PATREON EXCLUSIVE: Why Don't Women Pay Attention To Men They Aren't Interested In?

I know some women who would love a giant man who looks like a physical threat. You just need to maybe soften up the other parts of your appearance, for balance ❤️ Like dress well, don't dress thuggish (baggy clothes, etc) not saying you don't already, but I know a lot of guys in your predicament who dress too thuggish, and scare people away. Also try smiling more, and work on any creepy behaviors you may be doing subconsciously, like hovering, getting too close, staring. And when you do meet someone, crack a joke about your height and size, and get it out of the way. Sometimes self deprecation can put others' insecurities at ease.

You should take it personally because it means you don't qualify. I work in a warehouse and I notice women actively ignoring me. I'll look in their direction and they will quickly avert their eyes either to the side or up. It's not always an issue of danger (I'm about 5'6 and skinny), they are signaling from the get-go that they do not find you attractive and therefore don't want to be approached. It happens at my work because the men here think they can get any girl, and are thirsty asf. Women here are all PTSD'd the fuck out lmao.

Mr. K

Sadly I went to that hole: I had serious social anxiety developed because I took things personally. In one point it got so bad that I stopped interacting and approaching women and people in general for years. Some of it were that I was not ignored, but actually got negative, scare based feedback: I am 6'7", heavy frame guy, strangers sometime perceive me as physical threat.

Ignas

I suspect it is the perceived sense of control. In those situations you described women believe they have control over the situation and are making a conscious decision about the level of risk they may be putting themselves in. It is a very different feeling when Unexpectedly being cold approached by a guy. Maybe a simple but silly analogy may help. It’s kinda like making a conscious decision to slide on a patch of ice for the fun of it versus just randomly walking and all of a sudden slip on ice.

It's because you aren't 6' and handsome because they are lining up to give Chad's attention.

Its because you aren't 6' and handsome because they get in line to get his attention from Chad.

“But if a girl just turned her back on the guy or walked away without saying anything, she was in the wrong.” “they have no reason to assume he's going to hurt her just because he's a man. That would be reverse sexism.” I sort of agree with these points - depending on the situation. I suspect the guy who was talking to you had a specific “approach” scenario in his mind - a regular guy approaching a girl and trying to strike up a conversation in a friendly way. If a guy approaches in a respectful, friendly way but the woman who isn’t interested doesn’t reject in a respectful way - it definitely is a negative reflection of HER character. And he is right that while women should be cautious, being ruled by fear and projecting malintent onto a guy just because he is a guy, is a pretty shitty thing to do if his actual behavior has not substantiated that judgement. That said, I don’t think the guy you were talking to was really understanding all the ways guys actually approach women and how often we can experience disrespectful methods of approach. For example, I am a very busty woman and back in the days when I would have to travel for work I learned pretty quickly to opt for room service rather than going to the hotel bar for food/drinks (unless I was with coworkers). This was based on 3 scenarios of guys approaching me, 2 of whom stared at my boobs from across the room first and then moved to sit closer to me (once when I was at the bar and once when I was at a table by myself in the bar area) and continued to stare right at them while trying to strike up a conversation. And then one dude whose opening comment was something about my “figure” but it was obvious what he meant. I admit I gave these guys the cold shoulder, focused all my attention on my cell phone, and was thankful I was in a public place. While I did not want to be blatantly rude or cause a scene, I also didn’t think they were worthy of a polite, respectful response - and so just tried to ignore them.

Man, watching from 4:28 - 8:30, the feminist in me was jumping up and down and cheering like he just scored a touchdown!  In those 4 minutes I couldn't have said it better myself! I had an argument about some of these subjects with a guy (in real life) recently that you all might find interesting.  Kind of long, but it was a doozy! In the video, Alexander said ignoring the approach is safer for women (I agree). But this other guy gave me a different perspective.  He said ignoring the man who approaches you was actually more dangerous than politely rejecting him. This other man's line of thinking was: If a girl said 'no thank you' and was polite, then men will back off respectfully. And if a man doesn't back off (like he had sour grapes or didn't get the hint, kind of like the situation Alexander described around the 7:20 mark), then he was a dick or a creep and he was in the wrong.  But if a girl just turned her back on the guy or walked away without saying anything, she was in the wrong.  She was being rude by not treating the man with decent human dignity.  Therefore, he had a right to be angry with her and if he kept talking to her, or followed her, or threatened her, well what does she expect when she acted like a bitch by not speaking to him?  The man I was talking to was quick to say 'oh no I don't condone a man being menacing or threatening if she ignores him. It's just that some men are like that so you only have youself to blame for disrespecting him.' This other man said women should be polite to a strange man asking them out because they have no reason to assume he's going to hurt her just because he's a man. That would be reverse sexism. He said besides, if she doesn't verbally say no, how is the guy supposed to know she is actually rejecting him? Maybe she just didn't hear him or didn't realize he was talking to her specifically,  or is she playing hard to get? So of course he's going to keep at her until he knows for sure. I disagreed with all that wholeheartedly (had a feminist freak-out is more like it.) I don't believe getting ignored by a woman during the approach entitles a man to escalate or continue to engage with her.  But that's probably because I'm one of those bitches he was referring to who will just walk away.  But after putting that aside and thinking about it later, I still don't think his argument makes sense.  On one hand he was telling me I have no reason to believe a strange man approaching me will be dangerous, and on the other hand he said I should be polite to avoid having my safety threatened.  It's like in "A Few Good Men" when Tom  Cruise says to Jack Nicholson 'if you gave orders that Santiago wasn't to be touched, then why would he need to be transferred off the base for his safety?' What am I missing here? I was pretty triggered during this conversation so I could've just misunderstood him.  And I did notice that his explanation painted me personally in a bad light for ignoring an approach.  So maybe I was/am in denial that this other dude might be right, so I wouldn't have to admit that I am sexist...?

Jennifer Coopman

Then how would you explain playing "hard to get" and deliberatley acting stand offish to see if the guy is really interested and confident enough to make the move? Some other dating coaches or YouTube pesonalities explain acting stand offsih as a another "shit test".

Ashwin Srinivas

This is the sort of direct, accurate messaging that made me want to be a Patreon supporter. Not necessarily for me personally, but for young men out there (like my sons, for example) who otherwise would only get the romantic marketing messages of people trying to sell them something. Keep up the good work.

Approach apologetically, something like “excuse me I dont mean to bother you”. Ask a simple request like “do you know what time it is?”. Then either find some topic of common ground or leave immediately. Assume the conversation will be short. Dont prolong unnecessarily. Approach like youre trying to befriend a stray cat. Trust takes time and repetition!

Fountain Head

In bars, when I suddenly end up in deep conversations with a woman, I know that she's taken. One time I told her that it's too bad that she's staken, and she asked me how I knew that - I responded with "Because I can talk to you about anything.". What I mean is, that I assume a platonic conversation where unsexy topics come up, and since she keeps talking with me, it means that she never was interested but didn't leave. Lucklily I care more about controversial conversations with people rather than scoring. Someday the exception will show up - I have met one, but she's an intersectional feminist and that's a no-go. Guys have to learn that having clear standards is worth the waiting period

Women ignore men to avoid danger. Convey nothing but safety and they friend zone you. Convey safety and danger and you have their attention at last. I guess that’s how it works.

Todd McDaniels

Thank you for sharing this. You are spot on. And, just to reinforce your insights… I am married, older, average looking, and rarely go anywhere socially without my husband so I’ve gotten used to being able to acknowledge guys and engage in conversation with them because those fears (I.e. leading someone on, rejecting advances, etc) are usually a non-issue. However, my comfort has burned me a couple times because on those rare instances that I’ve been alone I’ve ended up in some awkward (but thankfully not scary) situations with men. Of course , any time that happens it makes me want to go back to just not acknowledging guys at all. But I don’t like being that way and try to fight the instinct if I feel safe otherwise.

Ladies, if we’re complete strangers, no mutual connections or background, how does a guy make you feel more comfortable in order to approach?

Christopher

I am travelling through South and Central America with my girlfriend (she is blonde). The amount of attention she gets from desperate, low-value guys local to these countries is insanely high (when I'm there it is usually in fairly subtle ways although a few times it has been fairly overt- and (when I'm not there from what my girlfriend has told me) it is very overt and uncomfortable ). By no means is it smart to engage in conversation with any of these people. Safety is the primary concern. If it isn't trying to flirt often these people are trying to sell us something. To your point, Alexander, these interactions, have conditioned us to be very unwilling to engage in conversations with any local people where there isn't some form of prior 'social proofing as the risk Vs reward or cost vs benefit doesn't justify the interaction. The last few months travelling has been valuable to understand a woman's experience. Whilst in western countries these experiences are less frequent and less overt they do still occur.

Intresting point. But that doesnt explain why women on dating apps hook up with very tall and good looking stranger men? And i sometimes noticed that women also engage in eye contact for a short while just so they can see that you are attracted to them and when they confirmed that .they will immediatly break up eye contact with men they r not intrested in.

What book did he mention at the end? "Fountain End" or was "Fountain Head" Also on the topic I personally thought this as fairly obvious. Can never forget tho that common sense usually isn't common lol.

KendrickTheCreative

End of the blanket fort? 🙂

Not having yet watched the video, I will say this: I don't pay attention to women that I'm not interested in, either, so is this really a big mystery? 😂