Complications of Interstellar Dating - 3

Chapter 3 - A Real Catch

“You really aren’t fucking with me, huh?” Chiriat nodded silently. I wasn’t sure what to think, I certainly wasn’t about to start believing in all that mysticism, but I also knew Chiriat rarely, if ever acted so certain about these sort of things, which had to count for something. “So why? What makes me so special?” 

“Literally nothing, like I said you got lucky. It just so happens your perfect match lit up like a beacon when I looked for her. From there I was able to get in touch with her, set up lines of communication, and arrange a meeting, which brings us to today.” With a throaty groan they stood and stretched, padding across the room to stand before what, as far as I could see, was a completely empty space. They looked to me expectantly and I followed.

“Listen, Chiriat, I’ll keep an open mind, I mean what have I got to lose? But you’re not gonna be ruined if this doesn’t work out right?” Their throat bulged with a hearty chuckle. 

“No, Ves. Honestly if this one fails it’s on me. What’s the human expression? I’ll eat my hat?” I rolled my eyes, Chiriat was way too into pre-stellar earth flicks.

“Sure, buster.” I flashed a teasing smile, though the joke seemed to be lost on them. “You know, it may have only been half a century or so since we got elevated, but you are aware that humans didn’t just stop having a culture when we joined the galactic community, right?”

“Aww, but I like the old stuff, has such a different feel to it compared to now. I especially like the movies where the scary reptile monsters kill and eat you guys!” They drawled in an approximation of some kind of lizard dracula, mockingly baring their razor sharp teeth and flailing their arms in a show of monstrous rage.

“Yeah yeah, you’d be a lot scarier if you came up past my waist. Now enough movie talk, would you care to tell me why we’re standing around facing a blank wall?” Chirat responded by mockingly resting their head on one arm while the other three waggled clawed fingers sarcastically. 

“Ves, Ves, Ves, my impatient, skeptical friend. This is where you’re meeting your date, sort of anyway. You may not believe in my powers, but any moment now you’re going to have to contend with what our dear Amaryllis can do and you won’t have much of a choice.” Chiriat’s words were almost ominous, at least they would have been if not for the fact that they were still trying their best to make that grovely reptilian voice sound like an old late night horror show host. 

“So what are we waiting for some kind of magic tri- what the fuck?” My jaded, but playful demeanor was burned to the fucking ground by the shear bewildering, laws of physics mocking reality of what I saw before me. Where there once stood a blank wall in an empty corner of Chiriat’s little sanctum now stood, or rather, floated an oval of brilliant white light, pulsing with multi colored energy, its borders weren’t well defined, seeming to turn darker and less opaque until simply fading from existence in messy, crackling pulses and flares of shining black light, which apparently existed somehow. “Okay, Chiriat, yeah, this is new. Mind telling me just what the hell it is?” They were giving me the biggest shit eating grin I’d ever seen.

“That, my dear naive little non-believer, is a portal. A doorway to somewhere else, probably where she is. At least, I think so anyway, she said she said something about bringing you to her. If I had to guess, I think all you need to do is just walk on in.” The cocky little shit was trying to be as smug as possible, but their cool exterior was quickly melting to a look of bewildered wonder as well. Clearly this was beyond them.

“Uh, no. Nope. Definitely not. Not walking into a mystery portal. How do I know that’s really even what it is? Sure, I’ll give you that this is clearly something beyond what I thought possible, but that also makes it a total enigma.” Cautiously I fished a wad of old scratch paper I’d used to write details for my deal with Cairo out of my back pocket. I glanced at it for a moment, then locked eyes on the shining mass of energy, lightly tossing it through. To my surprise, it didn’t vanish, didn’t burn up, there was no horrifying pulse of energy, no nothing, just a light crinkle as the paper sailed right through the light and hit the wall behind it. I turned and casually raised an eyebrow at Chiriat.

“Come on Ves, this thing has to be safe. We’re talking about the last person in the whole galaxy who would want to see you hurt. Maybe we need to give it a moment, it looks like it’s still kind of settling, if that makes sense.” They casually waved for me to place my attention back on the ‘portal,’ which continued to ripple and pop. After a few moments of silence, however, the ripples and colors began to take shape, greens and blues and browns taking shape and sharpening as other colors waned, but never fully faded. Chiriat and I both stared on in quiet wonder as slowly but surely a picture began to form: familiar looking plants everywhere of all shapes and sizes, a quaint wooden gazebo with cushioned benches gazing out over a pond, reflecting endless blue. To the right, a cobblestone path leading elsewhere, around a bend and out of sight. 

“Holy shit.” I gasped in amazement. As much as Chiriat was certainly aching to gloat, I could tell their eyes were about to bulge right out of their skull as well. Cautiously, they reached out an arm, delicately pressing it through the portal and into the space beyond. The light from the otherside immediately caught their hand, causing it to glitter and gleam in all new ways. 

“Ves.” Their voice came only as a sharp exhalation of amazement and delight. “It’s real, Ves. I can feel it, the other end. The air feels so fresh, and a little chilly, probably not bad for a warm blood like you though. Honestly even I’m having a hard time believing this. Wherever this is it’s gotta be lightyears away, it’s definitely not Braith or Khea’t.” It was my turn then to give a surprisingly casual chuckle, surprising given just how absolutely insane this all was.

“Chiriat, I’ll need to go in and look around for a bit to know for sure, but well, I think this is earth.” It was Chiriat’s turn to stare at me in disbelief now, every muscle in their face seeming to stretch wide and open in amazement. It was honestly quite the amusing sight, it turned out Braith had a lot more frills and flaps than I had ever realized. 

“That can’t be possible. I mean, there’s a reason neither of us had ever heard of her kind. I looked, this girl’s planet, it’s nowhere near earth, nowhere near Rebis even. There’s no map of that part of the galaxy the Conglomerate doesn’t have even the slightest idea of what’s out by her system, and it’s not like I told her where earth is. The only thing she even knows about humans is the name of your species and a vague idea of what you look like. There’s no way she could just find earth from hearing the name of your species This has to be a coincidence, it just looks like earth. “ Chiriats rant was careening between amazement, confusion, doubt and fear. I lay a hand on their shoulder.

“Well, old friend. It seems there are things about her even you don’t fully understand. I’ll let you know when I get back?” I gave them a cocky wink, it felt nice to finally have Chiriat on the back foot for once. As much fun as they were; they seemed to always know more than I, and relished every moment of it. Before they could reply I took a breath and pressed forward into the shining portal, out into fresh and familiar air. The portal vanished with a sound I could only describe as the air itself being cleft in twain, leaving me standing in the old gazebo, alone with my thoughts. Only, I wasn’t alone. I followed the soft sound of a woman’s throat being cleared and my eyes met the woman who I was undeniably here to meet, the woman Chiriat seemed convinced was my soulmate. 

“Ves!” She cried, elated. Her voice had a chirping, melodious character to it. Excitable, feminine and seemingly cut with a genuine fondness, as though she were greeting a long lost friend instead of a blind date. Her face bloomed in a brilliant smile as she stood from the bench and seemingly flung herself through the air, across the entire length of the Gazebo to gleefully throw her arms around me, lifting me in the air with ease and affectionately nuzzling my neck as she pulled me tightly. “It’s so wonderful to finally meet you!” I had no idea how to respond, this girl was acting way too familiar, naturally my body started to tense a little, limbs rigid and tongue too heavy to speak properly. She pulled away, catching a glimpse of my stunned expression, and quickly withdrew, blushing and looking away awkwardly as she set me down. “Oh, um, Chiriat did say your kind was a lot more reserved when it came to affection, I didn’t realize just how much. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. You’re Amaryllis? It’s nice to meet you, really. My own awkwardness aside.” I stammered, and chuckled lightly to relieve the tension. Amaryllis nodded and grinned, taking a step back, which allowed me the chance to take a proper look at her. 

Chiriat was right, no holo-image could really capture how stunning she was. I’d thought their garish, spectrum-encompassing display of colored scales had been impressive, but Amaryllis made that look like cheap, tacky opulence. All along her skin was a series of tattoo-like lines forming intricate and interweaving patterns, at times harsh and messy, at others gliding along her with elegant grace. The lines glowed a faint gradient of pensive purples, scarlet’s and darkened teals, though I was fairly certain that the entire color scheme had changed along with the sudden shift in her mood. Seeming to shimmer and sway, they wound all the way from just beneath her eyes down to her sandal clad feet, not quite reaching her toes. Her face, too, pulsed and shifted with color. In one moment her cheeks luminated crimson at her awkward embarrassment, only for her eyes to meet mine, causing her to burst with a joyful golden glow that spread all up and down her face, shining through to her eyes and coloring her lips. The effect was startlingly pretty, complimenting a face and body more human-like than any alien species I’d ever seen. 

That wasn’t to say she would actually pass for a human, though, maybe one in an elaborate costume, but even if the glowing patterns on her skin could be written off as expensive, high tech tattoos there were details big and small all over that made her undeniably something else. Her eyes, for example, were just a little too big. Also just a little too literally glowing. The ears also stuck out too far, cupping forward in a triangular shape similar to a bat’s, but proportionally smaller and on the sides of her head. They also appeared capable of pivoting independently to take in sound from other directions. Smiling as she was, I could quite easily tell that, while her tooth structure suggested an omnivorous diet, she had far more pointed teeth than any human. At least, far more than any human who hadn’t had their teeth fucked with. Then there were the really obvious ways she wasn’t human, like the set of long and fuzzy antennae that arced forward from the top of her head, or the gill like slits that seemed to constantly expel light plumes of mysterious, but sweet smelling gas. And of course, there was the set of glimmering, gossamer wings, shining and pearlescent, that folded behind her back similar to those of a moth. Her skin was unnaturally light and a slight pastel pink, which was definitely possible for a human to have, but only after a trip to the nanoclave. 

The rest of her, however, appeared nigh indistinguishable from a human woman, at least the parts of her I could see. She had long, toned legs which, if I had to guess, carried her at around 5’9”. Her figure was athletic, slight and, based on how casually she lifted me into the air, deceptively strong. Atop her head was a stylish, spikey pixie cut of silvery hair with dark purple roots that leaned more toward a stormy red or deep magenta than blue. Oddly, and frankly quite humorously, she was dressed in a set of comically outdated human clothing. She wore a snug, white t-shirt with the word “Alf” printed on it in red letters and a picture of a strange looking puppet giving a thumbs up, an “I heart NY” baseball cap despite me being 99% certain we were nowhere near New York, and acid washed jean shorts, with a navy sweatshirt tied around her waist. Resting on her forehead, just below her antennae were a pair of gold lens aviator sunglasses. The effect was undeniably disarming, and I found that her gorgeous appearance, when mixed with her misguided attempt at blending in and complete inability to hide her palpable excitement, made quick work of any reservations I had about the situation. Unusually forward as she was, a smile that genuine could hide nothing at all, and as my tension dissolved she spoke again.

“I’m glad I didn’t scare you too much! To be honest I don’t have a lot of experience with aliens, only the ones that come to visit my town and those ones kind of know what to expect from us. My kind keep to ourselves for the most part, at least on the whole we do, there are plenty of individuals who strike off on their own to see the galaxy, I even know a real human expert! Yomi helped me with my human disguise and told me everything I need to know about earth, so no need to get me up to speed or anything.” She flashed a proud grin, though judging by her ‘human expert’ friend’s attempt at replicating earth fashion, Amaryllis might need a few pointers afterall.