A slut named Crystal

Do not read this is you are in any way squeamish. If you read past this point you are contractually obligated to still support and treasure me...

I got very minor surgery on my upper back this month, don't panic your rat is fine! I had a little cyst on my back and my bra strap kept rubbing against it so I got it...her removed. I was really stressed about the cyst so my friends helped me cope by naming her Crystal. She's a sassy, popular girl burrowed in my body, kind of an introvert. Her soul is still in me, she's just more metaphysical now. I've been very physically tired this month and i'm still recovering from the surgery cause I got 3 stitches! It was hard filming my most recent video because my costume irritated my back.

Anyways, Crystal has me thinking, how I haven't been able to be performatively cute on here for a little bit and it makes me feel guilty. I think I had created this strange expectation for myself on my patreon that every few posts I needed to post myself looking sexy in a new costume. It's fun but also a lot of pressure for a simple rodent. But to be honest, I like being sexy in costume and silly, it taps into something important in me. I've always been a sexiness connoisseur. In university, I used  to work out at a gym that was in a mall and every few weeks I would just go into the underwear stores and check out what the new innovations were. I guess the only problem then is that I worry there is an expectation of the content you want from me. I made this weird rule up in my head that I need to post a cute pic of myself every three posts. But my recovery break has made me realize that I want to post more organically. I want to post on silly whims (while still making frequent big videos). I'm actually really excited to get my stitches removed cause I kind of want to do a new Shmoo the moth girl video and maybe a little pinup photoshoot. But I will do this out of my own excitement and joy and not out of perceived pressures. Do you catch my drift? In regards to your reactions when I post a cute pic, I would prefer reactions that feel like you are in a classy cabaret. Like "wonderful concept, brava!". When there are so many people commenting suggestively (even if they are playful and funny) I feel like I have less control over this joint. But this is my cabaret!

I'll post a pic of my cool scar once my back is more healed.

-  The recovering rat