PATREON EXCLUSIVE: Do Women Want Men Who Are Stoic Or Have A Good Sense Of Humour?

Oh wow^^ an angry 🤡 who really needs to get laid 😂🤦‍♀️ Thank God for having a more private place to vent- because I swear I would never talk to or about the father of my child like this IRL

Balance.

I needed that video :D . I think it will help me build my confidence. So, great job. That's all I wanted to say

As my dad got older he became more petty about the serious things, and more serious about the petty things. Its less about trying to be one way the whole time, but more about knowing when its ok to be serious and when its appropriate to laugh. Just understanding social dynamics.

I’m curious, did they think that girl was intentionally lying? I suspect some women who make similar comments about a man’s sense of humor just don’t understand their own reactions. Women feel a “pull” toward men with a sense of humor - we feel good around them and may want to hang around them more than other guys. Unfortunately, that “pull” when not analyzed, can easily be misinterpreted as attraction. I experienced this myself with my first boyfriend. He was a guy in my college friend group who made me laugh all the time. I was surprised when he kissed me the first time because I didn’t think he liked me like that. But, once he did I quickly got swept up and he became my first for… everything. At the time, I too said things like his sense of humor was a huge turn on because I felt that “pull” to be around him and my hormones were raging. It was easy to misconstrue. It was not until after we broke up and I met my husband that I was able to clearly differentiate between the “pull” a sense of humor can evoke and true, visceral attraction.

I saw a Fresh&Fit video that addressed this very same thing. The woman was effusive in how a guy who makes her laugh was "such a huge turn on'" but the co-hosts put on their caps at this and questioned her for an example. (Capping, I learned, is their lingo for lying...so whenever they identify a woman as capping, they put on their caps in unison). It turned out that she used an example that showed she actually made the funny guy wait a while and probably didn't have genuine burning desire. "Women break rules for alphas and make rules for betas". Refer to Alexander's video (and the reaction video) 9 Qualities Women Never Admit They Actually Want In Men. From this we get that women generally will say things that put them in the best light rather than appear shallow and base when asked what they look for. What comes to mind for me is James Bond, as alpha as any on the celluloid screen (now that's dating myself). He always had these puns that came off macho in the context given. Exude masculinity but express humor in ways that convey an awareness...a certain take on things that has insight. Constantly throwing out jokes and snide remarks strikes me as insecure and desperate. Stoic is supremely masculine...use humor like a two edged sword. (Wow, that sounds profound...see what I mean?)

Daniel L Chin

Fried Ice :D

Ignas

One of my concerns is that this doesn’t get back to the “just be yourself” advice that I think Alexander agrees is the worst advice ever. Situations and the behaviors that accompany them are fleeting. And women’s impression of a guy’s behavior is never static. There’s always that element of “Oh, I guess he’s not as [insert relevant character trait here] as I thought” and she loses attraction. That constant assessment and re-assessment can be a lot to manage. And it’s impossible to convey the total package of how both humorous and stoic you can be all at once. And if you were to somehow manage to do it, there’s nothing more uninteresting than a puzzle solved. So, I think the most important takeaway message from Alexander’s video is to gain the insight on when to be humorous and when to be stoic.

Todd McDaniels

Hmm that is interesting. What other reasons do you think she never went for those guys? xxx

Alisha

Great video!! I feel that some people mix up being serious with being stoic. Like they are picturing two men, a guy who is a jokester and a serious, quiet guy with a vacant expression. Stoicism (or at least what I get from it) is about emotional control and accepting your place in the world. Controlling your emotions and not being controlled by them. So a man can 100% be stoic and funny. I think humour also communicates intelligence too and that is why it is attractive (assuming it isn't coming from a place of insecurity). Also holy shit Alexander you are spot on with the fact that women can sniff this out. I do this all the time and I just can't explain it, I think it is all in the body language and the face. It is like there is this heaviness or lack of calibration when someone is putting on a facade xxx

Alisha

I dont think it is a lot to ask, but it can be more confusing to get that healthy balance at the start . I feel like the disconnect comes from how guys tend to learn about dating these days. For example guys would go to YouTube for advice that helps them get closer to going on a date. Like be funny . And then test it out and possibly have some success. It becomes the default date model to be to be successfull. And eventually when we're out if social calibration and are inappropriately cracking jokes we will fail. So then you self asses and might be too stoic. And then real life might hit u in the face again . Our primal instinct is to be with someone so we try and adopt the best strategy to make that happen. Or what we think is the best strategy . Eventually you hit the sweetspot between them and you kind of realize your kind of just supposed to be a normal person after all of that. Would you say girls go through something similar?

Ali Nassar

Had this thought with my current GF before we were dating. Her guy friends would make her laugh hysterically very often when they were around each other. We later talked one on one and asked what we wanted in a partner, she wanted a guy that was funny it ranked very high on her list looks didn't matter as long as they were nice and kind all that jazz. So I questioned why she didn't date one of her guy friends, since they fit that top trait she was looking for. I remember looking at her face when I said that, of why not your friend's you guys have an amazing time together. It seemed as if she only saw them as brothers or a platonic friendship no feeling of sexual desire for them was their. A look of eh not really. Looking at it now with this video in mind I am older than her and her friends by a couple of years. So maybe I come off as more mature and or "Masculine" than her guy friends a more well rounded individual you can say that has the balance that Alexander is talking about. Thank you guys for the perspective!

They want to see confidence and self-esteem regardless of their form of social manifestation. A truly confident person doesn’t worry about whether they should be stoic or humorous, they are natural.

Yes. 100% yes. My dad was both with slight leaning toward the humor side. My husband is both with slight leaning toward the stoic side. I guess wanting both doesn’t seem like wanting too much to me because these traits seem to come so naturally to them. And, I see both in men a lot. Is it really unfair to want both?

Short answer: women want both! My thoughts: well, when do women want less?

Max