PATREON EXCLUSIVE: How To Trust Women After You've Been Burned

Hey Alexander! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. Mentioning books about psychology- have you read „the laws of human nature“ by Robert Greene?

Andi Arbeit

Great video - Completely agreed that initiating relationships while you are broken only leads to future issues. In the spirit of empathy for the person who reached out, I completely understand how awful it feels to be feel like you are unlovable. Someone can be excelling platonically with friends, family, neighbors, etc. but be hurting from this on the inside. Social confidence does not always translate directly into confidence inside of a relationship. Some folks are incredibly self-conscious about how difficult being intimate with someone else is, and their brain often self-sabotages when someone is intimate with them and tells them they are being pitied. I know it took me a long time to get over this in my younger years. All of that being said, the issue is that a relationship with someone is not going to fix this issue you have with yourself. You have to sort it out on your own. It is going to be painful, it is going to take time, it is going to require close examination of what is making you feel this way, and it is going to require addressing that thing. Therapy is amazing for something like this.

What (audio) books would you recomment on topic of recognising manipulators and mental disorders?

Excellent video. I can see trends of codependency behavior in my past. However, in recent relationships I may be holding back more than I should. This was a good framework to work off of to adjust with.

I love the advice you gave the guy about trying to find other people outside of romantic relationships to help him. Codependency is a real thing and you hit the nail on the head as always. Hope the guy starts to recover, his reaction does give me a PTSD vibe which does make me think therapy is the only way, if it was something milder he might have been able to do the work himself.

Alisha

I am so sorry that you had such a shit time man. Sounds almost like dissociation feeling that numb. You say you see women embodying negative stereotypes but what do you mean if you don't mind me asking? There are never any unicorns, just people. If you do want to be with a woman then obviously look for someone who is very secure. But yeah, I wish you the best!

Alisha

Yeaaaahhhh kinda same thing here. The difference nowadays is that i actually told my girlfriend that somethings she will never know. That's just it. I will forever go for Psychotherapy at least once a month. I understand me better now. My girl will never know some stuff, probably delusional stuff. I just don't want those close to me in a weird situation. I guess it's a mature aproach. But nevertheless i'm only human and will colapse once in a whyle. Jus trying not too. The previous 30 years i had are not to be revived but learning lessons. Took me forever to figure out my place in the world. Hope you get better. :)

I've struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts since I was about 13 and can confirm that any good thing can momentarily ease that pain, including a relationship. I've only had one that was close to a romantic relationship, but she also helped me get through depression, family issues, fears, and any other psychological issues I had at the time. I honestly kind of feel sorry for her, because she kind of became my therapist, being the only one I could really talk to, and I was paranoid that she'd leave me. We ended up having unreconcilable differences and broke up, which, like Alex said, sent me into worse depression. I didn't try to get into a relationship for a while after, but when I did, I noticed I seemed to be attracting broken people like me, so I stopped and am now waiting till I sort myself out before trying again. So yeah, I can relate and it sucks.

You know what they say, experience is the best teacher!

Kyle Worden

There were a few factors at issue here but I wanted to ask about the high school relationship one. HS relationships rarely, if ever, work out. I get they are kids and ruled by hormones and general ignorance of the world - but it still surprises me how many people still get in relationships in high school and think they will last. I never understood when I was in high school myself - and I understand it even less now given the internet and access to info kids have now. Do you think that tendency will ever go away or do you think it’s just a life lesson a lot of people have to learn the hard way?

This sounds exactly like me. But once I learnt about women, how they work, why they do what they do from this channel and others like it. I worked on me and I realised that I'm the prize. Don't be needy... Ever 👍

So ok i'll go for a point of view that's different since i've allways had problems expressing myself. I'm going into a relationship that will test myself to a different level now. Something she told me is that she's old school and wants marriage and such and what i can understand is that most men nowadays don't want that since the party girls and the YOLO method is real and sucks. Finding a unicorn is what you are never hoping to find. But there's a show that really reaaaaaally resonated with me. And it's a stupid show if you think about it exploring something like this to it's core. I was ashamed when i finished it. LEGION is about a mutant from Marvel. But explores this in such a hard way that schocks almost any soul. And since i never had a role model Books Tv show music and arts in general kept me going. I can understand this more clearly now. But took me some years by myself to figure it out that i had value as i am. Good vid

Great video. Good for him to learn this lesson at a young age as long as he grows from it and doesn’t squander further opportunities and/or better experiences out of fear or trauma. We’ve all been there.

Ruairidh

Can confirm on depression being temporarily ameliorated by falling in love. Not a longterm solution. Nope, nope at all.

rumlyne

Great video Alexander.