Colby Ryan Arrested, Charged
Added 2022-09-06 07:33:02 +0000 UTCThe son of Lori Vallow Daybell was arrested over the weekend and charged with two counts of sexual assault. When we learned of the arrest tonight, we posted the news on Facebook, and wrote: "This tragedy continues to reverberate every day, and now across generations." These were our initial thoughts, and John says the first emotion he felt was sorrow. He shares more of his thoughts tonight, and we process the difficult news at our dinner table with our guest Emily who is visiting over the holiday weekend.
Comments
I’m new to the Patreon group and just heard this episode. Whatever happened with this? Quite concerning. I’ve been worried about Colby.
Joyce Filatreau
2025-07-26 02:06:55 +0000 UTCYou wouldn’t support your son? It shouldn’t matter what your child does, you should unconditionally love and support them. You can love and support your son as well as love and support his wife and children. So it’s safe to say if your son murdered someone you would basically just disown them? That’s wrong on many levels. I’m sorry but If you aren’t capable of unconditionally loving your children then you shouldn’t have children. You can love and support your children even if you do not agree with what they did.
Brittany Rohr
2023-01-15 21:17:45 +0000 UTCThat’s an awful thing to hope for. I hope they all go through therapy and work through this. Just because he did this, doesn’t mean he’s a danger to his children. He lost his ENTIRE family., step dad=dead, sister=dead, lil brother=dead, mom=prison. Clearly he’s under the most stress a person can be under I believe. I truly hope Colby and Kelsey can heal from this and even if separated continue to successfully coparent
Brittany Rohr
2023-01-15 21:00:59 +0000 UTCShouldn’t assume anything. His wife is 100% the victim. That’s fact
Brittany Rohr
2023-01-15 20:51:20 +0000 UTCHis father also abandoned and didn’t raise Colby’s half sibling. Colby is in touch with his father now, but has been cautious.
Lauren and John Matthias
2022-10-20 16:27:09 +0000 UTCHello everybody, the thing that I find really disturbing about Colby is I once put on his channel and in this particular video his wife is crying because they could not afford a nice apartment, it's one thing to ebeg and be open about it but to tape your wife crying while your holding a camera taping such a personal moment, it just seems to far . This may be his wake up call it has to embarrassing I hope he sees it that way and realizes he needs help.
Lisa Spears
2022-09-16 04:20:46 +0000 UTCVery interesting. One thing that constantly blows my mind with many of the people in the vallow/daybell case, is never getting an honest emotional answer from them, from within, as they throw it all back on God in some way. To me that is denial of reality. Some get strength from religion and that is perfectly fine, but to constantly hear people in this case relying on God and taking no ownership of their individual placings, thoughts, actions, in this case is quite frustrating...I have not followed Colby during this case. Though I had empathy for his losses and all that he may be feeling which I will never know. I was in disbelief when I heard and my first reaction was nooooo!! Very sad this has happened and that his wife experienced this. Also, his children who unfortunately will forever be identified as the grandchildren of lori vallow and now, labelled children of a sexual assault offender. Last I heard charges were dismissed. It's too late though. Those poor children's lives will forever be darkened with black clouds because of others actions or inactions, others denial of reality and others selfishness. I can only hope those children receive ongoing help throughout their childhoods so they may have better understandings of themselves as adults, and not become victims of false realities.
Kara Oastler
2022-09-10 22:54:57 +0000 UTCI have seen content on this too. Would be great info to get further comment from Dr John on.
CuriousinColorado
2022-09-10 12:48:10 +0000 UTCAwe thank you. I have been so lucky to have formed a relationship with Lauren. When I became a MOD, not only did I listen more intently to Lauren and Dr. John, I started interacting with the audience HTC has and it’s one filled with fair, intelligent, open minded, respectful people. I’m no longer just following a case that has become a soap opera to so many, I’m gaining knowledge and engaging in thought provoking conversations. I was guilty of getting too involved and judging these people based on emotions. But I’m in a must healthier environment here where Lauren has no horse in the race. I think if some of the critics would understand the goal of Lauren and John, is not judging and being biased towards these people. It has always been about helping others to understand HOW AND WHY these people commit crimes. They aren’t a channel or Podcast that is telling people who is right and who is wrong. They are educating on what are the behaviors that lead people to commit heinous acts. Unfortunately, they have been lumped into a place on YouTube with creators that are following and reporting on headlines of the case so people feel they are free game to challenge. It’s not the same playing field. Those of us that see the value and goal in what they are about, really are benefiting as people that may not judge as quickly and recognize behaviors in our own lives that may need attention. So I seriously appreciate that you understood where I am coming from. It confirms I’m amongst good people.
Stephanie Budge
2022-09-09 20:42:22 +0000 UTCThis is the best and most thoughtful comment. I agree with everything. Thank you.
Fun2 Cruz
2022-09-09 17:33:25 +0000 UTCI have heard of some victims who leave the moment someone crosses the line ( Eg. Kymberley- Julie daughter who was murdered after she left her partner after he laid hands on her) But most victims I’ve ever known or heard of, it can take months or years of abuse until they leave. Re religion- I’m not sure. There’s definitely a cultural segment who tell men their wife owes them and the wife must submit. Sounds like he has a history of issues about not being mature when it comes to sexuality - and loves saying sorry or talking to his YouTube fans about his sins- often blaming Satan for his natural urges so I think the sex rules ( banning things that are victimless and private ) - combine immaturity with entitlement and being able to blame Satan instead of owning your own stuff- I think is a dangerous mix. Having said that- I have known many trauma victims - some who have been raped their entire childhood- and they managed to learn empathy and to not abuse others as was done to them.
Tad Auty
2022-09-09 04:02:36 +0000 UTCI wonder if part of Colby's decision to ignore his estranged wife's "No" was due to the LDS beliefs of the subjugation of women being the norm. Could it be that this was not the first time that an incident of DV sexual assault had occurred in the relationship and that now they were estranged the wife chose to report the incident?
Jan Pascoe
2022-09-08 15:01:51 +0000 UTCMy daughter-in-law does that - is verbally abusive, her first instinct is to verbally attack if she “feels” threatened. Then she cries, hangs her head, I’m sorry, I’m sorry - but never changes. I walk on egg shells around her. I’m older now, and I’ve realized it’s elder abuse. I’m going to have to have a difficult conversation with my son. I’ve known for years she has really bad problems and she’s shown absolutely no inclination towards dealing with them. I’ve started telling doctors now when they ask “do you feel threatened or scared at home?” Compassion can wear thin.
Dede B
2022-09-08 12:47:03 +0000 UTCI agree re religion. I suspect he has been allowed to blame satan for his sins and avoid reality for years as seems to be the case with some segments of his culture. People saying he cried and took responsibility- maybe we are hasty to assume that. I watched a video he recorded a month before they split up and it was him confessing sexual sins ( masturbation and porn but added “ and that can lead to other things” which he didn’t expand on) But he made it very clear it was the devil tempting him- and god had saved him from that behaviour. Pity they don’t just stop teaching ridiculous antiquated unhealthy sex rules and don’t just the school about ethics and consent instead. I fear he did what my husband always did after he assaulted me. He cried. He felt terrible ( I’m sure he did- he wasn’t alllll evil ) But then he would just do it again anyways or say he couldn’t help it “ something came over him “ But sure was funny how he didn’t display those behaviours when anyone else was watching. He was doing it because he could and he thought he would get away with it. Thankfully mine wasn’t waving a bible around while doing that, Eventhough I did have to play Amish wife quite a lot.
Tad Auty
2022-09-08 08:02:31 +0000 UTCI think the best lesson in this case is we shouldn’t watch people online and assume we know them or that they’re good people. Sometimes the nice guy next door is a serial killer or your god filled pastor a child sex offender. Putting people on pedestals is dodgy and it’s why so many parents let their kids be exposed to dodgy pastors or neighbours.
Tad Auty
2022-09-08 07:56:30 +0000 UTCI don’t think he misjudged anything- I mean maybe he assumed she would have sex but it sounds like she verbally made it very clear that she didn’t want that. So it’s more like entitlement and lack of empathy that he could do that to her. Didn’t sound like mixed messages.
Tad Auty
2022-09-08 07:52:23 +0000 UTCWhen this news was originally reported, I felt the same horrified & shocked reaction I might have felt if Colby had been one of my own nephews. I’ve seen him as heroically striving, a good person caught up in the chaos his mother created. I believed he was sincere in his constant religiosity even though I personally found it off putting. I was ashamed of myself for comparing him unfavorably with his cousin Zac. Now I wonder just how contaminated & how influenced he was growing up with his doting mother Lori prattling about seeing Jesus and Moroni and angels doing her computer entries and listening to those Julie Rowe tapes incessantly. Colby left her home young but it seems to me he took a lot of Lori’s style with him. I guess I’m wondering if Colby is a damaged young man who has done something bad but can be redeemed or is he going to follow Lori and Alex down their dark paths of delusion and mental disorders.
Lee Howell
2022-09-08 01:25:41 +0000 UTCI want to be clear. He does need to go through the justice system and deserves it.
Emily Lou
2022-09-07 22:39:46 +0000 UTCI do have to be honest. I support Kelsey, know she did the right thing and hope she is safe and doing alright. But - even though I know about dv and it’s effects - I know that there is no excuse for rape….. I can’t help but feel so sorry for Colby. There was something really awful and sad about seeing him in that court appearance. He looked terrified nervous and completely alone. He really screwed up his life and he has few life skills that will help him truly recover. What a damn mess.
Emily Lou
2022-09-07 20:19:19 +0000 UTCAfter this comment I am taping my fingers closed, promise! People have commented that they’re sad, disappointed- they’d hoped Colby would be okay - and guess Adam is the only normal one in the family. I don’t think anyone came out unscathed in that family. During the 2020 Adam and Eve broadcast the interviewer asked Adam about Lori and Alex’s “unusual” relationship. I imagine I wasn’t the only one leaning forward in my chair waiting for the answer! But when Adam said “well of everyone in our family Alex was the one with the most talent.” WHAT? Of course it was diversion, and perhaps the only positive subject he could think of to address about Alex. However, talent seemed to be a thing for them, Lori sang (and danced by herself) - they all put on a show all the time in front of people - they had actors’ masks on all the time. Alex certainly hid a dark, twisted heart with his humor and impressions. Very doubtful anyone outside that family has seen the real people. The only decent person in the whole lot (and he’s not blood related) is Brandon B. I’ve been very impressed by his graciousness.
Dede B
2022-09-07 16:51:27 +0000 UTCI read somewhere on here in one of the document dumps where the therapist or workers said that Colby had made remarks about sex play with other boys and inappropriate other actions and that Colby needed further looking into. Also, wasn’t there a letter from Charles x wife re: her sons and Colby molesting them? I know Colby didn’t have an easy up bringing bc of his mom. There is just something about him that gets my hackles up. I think it’s bc of the money he was getting from his mom. He seemed more concerned about getting money than he did about Tylee or JJ. Why didn’t he sound the alarm about not hearing from his sister??? And as far as this rape charge goes, I’m mixed on it. Did sex happen? Yes. Is the report of rape valid? I’m not so sure. When couples split a lot of stuff can be thrown both ways. I feel bad for the kids in this. The two parents are adults living like teens. Neither one takes any responsibility for their own lives. You can come from a messed up family and still be responsible for your finances, and actions. I also wonder where Colby’s grandparents are in all this. He does have grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins. I am sure he will bond out and some one from his family will have paid for the bond. Saying he has lost all his family is not true. In fact, he has kids, even though he is on the outs with his wife. I hope he gets his life together and I hope his wife gets her life together. They will have to be together for the rest of their lives bc of the kids. And it’s good to remind ourselves that people lie and try to put theirselves in the best light when going through marriage turmoil. Both will lie.
Nora Ann
2022-09-07 16:04:39 +0000 UTCDomestic abuse (it took me a bit to figure out what DA was) has lasting effect on all victims. For five years I saw and lived with its effects with the victims. The physical abuse was stunning because it was visual - standing right there in front of you is a woman with a face and you can hardly define it as a face because of swelling and bruises and black eyes. It is stunning, and it takes a bit of time to see through the horror to the person beneath the violence. Rape hits on such a personal level - even more so if it’s a spouse. And mental/verbal abuse is insidious because there’s no bruises, no scars, but you’re so beat down inside. We had a few men call in as abuse victims at the Center, women can cut a man down deeply with their words. By and large abusers come from dysfunctional homes. The thing that’s so very frustrating about the Cox family is because they’re so “devout” they absolve themselves of all kinds of “sins”. But it’s an excuse, a way to avoid any kind of responsibility (“I’m okay with God!”) and to continue with their lives. They spout scripture, yet are horrible role models for traveling down life’s path. The discussions are “I’ve seen Jesus Christ” (I’m paraphrasing) in a bragging kind of way - not about how Jesus led his life of kindness, goodness, etc. They’re not examples of any kind of Christian goodness I’m aware of. Colby had at least two generations before him with people of questionable values that he observed, he has no idea how to make an honest living (working every day, saving, grinding through school like Dr. Babe 😁 did), in doing the Netflix doc he basically copied his mom’s tactics of getting money (I may be making an incorrect assumption he got some kind of fee) when she went on Wheel of Fortune and she competed for Mrs. Texas - she saw herself as a commodity. I’m not sure Colby’s path would have led anywhere else. It was going to take something really big to get his attention. What he does with it is up to him, but he should start with learning about how abuse runs in families.
Dede B
2022-09-07 13:46:05 +0000 UTCAshley, first I want to say I’m so happy you were able to break away from the DV you were a victim of. I also wanted to commend you for being so conflicted. I think it’s so important that we treat every situation as it’s own. It’s NEVER ok to abuse someone. That is unquestionable. The reason we are even discussing this is because Colby is the son of someone who has allegedly committed some serious crimes. Unfortunately, DA takes place everyday and we are not privy to those cases. Since Colby is a part of a major vase with international attention, we are able to look at his situation and start breaking it down a bit. I certainly do not give passes to anyone who abuses someone, but it’s easier for me to understand why perhaps some people do this to others. I think this is really working on people’s minds because we do have this little twinge of empathy pop in for a second and we are so conflicted as to why. Shouldn’t we absolutely hate Colby for this? I think this Colby news is really messing with many of us who have followed this case so closely. He has been the wild card. Is he bad like his mom or is he the one ray of light? We cautiously hoped for the latter. I think the lesson is he is both. How could he not be? You are proof that we shouldn’t always be so quick to judge a situation. Having a little empathy for Colby, does not mean you are a terrible person. You don’t have to hate Colby to support Kelsee as a victim. I actually think it is even a little lesson as to what a jury goes through and who makes a good juror. Yes, abuse is abuse. Most abusers were abused themselves. But the punishment should fit the crime. He will be punished, but being open minded to all the circumstances is needed. Lauren may answer you as well, but I can tell you Kelsee is safe with family and has lots of support right now😊
Stephanie Budge
2022-09-07 12:43:46 +0000 UTCHi K- You might consider combing through all of the many free + insightful resources Dr. John and Lauren have provided to the public about sexual and other forms of abuse, and organize the titles + links into a document or spreadsheet which you then could share with your friends, family and others. You would then not only become an answer to your own prayer, but a likely answer to others prayers as well.
Melanee Evans
2022-09-07 06:45:25 +0000 UTCThis is just absolutely insane to me. As a DV survivor, I'm angry...then I feel bad for him and then I'm angry again because Court TV I could tell was feeling bad for him too which made me think of his wife and immediately made me feel like people were justifying his actions or belittling the her trauma. Now listening to this, I feel bad again for being angry. You guys just put it in a good way in which its very easy for me to understand the why like you said. While also understanding its okay to feel that while I can also be supportive of her. I just hope she's okay. I don't know how she's feeling with all this hitting headlines etc. so if its possible, can you guys just check in on her to make sure she's okay?
Ashley Donoghue
2022-09-07 03:54:31 +0000 UTCThat is correct, but it’s strange since Tom ware has also never assessed or evaluated Colby, was Tylee’s ad litem, and was not allowed to interview Colby, or be given any info about Colby. The psychologist who was actually in charge of assessing Colby, Dr Poole, concluded about Colby: “These test findings, in my opinion, are consistent with the allegations”
Lauren and John Matthias
2022-09-07 03:22:27 +0000 UTCCould there be a genetic predisposition towards cults? https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/13/health/brainwashing-mind-control-patty-hearst
Erica A. Zwick
2022-09-07 02:08:44 +0000 UTCI’m deeply sad to hear of Colbys current situation. I’m not sure what happened but I would not rule out that with a looming divorce juxtapositioning and emotions must be running high. Colbys life is clearly a hot mess and deeply sad if he misjudged the situation with his estranged wife this badly.
RobynB
2022-09-07 02:07:45 +0000 UTCIn was thinking about this the other day in reference to Alex. How broken do you have to be to do the kinds of things he did? And then of course, there's Chad and Lori. They are all broken! https://people.com/crime/brother-of-jj-vallow-tylee-ryan/ The older brother of the deceased Joshua “J.J.” Vallow, 7, and Tylee Ryan is speaking out after the discovery of their remains -- and saying their deaths have "broken" him. Colby Ryan, the oldest son of Lori Vallow Daybell, expressed his sorrow on Instagram over the weekend. The post, which has since been made private, was first discovered by the Post-Register. "I don't even know how to start this," Ryan wrote. "But to my beautiful, Amazing, sweet angels. The only peace I have is knowing you are in paradise. I'm broken over this. To not see (your) beautiful faces, hear your voices. Or know that I can't hug you or see you kills me." "I will never let anyone forget you," he continued. "I have prayed that I could be with you again, and one day that will be true. I have more love for both of you than you could ever know. I miss you both. I love you both."
Erica A. Zwick
2022-09-07 01:42:54 +0000 UTCKelsee was rated dark on Chad’s scale. So who knows what Lori said to Chad and for him to decide “yep, she’s a 3D in my eyes.”
Edie Miller
2022-09-07 00:20:38 +0000 UTCI am not Colby fan, but I do find this incredibly sad. I think he shares some of Lori’s traits—how could he not, they were very close. His religious rants & him asking for “gifts” were so offensive to me. If I recall correctly, I believe I read that Lori was not a fan of Kelsee. I just hope that Colby does separate himself from Lori because now he has no one close to talk to for advice.
Sue Komernicky
2022-09-07 00:08:39 +0000 UTCThis honestly hurts my heart for Kelsie most certainly but for Colby too.
Lori B
2022-09-07 00:01:02 +0000 UTCThat’s terrible - I had to deal with my abuser who was very violent. Hence I said that comment- But to have to be anywhere near my rapist ? I feel sick at the thought of it. I don’t wish harm on Colby- and I hope his incarceration is humane and his counselling is good - because I don’t want someone like him out in society unless they’re less of a risk. I believe he is entitled immature and messed up/ but I also believe he is violent. This incident proves it. I doubt very much this is a first. There may also be times when people didn’t fight back or say no repeatedly. A lot of women simply submit out of fear of the rape being more violent.
Tad Auty
2022-09-06 23:02:19 +0000 UTCThanks so much for your thoughts and insights. It sounds like he is a very broken man for sure. I also came across the Reddit post that is allegedly a report from Charles Vallow’s ex wife that talks about Colby. If what is in there is accurate, it shows a history of him crossing boundaries.
Carly Fontana
2022-09-06 23:00:26 +0000 UTCI do believe if I had Johns job that I would also be able to empathise- cos it would be my job to do that if I had to work with an offender or prisoner. As a human though- yes of course it’s sad- but rape is one line that to me is not forgivable. If one of my sons did this- I would absolutely not support them - I would be supporting the wife and grandkids. Maybe I’m an ass for that but my kids have been raised being told there are a couple of crimes that I would not visit them in jail for. I have read a few comments of people praying for Colby and Kelsey to reconcile - get through it together. That really makes me feel sick. I wouldn’t wish any victim/survivor to have to be in a room again with their rapist. Rape isn’t just about sex- it’s hardly about sex at all. It’s about power and domination and disrespect. You don’t accidentally rape someone.
Tad Auty
2022-09-06 22:56:31 +0000 UTCI’m now wondering if his whole Jesus thing wasn’t just a way of coping but also a way of manipulating and hiding his other side. It’s way too common for preachy sanctimonious people to actually be secretly abusive.
Tad Auty
2022-09-06 22:50:12 +0000 UTCYes, I heard that many times in the Battered Women’s Center in Austin back in the 80’s when I volunteered. Expressions of “love” becomes very convoluted. Some women went through that 3 or 4 times. The concept of abuse vs love vs respect, it takes a while for it to sink in. Especially when abusers try to woo back their victims and invoke the feeling of falling in love all over again.
Dede B
2022-09-06 22:41:03 +0000 UTCI have watched so much, and I may recall incorrectly, but was it Tom Ware in the Mommy Doomsday Dateline episode who said he did not believe Joe had sexually abused Colby - that the allegations were absurd, they didn’t make sense. Vivian said she didn’t think so either, but she respected Colby’s memories, it was his reality. In an episode of another True Crime YouTuber (we’re not supposed to say other shows, are we?) Tom Ware actually called them to clarify so much of that awful case. He and Vivian worked closely together during it because they really wanted to get the kids away from Lori. But I fairly clearly recall Tom Ware saying allegations were absurd….but I could be having a senior moment.
Dede B
2022-09-06 22:34:27 +0000 UTCYeah, the phrase "sins of the mother" was one of my initial reactions before I realized it's close to the name of the docuseries. Colby needs to be held accountable, but, as discussed in the audio, the context of his family background can't be ignored.
Kim Cee
2022-09-06 21:38:44 +0000 UTCA friend of mine was raped by her husband. It is awful for her having to deal with custody of their kids with him. He is constantly trying to push boundaries.
Kristina Westbrook
2022-09-06 21:29:49 +0000 UTCThank you.
Lauren and John Matthias
2022-09-06 21:19:08 +0000 UTCThank you for setting a model for a sane and empathetic evaluation of this situation with what is known. Having some understanding of Colby is not a vindication of his actions.
Mary A Leck
2022-09-06 21:09:20 +0000 UTCAlso, this whole family seems to be easily swayed and I guess deceived. Melani’s dad fought very hard to get his daughter away Staci’s family because of their harmful ways. Yet when Melani was older she “found” them and then completely immersed herself into Chad and Lori’s beliefs. She’d gone through basic training, seemed she would’ve been pretty independent-minded to do that. Could there be a genetic predisposition towards cults? Are there grooming techniques going on? Even though Colby didn’t “get into” the end of days thing, he clearly adopted Lori’s “coping skills”. I guess he wasn’t a kid who constantly asked “why? Why? Why?” (Probably all those kids are on the internet a lot!)
Dede B
2022-09-06 21:04:19 +0000 UTCI’m assuming by now someone has tracked down Colby’s birth father and were denied any communication. I’ve searched and he’s in the Texas area. Considering Lori’s tendency not to just simply lie, but twist the truth around (e.g., Charles and Adam wanted to kill her for her insurance money), there’s got to be more to the story than what Lori told. Maybe Alex threatened him as well.
Dede B
2022-09-06 20:55:22 +0000 UTCI only say this - pure speculation - because that’s what I heard over and over again from women in the shelter I volunteered in. I didn’t know anyone who brought in the police after the first incident. Definitely a non scientific sample, of course!! One thing I do know. It’s hard as hell to call the police on a spouse. So much is at stake.
Emily Lou
2022-09-06 20:22:09 +0000 UTCI hate to say this, but I have to wonder if this type of thing has happened before and this time it just “clicked” for her.
Emily Lou
2022-09-06 20:20:42 +0000 UTCI hope that Kelsey is getting the support she needs. I can’t imagine what she went through being sexually assaulted by someone she trusted then have that person fall asleep on the couch while she hid out in the bedroom. I hope their children will also receive help if they ever find out their father did this to their mother. This is an awful tragedy that only gets darker over time.
Erica Plumhoff
2022-09-06 19:58:44 +0000 UTCCorrection: Vivian did not say Colby was not abused by Joe Ryan in her report. Vivian’s assessment was about Joe in regards to tylee. she did not assess Colby’s accusations. She never interviewed Colby, nor had permission to access information about Colby.
Lauren and John Matthias
2022-09-06 19:15:44 +0000 UTCThank you Lynette. So much.
Lauren and John Matthias
2022-09-06 19:12:32 +0000 UTCWe have numerous videos without a paywall about domestic violence and bringing awareness to victims, and we have no plans to stop, so this shouldn’t be a concern.
Lauren and John Matthias
2022-09-06 19:08:19 +0000 UTCDitto 😉
Katie Marlowe
2022-09-06 18:29:53 +0000 UTCGosh, I had totally forgotten about those accusations. But, they are only accusations. On the other hand, given what we know about the Cox family and the odd bond between Lori and Alex, it has a bit more credibility now.
Katie Marlowe
2022-09-06 18:26:51 +0000 UTCThis is disturbing, but not surprising. If you missed Alex’s first wife’s interview with police one can’t help but understand the Cox family were pretty laissez-faire on all matters concerning sex. Plus, I completely agreed with Vivian Lewis’ view that Colby was not sexually abused by Joe Ryan, yet she “respected” his view he was. Each time I saw Colby state in an interview that Joe sexually abused him I noticed his jaw made a petulant motion, like he knew he had not been believed. (Apologies to Dr. John, I know he doesn’t necessarily support body language stuff and I’m certainly not someone who reads books or watches videos on it, but I’m a mother and grandmother - we notice little “tells”.) To me this means he’s still under his mothers “spell” - continue her false reality. If there was ever a poster family for sexual and emotional abuse, this is certainly one.
Dede B
2022-09-06 18:03:57 +0000 UTCThe fact that wife recorded him tells me two things: one, it's happened before; two, wife is willing to unleash a timebomb, knowing the repercussions.
Sharon L Divis
2022-09-06 18:01:18 +0000 UTCOkay… now that I’ve had time to digest the news and listen to your responses fully, I’d like to join you in expressing compassion for Kelsee and for Colby. I’m a SA survivor, so it’s not easy for me to sympathize with an offender. However, in Colby’s case I can do that -not only because of the litany of events leading up to the assault- but, mostly because of his apparent expression of remorse. I appreciate your ability to see both sides of a situation like this. Also, the self-sabotage theory really struck a chord with me because I have a close relationship with someone that does that repeatedly. It’s quite hard to break that cycle, too. I really wish they wouldn’t pull the Netflix doc, but I understand why they would need to. Thank you both again as always.
Katie Marlowe
2022-09-06 18:00:27 +0000 UTCExactly, he destroyed the only family he had left
Jukie g
2022-09-06 17:40:27 +0000 UTCMan I feel for Kelsee.. I always hated when anyone would say anything negative about Colby but now after this sex crime I’m thinking back how he was accused of molesting Charles kids. Idk what to think. This is so disturbing
Jukie g
2022-09-06 17:36:44 +0000 UTCI am just heartbroken. Stunned and heartbroken.
Katie Marlowe
2022-09-06 17:01:38 +0000 UTCThe clever Netflix Documentary title may have an even deeper meaning than they knew. While blaming one’s upbringing does not excuse crime, as Dr John explains the context of one’s life does matter. We don’t like to hear that because I think we hope getting to punishment quickly and decisively will give us a sense of security in this fearful world. I think our only hope is understanding the humanity. Thanks Lauren and John for braving angry reactions and helping us understand when our immediate reaction is just to hate criminals and be done with it.
Lynette Butler
2022-09-06 16:26:04 +0000 UTCI pray Dr. John does a podcast or video on marital rape and makes it available to the general public at no cost. I understand John’s job is to explain why someone does what they do. Victims deserve to understand ‘domestic sexual assault’ as well, don’t they? Please pray for this to become an opportunity for all victims to become as brave as CR’s wife. I am very proud of her. So so so proud of her. Dr. John has the ability to help victims understand their fears about coming forward (without the paywall). Ehh? Just a thought.
K
2022-09-06 16:18:51 +0000 UTCMy heart feels broken. I hope that Colby,and Kelsea get the therapy they need. I plan on adding ‘The House of Atreus’ to my reading list. I would love for Dr. John to create a recommended reading list.
Tamara Wakeman Sukohl
2022-09-06 16:17:30 +0000 UTCMy heart is absolutely broken. While he must be held accountable, I feel he is truly another victim of his mother's. My prayers are hoping that Colby can finally get the help that he desperately needs, and my loving thoughts are with Kelsee and the girls. This is going to be long process of healing for all of them, and they need our love and support...not our judgments. Thank you so much Lauren and Dr. John for your incredible insight. You are absolutely amazing.
Jeanine Harrop Hansen
2022-09-06 15:47:23 +0000 UTCHe did not have a recent job and his excuse was always circumstantial. “My truck was taken away”. “My mom was arrested, everyone bombards me with questions”. I’m not sure he was taught to cope with his inadequacies. Like, it’s ok to fail, figure out another way. I don’t know Lori but she seemed to bail when things got too hot as well. Bail and throw money at it.
bfly
2022-09-06 15:16:53 +0000 UTCReligion can be used as a redemptive token. “I sinned but my heavenly Father forgives, I am broken but forgiven.” The Christian Bible teaches “there is none who do good, no not one.” Psalm 14:3. It is not a blank check to wreak havoc in the world, instead it’s so that the Christian follower can be forgiving to fellow man and understand no one is perfect. I see a lot of Colbys in the church. Young adults that are conflicted following Christ and struggle with their generational traumas. I truly think many join the church not to become a better human being but to seek answers to their circumstances. I’m curious to find out if Colby has a drinking problem. Kelsee did the right thing reporting the incident.
bfly
2022-09-06 15:11:29 +0000 UTCWow. Thank you for this insightful and well thought out comment. We value your words so much.
Lauren and John Matthias
2022-09-06 14:52:40 +0000 UTCI have to say I love listening to Lauren and the pictures she paints with her words. 🤗 POWER couple. 😘
ShaRee
2022-09-06 14:19:01 +0000 UTCUmm. 🫣 I’m sure there are some serious meetings right now going on with Netflix execs. I wonder if They will resort back to original docu with more of DR. John and less Colby. And the first directors will be like, you should have taken our angle we captured in the first place. Everyone loves listening to Dr. John.
ShaRee
2022-09-06 14:15:50 +0000 UTCColby should probably look at how he is just like his mother using extreme religious views to cover severe personality flaws.
Anabel Garner
2022-09-06 14:07:17 +0000 UTCI looked at some of his podcasts. I am guessing that religion was the only coping mechanism he had in his emotional toolbox given his horrible upbringing. I find it alarming when people talk like he does, because it seems so superficial. You never get to the issues this way. I’ve seen people use religion as a way to help them cope successfully, but they also have other healthier mechanisms they use along with it. I feel so bad for his wife and children. Kelsey did the right and hard thing by reporting.
Emily Lou
2022-09-06 13:31:55 +0000 UTCI have way more empathy for Kelsea than for Colby right now. This changes the trajectory of his young family, hopefully they will not be allowed near him. Necessary but sad for them. His choice absolutely destroyed his family.
Anabel Garner
2022-09-06 13:27:46 +0000 UTCThis discussion is so tragic and so interesting. So many questions - I imagine you feel similarly. I found the last part of the discussion so thought provoking about how religion was a part of it. It makes me think of a discussion I had w a friend who recently got back from Italy commenting on the shear number of “torture museums” there were - in the name of Catholicism in that case. It is truly amazing what behaviors can be excused. It makes me wonder how long ago this started for this family, was Barry the first? How was Janice complicit or a victim (or both)? How about Joe Ryan and the accusations Colby had against him…truth or a young minds way of coping w other abuse? So sad. Hopefully the sunlight will disinfect it all.
CuriousinColorado
2022-09-06 13:21:30 +0000 UTCThis is so heart breaking. Praying he gets help and his wife and children are ok. So so sad.
Fun2 Cruz
2022-09-06 13:02:56 +0000 UTCWow… so incredibly sad. What immediately comes to my mind is Lauren’s statement “Sunshine is the best disinfectant”. I hope that by Kelsey bringing this to light and Colby’s admission will “disinfect” and stop this cycle for Colby’s kids.
CuriousinColorado
2022-09-06 12:59:51 +0000 UTCThis is heartbreaking for all involved, and for us too. Just wanted this young couple to be able to survive that family and heal. It's terribly sad.
Lisa
2022-09-06 12:38:10 +0000 UTCThis is why I just absolutely love,respect, and admire you Lauren and Dr.John. It’s not always easy to find a place where people are able lead with compassion balanced with morals. Every person has a complex story. Closest friends sometimes don’t even know what struggles each are battling. Colby and Kelsee are not celebrities that chose to put their life on display. Last night I thought about the Gypsy Rose case as well as the Anthony Templet case. It’s pretty scarce that you find anyone who believes either of these two did not act as the products of their environment. There are petitions, with hundred of thousands of signatures advocating for Gypsy Rose to be released and her conviction overturned. She admitted to conspiring to kill her mother. Anthony Templet killed his father and immediately called 911 admitting as much. As Dr. John says, Skye Bergman threw a curveball to us and by the end of her documentary, we were all rooting for Anthony, wanting more about his life currently. But for some reason, it seems that Colby isn’t and has never, been given that same grace. I do believe the reason I notice that is bc I have been so closely enmeshed in what feels like sides within this particular story. It seems at times it has become an issue of us against them approach in the fb/YouTube community. Just as Gypsy Rose and Anthony Templet, if true, Colby has committed a heinous crime and should be held accountable. But where is the empathy for Colby that is given to others that have extraordinary circumstances in their upbringing compared to the average person? Kelsee is the victim. There is no question about that. She deserves justice as much as anyone and Colby deserves punishment. I feel like he will not fight that and accept his fate. After reading comments from my peers across social media, minutes after the news broke, I have never felt more separated in this Daybell community as I did today. We have all invested almost 3 years tuning in to numerous YouTube channels and joining a plethora of FB/Reddit groups gasping at every new uncovered clue of how Lori Vallow and Chad Daybell lived their entire lives. We are horrified by the stories those closet to them have revealed. It’s worse than a Shakespeare play, this story has no intermission and just keeps adding acts. As you both know, criminals and crime and punishment are part of my daily life. I have heard stories that could bring most people to their knees with anger. I felt such a relatable moment with Dr. John when he mentioned he has worked with some really awful criminals and Colby doesn’t feel like one of them. Criminals are not a one size fits all club. The job of the police are to retain criminals and follow set guidelines in order to charge someone. Even they will admit no two criminals are alike and there are definitive differences with those that commit hate crimes and show no empathy with those that commit crimes that do not necessarily fit the profile of a dangerous person. But it is not their job to decide where a person fits on the scale, they only handle the act itself and charge accordingly. So yes, Colby is charged with a crime, but does anyone remember the whole innocent until proven guilty thing? We don’t have the entire story of this incident but we do have a pretty good grip on Colby’s life up to it. Does anyone realize that Colby could have been one rating away from the same fate his siblings met. That is a position that would completely turn my entire being in a direction I wouldn’t know how to navigate. I understand and appreciate people showing support for Kelsee. She will need love and support in the coming days and months. But we don’t have to have a villain to publicly crucify in order for her to be a victim. Colby will pay for his wrongdoings, but I thought public tar and feathering ended hundreds of years ago. Neither Colby nor Kelsee will heal with all the hate being spewed. Aren’t we all here for justice for Charles, Tammy, Tylee, and JJ? Making a mockery and publicly shaming Colby, doesn’t seem like the justice his siblings deserve or would want.
Stephanie Budge
2022-09-06 11:50:41 +0000 UTCNon native english speaker here (sorry in advance): I thought what you said about self sabotage was very interesting. I have a question about that. Could it be that because of the documentary Colby maybe feels some kind of guilt towards his mother? Knowing what I know about Lory, I assume that Colby was conditioned all of his life to always let his mother appear in a good light. Now he betrays her and makes her look bad in public wile distancing himself from her and making himself out to be the good guy. I feel like on some level he had to destroy that good image of him self.
Fiine Sand
2022-09-06 11:41:40 +0000 UTCI wonder what Netflix will do with the upcoming documentary featuring Colby.
Madea Thinks
2022-09-06 10:43:56 +0000 UTCHmmm...I can't find anything that names the victim so I assumed.
Karen Metson Wallace
2022-09-06 10:22:31 +0000 UTCYes it was.
Samantha Wolf
2022-09-06 10:14:12 +0000 UTCAre you sure? Lots of reporting that it was his wife.
Tad Auty
2022-09-06 10:12:23 +0000 UTCThe victim wasn't his wife.
Karen Metson Wallace
2022-09-06 10:05:54 +0000 UTCI’m not sure about this- in Australia police can bring charges or raised protection orders even if the victim doesn’t want that. He’s committed a crime so I would hope he’s held accountable and rehabilitated. I don’t wish any extra harm on him but letting people get away with things like this is not ok. If Kelsey changes her mind I know that would be hard but he’s committed a crime that our society shouldn’t tolerate. Taking the choice away from victims can be good on the sense it not her doing it, it’s the legal authorities.
Tad Auty
2022-09-06 08:43:14 +0000 UTCI just hope he doesn’t turn to blaming Satan for this and again avoiding owning his behaviour. I am glad that he owned up though- that could save a lot of extra trauma for his victim. But I can imagine him blaming the devil still. Everything’s framed around the devil or other deities with him.
Tad Auty
2022-09-06 08:37:13 +0000 UTCok one more.. Do you know what happens if Kelsy decided to drop charges? Will the state still hold him accountable? I know going through the forensic exam is not easy for victims of SA, maybe she wouldn't have put herself through that if she wasn't very serious about being sure he was held accountable for this scary, terrible thing he appears to have done to her.
Crystal Swannack
2022-09-06 08:34:19 +0000 UTCGenerational trauma. Sad. I always wondered why it seemed he never had a real job. A wife and two little girls but no real job in all the time I’ve been following this case. At least none that I’ve heard about. My first thought was sadness and then I also thought of self sabotage. Whatever the reason, it’s so sad.
Tracy Warberg Holliday
2022-09-06 08:30:01 +0000 UTCIt's sad to think that somebody like Colby who has so much faith in God could say something like God will take care of him while sitting in front of somebody like Dr John. This is how God help people. He sends people in our path that could truly help us. He uses other people, and sometimes us ourselves to help and bless other people. Maybe if Colby had been raised by somebody who didn't twist religion he would have been taught to look out for God's helping blessings through other people. It's really sad to think he could have missed a lot of help by thinking God will do it and not somebody here on Earth
Crystal Swannack
2022-09-06 08:26:49 +0000 UTCI wonder what level of this violence towards his wife is the old fashioned mother issues too. My perpetrator was very angry at his mother- with justification- but he took that anger out on me the moment I became a mother too. Like “I have to control her before she controls me/abuses me” I saw a screenshot from a friend of Kelsey’s saying that he had been controlling financially and she had been going through hell for 3 years. Taking away his family with the crime etc- just pretending he’s any other man- it’s not uncommon for controlling men to display ownership and rape is the ultimate act of violence and control. And obviously men who are weak, broken, needy, etc are those who cross these lines. His poor victim can’t even get away from him forever and will have to process this stuff while sharing kids with him. I’m glad he feels guilt - there are no excuses. I can see the potential whys - in relation to his family but also in the wider context of patriarchal sexist components of the culture of apey cave men. Ownership of women. Immature people taking their issues out on others. But I do really have more compassion for his victim. He made a choice to follow through on what he did after she said no multiple times. I had a very violent husband but he never crossed that sexual line, which I’m very grateful for. It really is the ultimate way to try to break a woman. I hope he gets jail time and that he gets help to mature and have empathy and impulse control. I bloody hope he doesn’t effing blame the devil for this! We have to remember how many guys have been raised in violence or around sexist attitudes but still manage to never cross that line. I had sympathy for him but my sympathy left when he made the choice to not listen to no. His victim may never be able to have a normal sexual relationship again. I hope Colby gets a good counsellor too- and a psychologist who can stop him waffling about Jesus and start to face reality and grow up.
Tad Auty
2022-09-06 08:15:21 +0000 UTCI know you're not justifying. I am always looking for the reason behind someone's behavior as well. When somebody mistreats me or my children come across somebody who has done something or mistreated them, I'm always teaching them and looking for myself as to what happened and why
Crystal Swannack
2022-09-06 07:56:42 +0000 UTCSo tragic
Nicole Plazas
2022-09-06 07:39:23 +0000 UTCSo very sad 😢
Karin Baird
2022-09-06 07:36:34 +0000 UTCCan you believe it?
Audra Neurauter
2022-09-06 07:34:00 +0000 UTC
