PATREON EXCLUSIVE: Why Don't Women Have Hobbies?

Forgot to mention that I fortunately share gaming as a hobby with my husband and we like the same games, but he is so much more better at it but that's normal because he is a paid esports player. So I am able to spend my together with my husband at night in a way which we both enjoy and find useful too.

Liandra

I can't relate to this video. One of my biggest problem is that I can't do ANYTHING without goals so I can't 100% relax even in my hobbies as others which get on the nerves of my family and friends sometimes (not my husband's fortunately, he understands my high achiever personality). Also I have a lot of hobbies which requires a lot of practice if you want to be good at it so I don't have much free time to socialize besides that: - starting new ventures and managing my enterprise besides my main job - game development and computer programming (the later is my main job too) - video games (I only play ranked games and I want to be the best even with limited free time) - learning Chinese

Liandra

As a young girl, I always tended towards having many hobbies and definitely had (still somewhat have) a strong masculine side to me. A defining moment for me was when I overheard from someone that a group of my friends and siblings were talking about how I was always a "show off". It surprised me because the examples they gave were not moments I was intentionally showing off, but genuinely just enjoying myself. Needless to say, from then on I was more aware of how my actions were perceived by my peers and always downplayed my skills or was careful not to rank too much higher than anyone else in group settings. I think that experience had a positive impact on me overall. I've learned where the line is for how much I can do while still avoiding a negative response. It also allowed me to learn the balance of being myself/doing what I love and working well in a group/being socially adept. So, all this to say: I wonder how much of what seems like a lack of ambition or interest in hobbies is actually a part of the feminine/social understanding that if you outshine others by too much, you will evoke jealousy or something of the sort.

I heard a lot of footsteps in this video

Jeffery Tang

I think one thing you’re missing is a lot of women these days take up hobbies with an amateurish level of interest to get exposure to men they’re attracted to (think of the huge number of women now into hobbies such as boxing, MMA, powerlifting and more recently ‘crypto’ babes trying to latch on to rich nerds that invested early. I can think of many more examples.

Definitely male dominated. Dudes have done 10 run throughs and I’m still on the first reading every document and checking every container for loot even though I know I’m going to get a weak potion or basic food item I have like 800 of 🤣

In the context of this discussion, I find the (male-dominated) activity of video game speed-running to be very fascinating, and kind of inspiring! To learn more, the YouTube channel Summoning Salt is a great place to start. To be fair, speed-running is also largely a manifestation of male competitiveness and hierarchy aspirations (or so I theorize).

Blair

I usually say that I believe in a balanced relationship between men and women, not an equal one. By that I mean men have their tasks and inclinations, and women have theirs. As long as you hold firm you'll be fine

LOL! As I was trying to post that, I told my husband about it and here's the funny convo that ensued: Me: Alexander says that all that time you spend playing video games is satisfying your subconscious evolutionary need for masculine achievement. H: Damn right. Me: But I don't have any hobbies that satisfy my feminine evolutionary needs. H: You clean and cook. Me: Those are chores, not hobbies. H: You do have a feminine hobby: whining Me: gives dirty look H: I'm just teasing, of course it's not whining.  It's complaining. Me: Hey, I hardly ever complain anymore! H: takes phone and reads above post back to me Me: Damn you! Go play your stupid video game then! Both LOL by the end of it, of course ....smh and sigh :)

Jennifer Coopman

I never considered playing video games, watching tv, playing on the computer, watching YouTube videos, or talking to people on the phone as hobbies.  I always saw those things as keeping people from engaging in their hobbies.  Alexander's content excepted of course! :) At the video's 10 minute mark he talks about how women are envious, thinking 'I wish I had the motivation to...' I agree that we are envious, but I'm not sure it's because we lack motivation to learn new skills or to be adventurous. I can understand how that description might apply to single childless women without a hobby.  But it hasn't been my experience as a wife or mother.  Hobbies are something I gave up intentionally when I gave birth in order to spend more time with my child. I think women might be envious because we're holding down the fort so that the man can enjoy fixing up that metaphorical motorcycle all weekend.  Even a stay at home mom who gets all the chores and errands done during the weekdays still must take care of the kids and cook meals for the family while dad is occupied in the garage.   A woman needn't be a martyr about it since those things are rewarding, and in this day and age any time spent with your kids is golden.  But I don't think taking care of business while the husband is unavailable to the family demonstrates a lack of desire for achievement or not being creative.   I look forward to taking something up again when my kid leaves home. In fact, now that they are a teen, that's already started a little bit, which is how I found the time for this.  Yay!

Jennifer Coopman

I really love my hobbies and accomplishments, it feels core to my masculinity. I wouldn't be who I am today without my drive to pursue what interests me about the world. I have to admit though, it has been extraordinarily difficult to relinquish all of that and just be. I'm curious to find out how deeply that ability to simply enjoy being can be facilitated by a feminine partner.

Steven

How do you know at which point you are a sexist? I just don't understand it. Can you still point out differences in gender and tendencies? How do you respond to accusations of that kind?

Speaking of hobbies, If you guys are wondering, what the knocking noise in the background is, it's just Alex building him a new wooden bench.👍 #multitasking

I read and play video games but don’t know if they count as pastimes or hobbies. 🤔 Maybe the reading is more of a pastime and the gaming a hobby considering the hours I put in coupled with research and practice. Still, those activities don’t hold a candle to everything my husband does. As you mentioned, I feel both envious of his seemingly boundless energy and single minded focus but also kind of sad for his inability to just.... be. Of course, not only is he male but he is also an extrovert whereas I am an introvert female - so we have some disparity in our preferred activities. Gaming, however, is one we share (though we play different kinds of games).