Sample text for Lima's FMG report 1
Added 2016-03-26 12:29:08 +0000 UTCHi!
The basic idea for the FMG reports is pretty simple. It's a report made by Dr. Chakalaka about the adminstration of the muscle growth tech. She made these reports by audio recording, so, the descriptions will be very direct and emotional. She tried to register evertything and made some personal notes too.
I don't want those reports to be a dull wall of text, so, there will be links with pictures simulating video feeds of a particular part of the experiment.
About the scientific nomenclatures and terms. I don't have a clue about this, but I will make a research about this. Again, I don't want the text to be much technical. If you know that kind of stuff, let me know!
Give a read on it and let me know what you think. Every girl will have two reports, one for each act. The second report will be narrated by the own character, this will cover the details betweens act one and two. For example, Bali will tell how she became an Admiral, Lima will tell how she destroyed the shadow broker operations, etc.
Comments
Thanks. I will post the complete version soo.
ReddyHeart
2016-03-29 11:34:41 +0000 UTCAs a draft version it's a good transcription of an oral report. It stays clinical yet the scientist reactions are noticeable.
CJoe
2016-03-28 17:17:40 +0000 UTCThinking on it yeah, I'll trust your judgement. Looking forward to this beta
dbjwhite@hotmail.co.uk
2016-03-27 13:21:03 +0000 UTCThanks!
ReddyHeart
2016-03-27 12:07:56 +0000 UTCArgh...! I don't have anything witty to reply!
ReddyHeart
2016-03-27 12:07:23 +0000 UTCYep, the text will follow paragrapf by paragraph, like audio segments. I will finish this first report and see how it turned.
ReddyHeart
2016-03-27 12:04:57 +0000 UTCYep, the right way would be that. I am afraid the read could get dull and boring. And since its a voice recording, there is no time for elaborations and flourishs, she will describe the scenes with the most of details possible. And with a little erotism too.
ReddyHeart
2016-03-27 12:03:02 +0000 UTCEh, tbh, I think it could be more short and sweet. Having unnecessary lines like: "the vitals of the patient Lima is being recorded at moment. The subject is wearing the minimum of clothing as possible to facilitate the measurement and recording of the effects of the tech." is really just taking up space, I mean, we kinda get that you're recording the vitals, cause, y'know, THIS IS A REPORT. And the explanation for the limited clothes seems on the nose too. Don't try to give a bullshit explanation why she's half-naked lol. This isn't a scientifically-accurate study, geez. Also it's really distracting how Chakawas goes from being professional to saying stuff like: "Lima being injected with might in her butt. Maybe arm. Nah butt is better.>". Just stick with one tone. Also, I know you're gonna fix dem, but a lot of typos. So yeah, could use some re-working, imho
Vladdy Bladdy
2016-03-27 10:01:29 +0000 UTCLove it.
Cari
2016-03-26 20:05:13 +0000 UTCI agree with those comments. Excelsior!
2016-03-26 16:47:31 +0000 UTCLooks good! I like the idea of having some pictures every now and then to liven things up, and it doesn't seem like it's getting bogged down in too much technical talk or anything like that. There's just enough to make it sound "scientific" without going overboard. And having it be in note/paragraph form is a good idea too, since that also helps make it easy to read and not just the aforementioned wall of a text. So yep, it definitely looks like you're on the right track with this! Now after reading this I'm looking forward to reading those act two reports even more, as I'm sure there'll be some great stories in those ones about what the girls got up to between acts. Nice work!
The Alternate202
2016-03-26 13:37:38 +0000 UTCInteresting, I would though try and keep it very clinical and professional in terms of how it reads it is a report after all. There is plenty of comedic moments in the rest of the game.
dbjwhite@hotmail.co.uk
2016-03-26 13:11:27 +0000 UTC
