October Update: The Last Four Years
Added 2020-10-30 20:16:24 +0000 UTCHey team.
A Moment to be Serious
The next video is written. The audio is recorded and edited. The relevant footage is on my computer, and the edit has begun. But it won't be out before November.
I am burnt out. All the tweaks to content, work schedule, and leisure time in the world cannot keep it away forever. The election is in less than a week. COVID cases in Massachusetts are back up to the levels they were in April because we reopened the goddamn schools, and there hasn't been any sunlight in days. I won't list all the ways Republicans have openly, unapologetically suppressed votes and stolen court appointments, or how many people have died needlessly from a virus that could have been contained. I am stressed and panicky, but I don't need you to be as well.
I asked my therapist the other day: how are people supposed to keep functioning during all this? How are we supposed to keep going to our jobs? Having mundane phone calls with our parents? Cooking meals? You can't stop living, but every moment of normal, mundane existence seems absurd when you don't know whether your democracy will still exist in four days.
These times have me reflecting on the last four years. On how much has changed, how much we've endured, how exhausted we are but also how much hope has been gained, tested, lost, and rebuilt. I think about how The Alt-Right Playbook didn't exist before the last election, how impossible being a full-time video essayist seemed. I was still a part-time student at the time. I'd never made a video that wasn't about games. I think about what my plans were for this year, how I was going to finished ARP before the election and be ready for whatever's next. And then how the pandemic made working on these complex political videos impossible, and now how even the lower-stress, freewheeling stuff I shifted focus to now seems impossible.
I remember all the videos that came out when Trump first got elected, YouTubers saying "whatever happens, you are not alone." Pledging to fight. Pledging to care for each other. Ready to do the work, even if we weren't sure yet what the work was.
It is with a degree of despair I ready to make those same promises again. But also... a sense of resilience? I don't want that to sound empty in the way it sometimes does, like the people who say "we survived Reagan, we can survive Trump," because a lot of people didn't survive Reagan and a lot haven't survived Trump. I suppose what I mean is: those of us who've made it haven't given up.
The idea of another four years of this, or more, is staggering. The idea of four years of Biden, the vacuous old man who still thinks the solution to literal fascism is bipartisanship, doesn't bring much relief. But, if you're reading this, you made it this far. And you're still not alone. And I'm tired down to my very bones but I'm not giving up. I don't know what's going to happen, what needs to be done, or if we'll win. But I know we'll face it together.
Things Will Be Different
Reflecting also means trying to plot the future. That's hard to do when there are so many variables, and who knows what will or won't change. But I've been thinking about the channel, and my relationship to it, and coming to some decisions.
First and foremost: The Alt-Right Playbook is going to end, and soon. For some time I've been saying there are five-ish episodes left, not counting a conclusion and some "how to counter the Alt-Right" videos. I've looked that list of topics over and I'm cutting it down. As of now, there are two proper ARP videos remaining. One is a fairly traditional video, and one is a long-planned lightning round video, where I tackle a lot of conservative techniques that are worth discussing but don't warrant a full video. I've realized that many of the planned 5 videos would work better in the lightning round, and several planned subjects in the lightning round aren't really that important/can be asides in other videos.
I've also finally figured out how to end the series - with three (hopefully) short videos, one discussing how to debunk a reactionary argument, one about how to persuade a reactionary to change their mind, and one listing a number of axioms I've come away with for how to understand and predict the conservative mindset.
So, in the end, it's still five-ish videos, but it's no longer "plus conclusion" but "including conclusion." And, somehow, I'm going to get back to them soon. I'm not sure how fast I can work on these topics, and there are some books I still want to get through, but it's time.
This is a very hard decision to make. ARP has not only been the central work of my life for over three years, it's also my bread & butter. I don't know what happens to the channel once it's complete. I don't know how many people will stick around when the series is done. But I have to confess: it is bringing me more stress than satisfaction lately. And it seems, on the eve of either Trump exiting office or US democracy failing, it's time to start whatever the next thing is.
As to what the next thing is, I'll talk about that in greater detail soon. But I have two projects I've been kicking around lately:
One, an involved series on leftist revolutions throughout history, trying to understand what makes one succeed or fail, and which ones resulted in something approximating the kind of socialist/communist/anarchist state leftists aspire to, and which ones turned into Stalin-esque authoritarian regimes leftist in name only. I want to know what conditions make revolution possible, and what conditions keep it from turning into something ugly.
The other, a truly ridiculous idea to follow in Errant Signal's footsteps and do a series mapping the history of the adventure game chronologically, starting in 1984 with King's Quest. I had the idea a couple weeks ago, immediately wrote down what games I thought I should cover for each year, and now it's become one of those things where I open up the document and poke around, adding and subtracting things, getting more and more excited about the prospect. This would be too much of an undertaking to do alone - the way I work, it would take three years to get from 1984 to the present and that's doing literally no other videos - so I'll be looking to do the writing and footage capture and then work with an editor for the videos themselves. Not a lot brings me joy these days, so I'm latching onto the idea that does.
So that's where we are. The new video will come out sometime next month, though I'm gonna have to move at the pace that works for me.
When next we speak, the election will be over, and we'll have some idea of where things are headed.
Take care of yourselves,
-I
Comments
I remembered that this post existed just now, and felt the need to drop in and say I hope you're being kind to yourself. I'd much rather have no more videos this year and you doing okay, than even one video which wore you down even further. I'll be here whenever works for you. Virtual hugs from Germany!
Justus Schmidt
2020-11-10 18:18:48 +0000 UTCTake care of yourself. We all deeply value the effort you've put in, but you need to make sure you prioritize your own mental health, as well. We'll be here, and I personally can't wait to hear you speak on any subject you may feel passionate about, whatever that may be in the future. Thanks for all you do.
2020-11-05 15:28:12 +0000 UTCThe ARP is an incredible project. Making Corey Robin’s work accessible has been worth it alone. But I think we’re all familiar with burnout now, and it’s better to pull back for as long as needed than to make yourself sick of the entire medium.
Coupcumber
2020-11-02 16:20:59 +0000 UTCLook, I know some videos - and some years - are going to take more effort. That's why I use Patreon. Also, I liked your video game videos, so I'll stick around ^-^
Crissa Kentavr
2020-11-02 16:16:48 +0000 UTCI am, as always, all in regardless of the content you produce. I also empathise with the utter drain of living in the world right now. I have very little capacity for problem-solving and can't fathom how challenging it is to construct the scripts and storyboards for your video essays with constant, legitimate, existential dread in the room. Keep well. May you get the nourishment you need.
Kait Hatch
2020-11-02 16:15:51 +0000 UTCTake care of yourself first and formost, Ian. While I discovered you through the ARP your other video's are great too, so I won't be going anywhere with my meager pledge, at least. No matter which project you tackle first <3
2020-11-02 10:40:39 +0000 UTCI decided to support you on Patreon because the ARP series is really mind-opening, and I think you certainly deserve the support. Honestly, both of your ideas for future projects sound pretty good. I'll look forward to whichever you choose to follow. The one on leftist societies sounds interesting, but the adventure games sounds like something I could get into and forget about the disaster going on around us for a bit. Best wishes to you, and thank you for what you have done so far.
StephRoberts
2020-11-02 03:57:08 +0000 UTCI know Roses and will definitely be picking her brain!
Ian Danskin
2020-11-01 11:59:30 +0000 UTCfor that second upcoming project about the history of adventure games, I'd highly suggest trying to speak with pushinguproses. She's a great person and could be really helpful!
Sterling Treadwell
2020-11-01 11:24:27 +0000 UTCIan, I love what you do but I want you to know that even if you weren't making videos I'd still keep my pledge the same. If you need time off, take it. I'd wager a lot of us are here to support you at least as much for the work you've done as for the work you will do. Take care of yourself.
Occam's Blazer
2020-10-31 19:14:01 +0000 UTCThe ARP is how I found your channel, but your analysis of games and media has kept me around. I'm not going anywhere, parasocial buddy. We keep each other safe, and that includes entertaining information that isn't about the fascist hellscape. Looking forward to years of fantastic content to come
some dingus
2020-10-31 14:58:41 +0000 UTCYou can get thought it! You're not alone ❤️
Alessandro
2020-10-31 13:31:38 +0000 UTCKeep it up friend :) — looking forward to that series on revolutions
Huw Evans
2020-10-31 13:08:02 +0000 UTCOn commercial planes the emergency briefing says that if the air pressure drops you should put the masks on yourself before helping to put it on your kids. Not because your survival is more important, but because you can't help your kid when your unconscious. This model has helped my many times when I didn't care for myself enough. It is still a journey I'm going. Way to often I had to cancel things that where super important to me, because I didn't follow this rule earlier. Take care in these difficult times.<3
Adam Schmalhofer
2020-10-31 08:24:44 +0000 UTCI came to your channel because of the ARP, but the mad max and life is strange vids made me love it. Take your time and take care of yourself!
Caleb Shipley
2020-10-31 04:31:31 +0000 UTCTake care of yourself, too. For what it's worth, I pledged before I knew the Alt-Right Playbook would even be a thing and I'm excited as heck for a series on adventure games in the same vein as Errant Signal's "Children of DOOM". Here's hoping you can find a good collaborator on it, and either way, I'm sticking around.
The Packbats
2020-10-31 00:30:37 +0000 UTCSending you all the love and good vibes 💗
Kaylee Christine
2020-10-31 00:15:55 +0000 UTCI've enjoyed the ARP videos, I'm enjoying the CO-VIDS, and I look forward to whatever you put out next. Look after yourself.
Havelock
2020-10-31 00:08:31 +0000 UTCAll my support to you Ian, your videos are always something that brighten my day, even if they are about serious topics. I know quoting stuff is a bit overdone but as Gramsci said "I'm a pessimist because of intelligence, but an optimist because of will." and I think this is the way to go with these hard times, because we're no choice. COVID and the rise of the far right is our generational battle and we need to have the resolve to keep going and your videos have done a lot of good. I could go on for a while how you influenced my understanding of video games with your "adventure games as a genre" video and how its inspiring the book I'm writing at the moment.
Snapping Snapper
2020-10-30 23:46:51 +0000 UTCA "Children of Doom" on adventure games? Yes please! It must be rough to have this happening all around you. I hope you've been looking after yourself and continue to do so no matter what happens.
Dave
2020-10-30 23:45:41 +0000 UTCi came for the alt right playbook, but i'm staying for all the other fantastic videos you've made. a lot of social media has become the place you go to get stress and stress relief, and if you were only making videos like the arp, i'd be disappointed. i'm staying for YOU, 'cuz you're fantastic. take care of yourself, please!
salmonandsoup
2020-10-30 23:44:54 +0000 UTCTake your time and take care of yourself! I totally sympathize with the burnout; I've been struggling to do much creatively since August and it's only gotten worse since October started. :( EIther of the two ideas you've proposed sound really interesting to me! I have also been learning a bit about leftist history (if you're not already familiar, the podcast Revolutions has some fantastic in-depth look at historical revolutions) and how similar some of the arguments and comments coming from leftist twitter now are to leftist discussions 100+ years ago, so I love to see your take on it, and also learn more about how young revolutionaries all too often end up dictators. :/ But then, I'm also interested in video game history and the development of a genre over time, especially one as broad as Adventure. While I initially found your work via the Alt-Right Playbook, I've enjoyed your other videos as well. Anyway, thank you for all your hard work so far and I look forward to your future videos, whenever you're able to manage them. Also, best wishes and whatever coping mechanisms you can manage for election day. I personally am going for video/board games all day and desperately pretending nothing is happening. And possibly alcohol. D:
Beth Zyglowicz
2020-10-30 22:31:08 +0000 UTCMove at your own pace and take your time. I don't know what you feel you 'owe' Patrons for their support, but I've enjoyed the Alt-Right Playbook very much and would hate it knowing the creator imploded into an unhappy mess over the collective stresses of the current hell-reality we have to live in to meet some arbitrary, self-imposed deadline for the end of it. Both your future ideas look interesting. The adventure game retrospective would make for a change of pace and return to media criticism form, kind of like Bringing Back What's Stolen, and I do like the idea of seeing another passion project. On the other hand, I do like leftist history analysis and I'd be interested in what I might have missed on that subject of rebellions and uprisings, and in say, how slave rebellions like Hahiti could fit into that context. As long as you don't burn yourself out chasing either idea too deeply (or both at the same time, which I don't know if I'd recommend due to the tonal shift), I'd say go for whatever you think is best. I didn't start subscribing to your channel for the ARP, and I don't expect I'll be unsubscribing when it ends. I signal my engagement for either one. Either way, hope and solidarity and a take care of yourself to you too.
Anonymous Unknown
2020-10-30 21:28:22 +0000 UTCIt turns out, the intersection of "thoughtful and curious about video games and their role as a narrative art form" and "fiercely resisting the descent into fascism" is a pretty solid audience demo. Everything you've done before ARP had me hooked, I love the ARP, and I look forward to sticking around through the next evolution of the channel.
2020-10-30 20:49:46 +0000 UTCMichael Bay is currently producing a horror movie imagining a world in the fourth year of lockdown, taking place right after COVID-19 mutates and gets even worse. That kind of shit is what people do who don't care. Those who care are where you are: On the other end of that spectrum, because all this horribleness extrapolates everything and everyone. And the necessary conclusion is that stepping _away_ from the content that just makes us sad and angry and desperate and lose hope is the only way to stay alive. You're doing great man. I'm gonna look forward to anything you release.
Nikki
2020-10-30 20:48:50 +0000 UTCI'm not sure what to say, and I don't want to get too parasocial, but if it helps, we're all here to support you, and at least some of us (probably most of us) aren't going anywhere. Probably most of us are in a similar place. Now go make yourself a cup of tea and do something that makes you feel just a little bit better (this last bit is for everyone, goodness knows we all need support right now).
Stephi Anne-with-an-E
2020-10-30 20:37:47 +0000 UTCIt's been hard looking in from the outside and wondering what you can do if anything to help, I can only imagine what it must be like for those people caught up in the meat grinder. I hope you don't have to sacrifice content to keep the videos short - I'd rather a comprehensive video than a short one, myself. I may be in the minority here, though, and you know what works for your viewers better than I do, so take that with a grain of salt. Both of your post ARP series ideas sound fascinating, and as much as I would love to see both at the same time, I recognise that you're not going to have the mental bandwidth for that, so if one must be sacrificed for the other (even if for now) I'll thoroughly enjoy whichever one comes (first). All the best, take it easy, you do you, down with the sentient cheeto.
AaronRobertoMusic
2020-10-30 20:33:18 +0000 UTC> I don't know how many people will stick around when the series is done. FWIW, I will stick around for whatever's next, and I'm confident a lot of other people will too. ARP brought me in (...I think? I'm a little fuzzy on how I found the channel) but your other videos are just as good.
Chris Tierney
2020-10-30 20:29:09 +0000 UTCI don't know if you're looking for input on any of that, but I would definitely stick around for a super thorough and detailed history of adventure games.
2020-10-30 20:29:08 +0000 UTCAll 3 of these sound so good! I really enjoyed reading How To Be An Anticapitalist In the 21st Century this year, and I'm hungry for more. And definitely would love to see some adventure game progression a la ES!
Samuel Anderson
2020-10-30 20:24:22 +0000 UTC
