Somehow, The Countryside Is Different. 6 (Oreigaru x Tohou)

Somehow, The Countryside Is Different. 6 (Oreigaru x Tohou) 

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Commissioned by Shaderic

Wordcount: 2500

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Reimu decided to question my choice of actions, once we were a few dozen, rapid paces away from the human village. 

“Why did you do that!?” Reimu was slightly breathless and slightly flushed from our brisk sprint away from the town. Thankfully, the small mob of hot-blooded young men I’d inspired to hate me didn’t pursue us pass the village boundary. In fact, I could see them in the distance, hear them arguing about running after us, and enjoy their obvious displeasure that I continued to live. “Hachiman, I want answers, so stop smirking and explain yourself!”

Most people who demanded answers from me would be more likely to get silence and a roll of the eyes, but Reimu’s apparently the natural exception to my many scripted actions. When it comes to the Reimu.exe file, the Hachiman.exe file apparently experiences several bugs that just can’t be fixed. Really, my appreciation over a job well done was wiped off my face, while crushing fear about disappointing someone nearly overtook me.

Huh, I haven’t felt that in a long time.

So, instead of making up excuses, I did my best to explain myself.

“The village wanted to separate the two of us, so they could speak to me alone. They probably wanted you to help them with something, but wanted me to be their messenger.” My arrival into the Human Village of Gensokyo had been without fanfare, but it was small enough that word passed quickly. As I was being looked over the doctor, the information was passed around, plans were made, and then actions were put into place. Actions that needed a swift, decisive preemptive strike for an answer. So, once I saw more than a few groups moving towards us as we walked, I insulted a few young men passing us by without any provocation whatsoever. “I could be wrong, but I thought it’d be better to be safe.”

My childhood friend levelled a glare at me, placing her hands on her hips, while invading my personal space with a single step. How could such a slender, cute frame could hold enough power to make me want to go lay down and die? I didn’t know, but I was looking forward towards not having the Hakurei Death Stare no longer be levelled at me. Hachiman-types are 8x weak to those sorts of effects, I’ll have you know. Oh, jeez, not even internal monologue jokes are getting rid of the nerves!

“You… you… augh… you can’t just do what you want, Hachiman!” Reimu huffed, before realizing our current state, and taking my hand without hesitation. Her grip was a tad tight, and her ensuing gait longer than comfortable, but I let her lead the way, even as she fumed at my actions. “Next time you think something’s going to happen, I want you to tell me. Don’t just drag me into a mess, okay? I want to know what’s happening, so that as few things as possible go wrong!”

A part of me wanted to ask her if she thought I did the right thing. The sudden show of support was surprising, especially as it came only with the caveat of telling Reimu why I was doing something and getting her permission. Komachi definitely didn’t like how I hadled problems. Nor did Yuigahama and Yukinoshita. Heck, even Sensei didn’t want to be bothered by it. Yet, Reimu was angry at my lack of explanation, instead of what I did.

I was curious enough for the answer that I abandoned the reason entirely, disregarded Reimu’s frustration, and actually asked her about why she wasn’t angry that I sent my reputation with the human village into the toilet. 

“Huh, so you’re not angry about how I did it?”

“No I am, but I can’t think of a way you could have done things differently. I’ll yell at you when I think of it later, though!” Ah, okay. I’m not being spared. My execution has been just delayed until it’s doubtless that I’m guilty. Even though absolute justice isn’t quick, it’ll arrive to fuck me over later, huh? “Besides, if you’ve forgotten, you still need to get checked by a better doctor, remember?” Reimu levelled a glare at my direction. “You’re in trouble, after we make sure you’re okay. So, enjoy your freedom and peace of mind while you can!”

Did I want to avoid being chastised about my choices and actions? 

Absolutely not. 

Like all, average human beings, I prefer all my actions to have absolutely no consequences. Since I’m the protagonist of my own story, I want my life to be absolute perfect, thus I fervently desire for all the outcomes I come across to be good and beneficial to my person. No one in the world will deny wanting a perfect life without consequence.

Somehow, though, I felt happy that Reimu didn’t like what I did.

Man, I really need my insides checked out, huh?

…

Unfortunately, Reimu’s plan to hold my hand, so that I wouldn’t randomly slide elsewhere didn’t work out. Whatever was happening with me occurred, despite the fact that she held onto my hand. Yep. One second, we were nearing a bamboo forest where Gensokyo’s closest approximation to a hospital was, then the next second I nearly walked into a wall of sunflowers. 

Now, ever since we reunited, Reimu took her time to explain to me the more dangerous parts of Genosokyo. Though every single part of it is technically dangerous, due to me being a human in a place where monsters from myth and legend exist, there are a few places more dangerous than others. For example, the literal underworld is filled with Oni who still hanker for human flesh. 

However, due to my bad luck, I found myself in a location worse than that. 

A massive, sunflower field maintained and kept by one of Gensokyo’s real psychos… a woman who killed people for simply touching one of her flowers. And, I was surrounded by sunflowers in every direction, between dozens and dozens of tall stems… just shy of a few leaves. After a few moments of consideration, I decide that the correct course of action was saying in place and doing nothing, so I sat my ass down.

The clear and concise answer to the current situation was not touching any plants. While I wanted to find a solution to my situation, I’m just an ordinary human being in a supernatural world. There’s no shortage of things that could go wrong, so if I can make it so nothing goes wrong by doing nothing, then I’m going to go ahead and do nothing. The day’s nice enough, and there’s enough of a gap between sunflowers so that I can appreciate the mild afternoon, so I’m just going to lie down and touch absolutely NOTHING.

So, I lay on the well-kept dirt, beneath the blue sky, and stared at the passing clouds. Despite the fact that Japanese summers are horrendous, Gensokyo’s weather is pleasant. Instead of being a ball of unrelenting heat, the sun’s actually pretty soft and warm. Though I’m sure many Japanese corporate slaves would still be sweltering in the three-piece suits, perhaps even having heat strokes in the process of trying to fit in with corporate culture, I didn’t at all hesitate to take off the dinner coat foisted upon my by Scarlett, so that I had something to rest my head on, while I stayed still and did nothing to provoke the ire of the psychopath caring for the sunflowers all around me.

Huh, now that I think about it… this place is kind of nice enough to take a nap isn’t it? 

Not that I’d ever go to sleep in a place where I might get killed.

The only reason I’m lying down is to get the lay of the land, to find a path that’ll get me out of here without touching a single flower, and return to Reimu.

Totes honest.

…

“You are trespassing.” I was not woken up. I was surprised from a deep, meaningful brainstorming session devoted entirely to facilitating my escape from my current circumstances. In fact, lady with a parasol looming over me, you’ve lost Hikigaya Corporation millions of yen for interrupting its CEO’s brainstorming session. Don’t you know that every idea I have is intellectual property that I own, so you’ve technically committed theft? This argument might not work in Japan, but I’m sure I’ll get away with in America. Corporations are people there, don’t you know? “Get up and get out of my garden.”

“Right. I’m doing that. Sorry about being slow, but I’m just a normal human being.” I did as I was told by the green-haired, red-eyed woman clad in a red dress with a white undershirt. She about matched the description the Reimu gave me for the woman who’d kill for her plants, so I assumed that she was indeed the woman who killed for plants. I’ll feel silly if she isn’t, but because there’s many character biographies for me to remember for this place, I won’t be ashamed if I’m wrong. Character rosters with more than two dozen individuals are pretty much just signs of an author who doesn’t know what moderation means, so I don’t bother with any LNs or Manga with more than two pages of character introductions. “Okay. How do I get out of here without hurting a single plant? Tell me and I’ll be on my way, so we’ll never see each other again.”

Scarlet eyes narrowed at my words, but I didn’t feel the same, heart-crushing pressure as I did when I spoke to Remilia Scarlet. The glare was based off of confusion at what was taking place. If someone showed up in the middle of my garden, took a brainstorming session in the middle of it, and without any sign of walking to where the session took place… I’d be pretty ready to ask a lot of questions and handle a lot of strange things. 

A very, very happy-to-leave person would confuse me enough for me to glare at them, too.

“That is… good. You will follow me out of my garden. You will not touch anything. You will never return here again.” I nodded with the end of each, somewhat monotone sentence sent my way, while I patted the dirt off my dinner coat. Running around in attire that’s more expensive than my family’s car is proving to be a more comfortable experience than I thought, so I’ll be taking care of my new suit. Brainstorming sessions in the middle of sunflower fields are also surprisingly dirty. “Come. Do not stray from the path I make. Or, I’ll kill you.”

“Yep. I understand. Thank you. Lead the way, please.” Again, my words earned me another befuddled glare, but I offered no words in return. Given how I’m inclined towards inciting others to dislike me, I figured that not talking without being prompted is the best idea I’d ever had. “Make the path and I’ll follow you. Don’t touch any of the plants, because if I do, I’m dead. Understood 100%.”

The woman began walking forward, but suddenly stopped as I began walking a few paces right behind her. Then, with a gesture of her hand, she parted the field of sunflowers into two halves. A proper dirt path appeared between both, before she looked at me again. 

“No. You’re suspicious. You will walk in front of me and answer my questions, as you leave.” Okay. So, even though you haven’t heard about me like Remilia did, you want to talk to me and figure out what’s going on. Jeez, why can’t anyone in Gensokyo leave things alone? What sort of place has it so everything needs to be figured out? Can’t people just accept that I’m a young man with issues regarding spatial displacement? It’s not that weird! I’d like it very much if you all just fuck off and left me alone! “Walk.”

I had a lot to say about being treated like a criminal without any evidence. Lady, you’re aware that this is Japan, right? Every case you have needs to be concrete. Don’t you know that Japan prides itself in a 100% prosecution rate for all criminals? Sure, the government makes a few mistakes now and again and sentences innocent people to their deaths or life in prison, but one-hundred percent is one hundred percent. You wouldn’t risk that image by accusing someone who’s totally innocent, right? It’s not like you can just kill me and convince everyone that you’re right, until no one’ll raise a fuss when the truth comes out… right? 

“Alright, go for it. I’ll answer any question you have.”

“How did you get here without touching my guarden?”

“I’ve been having trouble with staying in one place for a prolonged period of time. It’s annoying and has almost gotten me killed. Reimu and I are trying to do something about it, but I find myself in order places a lot.”

“Who are you to the Hakurei Shrine Maiden?”

“Childhood friend and recently-made boyfriend. We’re together and she’s probably looking for me right now.”

“…You don’t speak like the villagers. Are you from the outside world?”

“Yes. It’s pretty terrible if you’re wondering. It’s why I spend my summers with Reimu.”

The questions were thankfully basic. Even though she never introduced herself, which was inconsiderate because I forgot her name, she was keeping her word. I walked towards the path she maid, she emitted menace and threatened my life. How is that different from dining with pedophile bait? Well, the pedophile bait mostly likely had no intention whatsoever of letting me out, while this woman wanted me out of her life as fast as possible. The questions were all centered around how to make sure I didn’t come back… making them all fair, because I’d like to never come back anyway. 

If she had any ways to contribute to that particular line of thought, I was interested in them. Let it be known that Hachiman Co. is a company that shamelessly steals the ideas of others without hesitation, because even if corporations are sued, the people in charge of it aren’t hurt in the slightest. Why? Because corporations are totes people, you know? They can take all the blame for ruining everything, while letting those who made the decisions in the first place get away scot-free! Accountability? What’s that? Is that something you eat?

“I see. Then, if everything you say is true, you trespassed without the intent to trespass… then stayed still and did nothing to harm my garden thereafter.” Uh-oh. Those are classic villain lines right there. Those are the lines people say when they’ve made up their mind about what another person is saying. Look, lady, I know my story sounds crazy and puts me in the best possible light… but it’s true. It’s really, actually true! Put the path back, dammit! Freedom is just inches away! “I do not believe you. No one has the power you described. The Hakurei Shrine maiden has no male friends. And, finally, no mortals from the outside world are allowed in Gensokyo… so, tell me the truth or take your secrets to the grave.”

Dammit, Reimu.

You’re cute, so why couldn’t you have had a few male friends?

Wait, never mind, that’s a good thing. I never knew that I could be jealous, but apparently, I am a jealous jerk that needs to learn to be a better boyfriend. 

It’s great for now, though. 

Alright, something else to complain about, then. 

Dammit, Reimu, why can’t invoking your name put the fear of god into this freaking Youkai!?

Yeah, that’s better.