Unexpectedly, the Fanservice Beach Episode is Actually a Hentai OVA.

Unexpectedly, the Fanservice Beach Episode is Actually a Hentai OVA.

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Commissioned by Ichypa and Bingereader

Word Count: 3123

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Cute girls in swimsuits.

That is all the summary required to explain the Beach Episode. 

So what if it’s detrimental to the pacing of the story? You gotta have the token loli in a school swimsuit. Don’t forget that the Tsundere blonde needs to be in a red bikini. The childhood friend archetype needs something prim, maybe with a sarong, just so that they can tantalize when they “bare it all” in a single sweeping motion. And, naturally, the trap needs to “forget” to bring the right swimsuit and be forced to wear something that miraculously, completely, and utterly hides the fact that makes them a trap. 

Trash wants trash for their trash, thus they Beach Episode is born.

And, now I was experiencing it myself, as the whole main cast somehow all had their schedules clear and activities set so that everyone can go to a tropical paradise that is miraculously just an expeditionary conversation away from Orario. Seriously, it makes sense the Orario is nearby a coastal area, given that magic stones are reaching all over the world with ease, and in this lame period without planes that meant ships… but, despite all my character development, I can’t help but believe that I’m some sort of shitty LN or anime, because reality is just dragging me into one stereotype after another.

At the very least, I’m not the only one miserable at the moment.

“How uncouth.” Indeed, while I chaperone my gaggle of idiots, Alf is doing the same with her gaggle of idiots from the Loki Familia. Both Hiryutes, Wallenstein, and Viridis were present in the immediate vicinity, while the rest of no-name characters were beneath Landrock and Deimne’s auspices. Over there were regular dudes and girls doing regular things, like setting up barbecues and making tents for the night, while my idiots and Alf’s were doing “combat practice.” Basically, Mr. Protagonist, Cranel was in the middle of a very bouncy game of volleyball that was “passed down” by the gods for training at the beach. “The more I look upon this scene, the more I see you in your students, Hikigaya-kun.”

First, Alf-oujo-sama, phrasing. 

Second, replace students with “Totsuka” and I would find nothing wrong with what you just said.

Thirdly, you’re just being a sore loser because my students are beating your students.

Oh, that’s a good one. That one masses the Hachiman Insult Committee. Go forth, insult, and do your duty to put elves in their place!

“You say that because your students are losing.” Gah, I’m not in the correct environment! Sitting beneath a palm umbrella, beneath a clear blue sky, and vistas of white sand and ocean have drained me of my strength! I’m a dark-type! This place is my anathema. Here, I am desperately weakened and incapable of mustering my full strength. Gomen, insult-chan. You went onward with all your strength, but your people didn’t have the strength to support you. Rest in peace. “Face it, oujo-sama, my idiots are going to beat your idiots, regardless of how much stronger your idiots are.”

Both Hiryutes and Wallenstein were physically monsters, and Cranel was frankly struggling to remain calm and composed, but they had a weak link in Viridis. And, naturally, I’ve taught Cranel, Arde, and Erisuis to exploit weaknesses as much as possible. Their weak link happened to Yamamoto, who was fighter focused on quick, deft movements with bursts of strength, thus their own weak link was capable enough for them to leave alone. Thus, though weak in the physical sense, my students had the advantage and were ruthlessly exploiting it.

Ganbarre, Lefiya-chan.

It’s just a game that you’ll remember for the rest of your life as an embarrassing moment you’ll never live down.

You’ll be fine.

“Hmph, their teamwork in this ritual is to be envied, but do not pretend as though you’re the reason for their abilities. You are a lone warrior and you rarely fight alongside others. Do you expect me to believe you taught your students differently?” Oi, oi, oi! That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think!? I worked hard to get these brats into proper form. Just because I didn’t mean to teach them how to work together, with everything just coming together naturally because I had them face me while working together, doesn’t mean that I didn’t deserve credits! It’s a teacher’s prerogative to use their students to make them look as good as possible, y’know!? “Oh ho? Did you think that I didn’t know how you taught? Or, the lessons you impart on your students but don’t impart upon my Familia? I’ll have you know that your strategies and tactics are studied before they’re allowed upon the battlefield.”

Now, if the sun and the evirnoment weren’t addling my brain, and not the fact that was inches away from Alf in nothing more than a green bikini that could be laughably called clothes, I would’ve decided to retreat and fight another day. The powers of spite are strong, but I typically know when I’ve slipped up and made a mistake that would cost me the battle. Retreating after such a thing occurs is necessary, since not doing so would losing the war. However, my mind was not in its right place because of slender, smooth… sand. Yes. There was smooth, warm sand everywhere and my mind was focusing only on sand and nothing else. The sand was also stretching holy shit—

Why have you betrayed me, my Skill!? What has happened to you! We’ve gone through so much together. After things we’ve fought, the monsters we’d farmed, and all the mean tricks—training we pulled on everyone else… and you betray now? At my weakest moment? When my mind is weak and body willing, you’re going to focus on Alf of all people to put all my attention upon?! Seriously, brain, you’re dumb! 

In fact, brain, I’d like to know what you’re going to do with that errant spike heading right at my face!

Wait, what—

…

“My goodness, Hikigaya, I must say that you are a paradox. Competent one moment and utterly useless the next.” Alf-ojou-sama, please be considerate. Even with my face healed, getting one’s brain jogged leaves certain aftereffects to the individual. While some lesser individuals suffer from concussions and jarred memories, I am a special case. I grow deathly allergic to smug elves and the only cure to it is the smug elf’s death. So, if you would, please go drown. Thank you very much. “Capable of healing yourself from the brink of absolute death, yet felled by a ball struck by a child.”

“That child is Aiz Wallenstein.” That was all that needed to be said. At least to Alf. Who raised that child. So, technically, this is all your fault. I bet you raised that child to attack me. This entire thing was all according to your plans. Don’t you have any shame in using children as attack dogs!? I’m the only one allowed to do that! Feel ashamed for infringing on my personal values, Alf! Shame, shame, shame! “I’d like to see you take a spike from her and come out just fine.”

Besides, I would’ve dodged, if not for the fact I was being distracted by her.

“…”

The silence was a grotesque pig of an old man with a leering face and unbuckled pants.

Meaning that I’m about to get fucked.

That’s a hentai joke.

Yes, my descent into madness is indeed complete.

“I said that aloud didn’t I?” Went Hentai speech option #1.

Please tell hentai logic not work in this setting.

Otherwise…

“You did.” And, Alf is now blushing. And, now, I’m incapable of thinking properly. By that, I mean that my primary thoughts have been replaced by my dirty secondary thoughts. One moment I could focus on just being me, the next I couldn’t stop staring down at the lithe, slender elf whose shoulder I leaned upon. It was perfectly modest bikini, but modesty didn’t translate well to a woman as tall and slender as Alf. There was skin, lots of smooth, soft skin gilded by toned muscle and framed by subtle curves. The cherry atop the strong, slender vanilla sundae was “I didn’t take you for a pervert, Hikigaya-kun.”

“I didn’t take you for a pervert, Alf-ojou-sama.” Given that I’m already deep in the metaphorical hole, I didn’t hesitate to fire back with all barrels. Wow, thighs. Brain, I know that you can’t stop at the moment. Boobs. But, I would really appreciate it if you gave me some resources. They jiggled! Jiggled! Ah, well, I need to go for low-hanging fruit, then. Perky! Dammit. “Look at you seducing a beaten up man like me with pieces of string and patches of cotton. Why, I’m almost tempted to think that you want me to push you down and have my way with you.”

Alright, about 20% of those words were what I wanted to say, brain. Please, get off the hentai logic this instant. The best case scenario is that I die from my words. The worst case scenarios is—

Oh, no.

Alf’s blushing to the very tips of her ears, biting the bottom of her lip, and gazing at me wide-eyed. 

This route, this scene, and these words coming out of my mouth… I’ve opened a box I shouldn’t have in this shitty LN-based Universe!

“A-as if you could d-do such a thing!” Stop it, Alf! You underestimate my Skill’s power over me! You know what happened when I lost Laulos! Given the fact that I’m a young man, and you’re an elven beauty wreathed in viridian and baring both ivory skin and tantalizing tone—do you hear the words in my head right now!? It’s the part of me that I’ve sealed away, which I’ve refused to acknowledge, but you’re making it break through the barrier I’ve set up! For the love of all that is holy, stop seducing me! “Y-you’re nothing! Mere scum! I-if you so much as lay a finger upon me, I’ll see you dashed against a cliffside—

The pieces are all in place. The setting is a beach scene, whilst leaving the rest of the party. Flag is at full mast. I am inches away from a blushing, lewd, and Tsundere elf. In terms of physical strength I am utterly lacking. There is no chance for me to force myself upon her. She is also single. Moral code upheld. Verifying history. Tsundere-type: Oujo-sama Rival. Relationship: barely restrained tension. Route is available and ready. Engage immediately. 

Without so much a prompting from my “self,” I found my lips pressed against Alf’s, and both our bodies veered off from the trail into the shadowy canopy of the palm forest that bordered the beach. Alf, you fool, you’ve active my Hentai Mode! I can’t do anything anymore! This “me” you’re with right now is years of pent up lust becoming unblocked due to a damn beach episode! I’m not the type to say that a girl ever “asks for it,” but I’m not taking responsibility for this! This is not my fault! This is the fault of Japan’s repressive society! Don’t you know that if everything restrained, everything’s just going to come out in a more extreme manner!? This is why Japan has low birth rates, you morality-obsessed fools! The masses stop having kids, while the real freaks are so freaky that they don’t manage to ever get laid!

“Ahn, Hikigaya-kun—we can’t…” Alf’s voice is sweet and soft, utterly lacking her typical, harsh tones. Her body is pressed against mine. A smooth, slender form that’s nonetheless warm and soft to the touch. Our lips part, but only for sudden breaths for her, and my attention to her neck as she does. From her waist, my hands travel upwards, until they find the slim knot that holds up the scant fabric preserving her modesty. Soon, it is only the lack of distance between our bodies that held the fabric up. “This is v-very-ah—improper!” 

I know it’s improper. Everyone with two brain cells knows its improper. But, you know something? I can’t do anything about it! I’m watching my own body go on autopilot and I’m barely capable of holding back this foreplay from becoming outright sex—

And, Alf’s bikini bottom has fallen onto the ground.

While my hands were holding her waist.

Welp.

This definitely isn’t noncom anymore.

Pulling back from another kiss, I look upon Alf as she leans and pants against the palm we’d chosen. Her slender, tall form is fully flushed with pinkish tinges painted upon her skin. Her top hangs solely upon her neck, resting the strips of cloth that once hid her breasts upon her abdomen, leaving the upright arousal on her chest to the cool beach air. Her curtain of viridian hair makes her nudity more pronounced, as she is bare and pale and pinkish to my eyes practically from head to toe. There is a telltale sheen to her sex that she’d unveiled herself, despite her own words, that drives me onward.

You’re a steaming pile of romantic vomit, so I know you’re not going to listen to me. However, Hentai Hachiman, my evil, perverse twin who has taken over my body… know that that you’re getting yourself into more than you expect. These elves will be the death of us, but you can stop that right now if you say something truly mean and terrible, like calling her flat. We might get slapped unconscious and hurt someone immensely, but have you considered the ramifications of getting it on with Alf-ojou-sama a week after doing the deed with L—

And, your dick’s in. 

Great.

Fuck me, right? 

Her depths become a gripping, needy, and heated vice after a simple, easy insertion. Alf’s lips claim my own for the first time. Our situation reverses, though she is the one against the tree, and her arms intertwine upon my shoulders as her legs do the same to my waist. I am embedded in her, deeply, completely, and utterly, with her every fold contracting around my member as her lips never leave my tongue. Her presence is overwhelming, constricting, and beyond my ability to overcome. The moment I’d entered her, she ruled, and I was merely a subject that could attend to her whims.

Alf’s response was a needy affirmation for ownership, as if every emotion held back in the presence of others was unleashed at once. I felt that as she pulled me against her, until I was leaning into her incapable of moving whilst fully hilted, I was being reprimanded for every moment I’d chosen to even acknowledge the existence of another woman. Domineering isn’t the right word… no, her constricting embrace, unsaid promise of never letting go, and complete dictation of terms was that of an empress demanding every concession she could and utterly succeeding. She released me only so that I could pull back from her and only returned to her at her legs’ insistence. Our copulation was entirely and completely under her control.

Wow. Much thematic sexings. Very original. The empress to be is a dom. Such surprise. I get it brain. Alf’s into dominance play. Get on with it!

Wait, that doesn’t give you permission to—

Legs locked around my waist, lips upon my own, and pleasure filling my mind, I could only release into Alf’s depths. A moan escapes her lips as she quivers and shakes, our mutual movements culminating in mutual release, but she stifles it by biting her lip. Through her shaking from pleasure, her grip tightens, so that I couldn’t even consider the action of withdrawing from her spasming sex. 

Ah, I see that you’ve pulled out and are now looking upon your work, while indulging in your primal, caveman, dumb-dumb instincts. Good job sticking your dick in a woman, so how about you consider the consequences of this decision!? Congratulations, idiot. You just had unprotected sex on the beach, with the future monarch of an entire country who also happens to be one of the strongest Adventurers in the world. Do you understand what any of these words mean!? You’re either going to become a father going to get your brains bashed in, or both, because, if you’ll allow me to remind you, your relationships are more tangled up than a spiderweb!

“…” Alf is silent after we both come down from our respective highs. Her eyes are drawn to my own, where our actions culminated in a slow drip from her sex, with the thinnest strands of both our climaxes connecting our sexes. For a moment there was apprehension in her eyes, but that faded away when our eyes met again. The moment had come and passed. What has occurred has occurred. We were both here right now, living in a moment which we’d either regret our cherish forever. “…Can… can you go again, Hachiman?”

Regret! The answer is regret! Choose regret, you hormonal idiot! Life is pain! Nothing ever goes right if it can go wrong!

And, your dick is inside Alf, again. 

Dammit.

…

Needless to say, once I had full control over my senses after several hours, as a several-decades, virgin Elf proved to have a voracious sexual appetite that created a feedback loop with my two-decade-old human male instincts,  I tried to run away.

No, I did not leave an Elven princess insensate on the brush for a shitty public use alternative ending. My senseless self had been guided into a cabin by Alf, and that cabin is now thoroughly thrashed, while said Elven princess is now insensate on a rather off-kilter and dirty bed. 

I’m a coward, not a monster.

Anyway, without a doubt, my first time has unleashed a part of me that is normally locked behind sense and sensibility.

If not for my first time, tonight would never have happened, thus this is all Lyon’s fault.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

But, before that can of worms can open, I’m going to be running away until I can handle the Hentai Mode that has become mightier than I could ever imagine. Thankfully, despite his freakish physical stamina due to being an Adventurer, he was still a man. Thus, upon sexual satiety, he faded away like an idiot without any future plans. Indeed, he is very much the personification of “doesn’t matter, had sex” and I can use that to my advantage.

By advantage, I mean that I’ll be starving him and killing him off by becoming a monk, before returning to Orario and meeting any woman who could elicit such a reaction from me ever again.

“Oh, hey, Hat-kun! Where have you been?”

OH NOOOOOOO.