Can't Make an Omelette - Chapter 2

In Anthony’s eyes, I could see myself reflecting back to him the same exact look he happened to be giving me; it was a look that said ‘please take the lead on this one I have no fucking clue what I’m doing.’ Not the most comforting thing to read in the face of the person who came up with the entire plan. Though, then again, he kind of didn’t, his plan was just ‘turn into a girl,’ I was the one who had to actually take that idea and run with it. And, obviously I’d run super far with it, my idea was brilliant, but come on Tony, just take us home here. Maybe he just needed a little nudge. Perhaps with a bit of clever word choice I could rouse him with a good ole inspirational guidance.

It’s awkward, neither of them want to wait.

“Uh, so, what do we do, exactly?” Good job, me.

“Well, I got needles, I think we just put the thing in the thing and then into the other thing and then into us?” Tony mimed jamming a needle into his leg as he spoke, as though that somehow made what he said coherent.

“That sounded like one too many steps.” I wasn’t exactly an expert, but then again, given the level of detail he’d gone into who knew what sort of steps Anthony was referring to?

After silently and helplessly flapping his mouth a few times, Anthony managed something along the lines of a reply. “Well you put the needle thing in the vial thing and then you raise the drawy thingy to make the girl stuff in the vial thing go in the syringe tube thing and—”

“Yeah and then we put the needle things into our bodies things and push the girl stuff in, I got it.” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes, this wasn’t leading anywhere productive. Honestly the whole thing felt so awkward. Tony was probably having second thoughts, cause, well, this was a big step and kind of embarrassing right? Obviously I wanted to go through with it ‘cause it sounded really interesting and cool and exciting and fulfilling, but I certainly couldn’t blame Tony for having second thoughts. The way he kept fumbling his own words and shuffling his feet told me he clearly was, he was definitely apprehensive.

“Yup that’s it, so, um, do you wanna go first?” Tony waved his hand before me, drawing my focus back to the matter at hand. And, admittedly, he seemed to be trying to usher things along, even if he was asking me to go first. Still, the idea of ‘going first’ left me pretty nervous.

“Can’t we do it at the same time?” I asked hopefully; Tony looked to me, then the vial, then back with a conflicted look on his face. The apprehension within him seemed to build even more at the onset of my question. Was this it? The moment he was going to back out leaving me looking like a complete weirdo?

“At the same time? Um, well, sorry bro. I just don’t think the vial’s hole thingy is big enough to fit both our needles in at once.” I couldn’t help but gape, while, as though to demonstrate, he tipped the vial toward me so I could see the little rubber circle where the needle would go in. That was his issue? I kept staring, waiting for the moment he took it back, but no, he genuinely had just said that.

“Dude, we just draw the liquid one at a time and wait til both are full to do the injection. There’s no need for our needles to touch, bro.” I shot him a playful grin, the tension in the room already seeming to ease a little.

Tony blinked, first clearly realizing his error and introducing his palm to his face, then glancing back up as he process everything else I’d said. “Wait, was that a dick joke?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s funny.”

“Thanks.”

We shared a few moments of sophomoric chortling, before another realization struck Tony and his grin faded. “Hey wait, did you just say I have a needle-dick, bro?”

“Are you really gonna get defensive about this now?” I smirked, pointing to the vial in his hands and raising my eyebrows.

Anthony glanced between me and the little piece of glassware in his hands, “I—fair,” he sighed, and rolled his eyes. Things felt at least a little less awkward now, but I still couldn’t help feel a little apprehensive. We’d done banter, and now what? There wasn’t a lot left to do but actually consider the reality of what we were about to do. The good, and the more complicated. Not the bad, though, this didn’t seem to have any downsides.

I checked the time on our tv, just a little before midnight. We were on a bit of a timer, weren’t we? “So, how much longer are Rachel and Will supposed to be out again?”

Following my gaze, Tony checked the time on the tv, then for some reason did the same on his phone, “Should have at least a couple more hours.” He said, scratching his head. I nodded.

“Cool, we should probably figure out how we’re gonna come out to them or whatever.” That was a weird thing to say, ‘come out.’ It almost felt a little inappropriate, here we were just two regular ass dudes who wanted to try being girls—as a prank, of course, and maybe also just cause it sounded cool—talking about coming out as though we were actually trans. For a moment, I once again considered the ethics of our plan. Then I decided I wanted to try being a girl too badly to care.

“We’ll do that after. For now let’s just get this over with.” Anthony huffed and rolled his eyes unconvincingly, as though he weren't literally shaking with excitement. Not that I was any different. He unwrapped one of the syringes and examined it thoughtfully. It was then that I realized the gravity of putting some mysterious liquid into our bodies without even knowing what was supposed to happen besides an internal mental conception that was basically akin to a little man vaguely gesturing to a chalkboard with the word ‘pretty girl’ written on it.

“Hey wait, so um, what’s this stuff actually gonna do?” I stammered.

Suddenly that same reality seemed to dawn on Tony, though he, at least, appeared somewhat prepared for such questions. “Uh hang on, lemme see I have the guys message right here, I’ll read it.” Anthony fished his phone out of his pocket, unlocked it, then cleared his throat, which was kind of weird cause like, he was talking already it’s not like he—nevermind. “‘So, mechanically you treat it like a regular hormone injection—by the way I looked up a tutorial on that—except, obviously this isn’t hormones it’s magic. Just pump it into your preferred muscle and the magic will do the rest. This is pretty fast acting, I’ve managed to speed the transformation process along after a lot of trial and error, so you’ll have your correct bodies in no time.’ Then he just wished us luck and congrats and all that.” He glanced up from his phone, pocketing it and returning his focus to syringe in his hand, cradling it like some priceless artifact.

“Seems like a pretty nice dude, you’re sure he can be trusted though right?” I asked, trying—and failing—to ignore the fact that I was also currently holding a syringe full of magic liquid that could satisfy my deepest curiosity in what sounded like almost no time at all.

"Yeah I got that same impression. And he has to be trustworthy, right? Like, he’s a practicing wizard and I trust Will, Will trusts his cousin, Will’s cousin trusts her fiancée, and she trusts this wizard guy. So like, there we go. Degrees of separation, y’know?” Anthony’s eyes had wandered back to his own syringe, not that I could blame him, I’d hardly kept eye-contact myself. And, admittedly his justification wasn't the greatest, but for some reason I was willing to latch onto it for the sake of the outcome over any self-preservation instinct. This was it, it was really real. I’d fantasized about this for so long. “Anyway, um—”

“God I can’t believe it dude, we’re gonna be girls!” I blurted, unable to contain my excitement any longer. Across from me, Anthony was mirroring my own look of wonder and excitement, which then faded into one of more general apprehension.

“I mean, we’ll look like girls, for the prank, but we’ll still be guys on the inside of course.” Was that disappointment I detected in his voice?

“Oh, right yeah.” Was that disappointment I detected in my voice?

“But it’s fine though, ‘cause it’s gonna be a really funny prank. Y’know bro?” Tony’s words didn’t really do a great job of addressing the problem, at least not for me, but I tried to put on a more casual face, wouldn’t want him to know just how much those words had kinda crushed me.

“D-definitely, the funniest prank. Cause w-we’ll be g-girls, it’s really funny dude.” If I sounded half as deflated as I felt, Tony didn’t seem to notice. Or, at least, he didn’t make it clear he’d noticed.

“Uh-uh, absolutely, Rach and Will are gonna be so shocked when they find out we’re actually just two regular bros.” Tony was doing that thing again where he kept nodding a lot, like over and over again for way longer than was needed. The image was ridiculous enough that it sort-of broke my funk. And, yeah, he was right. It was gonna be a pretty great prank. Besides, why was I even disappointed? I was a guy. Plus, just because I still was a guy didn’t mean I wouldn’t get to enjoy looking and acting like a girl. Actually, speaking of which, a thought had just sprung up in my head.

“Right, by the way, if we’re gonna make this prank convincing, we’re gonna have to start going by girls’ names right?” The idea sounded great in my head, but saying it out-loud was pretty embarrassing, actually. I could already feel my face grow flush, half expecting Anthony to back out any second. Instead, his face just lit up in a big smile.

“Yeah no question dude! We definitely need to, uhm, y’know—g-go by girls’ names, and stuff. And they should be extra girly, too, like for the prank, bro.” Tony was alternating between excitement and a similar apprehensive bashfulness to my own. So, obviously, I had to reassure him by showing my own excitement, that’s what bros did for one another, right?

“Anthony you’re a fucking genius.” I clapped him on the back reassuringly as he just silently nodded, still blushing. “Do you have one for yourself in mind?”

“Y-yeah.” He muttered.

“Dope, what is it?” I asked encouragingly.

“Uh, P-Penelope.” He paused, growing quieter, “or Penny for short.”

My face split into a wide grin, “oh shit bro! Nice! Dude that’s hella girly. They’re gonna think you’re so cute. Shit’s gonna be hilarious, dawg.”

Keeping his eyes averted, he nodded again, “Oh, y-yeah haha right?” He didn’t really laugh, more just said ‘haha’ out loud. “Okay your turn.” Anthony—or Penny’s? Blush only deepened as he hurried along the conversation.

Suddenly I felt the pressure turned to me. And, well, yeah, of course I had a girls name picked out, I’d thought of it years ago lying awake trying to sleep at night. Which was a totally normal thing for guys to do, obviously. “My turn, y-yeah. Well, uhm, I was thinking maybe… Heather?”

“Aww fer sure dude!” Suddenly I was being clapped hard on the back as Tony punched the air in excitement. “They’re gonna think you’re such a girly-girl.”

“I—def—y-yeah. I mean, I’m gonna be. Or, gonna pretend to be at least, cause like, I’m gonna beat you at the bet, Penny.” Just saying his girl name had me feeling flushed, but apparently the effect was tenfold on him, I’d never seen a person blush so hard in my entire life, and that sill smile was kinda cute. Not in like an attractive way, just y’know, cute. Before I had a chance to continue that line of thought Penny replied and sent me spiraling down my own hole of conflicted feelings.

“N-no way you’re gonna win. Will and Rachel probably won’t even believe me when I tell them I was joking. That’s how convincing I’m gonna be,” his eyes averted from mine as he spoke the next word in a voice just barely above a whisper, “H-Heather.” Suddenly I understood where all that blushing was coming from, it felt like my insides and muscles were all turning into some kind of goo as the floor suddenly became the most important thing in the world to hold my focus. Then Anthony or Penny or whoever spoke again and I couldn’t help but snap my head to attention, “Anyway, I guess we should do the thing now, right?”

“I guess that would make sense, yeah.”