PATREON EXCLUSIVE: How Taking A Woman Back Shifts The Power Dynamics

What about when she left because you hurt her? It definitely seems like it would be difficult to turn the power dynamic around. Any thoughts?

I feel like there are many guys who would take your word for all of this, and follow your suggestions, but not actually use the words you are suggesting (or proper/decent communication). I am frustrated. I "accidentally" broke up with my person I was in long distance with, I asked for a break because I was going through struggles with work, alcohol, and anxiety about our relationship. Then 6 weeks later, after I was able to quit drinking and get back on track with work, when I asked if we could try again, he just wanted to be friends, pretty much doing everything you're saying - it's almost like he watches your videos. But, he's not using these words and it makes me miserable, because I have no idea what he's thinking, except that he is so busy that he must not think very much about it. I tried to walk away again, my personality is a bit 'all or nothing', but he won't exactly let me. He tells me he's upset and isn't happy with me leaving his life completely, but that's about it. He makes almost no effort to be back with me. He probably only replies to my messages, half the time. It drives me wild, but I keep giving him chances because I feel like I made a huge mistake ever letting him go for a break in the first place. Ugh. So it feels like he has all the power. I have no power. And I'm trying to deal with it, but also perpetually contemplating if I just squashed all our fire so bad that we have no chance ever again.

My ex broke up with me almost 3 years ago after 1.5 years together in a long-distance relationship (saw each other every few months for several weeks). The only reason we broke up, as far as I can tell, was the distance - she basically worshipped the ground I walked on, but ultimately she wanted a family life that I wasn't giving her anytime soon. And 3 years later, she still sometimes casually implies that we should get married and live together full time. She had 1 guy after me but left him too. The thing is, I was already basically thinking of her as "the wife" when we were together, even though I simply thought I was way too young and unprepared to actually marry her. Lately I've been considering if I should do it. I haven't had any women after her (for lack of trying more than anything), and I still love her in the back of my mind. She is the standard by which I measure every other girl I'm interested in. Any advice?

I’ve been there, done that, and got a T-shirt: the juice is not worth the squeeze! She came crawling back to me and we went through all the motions of finding out why she left. I did recommit but after 18 months my intuition wasn’t having any of it so we parted ways at my request. I regret nothing because of the invaluable lessons learnt. She was a low quality woman and I take responsibility for not vetting her appropriately from the word go, even though I didn’t know better. I’ve since taken the red pill and I’m happier for it. I’m learning a lot about intersexual relationship dynamics and I wouldn’t have things any other way.

Really good post, Alexander. This strikes close to home: years ago while were dating I broke up with (my now wife, a super high quality woman) because she showed a few bad red flags as our relationship progressed. She begged me back but more thru dumb luck than smarts I said no, we are first going to discuss our relationship in detail, why it was bad, what you envision it could be, and here are the consequences of your treating me the way you did. To her credit she both apologized and actually made amends. I made sure it lasted much longer than just "honeymoon behavior" before I considered cranking up the level of our relationship. Obviously we got married. If she was just medium-high quality I would have said goodbye forever without a second thought.

I wonder where the precise limit of this taking her back potential is. That is, if both parties in the relationship were at fault for different reasons at different times, but both are high quality people as demonstrated later when they meet up again, would it be worth exploring if he had crawled after her pathetically because of trauma and disgusted her enough to make her threaten him with an intervention order, breaking his ideal of her (snapping him out of it)? The man in this scenario is at a significant disadvantage in that he is looked down upon not only by her but her friends and family too, in spite of them not knowing him personally and him having grown significantly since. Even if she is very interested in pursuing him, I feel that there may be too much damage done, even if she doesn't think so. I guess what I'm asking is; is there a way to judge whether or not you've been hurt too much emotionally, socially and within the relationship itself to re-partner with a woman, even if she's a catch and you're older, wiser, better and she really appreciates the kind of man you've become?

12 years ago a gf broke up with me. Can't remember why, but I noticed that she was often offended by me. When she crawled back to me, she said that it's because her therapist advised her to. She was about to touch me, but I rose from the bed and turned my back on her for a while. A punishment for how she'd made me feel. I took her back, but a couple of months later, when I saw that she was still just as offended by me as before, I broke up with her, and told her that she lives in a way too soft world for me.

Never. Take. Her. Back.

Oliver

This video addresses rejection in the relationship phase. But what about in the courting/dating phase? That is, if a guy makes romantic gestures to a woman and asks her out and she rejects him and after a while, she starts showing interest in him again and wants him back. I feel that the dynamic in the courting/dating phase is different from the dynamic in the relationship phsae and hence warrants a different discussion on how a guy should handle that situation. Please share your thoughts everyone (you too AG ;P) ! I do want to know people's experiences in dealing with and handling this situation and what your general advice would be!

Ashwin Srinivas

And I wonder if some women just like the drama in their lives. I've seen it wih my mom, sister, and numerous others in my life. They will be in a committed relationship, break up, get back together, break up, get back, over and over. My mom and stepdad did this to each other for 10yrs, and my sister and her bf of 15 yrs do this all the time. It's like a game, but I have never understood the point. It does not sound like a fun game. If you win, are you really the winner? What did you prove? That you were slightly less of an asshole than the other person?

Jennifer Coopman

I wish I learned this 30 years ago.

Alex I have to say that you provided a really balanced view on this sensitive yet prevalent issue about taking a gf back, although this time, I'd say I will disagree with it in a practical sense. In other words, if a gf broke up with you, then move on, never look back, regardless. In modern western society, where most if not all women have such an entitled mindset, it's hard not to be in a less powerful position as a man in a relationship. Like you said in the video, taking a gf back after she broke up with you demonstrates a strong scarcity of options you have, which signals to the exgf that she can once again step all over you, despite whatever happened before the relationship ended. Additionally, women love a powerful man, who is superior than herself. By taking her back, you set the tone in stone that she's more powerful than you, and more importantly, superior than you. How would you expect a woman to respect you in this situation when you set yourself to an inferior position. Regarding what you said to collect data before taking her back, I would say it wouldn't make sense regardless if the data from her is honest or not, although most definitely the data you got from her won't even be remotely close to honest. And you are right, women LOVE the title of "gf", and they absolutely enjoy the dividend paid with this title, like holiday trips, gifts, romance and etc. But at the same time they hate to fulfill the obligation that comes with this title. When you take her back, she will most definitely continue to demand the dividend with all excuses in the world to escape from the obligations. Last but not least, like you said from a return on investment point of view, it's simply a bad investment on your ex. There are other amazing women out there for you to choose from, albeit you still need to be very careful. Statistically, a change is more likely to turn positive, especially compared with a proven negative.

There are two examples I can think of where a man took a woman back after a breakup (my brother and a friend of my husband). In both instances, the woman acted like she’d be different when they first got back together- they moved in together, married, kids. For a long time now, however, both women discovered they can use their kids to keep the power and control in their relationships - and they milk that control for all its worth. It is ugly and sickening to watch. Those two relationships (along with another friend of my husband who was falsely accused of rape) were part of the impetus for me to start researching aspects of female nature on YouTube and how I found MGTOW and red pill channels to start. Now I benefit from the content for other reasons. But, specific to this video, the cynic in me would caution any man from taking a woman back after a breakup (or vice versa for a woman) - but as always, your perspective is much more well thought out and balanced.