A Gamer's Guide 377

Lett is still sitting right there, so I remember that I—and anyone else listening—should probably talk out loud. “Stop being so dramatic,” I tell him. “I deal with being human everyday! You don’t see me going all limp over it.

“Yes I have,” Garath mutters, almost inaudible beneath the snow. “I saw your memories. Shall I recount the times?”

I remember Lett is here and request in no words but strong intention for Garath to maybe not recount all those times. 

Somehow, even with his face pressed into snow, I can tell he’s grinning. “First, when you realized your head had been shaved—”

“Stop, stop!” I cry, “I yield! Anything but that!” Evil, evil dragon. Must I rue the day I brought you along? 

“Perhaps.”

Still sitting down, right next to Garath’s splayed-out form, Lett gives a full-body shiver. “Um,” he says, “I’m kind of…”

Oh, yeah, Lett can’t handle the cold as well as us, can he? Garath doesn’t seem bothered lying naked in the snow, but if Lett doesn’t get some warmth soon, then… 

Right. That’s it. Leaning down, I grab Garath by the wings and hoist him up again, ignoring the way his whole body trembles with the exertion of trying to stand. “Use your wings for balance,” I grumble at him, “and walk, one step, two. Like this.” His whole body jerking back and forth, teeth gritted so hard I can hear their grinding—goodbye, pearly whites—I support him on my shoulder over to the tree I puked at. The glittery stuff is gone, so I guess it’s fine. Once we’re right next to it, Garath snatches onto it like a terrified cat, clinging to it so hard I can hear the wood groan. There. Now he won’t fall down or whatever. And, while I’m at it…

I pull a pelt from my inventory. “Here,” I tell him. “Put this on when you can walk unassisted, okay?”

He gives no answer aside from a glare that could surely have killed had he still been a dragon.

So, ignoring that, I waltz over to where Lett is still sitting on the ground, freezing his bum off. Hm. That might not be good. He’s starting to look a bit pale. “Hey, Lett, you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Lett says, slurring the words just enough to tell me that he really isn’t. This might be bad. Putting a hand to his forehead, I notice that he’s really warm. On the other hand, everything and everyone is really warm compared to me, so this isn’t actually telling me anything. It could be a good thing, but I’m starting to think it isn’t.

Grabbing one of the thicker, bigger pelts from inside my inventory, I lean down and wrap Lett in it before picking him up, dusting the snow from his legs and underside as I do. There we go. Since I can’t tell how dire this is, I guess I should act as though it’s very dire. Better safe than sorry and all that.

“Hey, Garath, how are you—” Ah, yeah, no, he has not gotten the hang of being human yet.

Arms and legs all wrapped around the tree, he has moved beyond the title of tree-hugger into the realm of tree-wrestling. Now, it is only a matter of time before he’ll suplex his arboreal foe, teaching him once and for all the true purpose of limbs.

<Though I appreciate the encouragement,

I believe this is to be categorized as 

“wasting time.”>

Oh, yeah, you’re right. So, I shouldn’t wait for you to…?

He nods towards the city. 

<Just go. This is too humiliating

for your presence to be wanted.>

Right. On my planet, we would call that a tsundereism. I will anyhow respect it.

When you get better, come find me, alright? And try not to kill anyone—it’s antithetical to our goals!

<Yes, oh God of Hope.>

…Now you’re being petty.

<I am.>

Grrr. Evil dragon.

Continuing to rue a day in recent memory, I cradle Lett tighter and head for the city, trudging through the snow with difficulty. Man, snow sucks. I miss Skåne. Those stark, rainy winters, forever blessed with gray skies and mushy slush along the roads… Ah, those were the good old days. 

As I trudge, I eventually find a road that at least isn’t completely covered in snow. Slotting into the flattened tracks left by passing carriages, I continue towards the city. To be honest, it isn’t all that big. More like a big town with a few impressive buildings. I wonder if we’ll have time to check them out before we leave? Well, we aren’t exactly in a hurry. Even if Simel came rushing after me, they’d still be extremely slow compared to Garath flying.

Which is… A bit compromised… At the moment.

Huh. I guess I didn’t think about that. With Garath human-sized, how the heck are we supposed to move quicker than lightning? 

This might cause some difficulties. Nevertheless, right now, I just have to get there and find a warm meal and soft place for Lett. It would be pretty neat if we could rest in an inn overnight, but I doubt I’ll be able to pull that off. My hides have turned out rather useful, and although I do have some money left from everything I’ve been up to, I doubt it’ll buy us rations and room for the night. 

Lett shivers in my arms, huffing out a cloud of cold white air. 

Right now, I’ll put all of that out of mind. Everything will turn out alright, so there’s no need to worry about all that. It will come.

…Speaking of which, I think I can spot some people approaching from the city? Not a lot of people, three… No, four. Which wouldn’t be too strange if it hadn’t been for the fact that they’re human. 

Hum. What’s my best approach here? I could probably ignore them pretty easily, just walk on by, but that would be suspicious, right? I can’t say I’m familiar with the traditions and customs employed by humans here, but I feel like it would be strange for one to ignore a group of humans. On the other hand, the humans are armed. For some reason, they’ve all got their weapons drawn and ready, like they’re going to go save a princess from a dragon. One guy has a spear, the girl next to him is carrying a shortsword and a small round shield, the other guy has a staff of some sort, and the final one—an unusually petite girl—is carrying nothing. Maybe a sorceress of some sort? Or magician. I never did figure out what magic-using people are called.

Soon, they’re close enough for me to read their faces and see the whites of their eyes. They all have short hair, barely long enough to be pulled into so much as a tiny pigtail. When did they join? A year ago, at most? No, a bit more than that, but not by much.

However, since I’m close enough to properly see the whites of their eyes, that means they’re close enough to see me, too. 

The swordswoman raises her shield, the guy with the staff prepares himself, and the guy with the spear points it at me before exclaiming, “Holy shit, it’s the fish guy!”

I freeze mid-step, almost dropping Lett. 

Ten meters away at most, their party has stopped as well. The swordswoman squints at me. “Well, I’ll be.”

Mind reeling, I ask, loud enough so that they can hear me, “Um, do I know you?”

They share glances and shrug. The spear guy is probably the de-facto leader since he’s the one who defaults to speaking, saying, “We saw you at the ante-purgatory trials! Remember? You were fishing together with the God of Hunting, buck-naked! Damn, I’ll never forget the sight. I really hope you got top-grades for that stunt. And then with the fish? Crazy!”

“What fish?” I ask, only to be slammed into a flashback, forced to remember that one time I tried to join a bunch of people around a fire only to embarrass myself by catching a fish mid-air and eating it. My back begins to sweat and I clench my teeth in mental anguish. “Oh, yeah. That fish.”

“Crazy stuff!” the spear guy says again, approaching me with no fear whatsoever. “Say, what have you been up to since then? I was starting to think you’d gone and died, but that’s clearly not the case. How are you, man?” A bit too fearlessly for my tastes, he slings his arm around my shoulder—or, at least, he attempts to, because his arm proceeds to pass through my chest, touching exactly nothing. 

For a moment, I fear that my clothes might fall off, but that is luckily not the case. Phew… 

“Whoa.” 

“Sorry, this is, um…” Shoot. I have to keep myself real. I want to exist, I want to exist, I want to exist…

“That’s awesome! What kind of skill is this? Is it one of those god-given skills? Man, what god did you reel in to make you a ghost?”

I take a few steps back. “Sorry. I’m in a bit of a hurry, my friend here is…”

The swordswoman approaches us, saying, “We are, as well. There were sightings of a dragon outside the city. Did you see anything?”

My blood runs a bit cold. “Um. Nope! No dragon. No siree, I didn’t see anything of the sort. Heh, I mean, can you imagine? A dragon, out here? That’s crazy.”