PATREON EXCLUSIVE: Can A Relationship Work When The Woman Is In Charge?

I think I'm the rare category who is hardwired to lead, leadership position always finds me in every area of my life. I didn't have a tyrant father. Also I don't find issue with traditional hierarchy if my leader what he or she has to do. I'm in my second marriage. The first one lasted for 11 years (married for 8). My ex-husband didn't have any intention to lead and was very lazy in every area of life (he was a good man tough but we broke up because I changed too much, I became to outgoing for example and he didn't want kids altough he promised me we will have at least one). I don't think there was an issue with me being the leader. We are still friends and I hope him the best but I want a fuller life (having friends, more quality time with my partner, kids). I'm together with my second husband for 3,5 years now (married for 2). I am definitely the leader here too and he has no issue with it (I always take into account his best interest too) but he is not lazy and could be a leader if he had to step up. He had to do it once for a longer period because I was very ill, it is a good feeling that am secure in this sense. There are some areas in which he is the expert though so I ask him to make every decision in these cases and I only follow the steps he tells me too, never questioning anything he says in these cases. I plan to teach my future children that they can do anything. Altough I'm a high achiever it is totally fine by me if my daughter's dream will be to be a stay at home mom or my son would like a more a traditional wife. Each to their own, I will support them anyways. It works great for us at the moment, I will hopefully come back in a few years to tell if it still works or not. :D

Liandra

Thank you for sharing.

Rawk Hawk

Good points there, and why i think this whole WOKE thing is really retarded

Wow that is interesting, what is being a “bull” like? xxx

Alisha

As Alex points out - it’s practically a statistical anomaly that a woman who wants to lead, and a man who wants to follow, start a relationship. Personal experience - I’ve been with a fair amount of “bad bitches” who dominate their work spaces, their friendships, and pst relationships. In all cases, they turn into vulnerable / insecure little girls when they’re with me, and they blatantly express that they are “bad bitches” because of recent feminist movements, but they want to be submissive, and feminine, and I have been able to give them that space. I’ve also been the “bull” to a handful of couples and each time, the woman is the dominant partner, and seems to be tired of her weak/submissive boyfriend/husband. I totally agree with everything Alex says based on my personal experience

For the first 11 yrs of my relationship with my husband I was in charge of the feminine AND masculine aspects of the relationship. Alexander suggests the motivation is internalized trauma from bad experiences with men as a child.  I'd buy that. But what it felt like when I was doing it was of being determined to avoid poverty and making sure the relationship took a backseat to my career, because that's what I thought strong, smart women did. It worked great until I had a baby.  I immediately moved into the feminine exclusively, so no more room for the masculine.  Soon after, it was clear that hubby was not adjusting well to fatherhood.  So I added his portion of the parenting to my own and assumed that he would pick up that 'burden of responsibility' that Alexander describes in the video, which had been mine until that point. Wrong. I didn't realize that for 11 yrs I had conditioned him that he didn't need any masculine responsibilty, or motivation, or ability to do anything. He never had the opportunity to learn the value of it because I never expected it of him. A month after giving birth I realized I couldn't abandon the masculine. I HAD to continue behaving that way because at this point he wasn't going to.  I thought: no big deal, I can do everything again, after all, cue the usual feminist rhetoric here, right? Wrong again. A few months later I developed post partum depression. After it cleared, I made a few changes in my life to relieve some stress and save time. Some feminine and masculine behaviors/activities were eliminated in order to make room.  The part of this video that I identidied most with was when Alexander talked about the resentment. That is so true! Giving up the things I did was my choice, but I found myself wondering why my man refused to be 'the man'.  When I stopped doing those things/behaviors, they never got done again. Until my husband starting changing on his own. He gradually started taking on household responsibilties and engaging more with our kid. I started trusting him to make decisions for the family. And just like Alexander always says, the more masculine he became, the more I reverted to the feminine. It felt so good to not have to be fluent in two distinct roles. I was relieved to finally go down to one role.

Jennifer Coopman

My mom is korean, but yeah, she was a tiger mom for sure. Watching too many korean dramas. XD she grew up as an orphan so in her eyes we have it easy.

No offense but your mom sounds like a tiger parent! Your name suggests that you're Japanese. So is your mom the typical strict Asian mom?

Ashwin Srinivas

I am kind of in that sort of relationship where I am the “leader”. But as a young girl growing up, I was definitely the person who wanted to be good and follow directions and stuff. My mom was really really strict almost to the point of being oppressive. Wasnt allowed to watch tv/cartoons, read magazines, play video games, and we could watch some movies but it was only movies that she wanted to watch. I wanted more freedom and found that playing the leader would give me that. I struggled being in any relationships cause I find that when I disagreed with something I was scolded harshly and it felt restricting. I guess in many ways I felt like my thoughts were dismissed and unimportant. Found a guy recently who is slightly more feminine and would prefer to follow. Its not like I boss him around or anything. We consult with each other on what we want to achieve and then we divide up the tasks. I tend to do tasks more related to planning and thinking while he does the tasks more related to building and labor. I feel like we make a good team and we respect each others skills.

I have seen relationships where the woman is the leader. As an observer of these relationships it just feels off and frankly is off putting. Alexander is right about the "nature" of male/female roles. A man who understands the innate nature of his male leadership role who witnesses this "role" reversal can sense discomfort within himself ....the feeling that something is off and that is simply what Alexander's video is about. Most all relationships I have been in and I have observed in others are male leadership roles....it's biological.

Frank

What Alex says here resonates with my firsthand experiences and the knowledge I've gained through studying. Thanks for laying it out so well Alex.

Blair

when women and I are having s3x, some times I start saying ''you're mine''. Somehow I feel the need to claim them as being my little gems, submitted. Lol damn, self-discovery. So no, no domineering, somewhat of a balance but mostly my way or the highway depending on what's at stake.

SamG

Leading in his relationship is like being the Captain of the Rugby or Cricket team. It is not autocratic and relies on consensus but carries a huge responsibility for success or failure. When enjoying the spotlight holding up the trophy which his team won, the very first thing the Captain always does is acknowledge the fantastic team which is his privilege and honour to lead.

I think sexual fantasies need to be separated from relationship dynamics. Although you can have the same sexual fantasy as the relationship dynamic as some people enjoy a 24/7 set up. Fantasies are an escape, many men I know who have a dominatrix fantasy are masculine men who tend to be dominant (ironically). The person who is dominant makes the choices which is tiring so if a man is dominant in most aspects of his life and relationships then he might crave an escape. Dominant people tend to also be confident so maybe just a confident woman is a turn on. I know a guy (just one so it ain’t a big sample size) who has had a few long term relationships with needy, insecure women and he ended up wanting a confident woman and he wanted a dominatrix. For guys who are not that dominant who want dominatrixes I think Alexander could possibly explain that in the video already as he mentions some people see traumatic things as children which adds layers to their masculinity of femininity..

Alisha

Short answer: No.

Daniel L Chin

I agree with this but what do you have to say about dominatrixes and mens' fantasies to be dominated by a woman? This is surprisingly common, even though female led relationships are not.

Ashwin Srinivas