Letter to Santa - One Shot

***Hey all, Merry Christmas! Normally I'd be posting another chapter of Sabotage this time of month, but with the posting of this story landing on Christmas Eve, I felt it was only right to write with Christmas spirit. It's about double the word count of a normal story, so enjoy this gift from me to you!***

Dear Santa Claus,

First of all, hello! It’s been a while. I haven’t written to you in probably ten years. It might seem a bit silly, being 19 and writing a letter to Santa, but I still believe, even after everyone’s told me not to.

This year has been rough. 2020 has thrown anything and everything it could at us, and I’ve really felt it. Being stuck inside, having a whole year at university online, away from my friends, not being able to meet any boys that could possibly start a relationship...It’s really taken a toll on me. It’s probably the source of everything I’m going to get into in this letter and part of the reason I’m even writing to you in the first place.

Here we go. Ever since my city went into lockdown in March, I’ve started to notice changes in my body. I don’t mean like, puberty changes; I’m pretty sure I’m done growing...what I’ve noticed is actually a regression of sorts.

You see, it started simply with bedwetting. It was only one at first; during the first week, everything closed down, and I came home. My mom was so confused and concerned, as was I. I hadn’t wet the bed since I was a toddler. I didn’t even wet the bed as a kid! My mom said as soon as I was out of diapers, I was dry all night. We both kinda wrote off the first one, but when the second one happened...and the third...and then when it started happening every night, we both got more serious about it.

We both didn’t know what was happening to me, and with our fear of COVID and us not wanting the doctor’s resources to be taken up by my bedwetting issue, we did what we could with Google for answers. Nothing really made sense other than maybe stress, so eventually, I kind of just accepted it and stopped searching for answers. As far as I was concerned, it would just go away eventually.

When the bedwettings started happening nightly, my mom ordered me some nighttime diapers. I didn’t really hesitate, knowing I needed them if I wanted to save my sheets and my mattress, but I didn’t really love the idea of wearing a diaper to bed.

However, I have something to confess Santa, and It’s going to seem strange, but I need you to understand for my Christmas wish to make sense.

I liked the diapers.

I would even go so far as to say I loved them. As soon as I pulled that first diaper over my legs, I was in love. Instantly I felt safe, warm, and secure. It was as if the anxiety of the world we live in faded away, and I was protected. That first night, I didn’t even put my pj’s on. I sat there in my diaper for hours, rubbing it and feeling the padding against my skin. I was even tempted to pee in them while I was awake, just to see what it felt like. I was obsessed in an instant, and it didn’t stop there.

When I woke up wet the next morning, I was amazed. Not only were my sheets totally dry, but the diaper felt even better than before. I won’t get into the details Santa, but let’s just say, by the time I took them off that morning, pee wasn’t the only thing they were wet with...

The nights following the first diaper, I started drinking more and not going to the toilet before bed. I was waking up wetter than before, and before long, the simple pull-ups my mom got for me were not enough. My sheets were once again getting wet with pee as the diaper leaked once its capacity was reached. I didn’t mind it because I already knew my next option was thicker diapers.

You see, I was a little confused as to why I liked the diapers so much, so I once again turned to Google. There I found thousands of people just like me who loved diapers that identified as “ABDL” or Adult Baby / Diaper lovers. I learnt so much from them. Some people were more AB’s than DL’s, and some were more DL’s than AB’s. There were outfits, adult pacifiers, cribs sized-up to fit grown-ups, and the best part: The diapers.

Oh Santa, the diapers. There were soooooooo many! I couldn’t believe my eyes. They were so cute and colourful, as well as thick and bulky. I needed to get my hands on them, but with my mom’s eyes on me constantly, I had to settle with the generic ones she got me.

I had to start doubling up on the pull-ups at night so I could attempt to contain my larger bedwettings, which meant I finished off the pull-ups pack faster than my mom anticipated. But, because of my larger accidents, I needed larger diapers. So my mom ordered me these new diapers, and they were so much better. They were no longer pull-ups. Instead, they had tabs that needed to be taped up around my waist. Because they were so much bulkier too, my mom suggested that I use baby powder to prevent any rashes. Oh my god, Santa, I was so giddy inside when she handed me that bottle of powder. I could smell it before I even opened it, but once I did open it, I was in heaven.

When I unfolded that diaper and laid it out on my bed, I could hardly contain my excitement. I positioned myself on top of it, then started covering myself in powder. I probably didn’t need THAT much the first time, and I’ve since constrained myself from using too much, but I loved the feeling of it against my skin. This first diapering with the big ones probably took an hour, just between my excitement from getting into them and then my rubbings of the powder on my skin and the diaper against my core. I was in a whole other world, and I had never been happier.

These diapers were like Christmas come early! So you’re probably still wondering why I’m writing to you. Well, I worry I’ve been a little naughty, and I’m hoping another confession will clear my name. I don’t know if you work like that, but here it goes.

As you could probably tell by now, I loved being in diapers. So so so much. I was only wearing them for bedtime then, but little by little, I would push my luck. I started “getting ready for bed” earlier and earlier, meaning I put my diapers on well before I actually was about to go to sleep. First, it was 10pm, then quickly 9pm, 8pm, 7pm....5pm. Yeah...I started “getting ready for bed” at 5pm. Needless to say, my mom took notice, but to my surprise, she didn’t say much beyond, “as long as you’re comfortable, I don’t mind.”

It wasn’t just putting them on earlier though. I started wearing the wet ones out of bed in the morning for longer. In the beginning, as soon as I would wake up, I would throw my soaked diaper in the garbage...maybe after some playtime...but then I would be in panties to go to the kitchen for breakfast. However, when I started getting daring with putting them on earlier in the evening, I also kept them on in the morning for longer. One day I just wanted to see how long I could keep them on for before my mom said anything.

Santa. I got to 4pm before she asked me, “Is that one for bed already, or have you just been wearing that all day?” I could hear the disgust in her voice. I shyly replied, “oh! It’s the one from this morning...I guess I just forgot to take it off, silly me.”

She just scowled at me in confusion and told me to get it off; said that I might get a rash from wearing it too long (not with how much baby powder I was wearing I wouldn’t!). But, I took it off, and after that, I pushed the time little by little in the mornings before I changed.

However, and this is my final confession before I tell you my Christmas wish, I got an idea that was the most insane idea I had had during this quarantine diaper fiasco.

I wanted to wear diapers 24/7, and in my eyes, there was only one way to do that where my mom wouldn’t question why I was still wearing them during the day: Start wetting my pants during the day.

It’s crazy, I know, but...I don’t regret it. Here’s what happened: The first day I got the idea, I got everything ready. I had full water bottles stashed in my room so that in the morning, I would wake up, swing back as much water as I could without barfing, and when I started feeling desperate, go into the kitchen and wet myself in front of my mom. I picked out the perfect bottoms that would show it as clear as possible and started acting out the moment in the mirror.

I wasn’t just going to walk up to her and pee; I had to make it convincing. I was going to pretend to “not feel it.” So in the morning, I kept on my wet diaper and started chugging back the water. I managed to wake up extra early so that I could be desperate around the time I usually emerge from my room in the morning. My heart was racing, but when I started to really feel the need to pee (which came on surprisingly fast), I tossed my diaper and put on my chosen bottoms.

I stepped out of my room, carefully trying to not look desperate, and said good morning to my mom. I started preparing my bagel for the toaster, and then help my breath, and let go. It came out so easily. I read that some people have a hard time peeing in their pants or diapers because their brain tells them it’s not right, but my brain had no issue with letting go in my pants. I asked my mom a question; I don’t even know what I asked because when she turned to answer me, she screeched out my name.

“Jessie!” she yelled. “You’re peeing your pants!”

I looked down, acting dumbfounded and said, “Oh no, I didn’t even feel it!”

My heart was racing, I wasn’t sure if she bought it. After what felt like an endless moment, she swallowed hard and told me to “get cleaned up, and put on one of your nighttime diapers. I don’t want any more messes from you.”

And that was all it took. That day, I wet myself 3 times during the day, everyone claiming to “not feel it.” My mom bought into all of it, and I couldn’t believe what happened next.

The diapers. She ordered me hundreds of diapers. Granted, they were all generic, but the amount of them—my god. I was in heaven again.

So now, my Christmas wish. This year for Christmas, I would like to become fully incontinent. I’m already a bedwetter, and I’m already playing the part of incontinent, but I want to be it, really. I’ve read that if you wear every day, you can kind of “learn” incontinence, but I want it for real. And, if it’s not too much to ask, a few cute ABDL diapers, so I don’t have to wear the generic ones all the time.

Merry Christmas,

Love Jessie

P.S. - If you do decide to give me some ABDL diapers, maybe don't leave them under the tree for all to see...