am in my early 60's now and I have made every mistake I have described here. I'm not a guru. I am sadly, an idiot. The cost to me personally, emotionally has been staggering, but I am definitely enjoying life now and properly focusing all the treasures I have.................as a solo man.

I'm 5'5" and my experience has been the opposite of yours. Have had little success in dating which I'm attributing mostly to my height. Keen to hear more about your side of the tale.

To David and Yaron – being short really is a definite disadvantage in the dating world. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either ignorant or lying. Online dating merely exacerbates the problem since women online have a seemingly infinite pool of potential mates and are consequently even more picky and hypergamous than they would otherwise be. That said, as men we have many ways to compensate. Tall women actually have a much more difficult problem if they insist on taller men. Their dating pool is extremely limited and they are competing with virtually all other women. This includes the very shortest women, who often have the greatest demand in height for men. It’s somewhat ridiculous but to each his or her own. Many taller women are also quite insecure about their appearance, especially their height. Aside from the usual advice, which is to be the best person you can be and let that be your advantage, I have another tip for you. Although most women demand taller man – not to mention smarter, wealthier and more successful – there are some tall women who will date shorter men. You cannot do anything to convince the majority, so never waste your time trying to do so. There are some women who will date shorter men either out of desperation, indifference or even preference. They tell themselves “he makes me feel like a model” or something like that, but whatever that happens to be is not your concern. Just find them or, better yet, let them find you. Of course, the usual rules of hypergamy apply. To be considered her “equal” and a suitable partner for a woman, you must be better. Since you are already working with a disadvantage, I’d suggest you get back to work, and if you are already working, step it up. No one said dating was easy for men, and don’t be dissuaded by rejection – it comes with the territory. Any man who is dating and doesn’t experience a fair amount of it probably isn’t putting himself out there enough. A final tip when faced with adversity is to flip the script. That’s right – indicate that you PREFER taller women and demonstrate that you have the self-confidence to date them. I’m 5’4” by the way, and I’ve dated many taller women. Works for me.

My left ear enjoyed this. Check to see if your mic audio is working on both sides.

Hey Alex. Could you make your videos louder? I always need to put them on max volume when in busy environments! Thanks

This isn't exactly a reply to this comment but rather a token of thanks! Thanks a lot for your insightful comments on this forum. It's particularly interesting to hear from women on this page, that's meant to help men understand women better. Although, women could also benefit from AG's content, I'm not sure if you benefit from it as much as us guys do but we're still glad to have you here :)

Ashwin Srinivas

When I was dating, I'm certain that if I had been taller, I would look back on that time fondly. Unfortunately, for me, dating was soul-crushing. At the time, I didn't have the resources available today to put perspective on what was going on or what figure out what to do about it. If you are short, you have to accept it and do the best you can with the hand you were dealt. Own it without apology. Don't allow yourself to blame women for their innate preferences, that will make things much worse. Yes, you are drawing from a much smaller pool of women, but just focus on the women who don't seem to be bothered by your height. Fortunately, there are good women out there who don't care much about height. It took me 50 years, but I eventually ended up with someone who makes me very happy. I only wish I had met her when we much younger.

Ken Schafer

A quick walk through any dating site tells the story. Look at the proposed profile of the man that every woman seeks. It doesn't matter how short they are, they all want a man over 6'. I've seen profiles of women who are 4' 10" who are not interested in men under 6', BUT they would consider a man that is 7'! How does that even work? I'd have to do a CAD simulation! I've questioned a few of them about this, and of course they all have some lame excuse for the preference they expressed. None of them can rationally explain it. In the end, it only matters that as men we understand it. Of course dating sites foster the worst expression of female hypergamy. If you are a man that is under the top 1 or 2%, you are better off looking at the park or grocery store anyway. The only work around to being short is to be filthy rich, but what does that say about your new sweetheart??

Focus on yourself and learn how to be happy on your own. It seems to me you try too hard to get attention from a girl and that will work the opposite. Most girls these days get so much attention that most guys not even get noticed by her. Most luck with girls in your direct surroundings (friends/colleagues, etc). Skip tinder and other dating apps and don't pay too much attention on girls on insta too because you are just 1 out of many. What I usually do is just dm about random stuff (pets, food, whatever) and delete the dm right after. If she wants to respond she will. Usually only the ones with less than 500 followers answer hahaha. Don't focus too hard on getting a girl. I randomly ended up at AG's channel in Covid times and reflecting back on past relationships and girls I met in general in my life, many things make sense now. There are also some other good red pill related YT channels or Jordan Petersons videos are very worth it too.

Yaron, I understand the pain and frustration you are feeling. I am 5'6". Everyone in society denies that height discrimination for men is real. They try to tell us that it doesn't matter unless we let it matter. They talk about things like "short man's attitude" and all the rest. It is a cruel recrimination. I think the cruelest thing we can hear is to keep our chin up and keep trying. Even women who pretend to be your best friend even your mother will tell you it doesn't matter, when they all know damn well they are lying. They put it back on you for having "low self esteem" or "insecurity issues". It is hard to hear the truth yes, but the sooner in life you understand what women are doing, the less pain you will suffer; the sooner you can choose to direct your life in a more meaningful way. The cruelest thing is to live in delusionment and waste your life pursuing something that you have a very low chance of obtaining. At least knowing the truth allows you to choose how much of your life energy you want to gamble on having your dream girl. I am an older man now, and I wish I had known and invested far less! Rest assured that nothing you have done to improve yourself is wasted! Stay on that path for life! If you feel you must have a partner, then at least go forward knowing your handicap. I would suggest that a better approach is to seriously question your need or desire for a woman in the first place. They are not the prize they appear to be, and watching Alexander's videos is pretty clear evidence of that. Our desire for them is irrational and delusional. That desire is the biggest handicap of all, and every man is born with the defective gene. It is the gambler's addiction driving our lives. Frankly Yaron, most women would have to stand on a stool to kiss your ass! It is not the other way around! You were born a man, which makes you the highest expression of the human experiment. Take that and build an extraordinary life. It Is possible that a mate for you exists, but do not live in delusion about the probability. Hating women is as senseless as hating rattlesnakes or bears. They are simple, evolutionary driven constructs. Understanding their true nature is critical, then go about your life. Most men who do find their Nawalt, will see their lives irreparably harmed. In the end you will likely have the last laugh. Luckily for you there is this red pill community of awakened men who will listen and support you. I never had that.

I love that you did this video because it t seems when hypergamy is brought up many commenters believe all women will be spending their lives looking for the next step up - when it is not necessarily the case. I agree with so many of your examples but have a slightly different spin on them from my perspective. Looks: I believe my husband is better looking than me but I could never date a man who had model/actor level looks. I’m a plain/average looking girl (and now post-wall as ya’ll like to say) and I’d feel extremely insecure with a man who was that far above me in the looks department. Money: I have ZERO desire for a jet setter lifestyle. I like having enough money not to stress about bills and a strong enough income to enjoy our life but the idea of living in a mansion, having to dress up all the time, and deal with the superficial people of the Uber rich is completely nauseating to me. Intelligence: my husband often tells people I am smarter than him but it is more the case of what you describe - we have different interests so he is incredibly smart in very practical areas (with more common sense than me in a lot of cases) whereas I tend to book smarts, literature, health and technology.🤓 Social skills: my husband is an extremely confident extrovert who can get along with anyone - and does so. I am a huge introvert who prefers peace and quiet and generally don’t like socializing with strangers but I wouldn’t exactly say I am shy - I just usually think most people aren’t people I want to interact with and “get to know you conversations” are often boring - especially when people don’t know when to shut up. 😆 Height: I am 5’6” and my husband is 6’. My first boyfriend was 6’2” and I went on one date with a guy who was 6’5”. (That’s the extent of my “experience”). I prefer my husbands height - tall enough where he surrounds me and makes me feel safe - not so tall where I feel the need to wear heels (which I despise), and we align well for other... activities. 😉 Sexual experience: I was never a promiscuous girl and would not want a promiscuous guy- honestly it really grosses me out. I have a huge “safety” drive and that includes safety from disease and drama- which a dude who has slept with a ton of woman would likely bring with him. Nope. Just... no. 😖

i really don't know a way to live happy anymore.. i put so much work on my self for nothing. each time but each time i put my self out there, no matter how confidence i am, eventually i end up being hurt so bad, get no respond, no attention, get depressed and being stuck with this loop. i guess the less painful way is to just give up and do the things "i love" and just live with a huge pain feeling in mind that i am not........... :'(

Height discrimination is real and rarely discussed because men's pain is not a priority. It sucks man. We all gotta find a way to make the most of life despite our inherent limitations

Alexander Grace

20 min ago someone just ask my height and said wow you short for me, good luck, and immediately unmatched me.. and now i need to see this? this is way hurting, no matter what i do, i look great, study to become a man, humor, make a sparkle and yet because i am short 5.4. and childfree, my life is so cruel for me, i really really hate them now!!!

I couldn't find the data on height being a predicor of relationship success that I was looking for but I did find this study https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S019188691530060X Apparently they found that taller husbands correlate with happier wives.

Alexander Grace