Coda x Song 2: Coda Harder

Coda x Song 2: Coda Harder

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Commissioned by Patreon Special

Word Count: 1112

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“Madre de Dios.” Santiago whispered beneath his breath, looking upon the news that was delivered to him by letter. Yes. By letter. Despite humanity living amongst the stars, and Earth’s forests just beginning to grow strong. There were certain perks to being a Preserver, roguishly handsome, and attainable for regular, human women. The swimsuit calendar alone had gotten him a beachfront property… on Mars. Anyway, none of that was important. The former Cuban military aviator took off his aviators as he read the letter sent to him. “So, it’s just as the prophecies foretold. The age of reckoning has come to challenge masculinity the world over.”

“Uh, okay, yeah. I know I was being dramatic, especially with the actual letter, but you didn’t need to go full retard, Santiago.” For insulting Santiago, Miyakuro didn’t deserve any wit from the author. Besides, he took up the majority of it canon, anyway. He wouldn’t miss it. Anyway, he was across from Santiago, having been the one to deliver the missive, as no one else could be trusted with it. “We just need you, and all the other attractive, promiscuous, and sexually adroit males, to make sure that Coda doesn’t kill off reality by turning it into a den of pleasure… with only Li getting any for the rest of eternity, until everyone dies off.”

“This is a grave responsibility, my friend. One that will endanger my life. And, perhaps, see my pride as a man destroyed forevermore.” Santiago reclined on his chair, stroking his perfectly-maintained beard. The tanned, toned, and trouser-clad hunk, who waded into battle with the wolves the size of buildings by his side, ruminated over the challenge presented to him. “If Coda is Song’s superior in the sensual arts, given that young man’s earnest ethics and extensive experience, there’s no man in the world that can hope to render her insensate.”

“We fucking know that, Cruz! Not only that, but Coda’s sexuality is literally just centered around Song! The problem is she likes to see him squeezed dry,  incapable of thinking, and docile,  so every half-decent woman in the world’s in her sights!” Miyakuro gestured at Santiago’s Martian beach, for it was populated by individuals who are expected to keep studly, mature, and wealthy gentlemen. “You see this beach, right here? Coda brings her Song-meat-puppet here, with all his wives in tow, and you’re going to have a front row seat to the end of reality, because the moment Song’s dick is on the internet, with it turning girls to mush, civilization is going to go quickly, happily, and franticly into that good night.” 

“…So, then, my friend, if no man can hope to slay that beast, what do you ask of me?” Santiago’s lips pursed. No, a man of his caliber did not pout. A pout did not befit features chiseled into reality and gilded by fantastic follicles. Santiago’s lips pursed, his gaze smoldered, and he became the very picture of inquisitive and smoldering. Da Vinci would’ve wept at the sight, and dried his tears with the Mona Lisa. “Of course, since it is for the sake of reality, and Mr. Song, I will fight to my dying breath, but I must know what I must do.”

Miyakuro’s features were not worth any effort to describe.

“Easy, we need to make the next Kama Sutra. Hyoudou’s talking to Argento about it right now.”

“…I do not understand how Mr. Argento is capable of helping us woo women, my friend.”

“I know, I sent him there as a sacrifice for blessings on our work.”

“Ah.”

“…”

“That’s quite a terrible thing to do, Miyakuro.”

“Hmmm? Oh, yeah. Totally. A hundred percent.”

“…do we even need the Pursuer’s blessing, my friend?”

“Honestly? Probably not.”

…

Hyoudou did his best to remind himself that he had achieved many things that many would consider impossible. In highschool, every girl he’d met told him he’d never get a girlfriend, let alone a harem. He showed them! Some idiots on the internet said there’s no way regular humans could fight with Li Song! Hello! Regular human! Right here! And, finally, many individuals believed that humanity was on the precise of destruction, that their generation would be the last, but he had seven, cute, and adorable arguments against that claim, and more on the way! 

So, Hyoudou knew he was capable of surmounting the impossible.

Yet, his current situation was killing him.

“Ise! Here’s lunch! Let’s eat~.” Without a doubt, Asia Argento was a guy. Yes, indeed, despite the fact he had fine, delicate features that was gently superior to a girls, he was a man. Though he wore a pink, frilly apron, had long, waist-length, golden tresses, and smiles so softly, he was a dude. Slim, slender, and slight, and smelling of flowers, Asia Argento was undoubtedly Hyoudou’s bro. “Say, ahh~.”

Hyoudou knew he was being seduced! That he was being tempted, pressured, and coerced! Asia Argento had expressed his affection for him many times over! However, Hyoudou decided to strive for the impossible once more, and decided to be friends with Argento, despite having to refuse him constantly! Argento was a good person, who deserved to be happy, and was different because he was the Concept of the Pursuer! A good friend looks past silly things like that, Hyoudou ardently believed!

“Ah-haha… t-thanks, A-sia. B-but, I can eat on my own!” Hyoudou stood his ground.

“Awww, but I want to, Ise! Please?” Argento asked politely.

“O-okay…” Hyoudou faltered immediately!

“Yay!” Argento exulted. Cutely. Very cutely. Entropy itself stopped for a moment to witness the cuteness. Yes, indeed, the Pursuer was passively cancelling out Heat Death, just by being happy. “Thank you, Ise~”

“I-it’s not a problem, I was a bit tired anyway!”

Anyway, in essence, Hyoudou’s balls long, long ago decided that any sign of Argento warranted a day off. While he can politely decline, he not outright refuse him, because he wanted to protect Argento’s smile.

Naturally, Hyoudou limited his contact with Argento for that very reason. 

He only visits when Argento calls him.

So, about once a day, for an hour or two.

But, since Song needed his help, Hyoudou would stay until Argento could give his blessings.

No matter what that meant for his sanity.

Ganbare, Hyoudou-san

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