Tutorial Rewrite 25

He and his lies must be quelled! Now that I’ve beaten the second floor, I will waste no time to disprove his falsities and explain how best to defeat this floor!

Like a wrathful God, I get to typing.

<PrissyKittyPrincess[F3]: a REAL guide

2 floor 2 (BY A REAL GAYMER NO H8ERS ALLOWD)>

welcome back frends JUS KIDDING welcom back H8TRZ

ok now that all da H8ATRS r gone hers da guide

2 totally clear da stage u need 2 eat all da ladies

an kill all da birls 2 kill all da birds u need bait and

ur eyeballs or othr flesh will work gud so just use dat

an then when u get to da door u just say “no i dont wanna die”

an u win bt make sure u eat ALL DA LADIES or u dont get da

comeplete clear reward which u want even tho it

may jus b a ****** pelt or whatevs>

And then, we just post it. Now that SharkAttack guy can even learn how to completely clear the stage, so, you know, there’s that. Easy stuff. I really don’t see how anyone could be having trouble with this.

That said—

<You have gotten a response.>

Oh! I forgot I was keeping a list of all the ladies. Seems someone else may have found use for it after all.

<PrissyKittyPrincess[F3]:

Lady 1669 vomit

Lady 1770 vomit

Lady 1771 vomit

Lady 1772 vomit

Lady 1773 vomit

Lady 1774 vomit

Lady 1775 vomit

Lady 1776 vomit>

<TrackRecord[F6]: RIP miss Kitty>

<JustifiableDefeat[F2] RIP>

<ProtectAndDestroy[F4]: kitty dont have nine

lives irl so RIP i guess>

<LearnFromIt[F3]: okay listen….

This is going to sound super strange but stick with me.

I’m on Hard and I just beat floor 2 thanks to this guide.

I’m serious. I checked the boards and on Easy

There aren’t any flowers (referred to by miss Kitty as “ladies”)

But on Hard there are tonnes of flowers and a lot of them are poisonous.

Some have antidotes and heal you but a lot cause severe hallucinations and

Vomiting and stuff. My buddy [Removed From Tutorial]

Ate a “Lady Number 43” and dropped dead. The effects were exactly

As miss Kitty described them. Also I don’t think

Miss Kitty is dead because now her floor updated to F3.

She beat the second floor.>

<TrackRecord[F6]: lol no ******* way>

<HowWhatWhy[F7]: yo no wayyyy>

<TrackRecord[F6]: omg lol look she just posted

a bat**** guide to the second floor

lmao whattttt>

…Well, well, well. They’ve been chatting up quite a storm here, huh? As they say, while the cat’s gone, the rats dance on the table.

But right as I start to write, another few responses tick in.

<TrackRecord[F6]: omg lol she just posted

a bat**** guide to the second floor

lmao whattttt>

<LongBottomJohn[F13]: Lol just read it…

She’s totally crazy…>

<FragmentsOfHope[F9]: Her guide to the first floor is also insane.

Why would you even make a guide to floor one.

Who is even going to read it.>

<TrackRecord[F6]: either she’s

literally schizophrenia or she’s faking it

for the attention>

<HowWhatWhy[F7]: i think she just looney>

They’re all coming in so fast I barely have time to type. But after gritting my teeth for long enough, I’m finally able to get a word in.

<TrackRecord[F6]: let’s face it tho no

one can survive hell i mean look at the state of the lobby>

<LearnFromIt[F3]: it’s possible. Two people

Have survived it so far.>

<TrackRecord[F6]: ok but if they survived

it then why haven’t we heard from them huh

this would be huge i mean even Hard is like

next to impossible unless you’re a literal soldier>

<PrissyKittyPrincess[F3]: if he 8 a bunch of Lady 2

an then moved lotz he woulda survivd>

<TrackRecord[F6]: yo kitty…… not cool>

<LearnFromIt[F3]: miss Kitty that is

Honestly very insensitive. Please don’t

Say such things.>

I-, I was just trying to be helpful! Geez, talk about being touchy.

<PrissyKittyPrincess[F3]: tbh im jus

sayin it like it is i dont c da prob>

TrackRecord[F6]: you literally told a

guy his friend died cuz he didn’t follow

your unreadable guide to “da ladies”>

<LearnFromIt[F3]: listen it’s okay I was just surprised.

I’m still grateful for the guide, since it let

The rest of us survive. We were even able to

compare the flowers in the guide to those

On the floor to learn which were healing or antidotes,

Since they weren’t in the guide. That wouldn’t have been

Possible without miss Kitty’s guide.>

<PrissyKittyPrincess[F3]: o so u guyz

get free heal n antidotes dat is so dumb

how u gonna raise ur tolerance an resistance

if u jus get healed bet u eet food n drink watur 2 dumb***>

There. Owned. Now he won’t be able to—

<RedHanded[F7]: Hello, I am Representative

of Normal Floor 7. The GoR was alerted regarding

possibly offensive language usage and were asked to step in.

PrissyKittyPrincess[F3], what Difficulty do

you herald from? If no answer is given

your position will be determined forcefully.>

<LearnFromIt[F3]: ok who alerted the gor?

We can settle with without that sort of stuff.>

<RedHanded[F7]: LearnFromIt[F3], for

questioning the motives of the GoR,

I have contacted HerringFerry[F3],

Representative of the Hard Difficulty’s

Third Floor. He should speak with you shortly.

Pray that he will be merciful in his judgement.>

<LearnFromIt[F3]: oh come on,

There’s no need for that s>

Okay, this is really getting out of hand. Did that guy just get, like, executed?...

<TrackRecord[F6]: RIP LearnFromIt[F3]>

<RedHanded[F7]: Are you suggesting

that the GoR is unjust in its governing

to the point where we would unfairly

execute a challenger?>

<TrackRecord[F6]: no sir>

<RedHanded[F7]: Would you like

to convince your Representative

of your good intentions?>

Okay, that’s a bit too far.

<PrissyKittyPrincess[F3]: hey cmon

man cut it out he didn do nothun wrong b chill>

<RedHanded[F7]: Don’t think you can weasel your

way out of your due punishment simply for being

out of our long reach, PrissyKittyPrincess[F3].

Once the Day of Grand Conference arrives,

you too will receive your due punishment.>

<PrissyKittyPrincess[F3]: nuh uh>

…The day of what now? What am I even being threatened with here?

Doesn’t matter. He doesn’t know anything and I know everything. I hold all the cards, mohahaha!

<RedHanded[F7]: We will be swift in our judgement.

You will not be able to run.

You will not be able to hide.

If only for making light of this great organisation,

you will be made an example of. There is no

question of that. Only pray that your end will come quick.>

<PrissyKittyPrincess[F3]: nuh uh no way ur dumb

an i dnt hide from dumb ppl>

I can feel the pure seething hatred emanating from his end, but at the same time, I feel uneasy. For some reason, he seemed pretty assured in being able to get me.

What if he can? What if he does?

Dying in PvP is slightly less embarrassing than dying to mobs or the terrain, but it’s still easily worse than not dying at all.

Day of Grand Conference… If he’s so certain about it, then there has to be some information on it, right? Right.