Dev Blog #111 - An Open Letter, and Apology
Added 2020-11-19 05:00:02 +0000 UTCGreetings everyone.
This was bound to happen sooner or later, so let's just get into it.
Like A Powder Keg
So I'm just going to be frank here.
Those on Discord have noticed a major drop in communication from me, those in the Dev Build tier have noticed an alarming absence of dev builds, and even last week's devblog was cancelled. The reality is that in writing today's post, I'll have written more than I have for The Company over the last three weeks combined, and that fact alone would be enough to make me sick. As it is, there have been a number of detrimental parallel processes running in my life, building up pressure, and finally coming to a head at the start of the month.
Without getting into details, the end result is the loss of friends and lovers that have been in my life for over a decade, further deteriorated family relationships, the crippling of my ability to write or really show interest in most anything, and an introduction to the world of mental health support. I'm still learning how to pronounce most of these medications... My daily routine has effectively been wake up to get the kids to the bus stop, then go back to bed until it's time to pick them up, choke some food down, feign humanity until bedtime, then repeat.
It's not great.
Regardless, I'm working through it day by day as I claw my way back to some semblance of a normal working routine. This feels like one of those coalescence of life events that, for me anyway, was bound to happen sooner or later, and just so happens to be happening now. What an absolute clusterfuck of a year...
The Company is not Dead
You'd be forgiven for reading this and assuming that the punchline is that I'm suspending if not outright cancelling development on The Company.
You'd be mistaken.
I'd be lying if I said that the development schedule for The Company hasn't veered off course and gone straight into a ditch, but every day is an increasingly effective effort to salvage the wreckage. I've been working with my auxiliary writer to keep development on Chapter 4 moving, albeit at a greatly reduced rate, so things haven't stagnated completely. Still, the damage done is real, and while I wish I could provide some kind of timeframe for recovery, the reality is that I just can't right now. We're definitely not talking months, here, and Chapter 4 - Part 1 is still coming out this year. Period.
Still, you're all not here to support the veritable shitshow that is Westane's personal life, you're here to support the Human Relations sim that is The Company. I've completely failed in delivering in that regard, and I can't apologize enough, nor would I expect any of my backers to stick around long enough to see the game get back on track. At the very least I would ask you to follow me, keep an eye on development, and come back to support it once you're happy with how things are moving again.
To all of my backers, I'm incredibly sorry.
In spite of all of this, I want to thank everyone for their continued support, which I hope I can earn back as quickly as possible!
Comments
Hey.. I perfectly understand and I just want to say that you have to take care of yourself first.. we will be waiting for your return so do not worry about us.. and even more I have to say "The Company" is absolutely awesome.. fantastic job!
Shawn Cross
2020-11-22 10:39:33 +0000 UTCHey, I live and breathe one person development in my career. $10/month for something I've enjoyed for MANY months while waiting for you to get better is no big deal. I understand. (Just please give us a heads up if you do cancel entirely LOL)Anyways, get well. Then get back on track otherwise if it's in the cards.
2020-11-22 00:55:39 +0000 UTCTake care of yourself, seriously. As a fellow human being, I'd much prefer that you work on and take care of yourself rather than a (albeit very good) game. I've recently been diagnosed with depression myself, know that you're not alone.
2020-11-20 20:39:05 +0000 UTCYou have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anything or anyone else. Don't worry, we will be there for you when you get back.
2020-11-20 03:55:29 +0000 UTCBe kind to yourself. I have enjoyed this game and I am sure will continue to enjoy it. You have done a good thing and if you need to have a break, take it. Pause, breathe and just live.
2020-11-20 03:43:34 +0000 UTCTaking care of yourself is the most important thing. I really hope you are able to work through whatever problems are going on in your life.
2020-11-19 21:47:41 +0000 UTCDepression is a motherfucker. Your mental health and your physical well being are both way more important than The Company. I, at least, am supporting the development and developer of this game, and that includes setbacks, delays, and derailments. Take care of yourself. Also, if there's anything I or anyone can do to help with development, support or whatever, reach out.
2020-11-19 20:05:36 +0000 UTCsir take your time your well being is more then this game i will be here whenever you can do the next update.
2020-11-19 19:13:51 +0000 UTCI'm so sorry to hear that all of this has happened, it seems you are coping relatively well however I would warn against the "Bound to happen" mentality. I did that to myself as well, and was told that it "Left me with no feeling of self-worth" because I saw myself as the only problem. It's good to accept what happened, but also know that it isn't all your fault! :) Side note: You push out content more frequently and are far more communicative even now then a LOT of Triple A game developers, so no one could possibly begrudge you now, in your time of need, that you needed personal time. I've always thought that developers should schedule off time, like this is a job so you should get vacation time and mental health days. Ease back into it, don't be like AnonymousMan (still love him tho), where he would jump right back in the saddle and fall off because he would burn himself out faster and faster. Please take all the time you need, you're a person first, great smut game developer after! :)
Dylan Meyers
2020-11-19 17:18:23 +0000 UTCI'm a disabled veteran suffering from PTSD, major depression with suicidal ideation, chronic pain, fibromyalgia, night terrors, degenerative disk disease and a bunch of other crap. I'm on amantadine (mood), citalopram (depression), gabapentin (nerve pain), Flexeril (muscle spasms), mirtazaprine (sleep/mood), Omeprazole (acid reflux). I use an alpha stim unit (mood) and a tens unit (interrupts pain signals). Not interested in pity and not comparing against a situation I know nothing about, just listing what helps me and hoping it helps you. Get well. One day at a time.
2020-11-19 15:00:12 +0000 UTCOkay. We don't know each other, except that I know that you have created something I enjoy, and you know that I'm a patron. So while our connection is thin, we are humans, and we have a lot in common. :) I have struggled with anxiety and mild depression. People in my life have struggled with more, and I've shared part of that journey with some of them. I know what it feels like to have your emotions so overloaded that nothing you do brings you joy or happiness, even the things you used to love. The most important thing is that you're not alone. Even us patrons, who have little more than a virtual connection with you, are here with you. This too, shall pass. One day you will look back on this and reflect on how shitty a time it was for you. I'm confident that future you will be in a much better place. My advice: Don't worry about The Company for now. You don't want it to become an anxiety that turns into resentment. Come back to it when it brings you joy, and let it go when it doesn't. I think that if you take the pressure off yourself, you'll find joy in it again sooner than you think. Just my $0.02. :)
2020-11-19 14:21:52 +0000 UTCI’ve backed you sense the company had an intelligence stat and I’ll still be here backing when you get back. Just take the time you need to get well first.
Eliza Fairwinds
2020-11-19 14:19:55 +0000 UTCHealth before fun, my friend. Take your time to get where you need to be. We’re (or at the very least I am) willing to wait.
2020-11-19 13:11:05 +0000 UTCtake the time you need to get things sorted out
2020-11-19 13:06:58 +0000 UTCDamnit you guys... I said I wasn't going to cry today!
Westane
2020-11-19 12:19:42 +0000 UTCI've backed you for over a year now, and in that time you've been one of the most consistent content creators I follow in the particular niche that The Company fills. The work ethic you've shown time and again means that I have 100% faith that things will eventually get back on track. Everyone needs some time to themselves to deal with their personal lives occasionally, so take all the time you need - I think most of us will agree that your mental health is the most important thing here!
Zeal
2020-11-19 11:40:38 +0000 UTCI have backed you for at least a year and I will stand by you now. This year has been a shit show for all of us. I trust that you are doing what you can.
Raw
2020-11-19 11:04:06 +0000 UTCYou have absolutely nothing to feel guilty for. Circumstances happened that were beyond your control. Take the time you need to heal. If you feel like you need a reason, just tell yourself you're not going to be able to produce a quality product until you're in the right mindset. But take that time. We understand. Especially this year.
Jonathan
2020-11-19 07:36:17 +0000 UTCHey there. I just subscribed to you like 4 days ago after enjoying your game for a few weeks. I don't really know how you've been running this Patreon or how often you normally post content. Your mental health is far more important. Your life away from this content is important. You've created wonderful content and we will be here when you feel human again. I'm sure all of us here love your writing but that cannot come above your mental health. I hope things get better and that your new meds help you make your way back to whoever you were before these things tore you apart. Stick in there. Things get better =)
Dabbling In Darkness
2020-11-19 07:29:50 +0000 UTCDo what you need to do to take care of yourself! And don't feel guilty about it for our sakes! Mental health is as important as physical health.
Gegrafsd
2020-11-19 07:19:57 +0000 UTCAs a backer I signed up to support the project AND the people behind it. Take care of yourself and as someone who also has to rely on some unpronounceable meds I hope it's clear you have plenty of support here.
2020-11-19 06:19:29 +0000 UTCget healthy first and formost
robert olmstead
2020-11-19 06:07:07 +0000 UTCTake your time to recover and release content again when you're at a more stable head space, the communication is important and I'm sure backers would understand
Kachi Kucha
2020-11-19 06:00:55 +0000 UTCI do not speak for other backers, but I support creative people who provide art that I enjoy. I don't view it as supporting a single project. I personally only stop backing when all communication just dies. Take the time for your personal life, keep us roughly, (we don't need the details) informed, and I think you are doing what Patreon is meant for: Being supported by your patrons to create art when the muse inspires you.
BlissfulDarkness
2020-11-19 05:23:50 +0000 UTCMental health is more important than anything, If you need to take some time for mental time love and care, do so, to do otherwise will only cause more harm and danger for yourself, be well for you are not standing alone, we have your back
2020-11-19 05:19:49 +0000 UTCI'm not good with words, but I wish you nothing but the best in your daily battles with mental health. Take care!
2020-11-19 05:18:19 +0000 UTCDont know about other backers, but I'm here to support you even if progress slows down. We all have personal lives and responsibilities. We're here to back you.
2020-11-19 05:10:52 +0000 UTCGet well and take care of yourself. It's more important than ever in these hard times! so stay safe, work on getting healthy, and enjoying life again!
2020-11-19 05:09:51 +0000 UTCSorry to hear about all your troubles, take some time to yourself if you need it. Your mental health is more important than progress on the game so do whatever you need to do to get yourself back to a safe and healthy place.
Belly97
2020-11-19 05:09:48 +0000 UTC(Where by "like" I think most of us just mean "we are here and support you and hope you are OK".)
Wandrer
2020-11-19 05:07:18 +0000 UTC
