Tischotter

I met Tisch together with his friend Vali at Nordic Fuzzcon a few weeks ago. He attended my Tarot Crash Course panel and we shared very good conversation afterwards. At that point I learned that Tisch also intended to commission me, which excited me hugely.

He is reflected, sensitive, open and wordy. He's preserved himself a sense of magic in the natural world and likes to act imaginatively. Able to look back on a positive childhood with varied experiences and locations, he has decidedly found his home by the coast. Fields and forests, water, weather, lighthouses and fish are images that he enjoys. While these harmonious ideas took up the majority of our brainstorming, he did speak about anxieties and nightmares.

Among the attachments, I included a photograph of the cards drawn. The Tarot reading has not been preserved in text, so I have to rely on my memory. I seem to have a knack for pulling somewhat unpleasant cards for people whom I like. We were facing two fives; of Cups and of Wands, water and fire. Fives relate to fiery destruction, fighting and letting go.

The five of cups is titled Disappointment in the Thoth Tarot. Disappointment comes from expectations, and those are fed by how we understand the past. The sea looks toxic, and it’s what the lotuses are trying to feed from - a part of the iconography Tisch noticed. No water fills the cups. The lotuses are losing petals, as if that which we used to enjoy is no longer enjoyable. This card can represent negative but necessary emotions that widen us when we accept them. I spoke about how grieving can help let go.

The other five is that of wands; titled Strife. It is an explosive energy that breaks anxieties, even if it can contain base impulses. With the other five, this feels like a blockage. Without wanting to lean too far out my very small window, I suggested that there might be an unacceptable force in us that gets pushed down where it finds other ways to bother us, such as in the form of anxiety. This is of course oversimplified and not real psychological advice. What we agreed on at the time was that whatever it may be, it would be good to listen to one’s gut. 

The middle card is the three of wands, titled virtue. Virtue is kinda like an alignment of our values and the world. Energy is flowing outward because of this warm harmony- looking petal-like. This is clarity. So since Tisch wanted a lighthouse in the picture, this card felt like it was most related to it. (By the way, the red sky came both from this card and the 5 of cups. I knew Tisch had requested a cold atmosphere, but the red-orange just had this sound that was a good agitator to the wateriness, and there is a feeling of transition to it. And the green fins, in return. Remember how I said the background of the wands had something petal-like? I tried to include that in the fins above his head. Not sure it came through enough, but it’s there.)

Tisch wanted fog. One of my first ideas was C.D. Friedrich’s Monk by the Sea, a very popular if more contemplative piece. The thumbnails show Tisch quietly looking out. We the audience are behind him. But somehow, this dissatisfied me, because there was no movement, which seemed necessary. Were we really going to look at him from the back, or would we be facing him without the openness of the ocean? Tisch is an Otter. He was made to swim, maybe even catch the Fish (important symbology), and I couldn’t help but see myself next to him. I recall something he said: “world big, Tisch small.” I followed the urge to show him large and not quite as cute, to encourage him somehow.

The resulting thumbnail placed emphasis on the moment just before the leap. The ocean seems quite scary and dark here still. The fish is represented by some kind of turbulence, still visible in the middle stages of the artwork. I had this very specific pose in mind, stepping down and nearly off the cliff. A cliff was my first idea because it would have referenced the Fool of Tarot who does not let their fears hold them back. But something happened during the process. The sea became less scary. The cliff less steep. I painted it to sand, to ordinary waves. Tisch had also requested a calm picture, but this toning-down of the foreground and drama happened as if by necessity, from a change in attitude in me toward the message itself: At first it was overly dramatic, then it was tempered. I’d say I’m alright with how it came out :)

Oh yeah lastly, I did a photo reference for the pose for the first time! Would have been a real struggle without it, especially because I would have had to work with those unique semi-feral proportions on top.

It goes without saying that I was pretty attached to this and had trouble sending the for-now final files. Thank you so much, Tisch. Looking forward to hanging out again.

weh weh weh,
-Theo