Insights on my current situation

Hey pervs,
I planned on doing this post a long time ago but every time I wrote something I discarded it and due to not wanting to spread negativity.

But I feel like I cant continue like this without at least clearing up what the fuck is actually going on.

I will try to keep this wall of text as short as I can, but the topic is complicated.

I have posted before that I was diagnosed with a winter depression not that long ago and things where going better for a few days after getting some meds.
But after that short lived period everything got worse again. I was at an all time low mental state wise.

But I finally got the courage to ask for some help because I feel horrible 99% of the time. I'm currently diagnosed with a very severe depression, which goes back a few years now and only went worse over time.

I'm out of work for 5 weeks now and have severe problems to motivate me for anything.

Its not that I don't want do do things. I just cant. Which makes me feeling even worse.
This goes on to ALL aspects of my life. From sleep over eating to even simple things like going grocery shopping. The last 3 Days where a bit better (I even had a good day yesterday) but I avoided doing things which might frustrate me (currently one of my biggest triggers) or negatively impact my mood to much. I'm seriously wondering how I got that big website update done so quickly 1,5 weeks ago.

Like I stated I started getting help, but things currently are slow and mental help is hard to get where I live due to there not being enough specialists compared to the sheer amount of people seeking help.

Anyway even though I feel like quitting very often, I still don't want to. I remember how often I had fun creating things in Blender. From simple prop models to full blown animations. Getting better and better over time.

I don't want to go any more in depth than this but regarding that you guys are financially supporting the project, I knew that I needed to clear up things.

I'm currently unsure about how to proceed since Patreon Income stayed very stable and is getting closer to a reasonable level every week. But I also know that I'm struggling putting out content. I don't feel good with you giving me money and me not delivering a reasonable amount of content in a reasonable time frame.

I want this project to become financially viable and I know that no way what I do from now, this plan will take a hit sooner or later. Because Pausing will make people stop pledging even though they are not getting charged, Not pausing is a dick move in my opinion. It may be working in the short term, but looking at how things are currently going. No matter what I can think of I will lose.
I'm honestly trying to get something out I have had blender open for a few hours over the last week but nothing I did felt good enough to continue working on it.

I'm open for suggestions. In the mean time I will try again to get something ready for you.

Thank you.
Sanmie