Inserted Between Sisters - My Life As Prince Hans

"The kiss of true love..."

This was it. Everything I had been building up to, everything I've been working for, the culmination of my plans- or rather, the extremely convenient turn of events that had hastened and changed my plans at the last minute.

The Queen of Arendelle had fucked up. Quite royally, in fact. She had screwed things up for herself, for her sister, for her country, and for her country's trade partners. This, of all things, truly was the master stroke that would have made my plans come to fruition!

Or at least... it would have been.

For you see... I... am not Prince Hans. Well, I am Prince Hans. My name is Hans, at the very least, and I am a Prince hailing from the Southern Isles, but as far as I know, I'm not an evil disney villain, even if I hold in my hands the body of a Disney Princess whose health is failing her.

"Hurry," she said, "I need you to kiss me..!"

"Anna, this isn't going to work," I said, frowning.

"W-What?! But, but I need- I need an act of true love!" she said. "You said you loved me!"

"I said I COULD love you!" I corrected, "look, listen- I'm, okay, love doesn't work that way alright? It's not something that just happens, it's something that you work for, something that you build with someone else, something that- nevermind, this is too long winded and you need help right now."

"Ugh, of all the times for you to have a realistic philosophy, Hans!" she cried out. "Where's the dreamer who told me about all his plans and how they fell apart when he actually met me!?"

True, I had confessed all of the plans of the man who I had replaced. Fuck him, he was an asshole anyway. I had not told her the full extent of the truth, I had told her mostly that regret had filled me, and that I had a change of heart, discarding all my plans, and promising to love her instead. Also I got rid of the sideburns, they itch.

We even did a song and dance number, and shockingly, I could sing really well in this body! Granted it is... a whole lot different when I can't actually hear the backing soundtrack, but it seemed like people just didn't mind it.

Either way...

I kissed her lips. "See? It doesn't work!" I said, urgently.

"Aw no... this can't be happening, I'm, I'm going to die..!" she said.

"No, no you're not," I said, "we can fix this, there's, there's got to be a way to solve this!" 

She clasped my hand in hers. "Hans... When you told me the truth, I thought of telling you to... to go away, and never come back, but... you've proven your word many times over," she said. "If you say there's a way to fix this... then I will believe you."

Fuck me, this would be so much easier if I had actually watched the fucking movie I'm in! I guess it wouldn't even matter at this point, it's not like I followed the script considering I don't even know it... Ugh, I had thought I could just skip all the bad things if I just refused to play the villain!

Why, of all times, does it have to be the one where the villain isn't the one at fault for everything!?

Fuck, what was the ending to this one!? Shit, all I remember are the memes! I'll have to try it, it's the only way to be sure!

"Anna, we have to find Elsa, we have to find your sister!"

"Hans, she did this to me, she froze my heart!" Anna cried, fear and horror creeping into her voice. She was hurt, more emotionally than anything else, by her last encounter with her sister. 

"And we both know that if she actually wanted you dead, you would be!" I countered, clenching my fist. "So that means that this, much like that little slip at the ball, obviously wasn't intentional!"

Anna clenched her teeth. "Y-Yeah... there's..." she took a deep breath. "I've been- I can't give up on my sister, not like this, not again! She doesn't deserve that again!"

"Good, great, excellent even, now let's get moving! We have to go find her!" I yelled urgently. "Quick, to the stables!" I said, striking a heroic pose, grabbing her, and lifting her, bridal style. I am so glad for Prince Hans' narcissism, he worked out enough that he was actually quite fit. "You'll have to guide me there though."

Anna managed a giggle. "R-Right- let's go, down the hall and to the left!"

WIth her directions, we found our way out of the castle, into the stables, and on her horse. And then we left, far, far away, eventually reaching the magnificent ice palace that the elder of the sisters had created. It truly is a magnificent palace to put many others to shame...

I had to pretty much force the sisters to talk to each other, however.

"Look, your sister is going to die unless you get over yourself, stop acting like a twat, and realize that she loves you, you love her, and for fuck's sake, it's not your goddamn fault that nobody ever taught you how to control your very uncontrollable powers!" I exploded, slamming my fist against the armrest of the surprisingly comfortable ice armseat I was on. It didn't even budge. 

Elsa flinched.

The now much more white haired Anna flinched as well. "But... but, there's been so much between us, that I-"

Elsa clenched her fists. "I don't know how to solve this, I don't know how to fix it!" she cried, eyes full of tears.

"An act of love will thaw a frozen heart," the... inexplicable snowman said. "That's... that's what we know at least."

"That's why you wanted a kiss of true love right?" I asked.

Anna nodded.

"That doesn't say anything about it needing to be a kiss. Or romantic love!" you insisted. "In fact... I've got an idea," I said, nodding to myself.

Elsa looked at me for a few moments as I stood up. 

"Queen Elsa, would you speak with me in private for a few moments?" I asked. "If you can raise a sufficiently thick wall of ice to block out the sound..."

She did as I asked, creating a little sealed chamber around us as I approached her.

"What is it you wish to say?" she asked. "Are you going to suggest... what I think you are?"

"What do you think I'm going to suggest?" I asked.

"To kill me," Elsa said, firmly. "The- to break my spell, perhaps it might work, if... if you were to kill me..."

"Good initiative," I praised, "but if that were to work, it would have already worked - you wouldn't stop me if I pulled my sword out to save Anna's life by cutting yours down, would you?"

"If... if it's the only way, I am ready to face that fate," she said, closing her eyes. "As much as it... as it frightens me... she is not alone anymore, she has you, she is with a good man," she said. "Who will make her happy in ways I never could."

"That has to do more with biology than anything else," I said, thinking of the many dirty jokes and memes I remember about her relationship with her sister, then I cleared my throat. "Queen Elsa, I think I might have a solution to our problem. It has to do with what you said... I think I think it needs to be Anna who performs the act of true love. Based on everything I've heard, and what the reindeer herder had to say," I explained, "by all accounts, it would have to be her, and not yourself... as I said, if that weren't the case, it would already have worked."

She seemed to think it over and agree. "I understand... then what is your plan?"

"Right, so here's what's going to happen. You're going to lower this barrier, and when it's lowered, I'm going to call Anna over to say goodbye to you, I want you to tell her your true feelings, I want you to tell her that you love her, and that you hope she is happy and to say goodbye to her. Be as convincing as you can be," I said. "You need to convince her that you think you're not gonna see each other ever again."

"I am not good at hiding things..!" Elsa muttered.

"Yes, I know, but also, keep in mind that if this fails, you will lose her forever, so it's not exactly the time to be hesitating, and your feelings ARE true! Just let it go, don't hold it back anymore!"

Her cheeks were dusted with pink, then. Fuck you too, that song tortured people for years woman, YEARS!

"And, and then what?"

"Then I'm going to tell her that we found a solution, and that you've accepted it," I said. "Then I'm going to pretend that I'm going to kill you."

"W-What!?" she cried out. "But, but- we've established that won't work!"

"You making the sacrifice won't! But here's the important part, I want Anna to also let go of all her feelings. I want to show you that your sister loves you just as much as you love her, and vice versa, and I'm going to do this in the most direct way possible. You're willing to die for her, and I guarantee you, it's a two way street."

She flinched at the thought of her sister sacrificing herself.

"Are... are you going to-"

"I'm desperate here," I said. "I'm trying everything I can. You're going to have to trust me."

"Anna trusts you," she said, closing her eyes. "I guess... I guess I do, too."

"Good. If this works, I'll tell the two of you sisters some stuff I should've told the two of you a long time ago..." I took a deep breath. "Are you ready? We've only got one chance, and Anna is going to be PISSED if it works."

"I'd rather her be angry and alive than serene in death," Elsa said, with an air of decisive finality.

"Good. Lower the barrier."

She did as I said, and I adopted a solemn, solid expression. I had become quite adept at acting, in my life as Prince Hans, as I juggled the two sisters, trying to avoid giving myself away, while at the same time, not knowing what my next step would be.

This was it. This was the defining moment. Could I, in the shoes of this villain, turn into the hero who saved the princess?

"Anna... come and say goodbye to your sister," I said, turning to her, severity and a grim note to my voice.

I could not let even a single bit of emotion slip through.

Anna turned to me, face full of doubt, searching in my eyes for an answer. 

"We've found the solution..." I said, closing my eyes, and looking away.

Thus, it started, and once the snowball got rolling, there'd be no way to stop it. I just hope against hope that I'm right with this...