PATREON EXCLUSIVE: How To Deal With Hitting The Wall As A Man (Getting Older)

I am 70 and the wall moves forward. Do-not need a young woman. . Widower would love to have my wife at my side that is no to be. We loved each other to the end. Grandchildren I am healthy and having fun. At a point in life where I can take on things a younger man may think twice about. Retired some money do some good for people explore new things, develop old skills. Do I have regrets very much yes. My only way to live with my regrets is move forward and live life and love the people I am with and family. Have made some large mistakes. May find new love of my life that may come. At any age we can find practical romantic love. The word GRANDPA.

Domald

So true, great words of wisdom.

I have a question. I am of Asian descent with a bit of an islander Hispanic look, 42 this year, living in Europe. Most of my circle of friends are in their 20s and early 30s. The girls tend who socialise tend to be much younger in their early 20s. Most of them think I look in mid 20s (and I want to date and hook up or potentially pursue a relationship with them) . Should I be honest with my age when that question is raised or downplay it somewhat to fit their image of me? Once I got rejected by a young girl who liked me a lot because she thought I was too old....

Hey Alex，I cant agree this. Do you think Ayn rand is a high quality women？She cheats also right？we have to admit：the so-called High quality women also cheat，just not all of them get the chances to do so. One day men become old and no longer attractive，and the younger men show interests on them. They will cheat their lover driven by the hypergamy. Even they claim they “love” their husband and dont want to divorce and lose the security from the family

Most women are money suckers and not worth it. I use hookers.

Roger Hayden

Never wanted/needed kids. Fuck that.

Roger Hayden

I'm 65, fit, look younger than I am, but quit dating 5 years ago and plan to travel the world, fuck women who want it but otherwise just don't care any more.

Roger Hayden

I disagree in some of your comments and agree in others. I’m a 55 average guy I had been with 35 to 56 years old good looking girlfriends . If you are good in what you do you can attract young and old woman, I dance as a hobby and I dance with woman all ages . I had attracted under 30 years old woman but I didn’t know how to deal with woman. I was married for 30 years. . I decided to learn and become attractive, Im more secure and have goals. At this age I don’t pursue woman if they don’t want me, I don’t tolerate any disrespect from anyone, I will cut them from my life, the most attractive to me is that woman are sweet and friendly. Hope my comments help some of you guys.

I am going to turn 40 in a few months. I am divorced, (married young) no kids and have had many relationships in my life with some beautiful young women, girlfriend wise and hookup wise. I still look significantly younger than I am thanks to good genes and a lifetime of trying to eat healthy and maintain my fitness. Unfortunately, a diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis combined with a swarm of other bad life circumstances has made the last few years of my life especially difficult. I have honestly been feeling less and less motivated to take getting into a relationship seriously. I really do feel with every passing day that by the time I get back on track with being able to be totally self sufficient again, if ever, that I will have a very difficult time believing that anyone who may get into a relationship with me would have done so during this hard time I am pushing through. The hard times are financial as a result of not being able to work for almost two years and doctors preferring I don't work full time hours. Despite my MS and it's symptoms (which there are a lot), I put a ton of energy into the gym to maintain my fitness best I can. I actually get A LOT of interest from very attractive young women in the form of "choosing signals" and looks to this day. There are some knock outs at the gym and the bar where I bartend that have tried to get my attention on a regular basis but I am very closed off and I know it leaves them scratching their head. I actually feel bad about sort of blowing off this REALLY fit beautiful young girl at the gym because I honestly and truly don't want to be responsible for any bruises to her ego or self esteem as a result of me being kind of cold towards her consistent and clear attempts at connection. In my head I'm thinking "ughhhh you're so beautiful and young and I KNOW you think I'm younger than I am and I KNOW if I turned up the charm that is still inside (although mostly dormant lately) and this were to materialize into a date you would NOT be interested and dare I say, disappointed, when you find out that I am a nearly 40 year old man that has lost almost everything I own and have been busting my ass in the gym to try and battle a horrible disease." A part of me inside gets some validation thinking "wow man, these young 8's 9s and 10's are clearly still interested in me just like my 20's and early 30's", but it's kind of an empty validation at the same time if that makes sense. In my head I think that my good latin looks (call me egotistical but I'm actually sick and tired of being told what a good looking guy I am) have them immediately creating some idealistic image of me in their head that will be met shortly with disappointment and wanting to turn around and run away after learning more about my current life circumstances. I wish I could just scream "Oh my God, your so f'ing beautiful and I would bed you in a SECOND but I REALLY don't think I am who you think I am and if you want to have an awesomely active and exciting life I can't do that for you!" I know, totally my own current self esteem battle. Anyway, I know this was a little ranty but I'm 420ing on the couch (got my med card for the MS) and this video's topic is relatable to me because I feel like I am heading for that said wall and I'm sad and depressed about it and I honestly don't have a very positive outlook on the future for myself when it comes to relationships. At least even through all this MS and lack of a stable job BS I've somehow managed to pull some hookups with really attractive girls out of my ass. I feel like god through some bones at me as a last hurrah kind of thing. Nothing since Covid though. Again, I still get validation to give me a tad of pick me up superficial though it may be. Anyway, I've been watching your stuff for a while and really enjoy it. Been a patreon subscriber as of a few weeks ago and am glad I subscribed. Thanks for the great work and keep up the awesome content!

Your comment is spot on. I couldn't agree with you more. I think that's a superstitious myth that "men age like wine". In certain aspects yes, but one can say the same about women. When men and women get older, they lose their looks, period. This harsh reality hits both men and women equally. Having a higher status has little to no relevance in today's dating market, at least based on my experience. I remember Alexander one time remarked that being high status actually causes women to LOSE, not gain, attraction towards you. You become invisible to women, especially low quality women, of which the majority of the female population is. But the same is true of most men today. So it's safe to say that the majority of men and women, especially ones 27 and under, are low quality. The only thing going for them is their looks and daring, but oftentimes naive and ignorant, attitude. Besides that, they are mostly airheads and have little to no substance.

Anosh Orahim

i'm a little surprised by your words 20s guys getting lots of dates, girlfriends. We seen a lot of guys worked hard in 20s and they sucked with women.

It all depends on the state of the world when you are in your 20s and 30s. For us in the USA it was the draft for the war in Vietnam, and the recession in the 1970. Was no fun at all. I remember the weekly casualty figures being announced by Walter Cronkite wondering if I was going to be in the weekly number soon. I remember adding up my credit card debt worrying how to pay it off. As a retired person I wouldn’t go back to those days. As Alexander says, read books, electronic media, relax, grandchildren and much less stress. Even the Covid lockdowns are no problem as I have no outside obligations. To the eye of an older man there is a such wider age range for women to appear attractive. Women in their early twenties look like babies. A woman is not interesting until she shows some maturity.

By "my life was wasted between the ages of 25 and 50", surely you mean "my dating life was wasted between the ages of 25 and 50"?! I would like to think there's more to life than just women and dating. So as long as those were in place and you had plenty to work towards and be excited by it you'll have quite a few adventures to be thankful for. But you seem to be doing fine nonetheless!

Ashwin Srinivas

Your description of girl 4 cracked me up! 😆

I feel like my life was wasted between the ages of 25 and 50. I didn't have access to the kind of advice Alexander provides, and my love life was terrible because I was completely lost when it came to women. Looking back on those years, I realize how they could have been so different if I knew then what I know now. Fortunately, I'm now on the verge of old age and happily married, but the regret I feel about that lost time haunts me.

Ken Schafer

You've not presented any reasons for anyone to think otherwise.

beret-doppelganger

hi Alexander, this is easily and by far the worst video you have produced. Your negative attitude to age and aging, notions of attractiveness and novelty peaks (downwards). It almost makes me stop support you.

Marek Szumlas

Love is so funny. Just the other day my husband and I were having drinks at our favorite local bar. Several guys aged 40 and older chatted with my husband as they were ordering beer. I jokingly said, “you are like an old guy magnet.” And he stared at me and said “Jen, most of them were my age.” My husband is 44 and his hair and beard are mostly all grey.... but I still see the 20-something man I met in him and it makes him look younger to me than other men our age. It’s really pretty weird and kind of fascinating how the mind works. And yes, I do agree men have a wall. Of course a man who was really handsome in his youth is going to be handsome as he gets older. But truth is, most guys are average looking or worse and they don’t age well (at least based on the older men I see around). The worst things that happen to women also happen to men... wrinkles and loose skin. And just like women, the ravages are worse when a person spent a lot of time in the sun - so guys that’s worked outside a lot - seems much noticeable. Add in back problems, knee problems, etc. due to the physicality of their youth and age definitely hits plenty of guys pretty hard. In the area we live now most of the people are 50s+ and I don’t see a bunch of Sean Connery’s around - they’re grandpas and uncle joe’s. As for me personally, I was never a pretty girl. So while I of course am not excited about the aging process and what it does to the body and skin, a rapidly falling SMV doesn’t matter much when it was low to begin with and you aren’t on the “market”. You just do what you can to stay healthy and take care of your skin- it’s all you CAN do. Plus, there are so many advantages to age - especially in the current crap culture. I am so glad to be me and where I am at and am thankful to be happily married and in my 40s instead of single in my 20s.

Love this!!

Alexander talks about looking forward to the next stage, and that the wall doesn't matter if you've set yourself up by living right in your 20s and 30s. That made total sense and I completely agree. It doesn't have to be such a violent, negative experience as hitting a wall. Prior to learning that terminology, I always thought this phenomenon was more like a door at the end of a long hallway. A woman has to be willing to open it and walk through, with or without a man, to find her destiny. I'd be interested if anyone else here, man or woman, has felt the same? For example, when I step out and look at myself and women around me, I see 4 kinds of women. Girl 1 sees the door at the end of the hallway and walks toward it confidently and with purpose. When she reaches the door, she opens it and calmly walks through to the rest of her life. Maybe that means marriage and kids, maybe a career, maybe a life of loneliness. She's not afraid of what it might or might not be. This is the high value woman who knew enough to cultivate meaningful monogamous relationships early, so she was probably already in a LTR with a high quality man while she walked down the hallway. Thus, at the doorway, they walk through it together. Girls 2 and 3...not so high quality..... Girl 2 sees her door down there, realizes she needs to go through it someday, but ignores it or forgets about it, usually until it's too late. Now she has to go through the door alone. But sometimes these girls get lucky and come out the other side ok, if they catch themselves in time and get help. I was Girl 2 and this is what it was like in my hallway (hindsight, of course): Possible Hubby: Oh look, here's your door. Me: Don't bother me, can't you see I'm on the carousel right now? Besides, I have to go work tomorrow. PH a couple years later: Um, your door is really close now, shouldn't you, um... Me: I'm too busy working on my passion. Besides, this other horse is a once in a lifetime ride that I just have to try. Why are you trying to control me, you male oppressor! PH a couple years later: Dude, seriously, let's go! Me: Ok ok, just one more carousel ride, I swear, and then I'll be there in just a sec ok? k! PH: YO! Dumbass! Get in there NOW! Me: BUT MY CAREER!! Objective 3rd party comes up to me in the hallway, taps me on the shoulder, and says: Did you know your man is holding your door open for you? Me: Oh yeah! That's right! I forgot, I always wanted him to walk me through it! To PH: You're such a great guy to wait for me! I love you! (Whew!) Girl 3 is the one that people here might most associate with the 'wall.' She is unaware that the door is even there. And when she finally gets there, she is totally surprised and will do anything and everything to avoid opening it. She stands at the threshold, feet and hands on either side of the door jamb, pushing back as Time tries to shove her through the door. She's screaming desperately 'I don't want to go, you can't make me! I haven't even found a good man yet!' She finally realizes it's futile and yells 'Well if I'm going, I'm not going down alone bitches!' She lets go of the door, grabs the first sucker she sees, and together they tumble through the doorway, landing in a messy pile on the floor. The door slams behind her! She regrets choosing him, but now it's too late. She spends the rest of her life looking backwards, trying to figure out how to open the door again to go back. Girl 4 I can't tell if she's high quality or low quality. She sees her door right away and is SO excited for it! She can't wait! She takes that early unvetted, unbridled love affair and drags him behind her as she runs headlong down the hallway to her door. Without even slowing down, she crashes through that sumbitch like a linebacker, leaving a hole shaped like a cartoon cutout of herself! (Ok, I take it back, girl 3 and 4 are a little violent.) Total gamble on her part in regards to the quality of the man. But she sighs in contentment, pleased she reached her goal so early in life. Now that I actually got all that down, I'm convinced it's definitely a door, not a wall. Those 4 examples are all I remember witnessing, but maybe there are other types?

Jennifer Coopman

Loving the illustrating image of the video before playing it

hmm hitting the wall implies a sudden loss of something. one way to deal with getting older is recognize SMV differences as we age diverge. this suggests a guy my age 45 should trade in a girlfriend/wife in her 40s for one in her thirties (unless deeply in love). That is certainly possible and 35 year olds can still be hot.

Andy