Interlude: Juvie Days

Madison got up. You were only allowed to shower under supervision. Even in this part of town, even in the best juvie, bad things could happen if you left people alone. You walked in, and there were little cubicles, and the female guard would stand by while you got your four minutes of water. That was it, and they’d turn the water off if you took too long.

You had ten minutes total to shower, clean up, do your hair and walk out.

Madison put her clothes on, and walked out to her class. No hair clips. They weren’t allowed.

Stay on the orange line.

“Whoah, look out for locker girl!” someone shouted. Several others took up the chant.

Locker Girl!

Locker Girl!

Locker Girl!

They were on the other line, the blue line.

Everything was about lines. Where you stood, where you walked.

“Hey! Y’all wanna lose your dessert?” One of the guard’s shouted.

Everyone quieted down, except for a little hiss.

Locker Girl…

Rosita had warned her.

“People ain’t gonna go out of their way to hit you, but they ain’t gonna like you,” the girl (who at one point, Mom would have warned her about, because she was the ‘bad girl’) told her roommate. “Lot of kids here got smacked around in school, some are here because they hit back and suddenly everyone else was backing up the bully… like your friends. Others…” She shrugged. “Hey, everyone likes someone they can look down on and feel good about. Just don’t react. That’s like blood in the water.”

Like Taylor didn’t.

Rosita and Madison were allowed to sit together for breakfast. In the middle of breakfast there was a fight at another table. Horns sounded and guards came out, and as required, Madison stopped eating and put her empty hands flat on the table, in view. So did everyone else. The clawing, shrieking girl was hauled off.

“She’s crazy,” Someone muttered.

Madison looked over at Rosita. She knew everything. She’d heard one guard calling her a ‘juvie trustee’ whatever that was.

“Probably hid her meds again,” Rosita said. “Lot of people should be in a hospital, but it’s the Bay and sometimes they don’t have money to get their kids to a doctor or they don’t care so… here.”

“Oh.” I wasn’t crazy. I was… Worse? After all, she could have said no. What could Emma have done? The more she thought about it, the more she remembered most other people didn’t care. Taylor wasn’t weak.

Taylor had just told Emma all of her secrets. All of the things you would only tell someone you trusted.

Like her flute. The days she and her mom were together.

Twenty minutes later, the horn sounded and it was time to go. Eating at your own pace was something that people outside juvie did. Here, it was all about time. Where to go. When to go. How long you could take.

None of it was up to you.

The first half of the day was classes. Not casual classes like Mr. Gladly. You didn’t speak unless spoken to, you raised your hand. People who got loud, got removed and would be put into discipline.

Madison was decent—and the single teacher for 30 kids didn’t spend much time with here. There were other kids. Some of them normal, some of them with problems, who could barely read and write and would scream and start tearing up their papers. The teacher didn’t have time for Madison, but the parole board would look at her grades, so she worked as hard as she could. Not just that, but visitations could be approved more frequently if you did well.

Rosita didn’t have anyone come to see her. Madison didn’t ask why.

Later, Madison went to her meeting with the psychologist. They had both single and group meetings. Madison didn’t say anything at the group meetings. Some kids talked.

Some excused themselves. “Hey, I don’t have any money, why shouldn’t I just boost something?”

Others told everyone what they’d done. “I got angry. I get angry a lot.”

Others, like Madison, were just quiet.

But this was with Dr. Mattis. His room was spartan, the man, gesturing for her to sit down. The guard waited outside. Madison sat down.

“So, anything?”

“I…” Madison fell silent. I’m sorry. A simple thing. She’d say she was sorry, if a teacher noticed, and put a little cute pout on, and Emma would grin, and Sophia would glare, and pretty soon the teacher would go away. Emma the popular one, Sophia the tough one, Madison, the cute one who would never do those terrible things.

Except now everyone knew she did those things, and I’m sorry didn’t work. Everyone was wise to that.

Even Madison.

Was I ever sorry? Did I ever say that because I was really sorry, or just because I wanted to get out of trouble?

She didn’t know. Madison didn’t know and that was more terrible than anything.

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t know what?”

“If I’m sorry—if I’m really sorry. Maybe I’m just… because I’m here, and if I say Sorry enough people will let me out.”

“Interesting question. Good question. Doubt’s good.”

Madison blinked.

“Oh it is. Certainty is what you see at an E88 rally, or outside a closed locker. Certainty, and Pride, are the things we use to keep from asking that little question like: was I a bad person? Am I a bad person? Do I know what being a good person is? The questions that let us become better.”

“But how can I—I mean, even if I get… how can I pay…”

“Pay back what you’ve done? Oh, Madison, I’m going to be honest. You can’t. Become the greatest hero this world has seen, slay the Endbringers, and the locker will still be in your—and Taylor’s—past. Unchangeable. As much as we would like to, the past is set. The future… well, it’s treacherous as well. Too many people come in here and they say they will do better. And then somehow they never do. The present is where the real choices are made. So what can you do?”

“I… I can try…” Madison fell silent. “I can try to be sorry.”

“A first step. A good step. Be sorry in the now. Don’t run around tearing your hair out. But be sorry in the now and also, be kind in the now.”

They talked about a few other things, but then it was time to leave. Twenty minutes. The clock, and the lines, ruled Madison’s life now.

They had some classes, then lunch, then there was time in the common room. There were guards there and Rosita was liked, so Madison got to sit in a little bubble by herself, reading a book that was approved. Some of the books she liked weren’t approved. Too violent.

Then there was dinner. Without any further disturbances. Then it was time to go back to their rooms. Madison lay down on her bed. Rosita reading one of her approved books.

The sound of the locking door made her twitch. They couldn’t leave until tomorrow, unless there was an emergency. Madison had dreamed once, of a fire coming and the guards running, her and Rosita being trapped as the smoke and heat killed them.

But now she just lay, looking at the little slice of night sky in window they shared. That was all you could see. Just the sky. No city. Even outside, the fence made it difficult to see anything.

Here there were just a few stars.

Madison looked at the clock. Got the writing book she was allowed. Made another note with the soft marker. Another day.

She put the note away.

The lights flashed once, then darkened.

Another day.