August 2022 Post: Mania...

I couldn't be more sorry for the lack of updates last month and mostly this month. I can never make plans without SOMETHING getting tossed my way. It's a shared household; what's one person's problem becomes everyone's problem and there's no getting out of it.

I try not to toss my life into my work and vice versa. but it intertwines and it'll REALLY be chaotic if they ever find out the truth about my NSFW content...

I do what I can here but I have little to zero support over my self-employment or my artworks in my household despite helping to maintain finances if being not the only one with money to lend by the end of the month - the whole 'choosing beggar' scenario and the pressure that goes with it...

My focus IS on 'Preg Plague' but as grim as the comic goes, it's too much of a downer for me to continue as I'm already stressed over several other matters in life. Panels, sketches, and ideas are there - but I can't push myself forward without making shortcuts and forfeiting quality in art and plot - which I won't do.

I also have this personal stigma against showing sketches for later pages and possible projects because I'm not one for spoiling and hyping people up, more so on purpose. And I can see it's unfair having folks pledge over mere sketches, even if that's what you'll settle for.

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This is not how I wanted things to go. I wanted to dive more into hand-drawn animations. I wanted to write multiple comics... I can barely concentrate long enough to sketch, let alone color-render art when I'm needed around the house at random hours of the day - if not every 20 minutes for arbitrary reasons. No one like that I stay in my room to draw, as if art just spring out and money comes to me simply because my will demands it... 

Imagine me slowly explaining to family that if I stay off the computer to help and talk for several hours day to day all day, how the hell do I reasonably get pay on a job that requires me to be at a computer?

Commissions and discord chats are barred for that reason too - everything's a mood-killer, room gets barged in randomly - I shouldn't explain the awkwardness given NSFW circumstance... And it left me so emotionally drained and distant that by chance conversations on any level either won't faze me, will just irritate me outright, or make me a blubbering belligerent mess - and I don't look to take my frustration out on anyone.  I get tired of venting just whenever.

Add to the fact that I'm one of very few preg-horror artisans who's still active in the craft - or at least trying. Everyone I know or met has either retired from the horrorpreg community due to scarce content - the irony being that they're well-known veterans - or disappeared/isolated themselves because of lack of support and/or peers being loud one-dimensional weirdoes.

I still juggle between Sonic, anthro, random kinks, and macabre - with an audience as dubious as the art I make. I don't really have a demographic. I draw what comes to mind, when I feel like it - and part of that's the problem. I draw SFW/tame stuff, I lose my horrorpreg audience. I draw horrorpreg stuff, I lose my SWF/tame audience. I draw Sonic or anything remotely different, it's a mixed reaction - typically I lose some of both SFW/NSFW viewer-bases.

Horror-preg-Sonic is rare enough that I'm one of maybe 3 other artists in the entire online art community who dabble in it - yet the passive/aggressive reactions can be so bothersome that I decline drawing more, despite notes and pms asking me to continue.

This is EXACTLY the reason why most horror-preg artists stop drawing horror-preg content - it's so niche that popular artists and personalities you'd never even think would ever be into popping/bursting are too reluctant to show support for fear of losing their own following.

And you'd think for years of seeing this happen again and again and again, approaches would change and support will be more apparent and widespread instead of regrouping in image sites, private discord servers, Google Chats, or tens of other message platforms folks hop to for immediate reassurance.

It doesn't feel the same; private support doesn't share the same spirit as being supported in the public view. I actually find private support draining - if not cowardly... I still try however. It sucks but I try.

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And whatever chance of me getting my own place is up in smoke. Between covering finances for family who should have money and with today's market, finding even a cheap apartment or renting a room now is over $1000 a month and in my area, subsidized housing prioritize family households. I'm single with no children, so systematically I'm screwed. No telling if the coming recession will change that but right now, I'm hanging on a thread.

I just want to enjoy myself again.

I'll post most of what I doodled this past month and hopefully it'll make up for the lack of 'Preg Plague' content.