PATREON EXCLUSIVE: How To Handle A Girlfriend Who Becomes 'Woke'

I was always "woke" and very open about it :D so who doesn't agree with me doesn't even approach me. Works great for me and for the guys who get to know me I think. (Altough I find it really nice when my husband plans the date, don't think that all men are bad and love sex too. :) )

Liandra

Exactly what happened in my case. With a massive caveat, however. I was a bit of a douchebag to start with and she had all the red flags. I came in the relationship thinking this is the best I could do, and she saw me as a beta provider. We were both contributing to the toxicity. Over time our paths diverged further and further. She had definitely emmersed herself into women power and hyper-acheaver mentality. Men had become a utility in her mind. Possibly that's how she was inclined early on. I had looked inward myself and had started to develop myself into a greater man. In a sense our separation could have been averted at a cost of both of us giving up on our own aspirations. I have seen other cases where women dipped towes into extreme feminism but were pulled out by their husbands and families. I had seen couple friends of mine submitting to their women's change of ideology. Both ended up miserable, drinking, gaming, addicted to porn... I guess there is no recipe for all cases. There may be situations where it is best to let go. However have the conversations. Discuss the matters and the bothers.

The "male oppressor" is a massive shit test, you are not supposed to treat it seriously. Imagine you're dealing with a 3 year old girl, and she calls you a "poopy face", do you get upset and start to debate her rationally? no you find it laughable, you play along or make fun of her but don't take her "insult" seriously at all. This is how you deal with all these things. However if she becomes disrespectful to the point of verbally abusing you, then you lay down boundaries and remember always be prepared to walk away. Never make decisions from a scarcity mentality, always abundance. If you were Leonardo DiCaprio, would you constantly spend your time around a woman verbally abusing you calling you a male chauvinist? Lol you would be on your way to fuck 3 Victoria secret models

This is why you don't talk to women about politics, biologically women care more about being accepted by the tribe than men. If everyone in the country starts saying "kill all pigs" then she will just repeat the mantra for social acceptance. It's enough to say "I am not political" and refuse to debate the outrage culture with her. If she insists you punish her with the only tool you have, retract your attention. Secondly, you have to remember arguing with a woman logically like you did is pointless, you'll never win that argument. If you want to win an argument with a woman, you don't change her mind you change how she feels.

Wow man, that is my situation Alex. It's too late for the you've described as effective as it seems. I dont know what she's been reading/exposing herself to but she's no longer my woman as it stands today. (The reason I am here really) As I listened to you speak on this topic I thought to myself that I was nowhere near able to articulate those sentiments. I had my suspicions that she had feminist ideas, she certainly faded over time as the sex evaporated, her affection diminished and her indifference gradually prevailed. Until one day A letter appears on the kitchen table reading her position on the relationship and how she needed to find her voice, nothing was wrong but nothing was right and how I saw llife through a different lens. No more Mr. Nice Guy.

It happen to me 10 years ago. She started doubting my fidelity, sex stop, long Sermons, irrational verbal abuse, nothing I did was good. I became a non believer she became super Religious and Jesus took over. I had enough and leave. I wasted 5 years Trying to make her more reasonable and keep the relation but as soon as they decide they don’t need you is a lost cause.

that's how i win an argument agisnt my gf about sexism. she start throwing all these victimiation and many horrible things are happen to women in japan. So I pin point one specific topic and demolished it down with facts and truth until the solution has been found. she's gone demon angry after that.

Debunking woke stuff in a long powerpoint presentation would be tempting I admit.

Joshua, I think the moral dilemma you pose might be resolved by answering this question: would you stay if your girl was in a coma, or got alzheimer's, etc? If you're the kind of person who would answer yes, its morally right to stay in those cases, then maybe it would also be right to stay if your girl experienced a major philosophical change. Or if you're the kind of person who would feel ok to find a new relationship because your girl is intellectually unavailable to you, then it would also make sense for you to do it in this case. Does that make sense? (Wait, did I just compare being woke to feminism to being in a coma or having dementia? Shit, they're taking away my feminist card for sure now! LOL!)

Jennifer Coopman

Nick, I'm in Seattle too (Redmond). I'm interested in connecting with you to hear more about your experiences. I just sent you an FB friend request. I checked your LinkedIn and see we're both UW grads.

Blair

My ex-wife was a conservative Christian and still managed to grow so feminist during our relationship to the point of calling me a 'male oppressor'. (her professional environment and the culture in Seattle were bad influences). I was clueless about evolutionary biology and establishing the 'male-female' dance in our relationship. She and I did not have the conventional male-female frame established, and that's one of the reasons our relationship turned out so badly. I won't make that mistake again. I've made big strides in working on my masculinity and understanding it. Now in relationships it's either 'I am the man, and you are the woman' (not stated aloud, but conveyed through behavior) or no relationship at all. That's what I have going in my current relationship with a girl who spent her first 23 years of life in conservative Central Asia. Even she, now having lived in the US for 7 years, is very much susceptible to bad woke ideas. I am monitoring this, consistent with Alex's great advice in this video.

Blair

I actually experienced this in january. My girlfriend at the time of 6 months (im discovering over time that she wasn't a high quality woman, but for the sake of this example, lets skip over this and just assume her to be intelligent enough to grasp psychological abstracts) did something incredibly selfish and detrimental to her own well being (rather than going home or coming over and studying for a test, she went out with friends and tried to sleep with this girl friend of hers). I ended the romantic relationship with her, but we continued to care about and see each other. Then George Floyd was tragically killed. While we were trying to have a discussion about it, she started spewing hate speech and using absolutes and generalizations. "all cops are pigs and deserve to die" "im glad they burned it down, its the only way to bring attention to the issue" etc. I pointed out non-violence is absolutely a thing, citing MLK and Ghandi, who she pointed out died. When i pointed out they their message was resolved without violence on their part, it just deteriorated from there. I then sent her numerous articles about the us vs them phenomena. I may have likened her to Hitler. For obvious reasons this didn't go over well. The point where i realized i needed to get her out of my life entire was when she called me incel and a misogynist (and many other epithets) for having an opinion about the rights of other people, rather than just dismissing everyone of a particular group as bad/trash/etc. I can say with a fair amount of certainty that most of these very insular and hate driven concepts came from her facebook groups. She was a highly opinionated young woman, the only issue is she let others derive her opinions, and refused to challenge her "wokeness" or attempt to empathize with anyone other than the party she considered the victim of whatever injustice individuals were committing. If any of you are experiencing close mindedness like this , i encourage you to get to the bottom of it immediately, or you will be dealing with a very angry partner who will be very hard to approach with reasoned argument. Address it early, often, with empathy, and intelligently. Good luck all

d3dledger

I don't want to be in a relationship where I constantly have to argue or defend the way I live my life. My happiness lies in peace and low to no drama. The truth is people do change and sometimes that change makes them no longer compatible. Is it morally right to stick around and potentially make both of us unhappy just to be "right"? Looking for some genuine input here.

Joshua

Another awesome one, thank you!

Keep in mind this doesn't happen overnight, as Alexander implies. It's probably something she'd been thinking about for some time, and only just recently found a community that validated those thoughts, or just recently got up the courage to express it to you. That's why it seems so sudden, but was a long time coming. So a big question is why she didn't tell you in the beginning. This is happening to me right now, only the opposite. I am a feminist who, for some time, has been questioning, and only this year has found concepts like 'red pill' and 'MGTOW' and evolutionary psychology that has helped me make sense of my experience. I never said anything all this time because I was afraid my family would see it as weak and irresponsible. Plus, I had no faith in my husband that he could commit to the lifestyle change that would ultimately come with applying some of these concepts to our lives. Which was stupid! I wish I had brought it up the minute I noticed the change in me. Work things out together, right?Instead it festered for years and now it's all coming out at once so he thinks I'm crazy because it's a 'sudden change in personality'. My family too! So if your girl seems suddenly 'woke' to some new philosophical or social ideology, don't forget to ask how long it's been and why she waited until now to tell you.

Jennifer Coopman

Hi Jen, Why are so many of the leaders men?

Sorry guys, but I don’t help much in this area. As a well-paid, successful, working woman in a very large company that has around 75% female employees, I tend to lose “woke” women when I lay out exactly why - despite the greater percentage of women in the company - more than half the executive leadership are men. They don’t LIKE hearing the truth. They want to deny the truth even when they live it themselves and see it with others day in and day out. The smarter ones eventually see it - but even then, struggle with admitting it. I admittedly don’t have the patience to deal with people who intentionally blind themselves to reality in favor of... whatever they think their end goal is... but props to those with the skill set to drive others toward reason and truth.

I love the spelled out discussion examples in this one. Would be nice to see more of this. Having said that, men should be really careful with the amount of empathy and agreement. If you ask her "what should I do differently" she may come back with things like "be more kind, understanding and thoughtful" etc. Things which you can't really reject or debate. If you give in at this point you basically become her dancing monkey. If you are drawn to strong independent women, like myself, you will have to face feminist ideology. This is because the good parts in feminism are required to be there for a women to be strong and independent (a.k.a. high quality). It is just that she probably is polluted to some degree with some of the bad parts of feminism. So if you want to be with a high quality women you will have to face bad feminist ideology. I found what helps the best here is to be well educated on the subject. Know your numbers and talking points and deliver them sensitively and with empathy, not like a Ben Shapiro. Don't make the debate about feminist ideology a competition, but a true search for truth. Such discussions will be intense and also put some strain on the relationship. What I found helps here is to be a kind and loving partner. She will be more open to your thoughts and arguments if she really wants to be with you.

David Koerner

Women are way more open and susceptible to this kind of manipulation about patriarchy and male oppression. It appeals to their sense of victimhood and in addition serves an immediate benefit in the job market and in social relationships. I live in Seattle where this is what’s considered normal. From what I’ve witnessed and experienced first-hand, no amount of strength, confidence, stoicism, or steadiness will get you out of it. If they’re convinced this is how the world operates, she’s not going to change her mind. And if you attempt to discuss it with her, any hint of deviation on your part will trigger that childish sensibility. From my perspective there’s only one way out of these situations, and that is by accepting that this is now who she is and what she believes. If your beliefs are to the contrary, the relationship is not going to last much longer and I would suggest cutting your losses and getting out before you drive yourselves insane.

And if she's a narcissistic jehovahs witness zealot, just fucking leave and forget it. Trust me on this one.

100%

Alexander Grace

I find that this usually happens as men repeatedly fail the shit tests women throw out. They begin doubting your competence and ability to lead the relationship. This latest wave of "feminism" is just one giant shit test that men, in general, are failing. It's been my experience that women drop the whole "feminism" thing as soon as they find a man they trust to take care of them and lead the relationship.

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