PATREON EXCLUSIVE: Can You Tell Your Girlfriend How To Dress?

This is a great topic! I think asking your girlfriend to dress more femininely can be a positive if done in the right way. I starting dating my ex-boyfriend in college and at the time I was wearing a lot of sweats, baggy hoodies, t-shirts, etc. About a month in he asked me to put more effort into how I dressed. At first, I thought it was quite audacious of him to ask that and I was quite resistant to it. However, I was into him and wanted to please him so I started to put in more effort. It was a gradual process, but I ended up really enjoying styling myself and wearing feminine clothing. I was a very sporty girl growing up so it really helped bring out my femininity. Fast forward 3 years later to now, and 95% of my wardrobe is flattering and stylish clothing and I have never felt so confident as a woman!

I asked a woman I was going out with and who used to wear pants to wear a dress instead one time, saying it was nicer and more feminine. Now she wears a dress every time we go out together, so I say yes you should ask her for what you like.

Funny you should mention the bare shoulders thing because I've been trying to influence my girlfriend toward exactly that style :D

Lots of wisdom here. I'm fully with you. Exclusivity should come with terms. Cats get trapped into exclusivity and unintentionally grant one woman a monopoly.

My ex had a very good sense of style rarely every dressed promiscuously, if she showed off skin in the daytime it was done in a classy way. However when we'd go out to clubs she'd often dress very promiscuously when I was with her. This confused me a bit tbh but I ended up not going any deeper after she told me it was "for you". She wanted to look hot by my side. In fairness to her, she would show off less skin when she went out by herself with her friends, than she did when we would go out together in a group of friends. I think her showing off skin never bothered me because she did look suuuper hot when she did. And we were very happy together at that time so there was no reason to make each other jealous. It was genuinely to be hot for me. I don't know what I would've done had it been the opposite, where her outfits were more revealing when she was at the club without me. I think the fundamental mindset behind that, would've been a red flag for me. It probably would have shown up in other areas too.

Julien

I think these conversation should be done BEFORE any exclusivity done, particularly when shes asking for your commitment. Things like;- i dont like girls who drink/dress slutty/goes out with man one-to-one etc. Set the damn boundaries, if she violates any of it, she is the one who is at fault not you.

A long time ago, I dated a girl who did not took care of herself, smelled and I swear I saw food on her hair once, lol. Anyways after this I had a girlfriend who took good care of her appearance, so I complimented her and told her that I loved her hair and WOULD NEVER complain about it, since you know, food hair girl, happened. This was a mistake, cause then we were late everywhere cause she spent 2 hours fixing her hair, and if I complained, she remind me what I said, lol. That was a difficult hole to come back from.

Jimmy Madrigal

I have literally never had to deal with this. Every woman I've ever been with was always concerned with dressing in a way the appealed to me. I've also never been with a woman whose style of dress bothered me or gave me cause for concern.

Ken Schafer

I'm surprised that you would suspect the onset of controlling behaviour solely on his requests and suggestions for you to change your clothing. That's just one dimension. What about other aspects of your lives where he could exhibit the same thing like when you go out, what you eat etc. I would assume that someone would be judged as controlling if this spreads across those dimensions as well.

Ashwin Srinivas

My husband had the clothing talk with me. Not because I dressed slutty though. I am one of the rarer women who absolutely hates shopping and fashion. My criteria for clothes is that they need to be easy and comfortable so I mostly wear jeans, t-shirts, and sneakers at home and black dress pants, simple top, and flats for work (when I worked in an office). However, I used to be fat and lost a ton of weight after we got married. I went from a size 16 to a size 2 but still kept wearing the same basic clothes - even the same t-shirts, (and some times my husbands t-shirts) that would just... swim on me. He asked me to start wearing more form fitting clothes. I won’t lie, I was not happy with the request at the time. My thoughts were: “I wore all the same stuff before and it didn’t seem to be a problem, why is he changing his view now- does this mean he doesn’t love me anymore” and “he wants me to physically and mentally feel uncomfortable for him, wtf” and “why does he want me to show my figure for OTHER people in public” and “is this where the controlling asshole husband starts - is this the beginning of the horror story so many women have talked about over the years. Is the next step him limiting who I am friends with and when I can talk with my family- is this a red flag!?” I wish I could remember exactly what he said but it was over 15 years ago. Suffice it to say, whatever he said made me feel less insecure about his request, his motives, and his love for me - and I did modify my clothing choices. It was a gradual change though. Special occasion clothing choices happened first and then daily wear stuff started changing. Now I don’t wear anything bulky out in public and haven’t for years.

This is a great topic and I've never heard anyone address it before—thanks for taking it on! This has come up before for me with a girlfriend who dressed a bit too much like a "mom" for my liking (and no, she didn't have kids). I addressed it in a couple ways: first, I would always compliment her style when she did dress more attractively ("wow, you look great honey, love that outfit and your hair"). Second, she also has a great sense of humor, so I was able to talk to her about it a bit through gentle teasing. As a side note, the older I get, the more I realize the importance of being with a woman with a good sense of humor, it really makes life more enjoyable. There's something about being with a woman who dresses and carries herself in a stylish yet modest way—in speech, clothing, mannerisms, etc—that reflects well on your taste and character as a man. Aesthetics matter.