Honestly, I Don’t Know What I Expected: 9

Honestly, I Don’t Know What I Expected: 9

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Commissioned by Patreon Special

Wordcount: 2500

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Stalking is terrible.

No matter how much it’s justified by “love” or “affection” the act of following someone, investigating them, and memorizing how they live is not okay. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that being arrested and fined is too light of a punishment. The amount of effort it takes to stalk someone, especially while also having to work and appear normal in society, is seriously frightening.

Imagining a person that’s capable of hiding in the shadows, unbeknownst to society as they perversely watch someone from afar, sends a shiver up my spine.

Whoever finds that endearing needs to get a life. Stop thinking that manga and LNs are realistic. A stalker’s never going to be a cute girl with feelings for you. They’ll be some freak with obsessions about you. Sure, it would be nice to be looked after by an incredibly beautiful woman from afar, but that sort of thing just doesn’t happen.

Those who would go as far as stalkers do are weirdos!

The weirdest of weirdos!

And, if they’re somehow cute, they’re just hiding their true nature… just as they’re about to strike. Like a coating of honey around poison, they entice you with what they know about you, making you feel special instead of afraid, even though you should be! The moment a stalker appears, even if you’ve begun to plan for them, is the moment you’ve lost.

The preparations have been made.

The deed has been done.

All that is left is a dead end.

So, without a doubt, my decision to tie up my stalker, take her to a secluded area, and interrogate her is the right course of action.

No matter how strange it is for a man of my age to carry away a pink-clad, mage elf in the middle of the night, to where no one knows, I’m definitely in the right.

At least, I hope I am.

Wage slave progenitors, if you haven’t disowned me yet, please do so just in case!

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I’m not well-versed in interrogation. Loki and the others are better at it then me, probably because it’s normal for this demented setting. I’m a maiden at heart, despite the fact that maiden is hiding in a demon lord’s castle with fifteen stages that has permadeath enabled. Torture is something that I dislike. Threats are more my speed, because it lets me get away with doing nothing to get something in return, but this was a stalker I was talking about.

Threats wouldn’t work against this deranged, depraved elf that’s tracked me down, no matter how much she’s struggling in her chair, nodding to my words, and trying to convince me that threats are enough.

That’s just what she wants me to think, as we’re alone together in a dark basement of an old fort, that no one will ever visit or explore for decades.

For all I know, for all the research she’d done on me while stalking me, this could be part of her plan. She might want to be here, despite how she’s struggling in her chair, lightly crying, and trying to speak through her gag. What I was seeing from this elf was probably very good acting. Freaks and weirdos and psychopaths were good at that sort of thing, after all.

How exactly was I going to get this super-resilient, hyper-capable individual to break and reveal all her secrets to me? Given how much she probably knows about me, she’ll surely be aware of the fact that I don’t kill people, and that’ll be to her advantage. Damn you, my past self, you’ve made the me now and the me in the future weaker by being sentimental and having morals! That’s a joke. That two of us probably exist only because of you. Surely, without those rules, we’d all be dead.

Anyway, back to interrogating my stalker.

The basement is dark and damp, lit only by torchlight, and definitely the sort of place elves should fear, regardless whether they’re in an anime or a hentai. The first means a death, but the latter means a fate worse than death, typically by fat, ugly bastards. I’d personally take the first option, but who knows what this pervert, tied up in a chair, would like. Being a pure, compassionate, and empathic individual, I’d be hurt grievously if I were a young woman subjected to such terrible things, so I’d rather die.

However, the person before me isn’t such a person, so the latter option might be preferable and exciting, despite crocodile tears, shaking, and begging while bound…

Hmmm…

Err…

Guh…

Hikigaya Hachiman, can you truly do this? Can you truly torture an individual, even if they’re a freak who follows people to their homes in the middle of the night? Sure, this girl before you is weird and probably acting, but can’t there be a resolution to this that doesn’t involve doing things that’ll keep you up at night? While it’s undeniable that you should stay safe, sane, and in control of your life, torturing an enemy into submission so that they’ll never hurt you again is a bit much.

Now that you say that, Common Sense-san, I’m sure that you’re correct.

I really should have just beaten this girl up, instead of going through all this trouble.

That’s correct, Hikigaya Hachiman. Beating up an enemy, after you find them stalking you, is fine. Actually, it’s beneficial to society to do such a thing. You’re not discriminating against her… you’re treating her like any other thug who’s your enemy!

“P-please, stop that, Hachiman-sama!”

Creepy! This girl was listening to my entire monologue and struggling, but also had the time to chew through the gag of clutch I made! Not only that, but she’s calling me by my first name and adding “-sama” at the end, despite everything I did! Forgot creepy, that’s downright scary! Woah. Now that I think about it, since I’ve been saying everything aloud to seem crazy and creepy, shouldn’t she be super creeped out!? Why the heck isn’t she super creeped out? Why does she look like she just wants to explain things instead!?

This girl’s more of a freak than I thought, as expected of an elf!

“T-that has nothing to do with anything! I was looking for you for Ais-san’s sake, not because of anything weird!” Those words stopped me. Why? Because I didn’t expect them in the slightest. I’d thought that after a few weeks, without anyone from the Familia searching for me, that everything had been settled. Granted, I hadn’t let that change the fact that I was in hiding, since I had many enemies that wanted a piece of me regardless, but the Loki Familia was a non-entity in my mind. Yes, without a doubt, the fact that Familia wasn’t a threat any longer was the reason I didn’t spend a single second thinking about them. Yep. “Loki-sama said you’re the only one who can stop her from being… being so sad!”

“Sad? That girl? Since when could she be sad?” Those words were harsh. However, I knew Ais Wallenstein. She was the kind of girl that valued power for the sake of vengeance. Power in all its forms was what she needed to avenge whatever happened to her. That Shounen protagonist was probably the main character of another LN series. Meanwhile, Cranel was one for a Gaiden, spinoff, or sidestory. He had generic powers, getting slightly stronger at a faster rate than other Adventurers, while Wallenstein was a magical girl in a fantasy setting. In short, her being sad about anything was impossible. She was probably just disappointed in everything else not being as perfect as her. “Hmph, maybe I’ll believe you’re of the Loki Familia, but you’re going to have to come up for a better reason for chasing after me, stalker.”

I undid her bindings, lit up a few more torches, and kept an eye on her while she straightened herself out. Naturally, I kept her weapons, but there was no point in my being outright hostile to her. A good concussion might solve all my problems, but at this point in time, if she turned up, the Loki Familia was going to know what happened. That would just be wasted effort. That effort can be better spent finding myself out of my current mess. Maybe, I can fake my death again? It didn’t work the first time, but if I could do better this time? Was there a butcher or two near where Cranel lived? Would he be fine if I blew up where he lived? Hah. Who am I kidding? He doesn’t get a say in the matter. I’ll blow up the place where he lives.

“I’m telling the truth, Hachiman-san.” Augh. That’s still creepy. Stop calling me by my first name, you weirdo. I might somewhat believe that you’re of the Loki Familia, since you’re talking about Ais so casually, but calling me by the first name gets a firm OBJECTION from me. Please go away. Go away right now. I don’t want to be near you anymore, thank you very much. “Ais-san is worried sick for you! Should you not return, she’ll surely lose her life, since she no longer values it!”

“She can’t lose what she never had.” Why did I bother explaining this to this girl? Was it because she was a stranger? Once upon a time, I told myself that those of my family are my closest strangers. Is that in effect at this moment? Like a shitty character attribute is being upscaled and forcibly being made a plot device, so that I’d explain myself to someone I didn’t know. Fuck that. “That’s all you’ll get from me. Hell, that’s more than you deserve. Get out of here, elf.”

“No!” Her response was quick and so was mine. One moment she was standing firm, hands in fists, and with a gaze filled with determination, the next moment those hands were trying to claw at my wrist, while those steadfast feet kicked at the air. Fear filled the auburn-haired elf’s eyes now… but the determination remained, alongside a newer problem. “Ghu—Ais…guh—Ais savhed mhe!”

“She saves a lot of lives by proxy. That’s what Adventurers do. They kill and get killed for magic stones the rest of the world likes to shove up their asses and down their mouths.” From the lowliest Level 1 to the most insane, psychopath of the highest Levels, every Adventurer lives and dies for other people. Orario is a city full of people who couldn’t go anywhere else, who can have people chasing them from their homes, and just outright bad people, but what I had said was a fact. Adventurers save lives just by being Adventurers. “There’s nothing special about that. Now, make a decision, elf. Will you stay quiet and leave Orario, or do want to leave Orario without a tongue? I’m willing to hurt you. Remember?”

I found it surprising that I wasn’t just threatening this elf.

It was even more surprising to me that it wasn’t because I thought she was a stalker.

I really couldn’t deny the fact that Ais Wallenstein’s existence irritated me to no end.

Loosening my grip and letting her fall to the ground, a moment after tightening it and making it clear what I could do, I awaited the elf’s answer.

“Ais-san—

It was the wrong answer, so I reached out.

However, I wasn’t fast enough, as her words managed to reach me.

“Ais-san wants to die! She risked her life to save me, when she could’ve saved me and kept herself safe!”

I had no reason to believe this Elf.

There was no reason for me to believe anything that came from anyone from the Loki Familia.

That path was gone, I wanted nothing to do with it, and I would go to many lengths to make sure that happened.

Yet after hearing those words, all I could do was run away.

I managed to leave behind the Elf, but not the thought she managed to unleash upon me.

I’m killing, Ais.

That was a complete and utter lie! She was getting herself killed. All she wanted was to get more power. Everyone and everything’s meaning to her is a means to get more of what she wants. Cruelty is the most appropriate name for that bitch. After everything I did for her, no after everything that everyone did for her, she’d go out of her way to risk her life for fame, since she finally found value in fame. Power is all that mattered to Ais Wallenstein. Nothing else and nothing more held any sort of merit into her eyes.

I’m killing her.

There’s no moment where I saw a little girl instead a creature that wanted vengeance and answers. I never wrapped bandages around the arms of someone who overextended, but I did bandage the wounds of someone not content with their progress. Tears never welled within a golden gaze, that I wiped away while she looked upon a Familia member that was lost, since all that mattered to her was that there would be one less person to kill one monster that she didn’t have to. That girl had never smiled at jokes made by her friends, at plates of food too large, and at me. Such a girl would never smile.

I’m killing someone I loved.

Ais Wallenstein is brave and commendable. A person who has talent and valued hard work. She believes in herself and others. The day has long passed when she wanted vengeance above all else, at the risk of herself and others, and what she wants after all these years is to be happy with the Loki Familia. Yet, I didn’t want her to be happy with the Loki Familia. I didn’t want her to be in Orario. I wanted her away from the violence, no matter how good she was at it, and every day I needed to tell myself that I couldn’t leave with her, because I needed to go home.

As if I’m wrapping my hands around her neck, while she lets me, I’m murdering Ais Wallenstein with my own hands.

I have to do it. I have to let her die. It’s the only way I could go home. I needed to leave, I needed to feign my death, and I needed to stay away from her. Everything that she was, everything that she is, and everything that she will be to Hikigaya Hachiman is against his goal of returning to his family. Every time she smiles, every time she asks for another plate, and every time she holds her hand out to be held… Ais Wallenstein is replacing his fading memories of cherished people… whose face he couldn’t even remember.

I had to leave, kill, and forget Ais Wallenstein or I’ll abandon the family and friends I had… who might have already have forgotten me.

I had to.

Yet, as I tried to run and leave my thoughts behind that dark cellar, my feet took me straight to the one place I shouldn’t have been.

To the side of the strongest, most fragile, kindest, and cruelest being I’d ever had the misfortune of meeting.

Yes, without a doubt, I’m a fool and I shall always be a fool.

Because all I can do now is hand over the entirety of my life to her and hope that she can accept such a thing—

“Hachiman!”

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