Clowning Around [A Clown Girl TG Story]

Commissioned by Azena

Eric is a serious man who he hates all things silly, so when a mysterious woman in a clown outfit appears and claims he’s her long-lost sister, he isn’t too pleased. He’s even less happy when she drags him through a magical portal to Clown Town, transforming him into a jester girl in the process! 

~

Eric ran his finger along the glass shelf and held it up to his face with a satisfied smile. Not a spec of dust to be found.

“Finally, a cleaner who actually gets the job done.”

Normally, when he returned from the office on cleaning day, he would find something out of place. He went to great lengths to organise his home, right down to the position of his toothbrush by the sink and the books on his shelf (Organised by genre, author, colour and height, in that order), so when his cleaners came in and didn’t bother to do a thorough job, it irked him.  He hopped off the ladder, quickly folded it, and placed it back in its marked spot in his cupboard. Since the cleaner had done a good job, he could actually enjoy his dinner and relax tonight instead of fixing the half-assed cleaning job. 

With a grin on his face, he loosened his tie, poured himself half a glass of red wine and settled down at his desk to get a head start on next week's figures. Being an accountant for a large law firm meant his work was never done, and he liked nothing more than getting ahead. 

Eric, just like his apartment, was immaculate. He kept his black hair combed neatly to one side; and his face cleanshaven. He wore suits to the office, and button up shirts on weekends and always spent the time to polish his shoes and watch. It was his greatest goal in life to be organised and presentable, after all, he had an important job that demanded he be taken seriously. 

He was just starting on his to-do list for Tuesday when a sudden blast of loud, slightly out-of-tune music came from outside his window. It was so loud and sudden that it made him jump and smash the keyboard. 

“For goodness sake!”

Eric pulled open his blinds and scowled. The park across the street was lit up like the Fourth of July. Part of the reason he’d picked this apartment block was its proximity tot he park, not that he ever went there, he just wanted peace and quiet. That was ruined now, the whole area was taken up by a series of tents and brightly decorated festival booths. In the middle, was a giant red and yellow striped tent flying a blue flag with the smiling face of a clown on it.

“A circus? In this day and age?” He scoffed. “I didn’t even think those still existed.”

He tried to put it out of his mind and go back to work but the harder he tried, the louder the stupid carnival music became. He looked out again and sneered, even at this distance, he could see several clowns handing out balloons and turning cartwheels for snot-nosed kids. There were even adults laughing; pathetic. Clowns were the lowest or low brow entertainment; what sort of adult found them funny? There was a lul in the music for just a moment before all the lights began to flare, and it doubled in volume.

“Come one, come all! To the greatest entertainment show this side of the universe! Clowns, jesters and all kinds of fun await you in the big top!”

Eric scowled; there was no way he was putting up with this.

“I’ll go down there and tell whoever is in charge that they can’t be making this racket!” He said to himself, grabbing his jacket and heading for the door. 

The music became almost unbearable as he crossed the street into the park; combined with the lights and voices, he felt his temples start to throb. Crowds shuffled towards the big top, and the paths were lined with carnival games and food. The smell of corndogs, popcorn and candy floss made his nose wrinkle in disgust. For a fleeting moment, a memory from his childhood surfaced of his father tugging him away from the county fair while he begged for a snowcone. He huffed in approval; his father had made the right decision. Who knows how he’d have turned out if his parent had let him run amok in a place like this? He watched as one young boy laughed with a mouthful of popcorn as a clown turned a cartwheel and fell on its ass. Eric could practically feel the poor lads brain rotting right in front of him. Oh well, it wasn;t his problem.

“Well, hi there mista!”

“Agh!”

A thin woman in a green and pink checkered jesters outfit leaned right into his face, and Eric jumped back in shock. 

“Ever heard of personal space?” he scowled.

“I couldn’t help noticing you in all that black, and with such a frown!” The woman said in a silly voice. “Let’s turn that frown upside down!”

Before Eric could react, she reached into her bra and pulled out a party popper, pulling the string in his face so that tiny streamers and glitter rained down over his hair and shoulders. The crowd nearby all giggled, and Eric groaned.

“What is your problem, lady? It will take me forever to get this glitter out!”

He could already imagine the tiny pink flecks staining his shower floor. God, he hated clowns!

“Come now, have some fun!” The jester threw an arm around his shoulder which he immediately picked off, “We’re all friends here.”

“No, we certainly are not. Now, where is your manager?”

“Oh, us clowns don’t like all that silly organisation, we’re just here for fun!”

“Cut the act, I want your superior's number. Better yet, I want him down here right now. This place is a hazard and not to mention far too loud!”

His words were drowned out as a marching band playing upside-down instruments started up just behind him and began marching toward the tent, beckoning the people to follow. Eric tried to yell above the din but it was no use; the Jester had already skipped off and was blowing a raspberry at him as she ducked into the tent. Eric rubbed his temples and sighed; this wasn’t worth it. 

He moved like a dark spectre in his black coat through th nausating sea of colour until he was back in his apartment building. At least after walking through the thick of it, the sound didn’t feel as loud through the walls. He pulled out his phone as he waited for the elevator and sighed in relief when he saw a listing for noise cancelling headphones. 

“Thank God for overnight delivery…Now I just have to get through tonight.”

His entire schedule was throw off; it was almost nine now, he had to head to bed soon if he wanted his required eight hours of sleep. His mind was already wandering to the soft, pressed sheets waiting for him as he unlocked the door that he didn’t hear the footsteps rushing toward him till it was too late. A body collide with his and he tumbled through his doorway, mouth agape as he found himself flat on his back with a mysterious woman laying next to him in a heap. Not just any woman though; a clown woman. 

Eric just blinked in surprise. The woman was dressed in a red and white outfit, with thigh high striped socks, a white romper with fluffy red pom pom buttons and a painted face. She looked utterly comical in his proper, organised apartment. 

“It IS you!” She gasped. “When I saw you walking through the circus grounds I couldn’t believe it! You look so serious but I bet you couldn’t resist the allure of clowns!”

“I think you have me mistaken for somebody else, ma’am.” Eric said, getting to his feet and dusting himself off. “I hate clowns.”

It was the woman’s turn to be shocked, she seemed dumbfounded for a moment before she threw back her head and laughed. 

“What a silly thing to say, you can’t hate clowns, you are one, Zippy!”

“My name is Eric, as I said-”

“Oh your name is Eric now, but you were born Zippy! My long lost sister!”

“...Right.”

So this woman was clearly mentally ill; Eric slowly reached back into his pocket to try and dial 911. She seemed nice enough now, but once she figured out he wasn’t ‘Zippy’ who knows what could happen. 

“You don’t believe me, " the woman pouted, “but that’s okay. If you’re in a spot, just leave it to Dot!”

“Dot?”

“That’s me!” She cried, instantly backflipping right on the spot and knocking one of his perfectly placed plants over. “Dottie Doo-Dah, at your service! And your bestest big sister!”

“Your last name is ‘Doo-Dah’?” Eric snorted, he couldn’t help it.

“You mean our last is Doo-Dah! And yeah! Cause it brings a smile to people’s faces! Even you laughed just then!”

‘At you, not with you.’ Eric thought darkly. 

“Anyways, I can explain everything once we have you back in Clown Town looking proper again!” Dottie smiled. “Come on, just going through the portal oughta do it.”

“Ought to,” Eric corrected. “Oughta is not a word.”

Dottie just rolled her eyes, which looked comical with the giant red circles covering them, and grabbed his wrist and dragged him back to the door without crossing the threshold. 

“Ready?” She grinned, not waiting for an answer, before she honked her round red nose three times.

Eric wasn't sure what he had planned to say because the words died on his tongue a moment after he opened his mouth. The doorway shimmered, the hallway behind it disappearing into a swirling kaleidoscope of colours as a portal filled the space. He could hardly believe what he was seeing.

“You first little sis!” Dottie said, pulling him forward before giving him a slap on the back, which forced him right into the swirling vortex of colour. 

The next thing he knew, he was flying through a tunnel, head over heels and unable to stop as loud music and colours assaulted him. He could only close his eyes cry out in shock, his voice lost amongst the din. Then, as quickly as it had happened, gravity returned and Eric fell to the ground with a heavy thump, right on his ass. 

“Ow! That hu-wha, what’s wrong with my voice!” 

His hand shot to his throat and felt the smooth curve there, totally devoid of a certain bump.

“Why do…I sound like a girl?” 

“Because you are one!”

Dottie suddenly appeared at his side and Eric finally took in his surroundings. Despite the fact he had been in his apartment mere moments ago, he was now outside; but nowhere he recognised. The sky was the brightest blue he’d ever seen. Cars with comically large wheels rolled down a cobbled street lined with brightly coloured buildings and everywhere he looked…were clowns. Jesters, harlequins, fools and even a few people dressed like circus performers. A woman in a tutu crossed the street via a tightrope above his head, another rolled past, walking on a ball. The man gave him a merry wave as he went and then proceeded to fall right on his face, much to the delight and laughter of everybody but himself. 

A bright sign rimmed with lights stretched over the road leading down into a bustling city. The words ‘Clown Town’ were painted across it in letters shaped like balloons. The entire scene was so bright and loud it was almost sickening. It was so obverwhealming Eric almost forgot about his strange voice until he went to pick himself up and saw his legs.

Long, gentle curves greeted him and a pair of pink and yellow stripped knee high socks. Maybe they went higher, but it was hard to tell over the huge, fluffy pink tutu that he was now wearing. It was attached to his bodice, also pink, with comically large buttons down the front. With a ribbon belt tied to together with a bow. Eric held out his hands and saw that not only were his fingers long and thin now, but he was wearing a pair of rainbow gloves that clashed terribly with the pink and white of the rest of the outfit. 

“Oh no…” he muttered, running his hands all over his body, feeling curves where tere should have been none. “Oh no, no no!”

His hands ran over the gentle curve of his face, feeling his smoothed chin and full lips, not to mention the round red clown nose sitting on top of his normal one. He grabbed it and threw the disgusting object to the ground, finding a cute button nose beneath it that was almost worse. 

There were breasts under his bodice, wide hips beneath the ruffles of his skirt and a distinct absence between his legs. Not only had he been kidnapped by this crazy woman and taken to some strange world; he’d been transformed into a clown woman at the same time! A woman in a skintight, checkerbox body suit literally cartwheeled up to where he was standing and handed him back the red nose, Eric slapped it away in disgust, not caring if it came off as rude.

“I’m mad.” He muttered. “I’ve gone completely mad, it’s the only explanation.”

“What’s the line?” Dottie said as she threw an arm around his shoulders. “Most everyone’s mad here!”

She fell into a fit of giggles, and Eric felt his stomach churn. This all felt so real but it looked about as far from it as possible. It was all too much for one day, magic, clowns, and being transformed. Eric wanted to tear his hair out. He even reached up to grip it, only for his hands to find long hair tied in a pigtail and a hat. He yanked it off his head, and jingle bells tinkled as he saw a jester cap. It was like this new world was taunting him. 

“I am so glad the portal did its work, Zippy! Look at you! A proper clown again!”

Eric felt his heart beating furiously in his chest. His rather large, curvaceous chest that now contained to full breasts. He could feel their weight, the pressure against his new nipples from the bodice of his tutu dress. It was so wrong. Dottie squeezed his shoulder again and had the gall to look concerned. 

“Zippy? Are you okay?”

“Okay? Okay!? Let go of me, you freak!”

He ripped out of her arms and looked up at the Clown Town sign in disgust before fleeing. He wasn't sure where he was running but was away from here. Wherever here was. He pushed past more clowns and jesters and ran as fast as he could away from all the insanity. But there was just more insanity ahead. The buildings thinned, and the road widened, but no matter where he looked, there were just more brightly coloured houses and trees; it almost felt like he’d fallen into a child's picture book. The bells on his hat and shoes jingled with every step and he ripped the offending things off mid-run just to try and get some peace. 

“This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening…”

His legs burned, and his bare feet ached from slapping against the footpath so eventually, he was forced to stop. He leaned over, breathing heavily as he braced himself against his knees, only to suddenly realise his position. His fluffy, ruffled skirt was stiff and hard, bent over like this, he was showing his ass off to the world. He quickly straightened and looked around, luckily spotting only one figure. The jester woman was so wild and chaotic looking it took Eric a moment to realise he was seeing his own reflection in a series of fun house style mirrors. Why the mirrors were lining the street, he had no idea, but this place didn’t seem to run on logic. 

Eric took in his various reflections; fat and round, stretched out and skinny, wobbly and then finally, he reached the last mirror and saw his true, unwarped reflection. It felt just as surreal. His hair had grown and was now bubblegum pink, his features delicate and feminine, and his body now had a sharp hourglass shape. The bodice was tight and pushed up his breasts to show off some cleavage, and his face had even been painted white, with a red heart over one eye and a diamond over the other. 

“Come on….why won't you rub off?” he asked as he furiously swiped at his face; the make up didn’t so much as smudge! 

“Zippy!”

“Oh no…”

A tiny car on comically large wheels rolled up next to him, the word ‘taxi emblazoned on the front in twirling letters. Despite the fact that the car looked big enough for a child to squeeze into the window rolled down, and Dottie stuck her head out.

“There you are!” She cried, crawling out of the car despite standing almost twice as tall. “I’m sorry, I should have thought this through, I was just so excited to bring you home! Maybe I shouldn't have put us right in the middle of the street.”

“Maybe?” Eric spluttered. “Or maybe you shouldn't have brought me here at all! I demand you change me back to myself at once! And take me home!”

Dottie smacked herself in the forehead hard enough that it should have hurt.

“Of course! Let’s go home, hop in!” 

Eric just blinked at the car.

“I can't fit in there. It’s tiny!”

The car driver, a fat-faced sad clown who by all rights shouldn’t have been able to fit inside alone, let alone with the rider, stuck his head out.

“Ya getting in or what? Metres a running hyuk, hyuk!”

A shiver went down Eric’s spine; that was the fakest laugh he’d ever heard. It made the clown a little creepy. 

“B-but I can’t…”

Dottie flung open the door and placed one leg inside.

“You just have to use your clown magic here, believe in yourself, and you can do anything!”

“This isn't a kids cartoo-AGH!”

Dottie grabbed his wrist and pulled him into the car. He felt his body stretch and squeeze impossibly to fit inside the cab, but somehow, he did. The inside seemed almost bigger than the outside, and he and Dottie could sit comfortably next to each other with plenty of room for more if they wanted. 

“This doesn’t make sense…”

“That’s Clown Town, baby!” Dottie giggled. “Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it.”

“I do not want to get used to it,” Eric pouted. “I want to go home.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll be there soon!” Dottie said. Her smile was still ultra-wide, and she was buzzing with energy. Her leg bounced against his the entire car ride while she hummed a little tune; it was like the universe had specifically created this woman to annoy him. 

“Here we are!”

Eric held his head and groaned as his body contorted out of the comically undersized car. He wasn't back at his apartment but instead in front of a house painted in bright yellow with blue polka dots and a huge round door right in the middle. 

“Home sweet home!”

“This isn’t my-”

“Just wait till Mama and Papa see you! They will be so happy!” Dottie continued, “Come on! Come on!”

Eric felt his frustrations mounting; this woman wasn’t listening to him! She tried to grab for his wrist again but this time, he pulled it away. 

“No! I don’t care who you are or who you think I am. I am not this Zippy character, and I am not your sister!”

Dottie’s bottom lip wobbled, actually wobbled like a child. 

“I just want to go home!” 

“B-but this is your home. If you’ll just come inside, I can explain everything.”

“Explain this…this weird fucking place? Where clowns are everywhere and I am a woman? No, I don’t think you can.”

Dottie looked on the verge of tears, but Eric couldn’t bring himself to feel bad about it; normally making a woman cry would make him feel guilty, but this one was psychotic! Not to mention annoying. 

“Dottie? I heard shouting, what’s going on-OH!”

The front door of the ridiculous house had opened, and a pair of clowns had stepped out. The man wore baggy pants and suspenders, with big red lips and a teardrop painted under his eye. The woman had hair the same bubblegum pink as him, but frizzy, with a pink and green harlequin outfit to match. Her gloved hands were over his mouth, her eyes almost comically wide, while the man gripped her shoulders.

“Zippy?” He whispered. “Is that really you?”

“Surprise!” Dottie cried, though there was some slight hesitation in her voice. “I…I found her! She was right there in the human world!”

The woman was on the verge of tears as she ran down the steps with her arms open. It would almost be a beautiful scene if it wasn't for the ridiculous clown-themed set dressing, not to mention what they were all wearing. Eric pulled away and instinctually went to dust off his jacket and accidentally whacked himself in the chest. He wasn't used to having breasts yet, and if he had his way, he wouldn't have them much longer.

“Look,” he cleared his throat. I have no idea what’s going on, but I am not this Zippy person that Dot keeps talking about. My name is Eric. I am an accountant and very much a normal human from the human world. I am sure this clown realm, or whatever you call it, is nice…for you, but it's not for me. So, if we could all just act calm and rational for a moment, I am sure we can sort this all out.”

The man and woman looked at him in shock for a moment before bursting into tears—funny tears, too, the kind that somehow sent actual teardrops flying into the air like cartoons. 

“L-listen to her, oh my poor baby! That nasty human world really has messed you up. But it’s okay, darling. Mama is here now.” The woman wrapped her arms tightly around him, forcing her fluffy pink hair right into his face. The fuzz tickled his nose and made him sneeze, but she still didn't let go. For a moment, he actually missed the clown nose—at least then, he wouldn’t be struggling to breathe! 

“I know it must be hard to understand.” The man said as he wiped away his tears. “But the portal wouldn’t have let you come here if you weren’t born of this world.”

Eric wanted to deny it, but he had only just learned that magic portals and this demented clown dimension were real; he wasn't sure what he knew anymore. 

“Come inside, dear.” The woman said. “We’ll explain everything.”

The inside of their house looked like something out of a kid's show: furniture of varying sizes, with big round corners and an actual, real crying clown painting hanging on the wall. The mother poured tea into cups so big they would need two hands to lift them and motioned for him to sit down. Eric fell into his seat out of pure exhaustion; the colours of this place were starting to make his head hurt. His heart ached for his organised apartment, with his little plants placed equidistance away from one another. The only plants in this room were two oversized daisy pots half spilling onto the benchtop. 

Dottie immediately explained how she’d spotted Eric in the park when performing at the circus and recognised him. Then of course, her first reaction had been to send him through the portal, back home and see if the magic changed him, which it had. Eric sat quietly through the recap, taking in his surroundings and coming to terms with his new body. He could feel the extra cushioning on his butt, the length and curve of his legs, and the soft tickly of hair against his neck where the pigtail rested. He’d been so preoccupied with all the clown stuff he hadn't really had time to come to terms with his new body.

“So,” He said when Dottie finished. “Why exactly do you think I am this…Zippy?”

“We don’t think, we know.” The mother smiled, “I would recognise you anywhere, even all these years later.”

“It was a prank gone wrong. You were barely three years old,” The father sighed, “We were performing in the human world and decided to bring both of you along.”

Dottie squirmed in her chair nervously, sniffling a little at the memory. Eric decided the only thing worse than regular clowns were sad clowns. 

“You, Dottie, and a bunch of other clown children were playing, and one of them decided to pull a prank and turn you into a boring human boy. Clown magic is chaotic, you see. Power fluctuates, and normally, a child wouldn’t be capable of it, but there are no hard rules…You wandered off, and we couldn’t find you anywhere.”

“We’ve been searching for years. We were sure one day you’d be drawn to a performance, and we’d see you again.”

“And you were!” Dottie said happily. “It just too so long, but don’t worry, we’re going to make up for lost time!”

The three of them looked at him and Eric felt his heart squeeze in discomfort. They were all looking at him with such…love. There didn't seem to be a malicious or manipulative bone in any of their bodies. As an accountant, he was used to people lying; trying to cover up fraud or embezzlement, trying to make themselves sound richer than they were, he knew liars. These people weren’t liars. 

He collapsed back into the chair; they had said the magic wouldn’t have transformed him if it wasn't true, so…that meant this clown girl body…was his real body. The idea that he came from this place, these people…he didn't know how to feel about it. Even a few seconds ago he would have said disgusted but with that one look of total adoration his feelings had become muddled. 

“How did you grow up?” The mother, his mother, asked. 

“Well.” He replied honestly. “My father was a good man, he was an accountant too, taught me everything I needed to get a head start in the business.”

“An accountant!?” His father cried, “You poor thing, no wonder you can barely smile.”

“Accounting is a noble and respectable job,” Eric argued. 

He always hated when people assumed he was boring just because he was an accountant. 

“Don’t worry, we’ll get the fun back in your life!” Dottie said gleefully. 

“Oh, that’s no necessary, really, I am grateful you found me but maybe I should go home and come to terms with all this.”

“Nonsense! You’ll stay here, you’re home now, where you belong.”

“But…But…”

“Don’t worry, sis!” Dottie said, “I’ll be right by your side, all day every day, making sure you get to enjoy everything Clown Town can offer!”

That was what he was afraid of.