PATREON EXCLUSIVE: Can Long Distance Relationships Work?

I mean, the problem is that I have problems finding girls near me where I live, so finding girls in ldrs is really the only option I have at the moment. For some reason I've only found myself living in places with little to no dating opportunity. Do you have any advice in that regard?

What if due to some circumstances, you have to live temporarily apart for- say several months or a year. How can the relationship work or is it best to break up.

DatRolling Panda

Currently 18 and have dated online twice when i was still 14 and 16. I can tell you everything in this video is true, I have went through some of the things alex has said and looking back now, I don’t completely regret doing it. I was always shy and making these relationships help me develop myself in taking to girls because I never really had many in my life. If you’re utterly shy, you can learn from it but remember in-person relationships are alot different than online.

I had one that lasted for half a year and it fortunately ended before we moved in together. At the time I didn't see it that way though. We had an awful start since she was a relationship hopper but I was too damn stubborn to admit it to myself. Nevertheless at the time we wanted to be with each other but since she was moving out of town because of a job offer, we started trying long distance. I was able to visit her once a month so it wasn't all that bad and eventually we started talking about me moving in with her. It lasted for about half a year and after months of planning it she cancelled on me (not before getting some furniture out of silly young me). In the end all the time and effort wasted on messages, keeping in touch at night, planning stuff and so on, ended up being even more than the one I invested in her when we were in the same city. The difference is that when she was here at least my time was not only being used on her, but also on a meal, or on a movie, or on meeting new people. You know I could enjoy the actual place or activity. But the aftertaste of that LDR really feels like time and effort that went down the drain. In the end I know this relationship would have ended regardless of whether we lived in the same place or not. But if it had been in person, at least I would feel it left me something.

zerge

Had a match on Tinder, but girl was recovering from surgery so the date was postponed. Suddenly I didn't hear anything anymore from her (after 2 months of online contact). Turns out she was asked out by a guy she met on the first activity she did when she got back out of the house and they fell in love. So yeah, fully agree... Talking too long online is just a waste of time. Since then, I just push for meeting very soon or just leave it if that's not an option.

Roeland

in a long-distance relationship with my GF for two and half years. we've been together for five years. never once notice a sign of a cheater

Something I like about long distance relationships is that it helps let you know if you can trust that person. I don’t think I’d like the feeling that if I left the vicinity of my partner for a few months that she’d probably cheat on me. I’d like to make long distance a requirement for a portion of the relationship before I’d marry them.

I had a long distance relationship and being shy, it seemed to work out pretty well at least at first. Interestingly, I also have a fear of traveling, so I never knew how it was really going to develop. It ended up not lasting long enough for me to have to travel. My brother though had a LDR and they ended up getting married. It was through a mutual friend so I think that's why it ended up working. And now he's always telling me I should widen my scope, since I'd rather find a local girl. What resources would you recommend for building a high quality social circle? I've been working my whole life to get friends, to be someone other people actually want to be around. I've gotten it to the point where people seem to like to talk with me as acquaintances or very casual friends, but I've never been able to get any further than that.

It's really interesting. Thanks so much for sharing your story

Alexander Grace

I tried a long distance relationship once. I was moving to another country and we didn't want to break up. This was my first relationship (I was 15) and we thought is was a good idea to try. We planned for me to come visit in a year. Very quickly she decided she wanted to break up (i think it took her around 2 weeks after I left). It broke my heart at the time but it is very interesting to see the shift. She went from being the one to bring up the option of a long term relationship to being the one to shut it down in a relatively short amount of time. As soon as I wasn't able to make her feel physically safe and desired it just didn't work and all the attraction we build disappeared in to thin air. I have been in a semi long distance relationship though and that was much better. That lasted for about 3 years. We were both in mandatory army service and we met once every 2 weeks it was hard but the fact that we missed each other all the time made our meetings really passionate. The funny thing is that after we finished our service we tried living together and broke up a couple months after that. Living together really exaggerated our differences and brought the mud of our relationship to the surface. When we were in the long distance dynamic we had such a short time to be together every time we met that we didn't want to deal with the problems and pushed them aside. Also the thing that he said about the likeliness fights coming from texting and phone calls is so true I cannot count the amount of times I was misconstrued in a text or a phone call and then having to spend hours of our face to face time fixing it.

Tomer Shamay

This is pretty solid info, glad you and your husband have worked out so well xxx

Alisha

My husband and I did the long distance thing at the start of our relationship for close to a year ( I had to finish my senior year in college in NY and he had graduated and was starting a job in MI). We did long distance again for a few years a while after we got married (but saw each other every other weekend or so and a few months in between job sometimes). We believe it made us stronger in the long run. Some of the reasons we think it worked for us: - We did not have kids. I think that makes things way harder for people. - we are both very independent and happy with ourselves - so when we are apart, we tend not to dwell on the separation but focus on the other things that make us happy and add value to our lives. E.g. when my husband was on one job for a few years, I occupied myself with work and going back to school to get my masters. - We always viewed the reason for the separation as an investment in ourselves, each other, and our future. - We knew what we had in each other and did not take that for granted. - When we did see each other, it was like a honeymoon....we had lots of amazing honeymoons over the years. - We knew it would not be forever. That said, after 5-6 years we were over it. The investment paid off though and I was able to get a good paying, work from home position at my company and I’ve been able to follow him around ever since.

Yeah I think it could temporarily work out but emphasis on the word temporarily. I don't think you want to set that up for a long-term arrangement because then the dangers x but if they're smart and mature people they should be able to make it work for a little bit. You don't want to get too cocky or over confident though

Alexander Grace

What do you think about LDR of people that have a normal relationship, a very healthy relationship for few months and after that a time, one of them has to move for 3 years to a place close enough to visit once a month for 4, 5 days at a time even 10 days every couple of months. Both very mature, very independent, both working on their stuff and growing as professionals and persons. WHat are your thoughts on this? Do you think something like that could work out?

Could not agree more. There's so much to a relationship that is unconscious/instinctual that you can't trigger unless you're physically with another person. I would go so far as to say that it's so fundamental to any romantic relationship that you can't really call it that unless have it. Long distance relationship? You're essentially dating a figment of your imagination.